D & D & Dick
Sometimes I really miss playing D&D.
Other times, I remember how terrible
people can be when they play any RPG.
First Game
"How long have you been free,
In this world of hate and greed?
Is it black or is it white?
Let's find another compromise.
And our future standing still,
We're dancing in the spotlight.
Where is the leader who leads me?
I'm still waiting,
Leaving home."
~Wolfsheim - The Sparrows and the Nightingales
I'll never forget my first time playing this magical game.
I was 11.
I was hanging out with my childhood friend Dustin,
in Casselberry, FL. Was just a quick jump over my
back fence, stroll through the apartment complex,
cross SR-436, and there I was.
We were probably either listening to some 90s techno,
or playing Spyro: The Dragon, or Metal Gear: Solid, when
his step brother Billy came in. In his hands, he held a
box, a few books, a pouch with dice, and paper.
"Hey nerdlets, ever play Dungeons & Dragons before?"
"No, but it sounds fun! How do we play?"
It was a very simple game; we made characters,
learned how to roll dice for stats, learned the
basics of combat, etc. It wasn't before long he
threw in a few things; a ring of lesser strength,
a cursed ring which made you smarter, but weaker,
a cloak which helped conceal you and mask sound,
but also made you clumsy.
Sadly, we didn't play much after that,
as Billy joined the Army.
The Adventures Continue
"Move in circles, walk on lines,
No human being in sight.
Calm the winds and calm the seas,
Let's try another kind of peace.
Who fights this holy civil war?
A million men in uniform."
~Wolfsheim - Sparrows and the Nightingales
It wasn't until I was 12 or 13 that I played again.
This time, it was with my friend Carl I met at Jr. High
in Kingman, AZ. Even though he was the DM/GM, and I was
often the only player, we still had a blast. Sometimes
1 or 2 others would join us. It was my first taste of
a campaign. We played both D&D and a SciFi RPG of
his own design.
My interests eventually expanded to Magic: The Gathering.
After a while, I realized it was more fun to just collect
the cards and admire the artwork, some of which I added
to D&D campaigns. Playing with other people sucked. Not
because I didn't eventually develop good strategies,
but it brought out the worst egos in people.
After inevitably having to leave AZ and move back to FL
in late 1998, I reconnected with Thom. Weirdly, he never
joined Dustin and I to play, but I guess we find our in-
terests at different times. The beauty of it is he did,
and before we knew it, a group came together.
From high school until I moved to TX for college, and
then more when I moved back, was the bulk of my vari-
ous experiences.
Thom had multiple campaigns going, with different people.
I also dabbled with different groups here and there. Really
developed a taste; not just for D&D, but Rift, and even Vam-
pire: The Masquerade.
All that being said, there were of course great experiences,
dull experiences, dramatic experiences, angry experiences...
the whole spectrum. After a while, I began observing patterns.
Many of these patterns carried over to digital form, like World
of WarCraft.
The best campaigns I've played were usually created by the
DM/GM, and tailored to the players. They took the time to
care about back-stories, and weave their purpose into a
campaign. Something no digital RPG has accomplished.
No, they haven't. They try their best to weave your char
into their story, but the fact that anyone else could make
a char like yours and have the same experience means digital
RPGs have yet to give a person a truly unique gaming experi-
ence. Sure, you can change that if you actually have a guild
who role-plays and has a campaign of their own in conjunction
with the game; but the game itself, when playing by yourself,
still doesn't provide that.
Then there were the cookie-cutter campaigns, or one-off games.
These were usually hit and miss; more often miss.
The Dicks of D & D
"Give me a reason why I should give in,
I've got nothing more to conceal.
Call me ignoring or intolerant
It's just in the way that you see it.
Then I recall days gone by,
And images I left behind.
No acting for purpose that has to be served,
No smile on my face
When there's nothing but hate in my mind."
~Beborn Beton - Sleeping Beauty
So many times I ended up with groups who played a pre-made game
ended up being more stereotypical players. Those who would only
allow certain races, classes, and alignments. Say, if you weren't
some pious Palor-ball-sucking Paladin who is Lawful Good, all the
other pious "Good" characters would ignore the actual game, just
to be dicks to the one character who wanted to be a Rogue, or a
Dark Elf, or a magic user (Sorcerer, Wizard, Warlock).
Whenever we did play, those games put me to sleep. No fun
narration, no flair of style... just monotonous narration,
dull rewards, players fighting over what little reward
there was, and any deviation from this poor excuse of
an adventure game was retaliated against with rule
nazism.
Rule nazi GMs/DMs are the WORST.
