[PG13] Confessions From a Broken Heart
Title: Confessions from a Broken Heart
Chapter: 8&9/ 13 or 14...
Author: sahbeL
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I do not own these boys. <3
Characters/Pairings: JaeHo/YooSu
Summary: “JaeJoong-Hyung! IF you had to choose between your own life and the success of Dong Bang Shin Ki, which would it be?”
Author's Notes: Yep. another double chapter post because I've been sick (or busy >.<) for the better part of the last two weeks.. *falls. Anyway! so here's a double chapter post.
NOTE: For those who want to participate in the whole fic!BGM thing, Chpt. 8 is actually the chapter before the chpt. with the first song cues. So if you guys are interested in reading the fic to the so called "OST" (lol) DON'T open the cut until you've got access (& can repeat) this song --> "Insa" by YoungWoong JaeJoong. For those who don't have the song in their computers, I suggest youtubing it & just playing it as you read. (The scenes aren't long, but I don't think they're short either.. =/) Anyway! Enjoy! & don't forget to tell me what you think!
--x-
Chapter 8
Re-Cap
“Sleepy now?” Yunho asked.
JaeJoong exhaled and nodded, following Yunho who had grabbed his hand and was shuffling sleepily back towards the balcony doors and dragging JaeJoong with him.
It seemed like only five minutes since Yunho had tucked him into bed and made sure he wasn’t going anywhere but dreamland, but in truth it had been a whole sleep.
Yunho was shaking him gently as he sat on the edge of JaeJoong’s bed.
“Joongie, wake up.” Yunho’s voice said softly to him. “The others are already getting ready. Wake up…” he prompted again.
JaeJoong sucked in a silent breath at the sight of Yunho bathed in sunlight with a glowing halo surrounding him.
‘My guardian angel looks like Yunho,’ JaeJoong thought to himself as he stared at the other boy in awe, wondering if this were a dream.
“Have I died, then?” JaeJoong asked the angel-Yunho aloud.
“What?” seeing that he was awake, Yunho moved from his side of the bed and JaeJoong realized that this wasn’t a dream.
“Joongie, what’s with all this talk of dying? You’re so paranoid,” Yunho was saying.
JaeJoong sat up in bed and ran a hand through his disheveled hair. “I must’ve been dreaming.”
Yunho smirked. “Some dream. Hurry up and get ready we’re due at that school at 9.30am. And we haven’t had breakfast yet!”
JaeJoong threw the covers away from his hamster-printed-pajama-bottomed legs and walked into the bathroom still half asleep.
“20 minutes Joongie-yah…” he heard Yunho call out to him and heard him moving around in the bedroom.
“Where are the others?”
“I told you. They were getting ready, but I guess they’ve gone down to breakfast.” Yunho replied.
“What time is it?”
“8.20, that’s why hurry up. I know how long you take in the bathroom.”
Yunho POV
Barely 10 seconds passed after he said those words when he saw JaeJoong’s angel-face pop out from behind the bathroom door.
“Yunho-ah…” he began, but before he could say anything else, Yunho held up a finger, effectively silencing him. And then Yunho rolled his eyes in exasperation and handed the wide-eyed JaeJoong his toothbrush.
“Not another word…”
JaeJoong grinned and replied, “That’s why you’re my Yunho,” and then grabbed the toothbrush out of his hand and shut himself in the bathroom again without a second glance.
Little did JaeJoong know that he had left Yunho frozen by the bathroom door, stunned and a little giddy from the words he had just heard, and were still repeating over and over in his mind.
‘That’s why you’re my Yunho.’
Yunho smiled, confused at the warm and tingly feeling but not unhappy at all.
“My Yunho,” he said aloud then let out a disbelieving breath.
“I’m his Yunho,” he said to himself with a goofy smile gracing his face.
He was still standing in front of the bathroom door when JaeJoong emerged, showered and dressed in casual jeans and a blue long-sleeved sweater shirt. As usual, cross-earrings dangled from his ears, and a simple silver chain with a cross on it hung around JaeJoong’s neck. His dark hair was still wet, but being JaeJoong, it was styled and was ready to be left to dry.
“What are you smiling about?” JaeJoong asked, interrupting Yunho’s thoughtful reverie and reminding him that he was still smiling like a goofball.
“Nothing,” Yunho replied as he watched JaeJoong grab his phone and wallet.
“Let’s go, I’m hungry.” JaeJoong said as he made his way to the door.
Remembering that it would be cold outside, Yunho casually overtook JaeJoong and reached the door first, opening it, but not walking through it yet.
“Jacket,” Yunho reminded sternly and watched JaeJoong make a smooth u-turn from his walk to the door to snatch one of Yunho’s black hoodies from a chair.
“Done!” JaeJoong replied.
“Good,” Yunho said as he walked out the door. “I wouldn’t want my Joongie to catch a cold,” he added with a small smile.
As he walked down the hall to the elevator, he whispered to himself those two little words.
“My Joongie.”
JaeJoong POV
'He does not know how much he just crushed me…again!' JaeJoong thought to himself as he locked the hotel room door.
His heart had lurched painfully when he heard Yunho say those words that were the biggest lie in the universe.
My Joongie, he had said, and JaeJoong refused to let the tears fall.
//:Flashback://
“I’m sorry, Hero.”
“I don’t feel the same way.”
//:End flashback://
JaeJoong sniffed, denying the fact that he was crying - again.
“Not your Joongie,” he mumbled in a childish way, not unlike a ‘tantrum’ voice, as he composed himself and followed Yunho to the elevators.
The School…
Yunho POV
Yunho watched as JaeJoong graciously met the fans and signed autographs. All five boys had their own groups of girls begging for autographs and photos, but Yunho couldn’t seem to take his eyes away from JaeJoong’s smiling form.
Yunho smiled to himself as he saw JaeJoong blush at something one of the girls said, and then laugh out loud and automatically cover his mouth with his hand after the girl said something else.
The habitual gesture made Yunho’s heart swell with…love?
Yunho blinked with surprise and excused himself from his fans. He made a show of going to one of the tables and checking some papers but in his mind, confusion and surprise and…happiness surged through him.
‘Love?’ he thought as he stared blindly at the papers he held.
‘With Joongie!’ he continued.
//:Flashback://
“…What I’m trying to say is…I love you, Yunho-yah. And I hope you feel the same way too.”
“…I love you Yunho…as more than a friend.”
“Saranghae Yunho-ah…”
“Saranghae…”
//:end flashback://
‘He seemed so serious…could there be a chance that he was telling the truth?’ Yunho thought to himself, unaware that he was beginning to receive curious glances from the other members.
//:Flashback://
“Kidding!” JaeJoong cried.
…”Yunho-yah you’re so gullible! I was joking! It was a dare from Junsu! And you actually fell for it!”
“What!” Yunho cried, a shocked look on his face…”Joongie, you evil!...”
//:end flashback://
Yunho blinked away the memories and turned around, seeking JaeJoong’s figure among the screaming high school girls everywhere.
When he found the face he was looking for, Yunho smiled.
JaeJoong looked at him with an inquiring gaze and mouthed, “Gwenchana?” (are u okay?)
As Yunho nodded, a thought crossed his mind, finally realizing something that he didn’t know JaeJoong had already figured out about his own feelings for Yunho.
‘Joongie, I love you too,’ he thought silently as he maintained eye contact with the other boy.
The screaming girls interrupted his thoughts as they approached him again, but he just smiled, now floating with the realization that he loved JaeJoong with all his heart.
‘Now all I have to do is ask Junsu if JaeJoong was really kidding,’ Yunho thought to himself as he continued to sign autographs with a blissful smile on his face.
JaeJoong POV
Back at the hotel that night, JaeJoong was again sitting on the balcony, just admiring the view and taking the time to relax.
He thought about how weird Yunho had been today, always hugging him from behind and holding his hand.
‘What is he trying to do?’ JaeJoong thought to himself. ‘It’s hard enough as it is to keep my feelings to myself, but does he have to keep rubbing it in that I made a fool of myself when I confessed?! Even though I already said that Junsu dared me to, he still won’t quit teasing me about it and rubbing it in my face!’
“I bet he’s having a great time laughing at me while hugging me,” JaeJoong mumbled to himself.
At 1:00AM in the morning, JaeJoong was unaware of the pair of brown eyes watching him from inside the room with a dreamy smile on his face.
Yunho POV
Yunho turned to Junsu who was getting ready for bed. At present, Changmin sat on his own bed in the adjoining bedroom doing some homework and Yoochun was brushing his teeth.
“Yah Junsu-yah,” Yunho whispered, looking around to make sure no one was listening. He walked over to Junsu’s bed and sat down beside the younger boy.
“I have something to ask you…” Yunho continued.
“What, Hyung?” Junsu asked, watching him curiously and wondering why Yunho was whispering.
“It’s about JaeJoong,” Yunho began, not noticing that Junsu had developed a panicked expression and was thinking that Yunho was going to ask about JaeJoong’s HCM.
Junsu opened his mouth to say something, feeling his face heat up at the thought of lying to his Hyung, but Yunho had already blurted out his question, eager to know the answer.
“Did you really dare JaeJoong to confess to me?”
Junsu stared at Yunho for a moment in shock and then quickly closed his mouth. He gave a sigh of relief when his mind registered what the question was, and then smiled.
“No, hyung. He was telling the truth.”
Yunho sighed and hanged his head. “Then why did he lie and say he was kidding?”
Junsu looked at him as if he were stupid and then said with a smirk, “The rumors are true! You are really gullible. He lied because you said you didn’t feel the same way and he didn’t want his confession to get in the way of your friendship!”
Junsu shook his head in exasperation and then got under the covers, kicking Yunho off the bed in the process.
