True Love Never Dies Chapter 12/?
General information and disclaimer: Here
Summary: The story is about Camilla/Sofie. She has an opportunity to visit London after several years. She is there on an assignment and also to meet some new friends. However, destiny wants something more when she meets an old friend that causes her to have to confront the memory loss resulting from a surgery done a few years back. Not possessing any memory of the old friend or what sort of relationship they might have had, she only knows that she has seen him lately in films.
Previous Chapter; Intro-1, Chapter 2-3, Chapter 4-5, Chapter 6-7, Chapter 8-9, Chapter 10-11
*Chapter 12*
Authors note; This is from Orlando's point of view (pov) or more rather you have to follow him this Friday.
I guess I didn’t get too much sleep last night, and now it was early morning. The alarm clock was showing 5.53. It was so typical when this was a time I felt I could sleep in. The bedclothes were in a tangle, and it wasn’t comfortable to stay in bed.
At first when I woke up from a restless sleep, I had tried to fall asleep again, without success. I was tossing and turning, unable to find the best position to help me relax. I knew that if I continued I would be in constraint pain for the rest of the day. So I reluctantly got out of bed.
I was sure that my bad night came from whom I met during the day. It wasn’t a bad experience, I would call it more euphoric. After several years, I had finally met Camilla again. The feelings that the meeting brought out in me were distracted, happy, confused and in some ways a little scared. I wasn’t sure of my feelings for her now. It had been so many years since we were last together.
Hey, hadn’t I missed her terrible every waking moment of the last six years? Hadn’t I grown more and more frustrated and distressed when, despite all my efforts I couldn’t find her again? It hadn’t been until I had lost her that I realised just what my feelings for her really were.
As the years went by and my career took off, it had changed the whole situation. The hope of finding her again faded, and I tried to live with the reality. A reality where I may not be able to find her and be with her again. It didn’t look too bright a future. With that in mind, I decided to meet new girls, and for around two years I had been going steady with Kate.
I wasn’t sure how to approach the situation now. I had never told Kate about Camilla and how important she had been in my life. I think I had mentioned it to some of the guys, but never in depth conversation about my feelings. I had to come to a decision about how this would influence my future.
The best way was to go through all I had learnt yesterday, and see where this might be leading. I needed to be sure of my feelings, and how I could tell Kate what was happening. I needed to work out my feelings for Kate as well, to find out if there was a future for us.
I took a long warm shower and began to go through the course of events.
After so many months of intensive working, I was finally back home in London. I needed to get the feeling of the city back into my lungs, so I decided to take a walk through Soho, hoping to keep a low profile from any fans that may be around. Luckily it wasn’t widely known that I had finish filming, so I wouldn’t be expected there.
It was in Soho that I saw Camilla. I had nearly missed her. I think I spotted her from quite a distance before our paths crossed. I didn’t realise it was her at first, as she had changed a lot since I had last seen her. It was her colourful green/blue eyes and infectious smile that told me it really was her. They had been looked in my memory, and I would recognize them no matter how much she would try to change her outward appearance.
She looked good and healthy. For a split second I wondered why destiny couldn’t leave things the way they were, but then I hoped this was my opportunity to put things right and close a chapter in our lives. My heart was beating faster, and I felt the same emotions I felt before taking a bungeyjump, surfing or snowboarding.
I called out her name, but she continued to walk by. I was determined not to let her disappear from me again, so I went after her, reaching out for her arm to make her stop and look at me. I wanted to know that I wasn’t mistaking on it was her.
When she finally stopped and saw me, I watched her expression changed from one of surprise, to one devoid of any emotion. I began to believe I had been mistaken, and that this wasn’t Camilla after all. Then she uttered my name and my heart did a somersault. If she hadn’t been so distant and casual, I would have enveloped her in my arms right there in the middle of the street. It was her, and she had recognized me. Then she threw me a curve all by calling me ‘Mr. Bloom’.