If you want to be uptight, arrogant, and care more about
number crunching and following guidelines more than hav-
ing fun and using your imagination - go fucking play
Warhammer. Where the only fun part is buying and
painting your figurines.
Or become an attorney or accountant.
Another example, one I'd see very often when women also played, is the GM/DM
would always let the female players do whatever they wanted, while rule-nazi-
ing the male players, or any outsider who happened to be male. The game, then,
became more about the GM/DM mentally masturbating with his knowledge of rules
to impress the ladies, while negging the male players because he saw them as
competition. Even when the women had boyfriends or husbands, or even when the
male GM/DM had a girlfriend or wife, it wouldn't stop the DM/GM's ulterior
shameful motives for attention and getting his ego stroked, while taking
his real life frustrations out on the poor sap who just wanted to tag
along and partake in a fun escape from reality together.
I remember one game in particular, when I painstakingly took the
time to collect the materials and level up to gain the ability
to craft a bone wand, with which I could, with increasing use,
pretty much animate any dead or anything with bones, really.
And all I wanted was a few minions, and eventually, a flying
ship made of bones, with a literal skeleton crew. What was
I planning to use it for? To help transport the group.
Every time I tried to do something I knew I couldn't fail
(even rolling a natural 20), the GM would always give me
some excuse why it didn't work. But the second a female
player liked my idea and wanted to do it, of course the
GM just happened to have a merchant who appeared in the
same area, with super low prices, and just happened to
have all the magic scrolls she needed, rather than
having to study, and of course every single cast
she attempted, even with a roll of 3, would work.
Every time I tried to do something for the group,
the GM would find a reason to deny it, steal the
idea, and give the group something he considered
to be better.
Sadly, this crossed over even into World of WarCraft.
The guys in a few guilds would fight among each other because
they were crushing on the same girl, or too busy trying to im-
press the few ladies to either enjoy the game, or focus on the
dungeon/raid. Even worse, they'd always give the best items to
either their guy friends, or, if they didn't need it, to the
ladies. When you're at level cap, the only thing you really
get is money, and maybe some faction rep. So why bother
grouping for anything at all?
What's worse than even that?
Honestly, I really didn't like how male characters
looked in WoW. So most of my characters were female.
Sometimes, I would never clarify what I really was,
just to see what would happen.
I can't even count how many times male players would
randomly chat me up, give me free stuff, say the most
lewd things in guild chat, literally follow me around
until I told them to fuck off, and when I did, they
would report me after calling me a bitch.
Honestly, some of the best adventures I had, apart from with Thom,
were with LGBTQ people. They actually focused on the fun of it, on
the imagination, on understanding that rules are more guidelines
than a constant reminder of what you're not allowed to do, or
something to use against someone you don't like or considered
a threat to your penisy competition. They allowed you to be
as creative as you wanted, so long as it didn't mess with
the game plot or other characters too much. They even made
us dinner, or had snacks, and often went all-out with
decorations and even props to include.
Sure, they'd even act out their characters, but it
wasn't in this uptight, pious, holier-than-thou way.
"Far too much seen and too many things done,
And too many hopes that have gone.
So it may be true what they're telling me now,
That the old times were simply the best.
But there is nothing I have to regret,
And I couldn't tell what I like more
When it comes to the test."
~Beborn Beton - Sleeping Beauty
What brought this up to make an entry about?
Yesterday, of course on FB, I was having a nice
conversation with two friends from my Gothy club-
bing days about D&D... and then the penis showed
up.
Sure, this was only one exchange, I don't know the
guy, and the ladies seemed to have a history with
him... but it followed the same competi-tarded
pattern as with most male D&D players.
He knocked down one thing I said to elevate himself,
dismissed everything else I said, and invited the
ladies to play with his group on Roll 20.
Yeah, that's the kind of guy I would never play
with again. The kind who would likely be dismi-
ssive of any outsider male, except when making
an example of him or flexing his ego and his
clearly "superior" knowledge, while pampering
the ladies.
There's just something about RPG's and the hetero
male ego that makes it less fun. Most get way too
competi-tarded, treating the game as a power trip.
About 2 years ago, I tried another campaign of my own.
It was probably my 10th or so time being a DM/GM.
I run my games for the adventure and fun. I only
check rules when it interferes with the plot or
other characters, and encourage their creativity.
And I treat everyone fairly. At the end of each
game, I ask for feedback from each player on
how they liked it, and if they felt their
character was getting enough development.
I also use the better examples from my experiences,
and enhance the setting with visuals, props, acting
out NPCs to enrich the experience, and have even
prepared foods which might be consumed in-game.