“Now go tell him you’ve changed your mind!” Junsu grumbled as he turned on his side and pulled his blankets over his shoulder.
“Finally…” Yoochun exclaimed with not the least bit of surprise or hesitation as he walked into the room holding a cup with his toothbrush in it.
Yunho stared at him, his face red with embarrassment.
“How did you --”
Yoochun glanced at him while getting into bed himself and then said, “Hyung, you never try hiding stuff from me if you’re talking to Junsu. It’s not possible because our minds are connected! What did I tell you about YooSu forever?!” Yoochun said like he was scolding a forgetful child.
Yunho just rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“Sleep!” he ordered while stepping outside to the balcony. “Both of you!” he added.
JaeJoong POV
He heard the balcony doors opening and closing and looked up to see Yunho walking towards him.
‘Not now!’ JaeJoong thought to himself, watching Yunho approach him with a small smile on his face.
He went back to watching the view as Yunho took the seat beside him. Before JaeJoong could say anything, Yunho’s voice cut through the air, awkward and …cold?
“Junsu told me you were telling the truth when you confessed to me…” he began.
JaeJoong didn’t notice the nervousness that Yunho was trying to hide, making his voice seem angry. He couldn’t look at Yunho, mortified at what Yunho now knew.
“Ugh…” JaeJoong began, scrambling for any excuse. In a rush JaeJoong blabbed out an excuse without looking at Yunho because he didn’t want to see the hurtful expression that he expected Yunho to have.
“Ha! Junsu’s such a blowhole! He’s lying again! You’re so gullible Yunho-yah!”
JaeJoong blabbered incoherently. Then without glancing at his friend once, he announced, “I’m going to bed!” and stood up, rushing to the balcony doors and stumbling inside.
JaeJoong didn’t see Yunho’s baffled face and didn’t know that Yunho was wondering why JaeJoong had lied again.
Yunho POV
‘I wanted to say I love you too, JaeJoong! Am I too late? Did I push you away?!’ Yunho thought to himself.
“Mianhaeyo JaeJoongie-yah,” Yunho said aloud. “But I’m still telling you how I feel, even if I’m too late.”
‘I just hope he can give me another chance,’ Yunho thought to himself as he made his way back into the hotel room.
--
The next day, Yunho got out of bed, happy to begin the day knowing that JaeJoong had lied about Junsu daring him to confess his love.
They had an interview after breakfast that would last until lunch, then a trip to the venue of their next concert for a sound check and stage rehearsal.
‘Then tomorrow, outfit fittings after breakfast. Then looking through the merchandise for the concert, then practice - late afternoon til midnight. And then the day after that? Rest, make-up after lunch, then ground shoot and then concert,’ Yunho thought to himself as he ran through the schedule in his mind until their next concert.
As Yunho moved towards the bathroom, he made sure to stop at each occupied bed, gently waking each member. He left JaeJoong for last, and while the other members were busy stirring and clearing their sleep-fogged minds, Yunho looked down at JaeJoong’s peaceful expression almost wishing that he didn’t have to wake him up.
Leaning down so he was close to JaeJoong’s ear, Yunho brushed a stray strand of hair from JaeJoong’s brow and watched as the sleeping boy sighed softly, unconsciously smiling in his sleep and welcoming Yunho’s touch.
“Joongie…” Yunho whispered, “Time to get up.”
JaeJoong stirred at Yunho’s soft whisper, but not wanting to scare JaeJoong or make him uncomfortable with his caring gesture, Yunho backed off and walked into the bathroom with a satisfied smile on his face.
‘He loves me,’ Yunho thought to himself, cherishing the unconscious smile he’d seen on JaeJoong’s still sleepy face.
JaeJoong POV
JaeJoong made sure to avoid Yunho as much as he could for the whole day. He had a vague memory of Yunho waking him up that morning but dismissed the thought, thinking that he had dreamed it.
Sound check at the venue went by smoothly with only a few minor glitches. JaeJoong was happy that his heart was staying “quiet” for the time being but the bad side of it was that he had more opportunity to focus on everything Yunho did to him.
JaeJoong had lost track of how many times Yunho had hugged him from behind and wordlessly held his hand or pinched his cheeks.
JaeJoong felt that now that Yunho knew he hadn’t lied about how he felt for him, Yunho made all these sweet and caring gestures as a way of mocking him. But JaeJoong knew he couldn’t be angry with Yunho. He loved the handsome boy too much! And even after thinking that the gestures were only made in jest, JaeJoong still couldn’t help basking in Yunho’s fake love.
By the end of the day, to add to being physically tired, JaeJoong was emotionally knocked out. Constantly reminding himself that Yunho really didn’t feel the same way and enjoying his attention but pretending not to at the same time left JaeJoong wanting nothing more than sleep.
So as soon as Yunho had opened the hotel room door, JaeJoong made a beeline for his bed, dropped his bag on the floor and fell into bed, not even bothering to change his clothes.
As soon as his head hit the pillow, JaeJoong was out cold. He didn’t feel Yunho’s gaze settle on him and let out a sigh as he caught sight of JaeJoong’s shoes still on his feet.
Patiently, Yunho walked over to JaeJoong’s bed, gently untied his shoelaces and removed his shoes. Disappointment clouded his eyes because of how the day had turned out. He and JaeJoong hadn’t had one moment alone together, and telling JaeJoong his feelings weren’t likely for this day, he realized as he saw JaeJoong drop tiredly onto his bed.
“What am I going to do with you?” Yunho asked softly, gazing down at JaeJoong’s unconscious form. “Let me talk next time, okay?” he told the sleeping JaeJoong in a soft and slightly complaining tone and then walked towards his own bed leaving his Joongie to sleep.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 9
Re-cap
“What am I going to do with you?” Yunho asked softly, gazing down at JaeJoong’s unconscious form. “Let me talk next time okay?” he told the sleeping JaeJoong softly and then walked towards his own bed leaving his Joongie to sleep.
Yunho POV
On the day of the concert Yunho’s mood had lowered considerably due to the fact that he still hadn’t had a chance to tell JaeJoong how he felt. Not to mention the fact that JaeJoong made it a point to avoid him like the plague for some reason, which confused Yunho even more.
As they sat at their seats getting their make-up done, Yunho watched as JaeJoong got up from his seat to answer his phone. Yunho noticed that Junsu, who was sitting beside JaeJoong, had turned extremely pale even with the cover of make-up.
Yunho looked on with growing curiosity as he watched Junsu follow JaeJoong’s exiting form with his eyes, with a worried expression on his face.
‘What is going on?!’ Yunho thought to himself and continued to watch the scene in front of him, not missing the moment when Junsu shot a worried glance towards Yoochun and gestured towards the direction JaeJoong had gone.
JaeJoong POV
“Dr. Chang!” he said into his phone with relief coursing through his veins. “You don’t know how glad I am to hear from you.”
“And you don’t know how happy I am to be able to call you with good news, Mr. Kim. We’ve got an opening for your surgery scheduled for tomorrow morning.”
‘Enough time to finish the concert tonight,’ JaeJoong thought to himself as he listened to the rest of Dr. Chang’s speech.
“Now, since you’re due for surgery in the morning, I need you not to eat anything starting from tonight so your body is clean.”
“Okay, that’s no problem,” JaeJoong replied happily.
It seemed like everything was finally going his way.
“I’ll be flying back tonight,” he added, leaving out the part that he would be flying back after a concert.
JaeJoong exchanged a few more words with Dr. Chang and confirmed the time for his surgery before thanking her and ending the phone-call with a smile.
He was still smiling when Junsu came out of the dressing room looking for him.
“What?” Junsu asked, noting the smile on JaeJoong’s face. He approached his Hyung feeling a smile forming on his lips as he watched JaeJoong’s smile get even wider.
“That was Dr. Chang,” he announced, almost jumping with relief. “I’m scheduled for surgery in the morning.”
Junsu smiled and sighed with relief. “It took her long enough to call! So we can tell Yunho-hyung now, right?”
“No,” JaeJoong replied, serious again. “Not until after the concert! You know if Yunho knew I was sick, performing at the concert tonight would be out of the question! So bite your tongue just a little bit longer, Junsu-yah.” JaeJoong finished with a pointed look at Junsu’s mouth.
Before Junsu could say anything, he heard a voice speak from the doorway.
“What’s going on?” Yunho asked, watching them suspiciously and looking very much the leader in the black suit he was wearing.
He looked tall and intimidating and hot as JaeJoong ran his eyes over every inch of Yunho’s impressive build.
“Don’t gawk,” Junsu mumbled with a giggle, still with his back to Yunho.
JaeJoong pursed his lips then passed Junsu as he made his way towards Yunho.
“Nothing Yunnie!” he replied happily, and touching Yunho for the first time in days.
He placed an arm around Yunho’s shoulders and led him back into the noisy dressing room and leaving Junsu to make his own way back.
Yunho POV
Surprise flooded through Yunho at the feel of JaeJoong’s arm around his shoulders.
‘Maybe he’s finally coming around,’ Yunho thought to himself, relishing the feel of JaeJoong’s touch.
“Don’t frown, Yunnie! It gives you wrinkles,” JaeJoong told him as he rubbed his fingers over the frown marring Yunho’s brow, soothing the tension and relaxing him.
Yunho sighed. “Joongie what are you hiding?” he snapped out, making JaeJoong flinch and pull his hand back abruptly.
“N…nothing…” the fairer boy stuttered, his cheeks flaming red.
Yunho could tell that he had frightened JaeJoong with his sudden angrily snapped question. But Yunho just felt all his built up frustration bubble to the surface, and he had lashed out at the one person he didn’t want to hurt.
…JaeJoong.