Everything seemed so weird. She recognized the name I had called her, but denied knowing me personally. I couldn’t believe that she had totally forgotten me, not when I couldn’t forget her. You could never erase anyone completely from your memory. That only happened in films like Eternal Sunshine Of A Spotless Mind. I couldn’t bring myself to think that she only knew me from my films and the magazine articles about me.
She answered my first questions, then seemed to think deep into her own thoughts. First when I nudged her, she seemed to show some curiosity as to why I seemed to think I knew her, and challenged me. If I had the time, could I tell her what I knew about her? Out of old habit, I glanced at my watch, even though I knew I had a few hours free before meeting up with two of my ‘fellow’ friends.
I suggested that we go to a café just down the street, and I hoped it wouldn’t take too long to re-establish our previous relationship. To my relief, she agreed. So as not to loose her, I took hold of her hand and headed off down the road.
Everything seemed to be okay but then she suddenly pulled her hand from mine. I stopped as her actions scarred me into thinking that she had changed her mind and didn’t dare to come along with me. My heart thumped in my chest, but slowed down to normal when she said I had stirred her curiosity, and that she hadn’t changed her mind.
She looked so cute standing there, and I couldn’t resist pulling one of her strands of hair away from her face. I definitely liked her figure a lot more now, even if I had never complained or commented on how she looked in the past. I admitted to myself it would have been a lie not to admit I thought she would look much better if she dropped a few kilos. It had never occurred to me while we were together to bring the matter up, as it wasn’t that part of her that had attracted me in the first place. I had to say though, that she was much more pleasing to the eye the way she looked now.
Her clothing was easy to wear and casual, and if I wasn’t mistaken, she still wore her Doc Marten boots. The lilac shirt enhanced the blue in her eyes, and her hair was long. I didn’t remember having seen it that length before. I smiled to myself when I noticed the way she now wore it. She reminded me of a warrior elf. Was she a fan? Maybe I should watch out for her!
After a few minutes, I noticed that she wasn’t like the girl I had know years before. She no longer seemed to yearn for body contact. I had longed to hug her and keep her encases in my arm, but I felt the close contact would now scare her off. If she had shown more recognition I would have also kissed her, but the last thing I wanted was for her to scream and run from me.
At the café, we were lucky to find an empty table, which I hoped would give her time to become accustomed to my presence. I asked her if she was hungry. When she said yes, but didn’t specify what she would like, I hoped that her preferences hadn’t changed and ordered her a cheese sandwich. I hadn’t eaten so I ordered a salad for myself and a cup of tea.
While I was waiting for the order to arrive, I threw a few glimpses across to her and saw she was watching me. It was hard to tell what she was thinking. Her expression was almost vacant. I was happy to have met her. She had brightened up my day and nothing was going to spoil that. Maybe she really didn’t remember me or the time we had together.
It was hard not to feel sad over the fact that perhaps she wouldn’t be able to share the wonderful times we had spent together. I think I showed what I felt when she looked down at the table when I approached with the tray. I felt I needed to get hold of my feelings, so after I took back the empty tray. I returned to sit opposite her and study her face some more. I wanted to learn the differences. It was obvious even in her face that she had lost weight.
For every second I looked at her, I realized I liked her new look more and more. It was hurting me so much that I had lost contact with her, and I had really missed her. I had to know what had happened and tried to restrain myself from pushing too much to find out. I saw how fragile the petals of her being were. Camilla had always been my flower, and I wanted her to remind that.
She had a deep sadness inside her when she couldn’t return my compliment about her looks. When I asked her to tell me what had happened to her, she looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a car, and I thought she was going to bolt. How was I going to be able to get her trust me enough to tell me her story?
I let every statement she made sink into my brain. When she had a flashback, or a remembered memory she drew her eyes almost shut. I also noticed the tiny wrinkles formed around them. That at least hadn’t changed. She was always like that when she was concentrating on learning something new.
I was right, she agreed with the things I told her that I knew about her. She then surprised me when she came close to a memory of a connection between us. It was all I could do to stop myself leaping up from the chair and rushing round to hug her, but I was washed by a wave of disappointment when she seemed to remember a different guy.