Sadly, the couple we played with have a lot of problems.
While the game itself had great moments, they would not
leave those problems out of the game. They began fighting
with each other in the game. At first, it was amusing, and
I tried to find ways to spin it into the story fabric.
It also didn't help that they have the pallet of
a 5-year-old, and were literally afraid of trying
a puff-pastry-dough snack with cheese inside,
just because they never had bleu cheese before,
even though it was mixed with cheddar.
Not only that, but they were never willing to come
up to our house in the forest, where I could provide
a far more enriching environment.
In the end, it just fell apart, and I pretended to forget
to bring the materials until we instead played Cards
Against Humanity and they forgot about the campaign.
Future of D&D
" For the tears in your eyes,
I will no longer try
To hold on to the past.
And there's nowhere to hide
From that smile on your face,
From the tears in your eyes."
~Beborn Beton - Sleeping Beauty
All in all, I still love the idea of D&D,
and I'd love to play, and give that magic
to those who would appreciate it again.
Sadly, I don't think that's going to happen with peers.
Even in my mid-30s, I'm still apprehensive that there
will be negative drama, ulterior motives, egotistical
players who care only about what they get, and of course
the rule nazis, or unimaginative types who like their
games as dull as their 1-dimensional personalities.
There is a silver-lining though;
our child(ren).
Might have to wait a few years, but that will
give me time to create a few adventures as I
get to know my daughter (and others if we
have more, or she brings friends over).
A few links for Kid-Friendly D&D:
DND Wizards
DND Adventures For Kids
Tribality Guide, with simplified char sheets.
If it's anyone who could actually appreciate D&D,
it's children. We tell them stories anyway, so why
not expand that into a story where they help write
it? After all, is it not one of the many roles of
a parent to nourish a child's imagination, and
pass on your own magic to them?
Magic which takes the form of using our surroundings,
which serves a double purpose or teaching them about
gardening, or the properties of minerals, even basic
scientific principles like acids and bases, cooking,
or geography. Learning opportunities aside, it's a
way to enhance birthdays, complete with "magic items"
which you can give as presents, like rings, or when
they're older, even swords or daggers... or their
own dice set.
Even better, is when they're old enough to understand
the game enough to DM their own adventures with their
friends. Often, using your ideas as a basis, and carr-
ying it forward, as a tradition.
Other times, I remember how terrible
people can be when they play any RPG.
First Game
"How long have you been free,
In this world of hate and greed?
Is it black or is it white?
Let's find another compromise.
And our future standing still,
We're dancing in the spotlight.
Where is the leader who leads me?
I'm still waiting,
Leaving home."
~Wolfsheim - The Sparrows and the Nightingales
I'll never forget my first time playing this magical game.
I was 11.
I was hanging out with my childhood friend Dustin,
in Casselberry, FL. Was just a quick jump over my
back fence, stroll through the apartment complex,
cross SR-436, and there I was.
We were probably either listening to some 90s techno,
or playing Spyro: The Dragon, or Metal Gear: Solid, when
his step brother Billy came in. In his hands, he held a
box, a few books, a pouch with dice, and paper.
"Hey nerdlets, ever play Dungeons & Dragons before?"
"No, but it sounds fun! How do we play?"
It was a very simple game; we made characters,
learned how to roll dice for stats, learned the
basics of combat, etc. It wasn't before long he
threw in a few things; a ring of lesser strength,
a cursed ring which made you smarter, but weaker,
a cloak which helped conceal you and mask sound,
but also made you clumsy.
Sadly, we didn't play much after that,
as Billy joined the Army.
The Adventures Continue
"Move in circles, walk on lines,
No human being in sight.
Calm the winds and calm the seas,
Let's try another kind of peace.
Who fights this holy civil war?
A million men in uniform."
~Wolfsheim - Sparrows and the Nightingales
It wasn't until I was 12 or 13 that I played again.
This time, it was with my friend Carl I met at Jr. High
in Kingman, AZ. Even though he was the DM/GM, and I was
often the only player, we still had a blast. Sometimes
1 or 2 others would join us. It was my first taste of
a campaign. We played both D&D and a SciFi RPG of
his own design.
My interests eventually expanded to Magic: The Gathering.
After a while, I realized it was more fun to just collect
the cards and admire the artwork, some of which I added
to D&D campaigns. Playing with other people sucked. Not
because I didn't eventually develop good strategies,
but it brought out the worst egos in people.
After inevitably having to leave AZ and move back to FL
in late 1998, I reconnected with Thom. Weirdly, he never
joined Dustin and I to play, but I guess we find our in-
terests at different times. The beauty of it is he did,
and before we knew it, a group came together.