Yunho calmly removed Joongie’s arm from his shoulder and mumbled, “We have to get ready for the ground shoot.” And then walked away from JaeJoong without glancing at him.
Too engrossed in being angry with himself for getting mad at JaeJoong again, Yunho didn’t see JaeJoong’s eyes well up with tears and then quickly rush out of the room, shoving past the startled Junsu who had just entered the room again.
“Hyung?!” Yunho heard Junsu ask and turned just in time to catch a glimpse of JaeJoong’s retreating back.
“What did you do now, Hyung?” Junsu asked him with a sigh.
JaeJoong POV
JaeJoong stormed into the bathroom swiping angrily at the stupid tears that refused to stop falling.
‘Why does he have to do that? I didn’t do anything to make him angry,’ JaeJoong thought to himself and stared at his reflection in the mirror.
“Did I?” he asked his reflection, as he tried to wipe away the useless tears and smooth out the red blotches on his face.
As he was doing this, he didn’t realize the constant pounding that was resounding in his ears until a small tremor shivered through his torso.
JaeJoong looked up at the mirror with a scared expression on his face.
“No way! Not now!” he said aloud, just before his breath was taken away from him.
He gasped violently at the sudden pain, surprised that he had barely had any warning at all before the attack struck. The pain forced him to stumble against the wall, and JaeJoong groaned as the pain quickly intensified, forcing him to sink to the ground.
He didn’t get any time to brace himself for the next series of convulsions that racked his body. This attack was quick and came on with barely enough warning. It struck hard and fast, causing JaeJoong to panic at the speed and strength of the attack that was making his whole body clench uncontrollably.
Suddenly, just as soon as it came, the pain faded, and JaeJoong was left gasping in stunned shock. He took a moment to regain his strength and catch his breath, thinking to himself, ‘It’s okay. Surgery tomorrow morning, remember JaeJoong?’
Somehow he found the strength to stand and sighed at the gray pallor he saw on his face as he gazed at his reflection in the mirror.
Straightening the black suit he was wearing and re-arranging the accessories adorning his neck and hanging down over his bare chest, JaeJoong made himself look as normal as possible and pretended that nothing had happened.
He arranged a cool and distant expression on his face and when he was satisfied, JaeJoong slowly made his way out of the bathroom, unconsciously hardening himself to face Yunho again and prepared to suck-up any other sudden attacks.
Yunho POV
Yunho noticed JaeJoong enter the room and tried to catch his eye, but the other boy didn’t glance at him at all.
He though JaeJoong looked a bit sick and paler than usual but dismissed it to the fact that he was upset about Yunho snapping at him.
He watched Junsu and Yoochun rush to JaeJoong’s side, both boys placing hands on each of JaeJoong’s shoulders and offering him water.
“Yah, Changmin-ah,” Yunho called to the boy standing beside him. “Is Joongie sick? Junsu and Yoochun are completely babying him.”
His dongsaeng coughed and splurted out some of the water he’d been drinking. Yunho looked at him in surprise and proceeded to pat the boy on the back.
“No, Hyung,” Changmin rasped, choosing to keep his eyes on anything else except Yunho. “They’re probably just seeing if he’s okay. Since you snapped at him and all,” Changmin continued.
“I didn’t mean it!” Yunho replied exasperatedly. As Yunho continued to watch JaeJoong, said boy looked up, meeting Yunho’s gaze from across the room.
JaeJoong quickly broke eye contact and glanced at something else.
Yunho mentally banged his head with his hand.
‘Yunho, you’re an idiot,’ he thought to himself.
“We should go, Hyung,” Changmin said. “The photographers are waiting for us.”
Yunho nodded and made his way towards Junsu, Yoochun and JaeJoong. Before he could reach them, JaeJoong stood up and was already walking out the door with his arm linked with Yoochun’s.
Junsu looked at him sympathetically and said softly in a matter-of-fact tone, “You made him cry again…”
Yunho stared at the now empty doorway and replied in a regretful voice, “I know.”
JaeJoong POV
As they posed for group shots, JaeJoong couldn’t help but notice Yunho’s constant pitiful glances aimed in his general direction.
JaeJoong kept his gaze trained on the camera, choosing to ignore Yunho, but hurting painfully anyway every time he saw Yunho’s pleading gaze.
The photographer praised them for their group shots and asked to begin singles and doubles. JaeJoong immediately linked arms with Changmin - avoiding Yunho’s frustrated stare and walking towards the next set.
Junsu POV
Junsu looked at his hyungs in exasperation as he sat with Yoochun, waiting for their turn for double shots.
“This is stupid!” he exclaimed out loud, knowing that Yoochun would know what he was talking about.
“Yup,” was all the older boy replied to him, also gazing at Yunho and JaeJoong.
“That’s it! I’m sick of all this stupidity!” Junsu exclaimed.
Yoochun glanced at him curiously. “So what are you planning to do about it?” he asked his friend in a challenging tone.
“First chance I get, I’m going to tell Yunho-hyung everything,” Junsu announced.
“’Su, Joongie-hyung told us not to say anything until after the concert. What if he doesn’t let Joongie-hyung perform?!”
“Don’t worry. I’ll tell him right before the concert begins, so he can’t stop JaeJoong-hyung. Those two really need to see what’s right in front of them!” Junsu exclaimed in annoyance.
“What, like I do?” Yoochun asked, his gaze now directed towards the blonde boy beside him.
Junsu met his gaze, smiled then blushed. He gave Yoochun a playful nudge with his shoulder and replied, “Like you do…”
Just as he’d announced, Junsu was now preparing himself to tell his hyung everything. It was 5 minutes before curtain call, and he knew he was cutting it really close. And to add to that, he couldn’t find Yunho!
Finally, Junsu spotted the leader of DBSK, still stalking JaeJoong like a wounded puppy and being completely ignored by said boy.
“Hyung, I need to talk to you,” Junsu called amidst the backstage rush.
“Not now, Junsu” was the curt reply as Yunho followed JaeJoong to stage left.
Junsu sighed in frustration and replied by saying, “But it’s important!”
“Not now!” Yunho replied, his voice firm and commanding.
Before he could say anything, Yoochun had grabbed his arm, dragging him in the direction of stage right along with Changmin.
“Do it during intermission,” Yoochun suggested softly.
And then the bright lights of the stage blinded him and the screams of the thousands of fans deafened his ears as Yoochun shoved him onto the stage with him following closely behind.
Junsu saw his hyungs enter the stage from the other side, Yunho waving with a smile on his face and JaeJoong doing the same, both momentarily forgetting their personal turmoil and bringing their fans up to first priority.
They stood in their places, just like thousands of concerts before and announced with a bow.
“Konichiwa! Tohoshinki-des!”
Junsu sighed once more and caught sight of the packed concert hall. With another glance directed towards JaeJoong and Yunho, he decided to heed JaeJoong’s earlier words.
‘…When we’re sure Japan loves us…’ and then Junsu turned on his smile, despite his disappointment that he wasn’t able to tell Yunho everything, and waved.
Yunho POV
‘I am an idiot,’ he thought to himself as he sang the lyrics to Miduhyo.
The concert was now in full swing, and not counting the looks JaeJoong had given him to keep up the image that nothing bad was going on between the two of them - for the fans’ sake - JaeJoong hadn’t given him the time of day.
Yunho took every opportunity on stage to get JaeJoong to forgive him. Whether it be a small gesture or a look or a question directed towards him which he’d then be forced to answer, it didn’t matter.
‘I’m sorry, JaeJoongie-yah.’ Yunho thought silently as he waved to the fans.
‘Please forgive me…’
As they walked off-stage for a short intermission, Yunho saw JaeJoong exit the stage in the opposite direction, leaving him with Changmin and Junsu who had scrambled across the stage in the wrong direction to catch him.
The blonde boy was still blushing at all the squealing he’d caused because of that small action, with all the fan girls thinking it was cute.
“Now, hyung?!” Junsu asked breathlessly as they walked back to the dressing room to change into their Rising Sun outfits, with the exception of JaeJoong who had a solo to perform in the next half of the concert before Rising Sun.
He glanced at Changmin who was guzzling down bottles of water like he were a camel.
“Dongsaeng, slow down,” he called out with his most parental voice. “And make sure you go to the bathroom before going back onstage.” He added.
“Hyuuuuung!” a whiny voice complained again, and Yunho finally turned to Junsu’s irritatingly bouncy form.
“What, Junsu-yah?” he asked in exasperation, and then before the younger boy could say anything else, Yunho caught sight of JaeJoong walking out of the room, already changed into his next outfit.
“Later, Junsu!” he interrupted, and then brushed past the younger boy.
JaeJoong POV
JaeJoong walked into the bathroom for the second time that night. Other than being more out of breath than usual, he thought that everything was going pretty okay with his hear for the moment. He took a deep breath as he studied his reflection in the mirror, ignoring the slight tightness he felt around his torso when he inhaled.
From the mirror, he watched the bathroom door open and reveal a not-changed Yunho standing in the doorway. JaeJoong didn’t say anything, knowing that the hurt was evident in his expression.
Yunho walked over and stood behind him, their reflections captured in the mirror.
“Mianhaeyo…” Yunho mumbled pitifully, hanging his head.
Yunho had never needed explanations when it came to apologizing to him. He had always wondered why that was, but now he knew the reason to that. It was because in his eyes, Yunho could do everything in his power to hurt JaeJoong as much as he could, but as soon as he said that single word…Mianhaeyo… in that voice he used when he knew he was wrong, JaeJoong could forgive him always.
No questions asked.
So once again, JaeJoong was powerless as he met Yunho’s eyes in the mirror. The taller boy standing behind him unconsciously offered him comfort, even though not an inch of each of their bodies touched. He offered strength as well and that was what JaeJoong needed most at that moment.