In a whisper I said “Brad Pitt.”
I had her love of films in my mind, and it wasn’t difficult to see the connection between ‘Troy’ and ‘Interview With A Vampire’, which had been showing in the theatres soon after we had met. We had spent hours discussing Anne Rice’s books, and the film. Her copies would be pretty battered by now.
I tried to keep the conversation around that time, and I was rewarded with a new silence and the revelation wrinkles around her eyes. I thought that she had started to believe me when I said that we had met and known each other, even if I hadn’t yet won her trust.
I got that response from her when she still didn’t want to tell me what had happened to her. It didn’t come as I expected it would. I would never have thought she would try to solve a puzzle with her memories. She had always seemed so precise and found it easy to remember things. She had also loved writing, and I remembered her love of dairies.
So how could she loose all her memories of being with me? Surely I had to be there somewhere, and why hadn’t she re-read her dairies to help her reclaim her lost years? I was finding it hard to fit it all together. How would I have felt if I found myself in her situation?
It frightened me and made me feel a very small part of the universe. I had been terrified in the days I had been hospitalised, feeling I may have to learn to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair, but that fear would have been nothing compared to what she was going through. I have memories of every waking moment, so I found it much scarier to know that a veil had been drawn across your memories.
I still felt worried about her not remembering me the way I did her. It made me restless and needing to do something. My apartment suddenly felt very small. I found it was still early after I taken my shower and had a light breakfast.
As I hadn’t been ‘home’ so much, there weren’t many of my personal things there. My most precious possessions were still at my mothers. The majority of them were still in boxes or put in cabinets to keep them from getting dusty. I wasn’t sure if the things I’d been given by Camilla were here or in Canterbury, so I went through everything I could find. When I’d searched all the boxes, I remembered that I’d left it in my closet at mum’s house.
I reached for the phone to call Samantha, asking if I could go over and borrow her car again. I was luck to catch her just before she went out. She said there was no problem as she didn’t need the car during the day. She teased me asking why I had returned it the previous day knowing I wanted it again. I just grunted at her in reply. She told me she had to run and would leave the keys with her neighbour.
I quickly threw on some clothes and left the apartment. There was no problem about me getting down to Canterbury and back before Kate arrived. She wasn’t due until six this evening, which meant I had the entire day to myself.
I’d given her a key, so to be on the safe side, I left a note letting her know I’d gone to visit my mother - not exactly true - and if I wasn’t home when she got there I wouldn’t be back too late. I didn’t want her to arrive to find the place empty in case she worried, and the note was a safety net in case the traffic was bad. I knew from experience that there were always tailbacks, and I didn’t think it would have gotten any better while I’d been away working.
It didn’t take too long to get to my sister’s place, and her neighbour was a nice little old lady who made me stay for a cup of tea. When I finally made it back to the car I put on the radio. Even though I wasn’t really listening to it, I felt I needed the background noise. I went through the meeting with Camilla in my mind.
The first thing I had to do was keep reminding myself that she no longer called herself Camilla. She had told me she was now known as Sophie. How the hell was I going to remember that? She was Camilla to me, and it wasn’t as if she was a character in a film with a name she could jump back to afterwards. I knew I had to stop thinking of her as Camilla. She was now Sophie. Sophie, Sophie, Sophie….
When she told me, my first reaction was to ask her why, and when she said that she connected her former name with dark things, I began to wonder just what those could be. The time we had spent together had never been that bad. Just a few things, but who hadn’t been teased or bullied by school friends. Kids could be cruel by not thinking before they spoke, often hurting people in the process. Unfortunately, those moments often stayed deep inside you, never to fade completely away.
The name she had chosen was good, and suited her new look. For my flower it was definitely a ladies name. Fit for a princess...
When she told me she recognized me from my parts in Pirates of the Caribbean and Lord of the Rings, I wasn’t really surprised. She didn’t seem to have lost her love for films. She used to get totally lost in the stories. There wouldn’t be any problem to ‘feed’ her with mine.
