after the storm, wonderful rain
an incredibly profound sense of calmness has come over me...i know it is thorough and lasting and deep deeply entering into my psyche because i finally feel like things are going to change and this umbral through which i have been passing is going to be okay. the song around 1hour4minutes of the taraputra "saddhus of dub" comes on and only further confirms that things will be okay. that which must be done, is sticking on the path of the dharma.
this new calmnessis immediately helping me realize everything they mean about "easing" into the grace and graciousness of the dharma. i have only even more confidence in it. i was slipping, slipping, slipping, but it's always to go back to...if there is one thing that is true, i have no doubts, it is confidence, pure confidence, pure faith in the dharma.
this is brought on from a phonecall with ryan earlier this evening. hearing him spew venom helps me realize how much out of line he is with the dharma, and the only way to go is with it. i must learn from this experience, and help myself and help others onto the path of right livelihood. right livelihood means living within your means, and not expecting anything.
i want to become stronger so i can help others become stronger. it is not for me, but so i may be more useful, even more of service. yachacheq...she who helps others learn. trust in the dharma, trust in the ancestors.
that relationship was becoming far too small, far too private...i didn't need to fall into that little path. my energies should not go channeled into a small small hole. they must go toward others.
i have gathered a lot of data. i have participated in a thorough ethnographic study or exercise. i have done a significant amount of participant observation. i haven't lost my cool *too* much. i am profoundly, profoundly grateful to all of those who have helped me along the path in some way or another. thank you ann, madeline, victoria, thank you ryan for whatever you might have helped me with. thank you ann, stacey...olivia. thank you professor unzueta, zevallos, morato, lucia, michelle and anna, thank you ana del sarto, thank you to all of my students in 1155 for staying in line and keeping it real and helping me keep it real. thank you to the students of 2520 for writing better and better essays with clearer thesis statements. infinite gratitude. spacious, sprawling gratitude, spacious, sprawling mind. thank you, michelle wibblesman, for not killing me, thank you for only biting me a little. thank you thank you. thank you luis morato. i have loved studying quechua. thank you bethani for being a great interlocutor and human being. i really appreciate all of our interactions and exchanges. thank you victoria. thank you for always being strong and saying things from the beginning. thank you officemates cristian, stacey, olivia y mama victoria. thank you aymara everything for being so wonderful and stimulating, no matter how much strife you have had to bare. thank you teddy for being a comprehending roommate. thank you for letting me sleep with you. thank you for cleaning the bathroom. thank you, again, michelle wibblesman, for looking out for me. i profoundly appreciate your guidance and your steering me on the path. i'm starting to trust more deeply that you are aiming to steer me on the right path. why wouldn't your motivations be honest?
thanks again, 1155mates, for everything. you've done a wonderful job keeping yourselves in line and you never cease to impress me with your wonderfully strong work ethic.
with ryan i only see re-confirmed that if you strive only for your private, small world, things go down. i know i can't afford children. that probably has to do with why i don't desire them. i have seen perhaps a lot more than i admit to myself...and this information does in fact guide me along my path. i am on my monk's path, but in the world as it unfolds, and as my lifeworld leads me along.
thank you, wonderful beings, for helping me stay on track and not lose sight of the path completely. thank you, columbus zen center, for being so receptive and attentive to my research needs.
my trust only gets deeper, my faith and confidence in this only expands. everything is re-confirmed again and again.
this new calmnessis immediately helping me realize everything they mean about "easing" into the grace and graciousness of the dharma. i have only even more confidence in it. i was slipping, slipping, slipping, but it's always to go back to...if there is one thing that is true, i have no doubts, it is confidence, pure confidence, pure faith in the dharma.
this is brought on from a phonecall with ryan earlier this evening. hearing him spew venom helps me realize how much out of line he is with the dharma, and the only way to go is with it. i must learn from this experience, and help myself and help others onto the path of right livelihood. right livelihood means living within your means, and not expecting anything.
i want to become stronger so i can help others become stronger. it is not for me, but so i may be more useful, even more of service. yachacheq...she who helps others learn. trust in the dharma, trust in the ancestors.
that relationship was becoming far too small, far too private...i didn't need to fall into that little path. my energies should not go channeled into a small small hole. they must go toward others.
i have gathered a lot of data. i have participated in a thorough ethnographic study or exercise. i have done a significant amount of participant observation. i haven't lost my cool *too* much. i am profoundly, profoundly grateful to all of those who have helped me along the path in some way or another. thank you ann, madeline, victoria, thank you ryan for whatever you might have helped me with. thank you ann, stacey...olivia. thank you professor unzueta, zevallos, morato, lucia, michelle and anna, thank you ana del sarto, thank you to all of my students in 1155 for staying in line and keeping it real and helping me keep it real. thank you to the students of 2520 for writing better and better essays with clearer thesis statements. infinite gratitude. spacious, sprawling gratitude, spacious, sprawling mind. thank you, michelle wibblesman, for not killing me, thank you for only biting me a little. thank you thank you. thank you luis morato. i have loved studying quechua. thank you bethani for being a great interlocutor and human being. i really appreciate all of our interactions and exchanges. thank you victoria. thank you for always being strong and saying things from the beginning. thank you officemates cristian, stacey, olivia y mama victoria. thank you aymara everything for being so wonderful and stimulating, no matter how much strife you have had to bare. thank you teddy for being a comprehending roommate. thank you for letting me sleep with you. thank you for cleaning the bathroom. thank you, again, michelle wibblesman, for looking out for me. i profoundly appreciate your guidance and your steering me on the path. i'm starting to trust more deeply that you are aiming to steer me on the right path. why wouldn't your motivations be honest?
thanks again, 1155mates, for everything. you've done a wonderful job keeping yourselves in line and you never cease to impress me with your wonderfully strong work ethic.
with ryan i only see re-confirmed that if you strive only for your private, small world, things go down. i know i can't afford children. that probably has to do with why i don't desire them. i have seen perhaps a lot more than i admit to myself...and this information does in fact guide me along my path. i am on my monk's path, but in the world as it unfolds, and as my lifeworld leads me along.
thank you, wonderful beings, for helping me stay on track and not lose sight of the path completely. thank you, columbus zen center, for being so receptive and attentive to my research needs.
my trust only gets deeper, my faith and confidence in this only expands. everything is re-confirmed again and again.