Without breaking eye contact with Yunho’s reflection, JaeJoong sighed in resignation, knowing that his love for Yunnie had won again.
He nodded, signaling his forgiveness and cherished the moment when Yunho wrapped strong arms around his shoulders from behind.
JaeJoong didn’t say a word, committing to memory the image of their reflections in the mirror. Yunho’s chin rested on his left shoulder just like it had done so before at the outdoor photo-shoot.
“Mianhaeyo, JaeJoongie-yah” the other boy mumbled again.
Silently, JaeJoong nodded again, keeping his arms hanging limply by his sides and letting Yunho keep his position.
At that moment, JaeJoong wished more than anything else in the world that Yunho hadn’t said no when he confessed.
Yunho POV
With a wide smile plastered on his face, Yunho walked back to the dressing room and changed into his next outfit. His heart was warmed by JaeJoong’s forgiveness and all he could think about now was telling JaeJoong about his love. He wrinkled his nose, realizing he just missed a chance to do so while they were in the bathroom.
‘Damn,’ he thought to himself and remembering that JaeJoong had already gone back to the stage area to prepare for his solo.
“Now, hyung?” Junsu’s voice interrupted. Yunho guiltily nodded, because he’d momentarily forgotten about Junsu wanting to talk to him.
“What is it Junsu?”
“2 minutes ‘til curtain everyone!” a voice from the staff called.
None of them ever missed watching each other’s solos, so Yunho began walking towards the stage area, motioning for Junsu to walk with him and talk at the same time.
He noticed the nervous look on Junsu’s face and for the first time wondered what his dongsaeng had to say.
He watched as Junsu sucked in a deep breath as if preparing to give bad news, and the first feelings of dread crept through Yunho.
“It’s about JaeJoong-hyung…” the blonde boy began. And then continued to explain everything he knew.
Yoochun and Changmin watched from the corner of stage left as Yunho stopped in his tracks and waved his arms around angrily. He wore a shocked and scared look on his face as Junsu kept talking.
They were both too far away to hear, but Yoochun and Changmin didn’t need to hear what the conversation was about.
“1 minute, everyone!” a voice from the staff announced.
JaeJoong had already taken his place in the middle of the stage, holding a mic and straightening his black penguin suit which bared his toned stomach and sexy belly ring. The oldest member of DBSK had no idea what was going on backstage.
Yoochun and Changmin watched as Yunho and Junsu resumed walking, Junsu with a pained look on his face and Yunho wearing a worried frown, his face pale with fear for JaeJoong.
[Cue Music: “Insa” - JaeJoong’s Solo] A/N: leave it on repeat after this point.
“30 seconds! Quiet on the set!” a voice called.
The spotlights from the stage blinded them all as the curtains were drawn; the screaming of fans heightened and JaeJoong began to talk.
Yunho didn’t say a word as he watched JaeJoong with tears in his eyes. Junsu’s words were repeating in his ears.
‘Part of why he continued the tour was for you…he didn’t want to let you down, hyung…
…he’s scheduled for surgery tomorrow…he didn’t want to worry you…
…why?
…because he loves you…’
//:Flashback://
“Duh! What kind of question is that, Yunnie?! Of course I’d give my life for DBSK! Because Dong Bang Shin Ki IS my life! Without it I’d be lost!”
“…I’m willing to take a chance because I may not have a lot of time left.”
Yunho looked at him in alarm and confusion.
“What do you mean you don’t have a lot of time left?” he asked.
JaeJoong pushed aside the surprised question and continued with his own speech.
“What I’m trying to say is…iloveyou, Yunho-yah.
AndIhopeyoufeelthesamewaytoo.”
//:end flashback://
Yunho clenched his fists, resisting the urge to run onto the stage, grab JaeJoong and drag him bodily to the hospital.
‘He could die…’ were Junsu’s words when Yunho had asked how bad it was.
He kept his eyes focused on JaeJoong, love, pain and fear making his heart swell. The notes of the piano beginning JaeJoong’s solo were eerie in the sudden silence of the concert hall.
He was performing ‘Insa’ which never failed to make the crowd weep. Not to mention Yunho and the other members as well.
As his love’s hauntingly beautiful voice echoed in the air, giving him goose bumps and making the hairs on his arms rise, Yunho thought of only one thing.
‘JaeJoong…I love you too…’
JaeJoong POV
JaeJoong let the sound of the notes flow through him. The knowledge that this song was his and his alone made him soar. This symbolized everything…from what he had failed to what he had achieved. He had poured his soul into this song and anyone who heard him sing it always knew that.
“Hanbunae miso, majimak Insa…
Saranghapnida, geu dael…” he sang.
(a single smile…the last goodbye…I love you…)
JaeJoong was lost in the eerie, almost ethereal melody haunting the concert hall.
“Shiganae ji chyudo, saranghae apado
geu shigan joh cha choo-ukeego
majimak insal hanaeyo
saranghapnida, saranghapnida…”
(Even if I became hurt by love,
even that time becomes a memory for me
looks like we’re having our last goodbye…
I love you…I love you…)
As he gazed around at the crowd, he happened to glance towards stage left and immediately met a pair of brown eyes welling with tears.
And JaeJoong suddenly knew that Junsu had opened his mouth.
Yunho POV
His big dark eyes were captivating enough to drown in, but Yunho wouldn’t break the eye- contact. JaeJoong continued to sing, but Yunho knew that he had conveyed the message that he knew everything. He could tell by the slight tremble that had developed in JaeJoong’s voice that only he could hear.
“Fly away, fly away…Love”
JaeJoong POV
“Fly away, fly away…Love…” he sang not realizing that he hadn’t broken away from Yunho’s tortured gaze.
They continued to watch each other as if they were the only people in the world and the music played only for them.
But as he sang the last words, JaeJoong felt but a slight flicker come from his heart.
“Nae sangae danhanbunae sarangan…”
(my life’s only love)
JaeJoong gasped softly as another flicker made his torso contract. As if in slow motion he turned back to the crowd. The lights seemed too bright…the air too cold.
“Annyoung…” he sang the last word of the song softly.
(goodbye)
And then everything after that seemed to move in slow motion, when in reality it took only a few seconds.
The excited screams of the crowd became muffled in JaeJoong’s ears, and his breath was loud and harsh.
Tears began to form in his eyes as he felt several more soft flickers cause tremors through his chest. But he couldn’t move, seemingly frozen in that moment as the melody of the song continued to play. He didn’t feel the microphone slip out of his hand and fall to the floor, startling the crowd with it’s loud clash.
Yunho POV
Yunho’s gaze was drawn back to JaeJoong from the screaming fans, at a sound which was foreign to the song. Yunho watched in bafflement as JaeJoong let his microphone fall to the floor.
“Jae--?” he whispered, still not sure of what was happening.
JaeJoong just stood in the middle of the stage, motionless. And then Yunho watched as JaeJoong began to sway unsteadily on his feet. Yunho saw JaeJoong’s chest heave painfully, and his feeling of dread became a painful knot in the pit of his stomach.
He barely felt Changmin grab his arm… and then Junsu began to scream “NO! No!!...Hyung! No! Hyung!” as JaeJoong began to fall.
Changmin began to sob as he ran forward. Yunho saw everything slow down. The frightened screams of the fans became muted in the background. He could hear nothing but his brothers’ voices.
“Hyung! Hyung!” Junsu was crying hysterically.
“I need an ambulance! I need an ambulance now!” Yoochun screamed into his cell-phone.
He watched as Changmin hovered over JaeJoong, shaking and afraid and yelling for Yunho to fix what was happening.
And then Yunho was running, dropping to his knees beside JaeJoong and noting his semi-conscious state.
Changmin, Junsu and Yoochun had dropped to their knees on JaeJoong’s other side, with the two youngest members sobbing fearfully and Yoochun weeping silent tears.
And suddenly Yunho was pushed by a feeling of urgency to tell JaeJoong everything.
He desperately hefted JaeJoong’s upper body to him, cradling his love in his arms. JaeJoong’s head lolled limply and Yunho held him so that his mouth was close to JaeJoong’s ear.
JaeJoong lay half across his lap and half on the floor and Yunho trembled violently as he held JaeJoong against his chest.
“Joongie, I lied! When I said I didn’t love you, I lied!” he gasped desperately into JaeJoong’s ear, not caring who heard. JaeJoong didn’t respond.
“I lied, okay? And I’m sorry…it took me a little longer to realize that I love you! Okay, Joongie? I love you! I change my mind, okay?! I love you!" Yunho whispered urgently, tears falling and desperation lacing his tone.
“…and I promise I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you! That’s why you can’t go, okay? You can’t go! You have to stay here, with me! You have to stay! You hear me?! You can’t go! You have to stay with me!” he babbled almost incoherently, shaking JaeJoong’s limp body and then clutching him to his chest tightly.
“Don’t leave me…” Yunho whispered, as silent tears continued to fall.
JaeJoong POV
It was dark and their voices echoed in the darkness as if they were a million miles away.
‘Yunho-yah I’m here…Don’t cry…’
“That’s why you can’t go okay?!...you have to stay here! With me!...Don’t leave me…”
‘I hurt Yunho-yah. Make the pain go away…’
He strained to hear their voices which were fading away much too quickly.
“Joongie don’t leave me!” Yunho cried again, panic evident in his voice. “You have to stay."
“Hyung!” Junsu’s panicked voice cried hysterically. “Hyung! He’s not breathing!! He’s not breathing! HYUNG!”
And then silence.
[music fade out…]
--x-
A/N: WHEW! Well didn't that just make you breathless? I know I was breathless writing it. XD what did you think of the choice of song? =D should I keep up with this fic!OST stuff?? or...no? let me know! <3
Chapter: 8&9/ 13 or 14...