I was glad she felt she could ask me to tell her what we’d had together, and how our relationship had started. She wanted me to fill in the missing pieces of her puzzle, and I would love to do it for her.
I remembered our first meeting as if it was yesterday. I’d been down the pub with some mates. As I was sitting there, I watched her come in with a girl, walking around as if they were looking for someone. She was wearing a dark blouse and red pants. Her hair was cut short and the colour changed in the light. I wondered who she was, and found myself following her. I realized I wanted to get to know her.
She was open and friendly, and her smile never seemed to leave her face. I fell deep into her sparkling green/blue eyes, and she didn’t seem aversed to getting to know me either. We found each other that night, and not wanting to loose any time, I took every opportunity to be with her. It meant bunking off school for most of that week, but I didn’t care.
I almost forgot to ask her about the tattoo Sophie had done after seeing mine. When she wore a long sleeved lilac shirt it wasn’t visible. I knew that she had to remember getting it done, it wasn’t actually anything you could erase. She had done a drawing that she needed to have scaled down. It was a heart for love, a cross for her believes, and flames to show her burning passion of things she cared about. She had combined them so that the cross pierced the heart and both were encircled by the flames.
I hit a good button with that when she first thanked me for not bailing out, and she said she was planning on more. I knew it was easy to want more once you had the first done. I knew I would have had more done if it wasn’t for the hastle of having to get them covered up if I had to film and naked scenes in future films.
That was probably what helped me to earn her trust. Who else but a friend would know about her tattoo. It seemed to help her ask more questions. I tried to answer them all as well as I could. I didn’t stop to think how she would be feeling as she tried to absorb so much information all in one go. As I sat there in the car, it came to me how she must have felt for her last night. She had the chance to tell me stop though.
As I was telling her things that must have seemed familiar to her, I noted that she unconsciously fiddled with the bracelet she wore on her left wrist. I was hoping she would find a few things I told her could only be known by a close friend. I didn’t care if it sounded like a fairytale. Looking more closely at it, maybe it was, especially the way my life had changed.
I don’t know if it was from my film image, or if she really felt some affection for me. Her stroking over my knuckles was sending good vibrations through me. Just thinking of her touch brought the sensation back into my mind.
My thoughts wandered. What if I hadn’t let my calls and letter slide back in 1998? Where would we be now? If we had been together, would I have been able to keep the dark demons away from her? Would she have come with me to New Zealand? However much I wanted to know the answers, there was nothing I could change now. The past was the past, but maybe I could poke a finger into the future. If I could, I would make sure she never escaped from my web again.
‘Tuut’ ‘Tuuut’
Someone was leaning on his horn. I was about to shout at him when I looked around and saw I was the cause of all the noise. I was about to cause a minor traffic accident. I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t taken noticed of the traffic around me. I so let the next minutes really concentrating on my driving.
When the traffic was flowing again, my thoughts returned to yesterday. I knew I wasn’t the good actor when I told her about how much I missed her, how I fruitlessly searched for her, about my accident. My friend have told me that my eyes change colour with my moods, going so dark they seem almost black when I get angry, agitated or really sad. I had a feeling they change when I spoke of my feelings to Sophie.
I never thought to try and hide my feelings towards her, and my reward was seeing her reach out to stroke my cheek. I had to tell her how relived I was to have met her again, and that I didn’t plan to loose her this time. I appreciated the fact that she tried to be the rational, telling me we couldn’t just take up where we left off those years ago. She was right of course. I didn’t look the same on the outside. Of course, I was carrying six years of new experience inside me, but I found it hard to believe that I had changed all that much on the outside. Although I knew I was more matured now.
I told Sophie I would try not to let my celebrity state invade our friendship, and I hoped I could keep her out of the limelight for as long as possibly. I didn’t want to give her anything to worry about. She must have been feeling overwhelmed already without that to cope with. I didn’t think it would do her memory any good to be hounded by the ‘piranhas’.