From high school until I moved to TX for college, and
then more when I moved back, was the bulk of my vari-
ous experiences.
Thom had multiple campaigns going, with different people.
I also dabbled with different groups here and there. Really
developed a taste; not just for D&D, but Rift, and even Vam-
pire: The Masquerade.
All that being said, there were of course great experiences,
dull experiences, dramatic experiences, angry experiences...
the whole spectrum. After a while, I began observing patterns.
Many of these patterns carried over to digital form, like World
of WarCraft.
The best campaigns I've played were usually created by the
DM/GM, and tailored to the players. They took the time to
care about back-stories, and weave their purpose into a
campaign. Something no digital RPG has accomplished.
No, they haven't. They try their best to weave your char
into their story, but the fact that anyone else could make
a char like yours and have the same experience means digital
RPGs have yet to give a person a truly unique gaming experi-
ence. Sure, you can change that if you actually have a guild
who role-plays and has a campaign of their own in conjunction
with the game; but the game itself, when playing by yourself,
still doesn't provide that.
Then there were the cookie-cutter campaigns, or one-off games.
These were usually hit and miss; more often miss.
The Dicks of D & D
"Give me a reason why I should give in,
I've got nothing more to conceal.
Call me ignoring or intolerant
It's just in the way that you see it.
Then I recall days gone by,
And images I left behind.
No acting for purpose that has to be served,
No smile on my face
When there's nothing but hate in my mind."
~Beborn Beton - Sleeping Beauty
So many times I ended up with groups who played a pre-made game
ended up being more stereotypical players. Those who would only
allow certain races, classes, and alignments. Say, if you weren't
some pious Palor-ball-sucking Paladin who is Lawful Good, all the
other pious "Good" characters would ignore the actual game, just
to be dicks to the one character who wanted to be a Rogue, or a
Dark Elf, or a magic user (Sorcerer, Wizard, Warlock).
Whenever we did play, those games put me to sleep. No fun
narration, no flair of style... just monotonous narration,
dull rewards, players fighting over what little reward
there was, and any deviation from this poor excuse of
an adventure game was retaliated against with rule
nazism.
Rule nazi GMs/DMs are the WORST.
If you want to be uptight, arrogant, and care more about
number crunching and following guidelines more than hav-
ing fun and using your imagination - go fucking play
Warhammer. Where the only fun part is buying and
painting your figurines.
Or become an attorney or accountant.
Another example, one I'd see very often when women also played, is the GM/DM
would always let the female players do whatever they wanted, while rule-nazi-
ing the male players, or any outsider who happened to be male. The game, then,
became more about the GM/DM mentally masturbating with his knowledge of rules
to impress the ladies, while negging the male players because he saw them as
competition. Even when the women had boyfriends or husbands, or even when the
male GM/DM had a girlfriend or wife, it wouldn't stop the DM/GM's ulterior
shameful motives for attention and getting his ego stroked, while taking
his real life frustrations out on the poor sap who just wanted to tag
along and partake in a fun escape from reality together.
I remember one game in particular, when I painstakingly took the
time to collect the materials and level up to gain the ability
to craft a bone wand, with which I could, with increasing use,
pretty much animate any dead or anything with bones, really.
And all I wanted was a few minions, and eventually, a flying
ship made of bones, with a literal skeleton crew. What was
I planning to use it for? To help transport the group.
Every time I tried to do something I knew I couldn't fail
(even rolling a natural 20), the GM would always give me
some excuse why it didn't work. But the second a female
player liked my idea and wanted to do it, of course the
GM just happened to have a merchant who appeared in the
same area, with super low prices, and just happened to
have all the magic scrolls she needed, rather than
having to study, and of course every single cast
she attempted, even with a roll of 3, would work.
Every time I tried to do something for the group,
the GM would find a reason to deny it, steal the
idea, and give the group something he considered
to be better.
Sadly, this crossed over even into World of WarCraft.
The guys in a few guilds would fight among each other because
they were crushing on the same girl, or too busy trying to im-
press the few ladies to either enjoy the game, or focus on the
dungeon/raid. Even worse, they'd always give the best items to
either their guy friends, or, if they didn't need it, to the
ladies. When you're at level cap, the only thing you really
get is money, and maybe some faction rep. So why bother
grouping for anything at all?
What's worse than even that?
Honestly, I really didn't like how male characters
looked in WoW. So most of my characters were female.
Sometimes, I would never clarify what I really was,
just to see what would happen.