Author: sahbeL
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I do not own these boys. <3
Characters/Pairings: JaeHo/YooSu
Summary: “JaeJoong-Hyung! IF you had to choose between your own life and the success of Dong Bang Shin Ki, which would it be?”
Author's Notes: Yep. another double chapter post because I've been sick (or busy >.<) for the better part of the last two weeks.. *falls. Anyway! so here's a double chapter post.
NOTE: For those who want to participate in the whole fic!BGM thing, Chpt. 8 is actually the chapter before the chpt. with the first song cues. So if you guys are interested in reading the fic to the so called "OST" (lol) DON'T open the cut until you've got access (& can repeat) this song --> "Insa" by YoungWoong JaeJoong. For those who don't have the song in their computers, I suggest youtubing it & just playing it as you read. (The scenes aren't long, but I don't think they're short either.. =/) Anyway! Enjoy! & don't forget to tell me what you think!
--x-
Chapter 8
Re-Cap
“Sleepy now?” Yunho asked.
JaeJoong exhaled and nodded, following Yunho who had grabbed his hand and was shuffling sleepily back towards the balcony doors and dragging JaeJoong with him.
It seemed like only five minutes since Yunho had tucked him into bed and made sure he wasn’t going anywhere but dreamland, but in truth it had been a whole sleep.
Yunho was shaking him gently as he sat on the edge of JaeJoong’s bed.
“Joongie, wake up.” Yunho’s voice said softly to him. “The others are already getting ready. Wake up…” he prompted again.
JaeJoong sucked in a silent breath at the sight of Yunho bathed in sunlight with a glowing halo surrounding him.
‘My guardian angel looks like Yunho,’ JaeJoong thought to himself as he stared at the other boy in awe, wondering if this were a dream.
“Have I died, then?” JaeJoong asked the angel-Yunho aloud.
“What?” seeing that he was awake, Yunho moved from his side of the bed and JaeJoong realized that this wasn’t a dream.
“Joongie, what’s with all this talk of dying? You’re so paranoid,” Yunho was saying.
JaeJoong sat up in bed and ran a hand through his disheveled hair. “I must’ve been dreaming.”
Yunho smirked. “Some dream. Hurry up and get ready we’re due at that school at 9.30am. And we haven’t had breakfast yet!”
JaeJoong threw the covers away from his hamster-printed-pajama-bottomed legs and walked into the bathroom still half asleep.
“20 minutes Joongie-yah…” he heard Yunho call out to him and heard him moving around in the bedroom.
“Where are the others?”
“I told you. They were getting ready, but I guess they’ve gone down to breakfast.” Yunho replied.
“What time is it?”
“8.20, that’s why hurry up. I know how long you take in the bathroom.”
Yunho POV
Barely 10 seconds passed after he said those words when he saw JaeJoong’s angel-face pop out from behind the bathroom door.
“Yunho-ah…” he began, but before he could say anything else, Yunho held up a finger, effectively silencing him. And then Yunho rolled his eyes in exasperation and handed the wide-eyed JaeJoong his toothbrush.
“Not another word…”
JaeJoong grinned and replied, “That’s why you’re my Yunho,” and then grabbed the toothbrush out of his hand and shut himself in the bathroom again without a second glance.
Little did JaeJoong know that he had left Yunho frozen by the bathroom door, stunned and a little giddy from the words he had just heard, and were still repeating over and over in his mind.
‘That’s why you’re my Yunho.’
Yunho smiled, confused at the warm and tingly feeling but not unhappy at all.
“My Yunho,” he said aloud then let out a disbelieving breath.
“I’m his Yunho,” he said to himself with a goofy smile gracing his face.
He was still standing in front of the bathroom door when JaeJoong emerged, showered and dressed in casual jeans and a blue long-sleeved sweater shirt. As usual, cross-earrings dangled from his ears, and a simple silver chain with a cross on it hung around JaeJoong’s neck. His dark hair was still wet, but being JaeJoong, it was styled and was ready to be left to dry.
“What are you smiling about?” JaeJoong asked, interrupting Yunho’s thoughtful reverie and reminding him that he was still smiling like a goofball.
“Nothing,” Yunho replied as he watched JaeJoong grab his phone and wallet.
“Let’s go, I’m hungry.” JaeJoong said as he made his way to the door.
Remembering that it would be cold outside, Yunho casually overtook JaeJoong and reached the door first, opening it, but not walking through it yet.
“Jacket,” Yunho reminded sternly and watched JaeJoong make a smooth u-turn from his walk to the door to snatch one of Yunho’s black hoodies from a chair.
“Done!” JaeJoong replied.
“Good,” Yunho said as he walked out the door. “I wouldn’t want my Joongie to catch a cold,” he added with a small smile.
As he walked down the hall to the elevator, he whispered to himself those two little words.
“My Joongie.”
JaeJoong POV
'He does not know how much he just crushed me…again!' JaeJoong thought to himself as he locked the hotel room door.
His heart had lurched painfully when he heard Yunho say those words that were the biggest lie in the universe.
My Joongie, he had said, and JaeJoong refused to let the tears fall.
//:Flashback://
“I’m sorry, Hero.”
“I don’t feel the same way.”
//:End flashback://
JaeJoong sniffed, denying the fact that he was crying - again.
“Not your Joongie,” he mumbled in a childish way, not unlike a ‘tantrum’ voice, as he composed himself and followed Yunho to the elevators.
The School…
Yunho POV
Yunho watched as JaeJoong graciously met the fans and signed autographs. All five boys had their own groups of girls begging for autographs and photos, but Yunho couldn’t seem to take his eyes away from JaeJoong’s smiling form.
Yunho smiled to himself as he saw JaeJoong blush at something one of the girls said, and then laugh out loud and automatically cover his mouth with his hand after the girl said something else.
The habitual gesture made Yunho’s heart swell with…love?
Yunho blinked with surprise and excused himself from his fans. He made a show of going to one of the tables and checking some papers but in his mind, confusion and surprise and…happiness surged through him.
‘Love?’ he thought as he stared blindly at the papers he held.
‘With Joongie!’ he continued.
//:Flashback://
“…What I’m trying to say is…I love you, Yunho-yah. And I hope you feel the same way too.”
“…I love you Yunho…as more than a friend.”
“Saranghae Yunho-ah…”
“Saranghae…”
//:end flashback://
‘He seemed so serious…could there be a chance that he was telling the truth?’ Yunho thought to himself, unaware that he was beginning to receive curious glances from the other members.
//:Flashback://
“Kidding!” JaeJoong cried.
…”Yunho-yah you’re so gullible! I was joking! It was a dare from Junsu! And you actually fell for it!”
“What!” Yunho cried, a shocked look on his face…”Joongie, you evil!...”
//:end flashback://
Yunho blinked away the memories and turned around, seeking JaeJoong’s figure among the screaming high school girls everywhere.
When he found the face he was looking for, Yunho smiled.
JaeJoong looked at him with an inquiring gaze and mouthed, “Gwenchana?” (are u okay?)
As Yunho nodded, a thought crossed his mind, finally realizing something that he didn’t know JaeJoong had already figured out about his own feelings for Yunho.
‘Joongie, I love you too,’ he thought silently as he maintained eye contact with the other boy.
The screaming girls interrupted his thoughts as they approached him again, but he just smiled, now floating with the realization that he loved JaeJoong with all his heart.
‘Now all I have to do is ask Junsu if JaeJoong was really kidding,’ Yunho thought to himself as he continued to sign autographs with a blissful smile on his face.
JaeJoong POV
Back at the hotel that night, JaeJoong was again sitting on the balcony, just admiring the view and taking the time to relax.
He thought about how weird Yunho had been today, always hugging him from behind and holding his hand.
‘What is he trying to do?’ JaeJoong thought to himself. ‘It’s hard enough as it is to keep my feelings to myself, but does he have to keep rubbing it in that I made a fool of myself when I confessed?! Even though I already said that Junsu dared me to, he still won’t quit teasing me about it and rubbing it in my face!’
“I bet he’s having a great time laughing at me while hugging me,” JaeJoong mumbled to himself.
At 1:00AM in the morning, JaeJoong was unaware of the pair of brown eyes watching him from inside the room with a dreamy smile on his face.
Yunho POV
Yunho turned to Junsu who was getting ready for bed. At present, Changmin sat on his own bed in the adjoining bedroom doing some homework and Yoochun was brushing his teeth.
“Yah Junsu-yah,” Yunho whispered, looking around to make sure no one was listening. He walked over to Junsu’s bed and sat down beside the younger boy.
“I have something to ask you…” Yunho continued.
“What, Hyung?” Junsu asked, watching him curiously and wondering why Yunho was whispering.
“It’s about JaeJoong,” Yunho began, not noticing that Junsu had developed a panicked expression and was thinking that Yunho was going to ask about JaeJoong’s HCM.
Junsu opened his mouth to say something, feeling his face heat up at the thought of lying to his Hyung, but Yunho had already blurted out his question, eager to know the answer.
“Did you really dare JaeJoong to confess to me?”
Junsu stared at Yunho for a moment in shock and then quickly closed his mouth. He gave a sigh of relief when his mind registered what the question was, and then smiled.
“No, hyung. He was telling the truth.”
Yunho sighed and hanged his head. “Then why did he lie and say he was kidding?”
Junsu looked at him as if he were stupid and then said with a smirk, “The rumors are true! You are really gullible. He lied because you said you didn’t feel the same way and he didn’t want his confession to get in the way of your friendship!”
Junsu shook his head in exasperation and then got under the covers, kicking Yunho off the bed in the process.