She asked me to give her time, and I agreed to try. In honestly, it probably wouldn’t be all that hard as I was due to start on another film soon, and had to leave for the USA. Once I began filming, I probably wouldn’t have enough spare time to fly across to see her. Maybe I could convince her to take a vacation with me some time after October.
The one thing that calmed me down was her agreement to see me again. It was so cute seeing the way she couldn’t believe that I would want to stay in contact with her. Maybe she just felt flattered because I was now a ‘star’.
When Sophie broke eye contact with me and began to say goodbye, I began to get nervous. I didn’t want our meeting to come to an end, so I tried to keep her with me for a little longer. I was even willing to cancel my meeting with Dominic and Billy later in the evening if it meant I could spend more time with her. Sadly she seemed to have planned her trip very carefully and decided things to do everyday of it. Then I had to think of that Kate would be here and I’d promised to go and listen to Billy playing. First day we would be able to see each other were on Sunday.
My brain cells were on overload, and I quickly calculated that I could meet up with her again on Sunday 1.00. She told me she was staying at the London Embassy Hotel on the Bayswater Road, which was close to my apartment. I was wishing the time away until Sunday. I couldn’t wait to see her again, but it felt a lifetime away.
I took every chance I could to stay with her for a bit longer, even offering to take her to where she was due to meet her friend. She tried to put me off, probably not wanting to be a burden. She even tried to give me the slip by telling me she had some errands to run. I told her she wasn’t a burden in any way, and I insisted she let me go with her on her errand, and take her to meet her friend afterwards.
Sophie made me smile when she joked about my difficulty in letting her go. She teased me by asking if I thought she would stand me up or vanish if I let her out of my sight. She was right in part, I was scared that she would vanish again, and I still wasn’t sure she would be there on Sunday. I’d had a really nice time being with her, I’d always enjoyed her company. I felt I could be myself when I was with her.
Her errand turned out to be a trip to H. Samuels. She wanted to buy a few new dragons for her collection. I had remembered she had bought a few every time she made a trip to England. I wasn’t too sure where all branches were, so I said I would take her to the one I knew was in Oxford Street. As it was afternoon by then, I was a bit worried about finding a parking spot, but luck was with me, and I found one not too far from the store.
It was much more crowded there, and I noticed several people were looking my way, and had recognize me. I was pleased to see they were content in looking and didn’t come over to bother us, and there was no sign of paparazzi. Sophie seemed to want to take her time, and just stood looking through the window at the displays for a while. The shop displayed the pocket dragons that she loved, but that wasn’t really what caught my attention. It was the jewellery from Lord of the Rings. I was tired of seeing it everywhere. It had been fun in the beginning, but not anymore. I thought the ‘hysteria’ around it was too much. I would never have guessed it would reach those proportions when I signed on to play Legolas. I knew it wasn’t over either, there would be more to come. I kept my true thoughts on the matter to myself.
It was kind of fun to see what they had on offer, so I didn’t get bored waiting for Sophie to decide what she wanted to buy. A young assistant came over and was overwhelmingly nice, showing everything on offer for us. I suspected she wouldn’t have been so obliging if Sophie had been alone. Her eyes constantly wandered in my direction. I just smiled at her.
Sophie stayed at the Myth and Magic display for a long time, making it easy for me to see what they had next to it. There were some pendants and charms in silver. One especially caught my eye, it was a dragon. Knowing Sophie’s love for them, I decided to buy it for her. I got the opportunity to do so when she went with the assistant to buy the items of her choice. I was quick to hand over my credit card to pay for it.
While the ornaments were being wrapped, Sophie walked off, giving me the opportunity to add the necklace to the purchase. The only thing the assistant had to do was slip it into its box, and then I would have to wait to see Sophie’s reaction when she found it in the bag. I noticed the assistant blushing when I spoke to her, and she was having trouble to wrapping the items. I did play with her little, seeing how nervous I could make her. She passed with flying colours, not making any huge mistakes.