I can't even count how many times male players would
randomly chat me up, give me free stuff, say the most
lewd things in guild chat, literally follow me around
until I told them to fuck off, and when I did, they
would report me after calling me a bitch.
Honestly, some of the best adventures I had, apart from with Thom,
were with LGBTQ people. They actually focused on the fun of it, on
the imagination, on understanding that rules are more guidelines
than a constant reminder of what you're not allowed to do, or
something to use against someone you don't like or considered
a threat to your penisy competition. They allowed you to be
as creative as you wanted, so long as it didn't mess with
the game plot or other characters too much. They even made
us dinner, or had snacks, and often went all-out with
decorations and even props to include.
Sure, they'd even act out their characters, but it
wasn't in this uptight, pious, holier-than-thou way.
"Far too much seen and too many things done,
And too many hopes that have gone.
So it may be true what they're telling me now,
That the old times were simply the best.
But there is nothing I have to regret,
And I couldn't tell what I like more
When it comes to the test."
~Beborn Beton - Sleeping Beauty
What brought this up to make an entry about?
Yesterday, of course on FB, I was having a nice
conversation with two friends from my Gothy club-
bing days about D&D... and then the penis showed
up.
Sure, this was only one exchange, I don't know the
guy, and the ladies seemed to have a history with
him... but it followed the same competi-tarded
pattern as with most male D&D players.
He knocked down one thing I said to elevate himself,
dismissed everything else I said, and invited the
ladies to play with his group on Roll 20.
Yeah, that's the kind of guy I would never play
with again. The kind who would likely be dismi-
ssive of any outsider male, except when making
an example of him or flexing his ego and his
clearly "superior" knowledge, while pampering
the ladies.
There's just something about RPG's and the hetero
male ego that makes it less fun. Most get way too
competi-tarded, treating the game as a power trip.
About 2 years ago, I tried another campaign of my own.
It was probably my 10th or so time being a DM/GM.
I run my games for the adventure and fun. I only
check rules when it interferes with the plot or
other characters, and encourage their creativity.
And I treat everyone fairly. At the end of each
game, I ask for feedback from each player on
how they liked it, and if they felt their
character was getting enough development.
I also use the better examples from my experiences,
and enhance the setting with visuals, props, acting
out NPCs to enrich the experience, and have even
prepared foods which might be consumed in-game.
Sadly, the couple we played with have a lot of problems.
While the game itself had great moments, they would not
leave those problems out of the game. They began fighting
with each other in the game. At first, it was amusing, and
I tried to find ways to spin it into the story fabric.
It also didn't help that they have the pallet of
a 5-year-old, and were literally afraid of trying
a puff-pastry-dough snack with cheese inside,
just because they never had bleu cheese before,
even though it was mixed with cheddar.
Not only that, but they were never willing to come
up to our house in the forest, where I could provide
a far more enriching environment.
In the end, it just fell apart, and I pretended to forget
to bring the materials until we instead played Cards
Against Humanity and they forgot about the campaign.
Future of D&D
" For the tears in your eyes,
I will no longer try
To hold on to the past.
And there's nowhere to hide
From that smile on your face,
From the tears in your eyes."
~Beborn Beton - Sleeping Beauty
All in all, I still love the idea of D&D,
and I'd love to play, and give that magic
to those who would appreciate it again.
Sadly, I don't think that's going to happen with peers.
Even in my mid-30s, I'm still apprehensive that there
will be negative drama, ulterior motives, egotistical
players who care only about what they get, and of course
the rule nazis, or unimaginative types who like their
games as dull as their 1-dimensional personalities.
There is a silver-lining though;
our child(ren).
Might have to wait a few years, but that will
give me time to create a few adventures as I
get to know my daughter (and others if we
have more, or she brings friends over).
A few links for Kid-Friendly D&D:
DND Wizards
DND Adventures For Kids
Tribality Guide, with simplified char sheets.
If it's anyone who could actually appreciate D&D,
it's children. We tell them stories anyway, so why
not expand that into a story where they help write
it? After all, is it not one of the many roles of
a parent to nourish a child's imagination, and
pass on your own magic to them?
Magic which takes the form of using our surroundings,
which serves a double purpose or teaching them about
gardening, or the properties of minerals, even basic
scientific principles like acids and bases, cooking,
or geography. Learning opportunities aside, it's a
way to enhance birthdays, complete with "magic items"
which you can give as presents, like rings, or when
they're older, even swords or daggers... or their
own dice set.
Even better, is when they're old enough to understand
the game enough to DM their own adventures with their
friends. Often, using your ideas as a basis, and carr-
ying it forward, as a tradition.