“Now go tell him you’ve changed your mind!” Junsu grumbled as he turned on his side and pulled his blankets over his shoulder.
“Finally…” Yoochun exclaimed with not the least bit of surprise or hesitation as he walked into the room holding a cup with his toothbrush in it.
Yunho stared at him, his face red with embarrassment.
“How did you --”
Yoochun glanced at him while getting into bed himself and then said, “Hyung, you never try hiding stuff from me if you’re talking to Junsu. It’s not possible because our minds are connected! What did I tell you about YooSu forever?!” Yoochun said like he was scolding a forgetful child.
Yunho just rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“Sleep!” he ordered while stepping outside to the balcony. “Both of you!” he added.
JaeJoong POV
He heard the balcony doors opening and closing and looked up to see Yunho walking towards him.
‘Not now!’ JaeJoong thought to himself, watching Yunho approach him with a small smile on his face.
He went back to watching the view as Yunho took the seat beside him. Before JaeJoong could say anything, Yunho’s voice cut through the air, awkward and …cold?
“Junsu told me you were telling the truth when you confessed to me…” he began.
JaeJoong didn’t notice the nervousness that Yunho was trying to hide, making his voice seem angry. He couldn’t look at Yunho, mortified at what Yunho now knew.
“Ugh…” JaeJoong began, scrambling for any excuse. In a rush JaeJoong blabbed out an excuse without looking at Yunho because he didn’t want to see the hurtful expression that he expected Yunho to have.
“Ha! Junsu’s such a blowhole! He’s lying again! You’re so gullible Yunho-yah!”
JaeJoong blabbered incoherently. Then without glancing at his friend once, he announced, “I’m going to bed!” and stood up, rushing to the balcony doors and stumbling inside.
JaeJoong didn’t see Yunho’s baffled face and didn’t know that Yunho was wondering why JaeJoong had lied again.
Yunho POV
‘I wanted to say I love you too, JaeJoong! Am I too late? Did I push you away?!’ Yunho thought to himself.
“Mianhaeyo JaeJoongie-yah,” Yunho said aloud. “But I’m still telling you how I feel, even if I’m too late.”
‘I just hope he can give me another chance,’ Yunho thought to himself as he made his way back into the hotel room.
--
The next day, Yunho got out of bed, happy to begin the day knowing that JaeJoong had lied about Junsu daring him to confess his love.
They had an interview after breakfast that would last until lunch, then a trip to the venue of their next concert for a sound check and stage rehearsal.
‘Then tomorrow, outfit fittings after breakfast. Then looking through the merchandise for the concert, then practice - late afternoon til midnight. And then the day after that? Rest, make-up after lunch, then ground shoot and then concert,’ Yunho thought to himself as he ran through the schedule in his mind until their next concert.
As Yunho moved towards the bathroom, he made sure to stop at each occupied bed, gently waking each member. He left JaeJoong for last, and while the other members were busy stirring and clearing their sleep-fogged minds, Yunho looked down at JaeJoong’s peaceful expression almost wishing that he didn’t have to wake him up.
Leaning down so he was close to JaeJoong’s ear, Yunho brushed a stray strand of hair from JaeJoong’s brow and watched as the sleeping boy sighed softly, unconsciously smiling in his sleep and welcoming Yunho’s touch.
“Joongie…” Yunho whispered, “Time to get up.”
JaeJoong stirred at Yunho’s soft whisper, but not wanting to scare JaeJoong or make him uncomfortable with his caring gesture, Yunho backed off and walked into the bathroom with a satisfied smile on his face.
‘He loves me,’ Yunho thought to himself, cherishing the unconscious smile he’d seen on JaeJoong’s still sleepy face.
JaeJoong POV
JaeJoong made sure to avoid Yunho as much as he could for the whole day. He had a vague memory of Yunho waking him up that morning but dismissed the thought, thinking that he had dreamed it.
Sound check at the venue went by smoothly with only a few minor glitches. JaeJoong was happy that his heart was staying “quiet” for the time being but the bad side of it was that he had more opportunity to focus on everything Yunho did to him.
JaeJoong had lost track of how many times Yunho had hugged him from behind and wordlessly held his hand or pinched his cheeks.
JaeJoong felt that now that Yunho knew he hadn’t lied about how he felt for him, Yunho made all these sweet and caring gestures as a way of mocking him. But JaeJoong knew he couldn’t be angry with Yunho. He loved the handsome boy too much! And even after thinking that the gestures were only made in jest, JaeJoong still couldn’t help basking in Yunho’s fake love.
By the end of the day, to add to being physically tired, JaeJoong was emotionally knocked out. Constantly reminding himself that Yunho really didn’t feel the same way and enjoying his attention but pretending not to at the same time left JaeJoong wanting nothing more than sleep.
So as soon as Yunho had opened the hotel room door, JaeJoong made a beeline for his bed, dropped his bag on the floor and fell into bed, not even bothering to change his clothes.
As soon as his head hit the pillow, JaeJoong was out cold. He didn’t feel Yunho’s gaze settle on him and let out a sigh as he caught sight of JaeJoong’s shoes still on his feet.
Patiently, Yunho walked over to JaeJoong’s bed, gently untied his shoelaces and removed his shoes. Disappointment clouded his eyes because of how the day had turned out. He and JaeJoong hadn’t had one moment alone together, and telling JaeJoong his feelings weren’t likely for this day, he realized as he saw JaeJoong drop tiredly onto his bed.
“What am I going to do with you?” Yunho asked softly, gazing down at JaeJoong’s unconscious form. “Let me talk next time, okay?” he told the sleeping JaeJoong in a soft and slightly complaining tone and then walked towards his own bed leaving his Joongie to sleep.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 9
Re-cap
“What am I going to do with you?” Yunho asked softly, gazing down at JaeJoong’s unconscious form. “Let me talk next time okay?” he told the sleeping JaeJoong softly and then walked towards his own bed leaving his Joongie to sleep.
Yunho POV
On the day of the concert Yunho’s mood had lowered considerably due to the fact that he still hadn’t had a chance to tell JaeJoong how he felt. Not to mention the fact that JaeJoong made it a point to avoid him like the plague for some reason, which confused Yunho even more.
As they sat at their seats getting their make-up done, Yunho watched as JaeJoong got up from his seat to answer his phone. Yunho noticed that Junsu, who was sitting beside JaeJoong, had turned extremely pale even with the cover of make-up.
Yunho looked on with growing curiosity as he watched Junsu follow JaeJoong’s exiting form with his eyes, with a worried expression on his face.
‘What is going on?!’ Yunho thought to himself and continued to watch the scene in front of him, not missing the moment when Junsu shot a worried glance towards Yoochun and gestured towards the direction JaeJoong had gone.
JaeJoong POV
“Dr. Chang!” he said into his phone with relief coursing through his veins. “You don’t know how glad I am to hear from you.”
“And you don’t know how happy I am to be able to call you with good news, Mr. Kim. We’ve got an opening for your surgery scheduled for tomorrow morning.”
‘Enough time to finish the concert tonight,’ JaeJoong thought to himself as he listened to the rest of Dr. Chang’s speech.
“Now, since you’re due for surgery in the morning, I need you not to eat anything starting from tonight so your body is clean.”
“Okay, that’s no problem,” JaeJoong replied happily.
It seemed like everything was finally going his way.
“I’ll be flying back tonight,” he added, leaving out the part that he would be flying back after a concert.
JaeJoong exchanged a few more words with Dr. Chang and confirmed the time for his surgery before thanking her and ending the phone-call with a smile.
He was still smiling when Junsu came out of the dressing room looking for him.
“What?” Junsu asked, noting the smile on JaeJoong’s face. He approached his Hyung feeling a smile forming on his lips as he watched JaeJoong’s smile get even wider.
“That was Dr. Chang,” he announced, almost jumping with relief. “I’m scheduled for surgery in the morning.”
Junsu smiled and sighed with relief. “It took her long enough to call! So we can tell Yunho-hyung now, right?”
“No,” JaeJoong replied, serious again. “Not until after the concert! You know if Yunho knew I was sick, performing at the concert tonight would be out of the question! So bite your tongue just a little bit longer, Junsu-yah.” JaeJoong finished with a pointed look at Junsu’s mouth.
Before Junsu could say anything, he heard a voice speak from the doorway.
“What’s going on?” Yunho asked, watching them suspiciously and looking very much the leader in the black suit he was wearing.
He looked tall and intimidating and hot as JaeJoong ran his eyes over every inch of Yunho’s impressive build.
“Don’t gawk,” Junsu mumbled with a giggle, still with his back to Yunho.
JaeJoong pursed his lips then passed Junsu as he made his way towards Yunho.
“Nothing Yunnie!” he replied happily, and touching Yunho for the first time in days.
He placed an arm around Yunho’s shoulders and led him back into the noisy dressing room and leaving Junsu to make his own way back.
Yunho POV
Surprise flooded through Yunho at the feel of JaeJoong’s arm around his shoulders.
‘Maybe he’s finally coming around,’ Yunho thought to himself, relishing the feel of JaeJoong’s touch.
“Don’t frown, Yunnie! It gives you wrinkles,” JaeJoong told him as he rubbed his fingers over the frown marring Yunho’s brow, soothing the tension and relaxing him.
Yunho sighed. “Joongie what are you hiding?” he snapped out, making JaeJoong flinch and pull his hand back abruptly.
“N…nothing…” the fairer boy stuttered, his cheeks flaming red.
Yunho could tell that he had frightened JaeJoong with his sudden angrily snapped question. But Yunho just felt all his built up frustration bubble to the surface, and he had lashed out at the one person he didn’t want to hurt.
…JaeJoong.