Just as I was handed the bag, Sophie came back. I asked her where she had been and she said she had just been looking at some of the other displays. I really wondered what it was. Maybe she had been looking at the ‘Lord of the Rings’ merchandise. I wondered which pieces she liked most. What would she like to buy? I decided to ask her on Sunday what she thought of the films I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable by asking her just yet.
I put my arm around her shoulders when we left the store. I did it out of habit. We had so often walked together that way. Somehow it felt like old times, but when she quickened her steps to break free, I felt saddened. She still felt cold towards me. I didn’t quicken my pace to catch up with her, but she suddenly slowed hers to allow me to walk beside her once again. After everything I had told her, and what she had let me know, I decided that the ball was in her corner, and it was up to her to tell me why she was acting the way she did. We walked the rest of the way to the car in silence.
I was thinking of ways I could be of help to her in starting to remember our time together. I had kept all the letters she had written to me, and all the things she had given to me while we were together. Could that help her to remember? I knew I had to try. I wanted her back to her old self as soon as possible. I missed that in her. I really wanted to continue to try, but at the same time I would hate myself for not listening to her. No matter how hard it might be to bear, I would let her decide how we were going to work this out between us.
My heart was in my mouth as I stopped the car outside The Black Friar and Sophie plucked up enough courage to tell me why she acted as she had outside the store. At the very worst, I thought she would tell me she was married, or was in a committed relationship. She was of an age where she could have a family. If she had a child, it would be okay, but another man? I didn’t want to go down that road, I wouldn’t be able to bear it. I conveniently forgot about thinking the relationship I was in, I could always break it if needed. Luckily that wasn’t the cause of her actions. When I heard, I let out the breath I’d been holding.
I couldn’t speak. I felt the anger rising within me what had been done to her. What had made her so terrified of people’s expectations of her that it led to her hating to be touched? If it was a person, I wanted to put him up against the wall! Then relief hit me as I realised that I may have an opening back into her life. I wanted to show her there was nothing wrong in accepting the close body contact of a friend, if only to hold hands. I also needed to let her know that it was safe to trust people, if only a little bit.
I realised I was silent for too long and she was on her way out of the car, so I stopped her. She was scared that I would take it the wrong way and I saw fear in her eyes as a lone tear rolled slowly down her cheek. I stroked it gently away with the back of my fingers. I didn’t want her to be sad. I felt her muscles twitch at my touch and realised she must have a will of iron to stay so calm at that moment. I told her I needed to know if she ever felt uneasy, as unless she told me, I may be liable to make her feel uncomfortable. I didn’t want to put a foot wrong with her.
When I told her she needed to talk to me about how she was feeling, I lifted her face up so that she was looking at me and tell I wasn’t lying, and I was sincere in what I was telling her. If things had been normal, I would have enveloped her into the safety of my embrace, and held her until she stopped shivering. I wanted to kiss her so much, to give her my affection and warmth. In my mind I kissed her, in reality I gently caressed her lips with my fingertips.
Sophie closed her eyes and stayed turned against me. Once again I had to stop myself from leaning in and kissing her. I would let her be the one to take that step. The moment passed too quickly and she almost managed to shut the door and make her escape when I realised I hadn’t given her my address or phone numbers.
She waited while I tried in vain to find anything to write on and with. Why didn’t my sister keep any useful paper in the car? I managed to find a pen in the glove box, and when I looked up at Sophie, she was reaching into her backpack to retrieve a notebook for me to use. I took it, smiling to her she had some of her habits left. I definitely liked them. Never left home without a notebook! I scribbled down the information and ended it with x and hearts. I so hoped she wanted to use the information a lot.
She seemed so eager to get away that I just said goodbye, and reminded her that we would see each other again on Sunday. I watched her in the rear-view mirror for as long as I could.
I found myself looking in the rear-view mirror as if to see her there, but all I saw were a few cars and a lot of fields. I was actually almost in Canterbury!
Chapter 13