Yunho calmly removed Joongie’s arm from his shoulder and mumbled, “We have to get ready for the ground shoot.” And then walked away from JaeJoong without glancing at him.
Too engrossed in being angry with himself for getting mad at JaeJoong again, Yunho didn’t see JaeJoong’s eyes well up with tears and then quickly rush out of the room, shoving past the startled Junsu who had just entered the room again.
“Hyung?!” Yunho heard Junsu ask and turned just in time to catch a glimpse of JaeJoong’s retreating back.
“What did you do now, Hyung?” Junsu asked him with a sigh.
JaeJoong POV
JaeJoong stormed into the bathroom swiping angrily at the stupid tears that refused to stop falling.
‘Why does he have to do that? I didn’t do anything to make him angry,’ JaeJoong thought to himself and stared at his reflection in the mirror.
“Did I?” he asked his reflection, as he tried to wipe away the useless tears and smooth out the red blotches on his face.
As he was doing this, he didn’t realize the constant pounding that was resounding in his ears until a small tremor shivered through his torso.
JaeJoong looked up at the mirror with a scared expression on his face.
“No way! Not now!” he said aloud, just before his breath was taken away from him.
He gasped violently at the sudden pain, surprised that he had barely had any warning at all before the attack struck. The pain forced him to stumble against the wall, and JaeJoong groaned as the pain quickly intensified, forcing him to sink to the ground.
He didn’t get any time to brace himself for the next series of convulsions that racked his body. This attack was quick and came on with barely enough warning. It struck hard and fast, causing JaeJoong to panic at the speed and strength of the attack that was making his whole body clench uncontrollably.
Suddenly, just as soon as it came, the pain faded, and JaeJoong was left gasping in stunned shock. He took a moment to regain his strength and catch his breath, thinking to himself, ‘It’s okay. Surgery tomorrow morning, remember JaeJoong?’
Somehow he found the strength to stand and sighed at the gray pallor he saw on his face as he gazed at his reflection in the mirror.
Straightening the black suit he was wearing and re-arranging the accessories adorning his neck and hanging down over his bare chest, JaeJoong made himself look as normal as possible and pretended that nothing had happened.
He arranged a cool and distant expression on his face and when he was satisfied, JaeJoong slowly made his way out of the bathroom, unconsciously hardening himself to face Yunho again and prepared to suck-up any other sudden attacks.
Yunho POV
Yunho noticed JaeJoong enter the room and tried to catch his eye, but the other boy didn’t glance at him at all.
He though JaeJoong looked a bit sick and paler than usual but dismissed it to the fact that he was upset about Yunho snapping at him.
He watched Junsu and Yoochun rush to JaeJoong’s side, both boys placing hands on each of JaeJoong’s shoulders and offering him water.
“Yah, Changmin-ah,” Yunho called to the boy standing beside him. “Is Joongie sick? Junsu and Yoochun are completely babying him.”
His dongsaeng coughed and splurted out some of the water he’d been drinking. Yunho looked at him in surprise and proceeded to pat the boy on the back.
“No, Hyung,” Changmin rasped, choosing to keep his eyes on anything else except Yunho. “They’re probably just seeing if he’s okay. Since you snapped at him and all,” Changmin continued.
“I didn’t mean it!” Yunho replied exasperatedly. As Yunho continued to watch JaeJoong, said boy looked up, meeting Yunho’s gaze from across the room.
JaeJoong quickly broke eye contact and glanced at something else.
Yunho mentally banged his head with his hand.
‘Yunho, you’re an idiot,’ he thought to himself.
“We should go, Hyung,” Changmin said. “The photographers are waiting for us.”
Yunho nodded and made his way towards Junsu, Yoochun and JaeJoong. Before he could reach them, JaeJoong stood up and was already walking out the door with his arm linked with Yoochun’s.
Junsu looked at him sympathetically and said softly in a matter-of-fact tone, “You made him cry again…”
Yunho stared at the now empty doorway and replied in a regretful voice, “I know.”
JaeJoong POV
As they posed for group shots, JaeJoong couldn’t help but notice Yunho’s constant pitiful glances aimed in his general direction.
JaeJoong kept his gaze trained on the camera, choosing to ignore Yunho, but hurting painfully anyway every time he saw Yunho’s pleading gaze.
The photographer praised them for their group shots and asked to begin singles and doubles. JaeJoong immediately linked arms with Changmin - avoiding Yunho’s frustrated stare and walking towards the next set.
Junsu POV
Junsu looked at his hyungs in exasperation as he sat with Yoochun, waiting for their turn for double shots.
“This is stupid!” he exclaimed out loud, knowing that Yoochun would know what he was talking about.
“Yup,” was all the older boy replied to him, also gazing at Yunho and JaeJoong.
“That’s it! I’m sick of all this stupidity!” Junsu exclaimed.
Yoochun glanced at him curiously. “So what are you planning to do about it?” he asked his friend in a challenging tone.
“First chance I get, I’m going to tell Yunho-hyung everything,” Junsu announced.
“’Su, Joongie-hyung told us not to say anything until after the concert. What if he doesn’t let Joongie-hyung perform?!”
“Don’t worry. I’ll tell him right before the concert begins, so he can’t stop JaeJoong-hyung. Those two really need to see what’s right in front of them!” Junsu exclaimed in annoyance.
“What, like I do?” Yoochun asked, his gaze now directed towards the blonde boy beside him.
Junsu met his gaze, smiled then blushed. He gave Yoochun a playful nudge with his shoulder and replied, “Like you do…”
Just as he’d announced, Junsu was now preparing himself to tell his hyung everything. It was 5 minutes before curtain call, and he knew he was cutting it really close. And to add to that, he couldn’t find Yunho!
Finally, Junsu spotted the leader of DBSK, still stalking JaeJoong like a wounded puppy and being completely ignored by said boy.
“Hyung, I need to talk to you,” Junsu called amidst the backstage rush.
“Not now, Junsu” was the curt reply as Yunho followed JaeJoong to stage left.
Junsu sighed in frustration and replied by saying, “But it’s important!”
“Not now!” Yunho replied, his voice firm and commanding.
Before he could say anything, Yoochun had grabbed his arm, dragging him in the direction of stage right along with Changmin.
“Do it during intermission,” Yoochun suggested softly.
And then the bright lights of the stage blinded him and the screams of the thousands of fans deafened his ears as Yoochun shoved him onto the stage with him following closely behind.
Junsu saw his hyungs enter the stage from the other side, Yunho waving with a smile on his face and JaeJoong doing the same, both momentarily forgetting their personal turmoil and bringing their fans up to first priority.
They stood in their places, just like thousands of concerts before and announced with a bow.
“Konichiwa! Tohoshinki-des!”
Junsu sighed once more and caught sight of the packed concert hall. With another glance directed towards JaeJoong and Yunho, he decided to heed JaeJoong’s earlier words.
‘…When we’re sure Japan loves us…’ and then Junsu turned on his smile, despite his disappointment that he wasn’t able to tell Yunho everything, and waved.
Yunho POV
‘I am an idiot,’ he thought to himself as he sang the lyrics to Miduhyo.
The concert was now in full swing, and not counting the looks JaeJoong had given him to keep up the image that nothing bad was going on between the two of them - for the fans’ sake - JaeJoong hadn’t given him the time of day.
Yunho took every opportunity on stage to get JaeJoong to forgive him. Whether it be a small gesture or a look or a question directed towards him which he’d then be forced to answer, it didn’t matter.
‘I’m sorry, JaeJoongie-yah.’ Yunho thought silently as he waved to the fans.
‘Please forgive me…’
As they walked off-stage for a short intermission, Yunho saw JaeJoong exit the stage in the opposite direction, leaving him with Changmin and Junsu who had scrambled across the stage in the wrong direction to catch him.
The blonde boy was still blushing at all the squealing he’d caused because of that small action, with all the fan girls thinking it was cute.
“Now, hyung?!” Junsu asked breathlessly as they walked back to the dressing room to change into their Rising Sun outfits, with the exception of JaeJoong who had a solo to perform in the next half of the concert before Rising Sun.
He glanced at Changmin who was guzzling down bottles of water like he were a camel.
“Dongsaeng, slow down,” he called out with his most parental voice. “And make sure you go to the bathroom before going back onstage.” He added.
“Hyuuuuung!” a whiny voice complained again, and Yunho finally turned to Junsu’s irritatingly bouncy form.
“What, Junsu-yah?” he asked in exasperation, and then before the younger boy could say anything else, Yunho caught sight of JaeJoong walking out of the room, already changed into his next outfit.
“Later, Junsu!” he interrupted, and then brushed past the younger boy.
JaeJoong POV
JaeJoong walked into the bathroom for the second time that night. Other than being more out of breath than usual, he thought that everything was going pretty okay with his hear for the moment. He took a deep breath as he studied his reflection in the mirror, ignoring the slight tightness he felt around his torso when he inhaled.
From the mirror, he watched the bathroom door open and reveal a not-changed Yunho standing in the doorway. JaeJoong didn’t say anything, knowing that the hurt was evident in his expression.
Yunho walked over and stood behind him, their reflections captured in the mirror.
“Mianhaeyo…” Yunho mumbled pitifully, hanging his head.
Yunho had never needed explanations when it came to apologizing to him. He had always wondered why that was, but now he knew the reason to that. It was because in his eyes, Yunho could do everything in his power to hurt JaeJoong as much as he could, but as soon as he said that single word…Mianhaeyo… in that voice he used when he knew he was wrong, JaeJoong could forgive him always.
No questions asked.
So once again, JaeJoong was powerless as he met Yunho’s eyes in the mirror. The taller boy standing behind him unconsciously offered him comfort, even though not an inch of each of their bodies touched. He offered strength as well and that was what JaeJoong needed most at that moment.
Without breaking eye contact with Yunho’s reflection, JaeJoong sighed in resignation, knowing that his love for Yunnie had won again.
He nodded, signaling his forgiveness and cherished the moment when Yunho wrapped strong arms around his shoulders from behind.
JaeJoong didn’t say a word, committing to memory the image of their reflections in the mirror. Yunho’s chin rested on his left shoulder just like it had done so before at the outdoor photo-shoot.
“Mianhaeyo, JaeJoongie-yah” the other boy mumbled again.
Silently, JaeJoong nodded again, keeping his arms hanging limply by his sides and letting Yunho keep his position.
At that moment, JaeJoong wished more than anything else in the world that Yunho hadn’t said no when he confessed.
Yunho POV
With a wide smile plastered on his face, Yunho walked back to the dressing room and changed into his next outfit. His heart was warmed by JaeJoong’s forgiveness and all he could think about now was telling JaeJoong about his love. He wrinkled his nose, realizing he just missed a chance to do so while they were in the bathroom.
‘Damn,’ he thought to himself and remembering that JaeJoong had already gone back to the stage area to prepare for his solo.
“Now, hyung?” Junsu’s voice interrupted. Yunho guiltily nodded, because he’d momentarily forgotten about Junsu wanting to talk to him.
“What is it Junsu?”
“2 minutes ‘til curtain everyone!” a voice from the staff called.
None of them ever missed watching each other’s solos, so Yunho began walking towards the stage area, motioning for Junsu to walk with him and talk at the same time.
He noticed the nervous look on Junsu’s face and for the first time wondered what his dongsaeng had to say.
He watched as Junsu sucked in a deep breath as if preparing to give bad news, and the first feelings of dread crept through Yunho.
“It’s about JaeJoong-hyung…” the blonde boy began. And then continued to explain everything he knew.
Yoochun and Changmin watched from the corner of stage left as Yunho stopped in his tracks and waved his arms around angrily. He wore a shocked and scared look on his face as Junsu kept talking.
They were both too far away to hear, but Yoochun and Changmin didn’t need to hear what the conversation was about.
“1 minute, everyone!” a voice from the staff announced.
JaeJoong had already taken his place in the middle of the stage, holding a mic and straightening his black penguin suit which bared his toned stomach and sexy belly ring. The oldest member of DBSK had no idea what was going on backstage.
Yoochun and Changmin watched as Yunho and Junsu resumed walking, Junsu with a pained look on his face and Yunho wearing a worried frown, his face pale with fear for JaeJoong.
[Cue Music: “Insa” - JaeJoong’s Solo] A/N: leave it on repeat after this point.
“30 seconds! Quiet on the set!” a voice called.
The spotlights from the stage blinded them all as the curtains were drawn; the screaming of fans heightened and JaeJoong began to talk.
Yunho didn’t say a word as he watched JaeJoong with tears in his eyes. Junsu’s words were repeating in his ears.
‘Part of why he continued the tour was for you…he didn’t want to let you down, hyung…
…he’s scheduled for surgery tomorrow…he didn’t want to worry you…
…why?
…because he loves you…’
//:Flashback://
“Duh! What kind of question is that, Yunnie?! Of course I’d give my life for DBSK! Because Dong Bang Shin Ki IS my life! Without it I’d be lost!”
“…I’m willing to take a chance because I may not have a lot of time left.”
Yunho looked at him in alarm and confusion.
“What do you mean you don’t have a lot of time left?” he asked.
JaeJoong pushed aside the surprised question and continued with his own speech.
“What I’m trying to say is…iloveyou, Yunho-yah.
AndIhopeyoufeelthesamewaytoo.”
//:end flashback://
Yunho clenched his fists, resisting the urge to run onto the stage, grab JaeJoong and drag him bodily to the hospital.
‘He could die…’ were Junsu’s words when Yunho had asked how bad it was.
He kept his eyes focused on JaeJoong, love, pain and fear making his heart swell. The notes of the piano beginning JaeJoong’s solo were eerie in the sudden silence of the concert hall.
He was performing ‘Insa’ which never failed to make the crowd weep. Not to mention Yunho and the other members as well.
As his love’s hauntingly beautiful voice echoed in the air, giving him goose bumps and making the hairs on his arms rise, Yunho thought of only one thing.
‘JaeJoong…I love you too…’
JaeJoong POV
JaeJoong let the sound of the notes flow through him. The knowledge that this song was his and his alone made him soar. This symbolized everything…from what he had failed to what he had achieved. He had poured his soul into this song and anyone who heard him sing it always knew that.
“Hanbunae miso, majimak Insa…
Saranghapnida, geu dael…” he sang.
(a single smile…the last goodbye…I love you…)
JaeJoong was lost in the eerie, almost ethereal melody haunting the concert hall.
“Shiganae ji chyudo, saranghae apado
geu shigan joh cha choo-ukeego
majimak insal hanaeyo
saranghapnida, saranghapnida…”
(Even if I became hurt by love,
even that time becomes a memory for me
looks like we’re having our last goodbye…
I love you…I love you…)
As he gazed around at the crowd, he happened to glance towards stage left and immediately met a pair of brown eyes welling with tears.
And JaeJoong suddenly knew that Junsu had opened his mouth.
Yunho POV
His big dark eyes were captivating enough to drown in, but Yunho wouldn’t break the eye- contact. JaeJoong continued to sing, but Yunho knew that he had conveyed the message that he knew everything. He could tell by the slight tremble that had developed in JaeJoong’s voice that only he could hear.
“Fly away, fly away…Love”
JaeJoong POV
“Fly away, fly away…Love…” he sang not realizing that he hadn’t broken away from Yunho’s tortured gaze.
They continued to watch each other as if they were the only people in the world and the music played only for them.
But as he sang the last words, JaeJoong felt but a slight flicker come from his heart.
“Nae sangae danhanbunae sarangan…”
(my life’s only love)
JaeJoong gasped softly as another flicker made his torso contract. As if in slow motion he turned back to the crowd. The lights seemed too bright…the air too cold.
“Annyoung…” he sang the last word of the song softly.
(goodbye)
And then everything after that seemed to move in slow motion, when in reality it took only a few seconds.
The excited screams of the crowd became muffled in JaeJoong’s ears, and his breath was loud and harsh.
Tears began to form in his eyes as he felt several more soft flickers cause tremors through his chest. But he couldn’t move, seemingly frozen in that moment as the melody of the song continued to play. He didn’t feel the microphone slip out of his hand and fall to the floor, startling the crowd with it’s loud clash.
Yunho POV
Yunho’s gaze was drawn back to JaeJoong from the screaming fans, at a sound which was foreign to the song. Yunho watched in bafflement as JaeJoong let his microphone fall to the floor.
“Jae--?” he whispered, still not sure of what was happening.
JaeJoong just stood in the middle of the stage, motionless. And then Yunho watched as JaeJoong began to sway unsteadily on his feet. Yunho saw JaeJoong’s chest heave painfully, and his feeling of dread became a painful knot in the pit of his stomach.
He barely felt Changmin grab his arm… and then Junsu began to scream “NO! No!!...Hyung! No! Hyung!” as JaeJoong began to fall.
Changmin began to sob as he ran forward. Yunho saw everything slow down. The frightened screams of the fans became muted in the background. He could hear nothing but his brothers’ voices.
“Hyung! Hyung!” Junsu was crying hysterically.
“I need an ambulance! I need an ambulance now!” Yoochun screamed into his cell-phone.
He watched as Changmin hovered over JaeJoong, shaking and afraid and yelling for Yunho to fix what was happening.
And then Yunho was running, dropping to his knees beside JaeJoong and noting his semi-conscious state.
Changmin, Junsu and Yoochun had dropped to their knees on JaeJoong’s other side, with the two youngest members sobbing fearfully and Yoochun weeping silent tears.
And suddenly Yunho was pushed by a feeling of urgency to tell JaeJoong everything.
He desperately hefted JaeJoong’s upper body to him, cradling his love in his arms. JaeJoong’s head lolled limply and Yunho held him so that his mouth was close to JaeJoong’s ear.
JaeJoong lay half across his lap and half on the floor and Yunho trembled violently as he held JaeJoong against his chest.
“Joongie, I lied! When I said I didn’t love you, I lied!” he gasped desperately into JaeJoong’s ear, not caring who heard. JaeJoong didn’t respond.
“I lied, okay? And I’m sorry…it took me a little longer to realize that I love you! Okay, Joongie? I love you! I change my mind, okay?! I love you!" Yunho whispered urgently, tears falling and desperation lacing his tone.
“…and I promise I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you! That’s why you can’t go, okay? You can’t go! You have to stay here, with me! You have to stay! You hear me?! You can’t go! You have to stay with me!” he babbled almost incoherently, shaking JaeJoong’s limp body and then clutching him to his chest tightly.
“Don’t leave me…” Yunho whispered, as silent tears continued to fall.
JaeJoong POV
It was dark and their voices echoed in the darkness as if they were a million miles away.
‘Yunho-yah I’m here…Don’t cry…’
“That’s why you can’t go okay?!...you have to stay here! With me!...Don’t leave me…”
‘I hurt Yunho-yah. Make the pain go away…’
He strained to hear their voices which were fading away much too quickly.
“Joongie don’t leave me!” Yunho cried again, panic evident in his voice. “You have to stay."
“Hyung!” Junsu’s panicked voice cried hysterically. “Hyung! He’s not breathing!! He’s not breathing! HYUNG!”
And then silence.
[music fade out…]
--x-
A/N: WHEW! Well didn't that just make you breathless? I know I was breathless writing it. XD what did you think of the choice of song? =D should I keep up with this fic!OST stuff?? or...no? let me know! <3