Mending The Tear In His Heart 1/1
Storybanner made by galadriel34, text myself
Title; Mending The Tear In His Heart
Author: sagaluthien
Fandom: Hobbit, Lord of the Rings
Characters: Legolas, Haldir, Galadriel and mention of a few other characters
Rating: Almost NC-17
Warning: AU, heartache
Word Count: 2844
Beta: A friend
Author's note: This is for galadriel34. The story takes place between The Hobbit - Desolation of Smaug and Lord Of the Rings. It will probably go AU. I did ask her for some prompts and there are a few I managed to use in the story.
Maybe there wasn't a Taruiel…
And it also would fit the rare paring challenge at 1_million_words
Elvish translation see the end of the story
Summary: Legolas was badly hurt so Thranduil send his son to Lothlorien for healing.
Haldir was back from his patrol and had a day off. So far he hadn’t planned anything special to do, except relax in some way. Hopefully, he would find something to take his mind away from being on guard. He couldn't decide if he first would go to his talon for some sleep, go freshen himself up or just find a secluded place to renew his energy. He decided on a mix of the two later.
When he arrived at the place he wanted to take a bath, he saw it was already occupied. He stopped and watched the elf there. The blond woodland elf had found a good branch of a tree to sit. From this distance, Haldir could not tell if the elf was reading or writing, all he saw was that the elf had a book and was concentrating on it.
It wasn't the first time Haldir had observed the elf from a distance. During the last months he done it quite often and every time fallen more for him. When the elf had first arrived there Haldir hadn't known who he was, and the elf had been in a bad condition. Soon he'd learned it was the Mirkwood prince and Thranduil had sent his son there to be taken care of by Galadriel.
During the first days, only a few elves were allowed to take care of the Prince. When some of his strength returned, they let the Prince wander around, but everyone else was ordered to not talk or bother him unless necessary.
Looking at Legolas, in the clearing, with the river running just a pair of feet away from the place he had chosen, was like a picture. The sunshine made his hair glow and gave his whole appearance an ethereal feeling. Who would not love him?
"Haldir, you should not disturb Legolas." Galadriel's voice made him turn around. She'd come up behind him, soundless.
"I… was… not… on my way to take a swim." Haldir's words faltered out. He had considered making himself known to the Mirkwood Prince.
"I know that, but you also were thinking off approaching the prince. He isn't ready." Galadriel put a hand on his arm.
"But why not? It's looks like he is healed and he sure could use some friendly company."
"Haldir, not everything can be seen on the outside. He still has to come over things in his heart, and those things take a lot longer time to mend."
"I still do not understand why he cannot socialize with others. If it had been me I would hate to not have friends around me. I don't think I would be able to mend without anyone."
"Everyone is different. I'm sure when he is ready, he will come to us. Please, leave him for now."
Haldir watched the Prince, feeling like he didn't want to listen to Galadriel, but he nodded as he didn't want to anger her. He lingered there for only a moment longer before he went to another clearing to take his bath.
*~*~*
Galadriel gracefully walked over the branches and the suspension bridges. She knocked on the door to the talon Legolas had been living in for the last months. She was not pleased to still have him on supervision. Haldir had been right that Legolas should socialize with others. Nothing actually spoke against it, but she also didn't want to go against King Thranduil's orders. She just saw them as wrong. She had gone to the Prince to speak to him, and as long he wanted to stay, she would lift any restriction he would have when he was in Lothlorien.
"Aá'Ile minna." Legolas voice was heard from inside.
Galadriel entered and looked around. He kept the talon clean and neat. On the table she saw his bow and twin knives, together with the chamois.
"Amin merna quen, Legolas." Galadriel began.
"Ile'ae ped'thein, Lady Galadriel."
Legolas gestured for her to sit down if she wished, and he occupied himself for a little while with putting away what he had on the table.
"Please sit down." Before he could continue, she added, "I do not need anything to drink either."
He did as she wished. He was nervous though, knowing that there was nothing that could pass her.
"There is no need to be anxious, tithen ernil. What I have to say will not harm you in any possible way.
Legolas did not show any change. He was quite good at hiding his feelings, but that was also his father. Galadriel was happy she was able to see beyond such things. The elfling was hurting emotionally and he was struggling to do what his father wanted.
He was silent and Galadriel understood that he would not say anything if she didn't ask or whished for, so she continued. "Your physical wounds have healed well, and I assume you have no trouble from your injuries. Or is there something that bothers you?"
"No, my lady. Thanks to you there is no hindrance when I move, and I'm almost back to the same agility I had before that Orc tried to kill me." Legolas stopped, and it seemed like he would continue to say something, but he changed his mind and fell silent again.
"You probably can guess what I wanted to talk about. It is the other matter your father sent you here for. That I still feel is a long way from being healed."
Legolas only nodded.
Galadriel knew it was a very sensitive matter, especially as Thranduil was small-minded on how he wanted his son to be. If the Mirkwood King would have his wish, Legolas would have been married to a queen or princesses of the elven race. There weren't many of those. There was also his loathing towards other races. The Mirkwood King was a cold hearted elf, who had little love for anything else than himself. Galadriel considered he could not understand what love would do for anyone, especially a delicate soul like Legolas.
"I did say when you arrived that I did not agree with your father, and I have not changed my mind in that anyone can fall in love with anyone. I am sad that your father has a very limited way of seeing of who you can love or not. I know that feeling attraction to any in the same gender is rare, and that one being of a different race does not make it easier, so I understand your heartache. If I could, I would never forbid a liaison between two souls. But you know as well as me how things can been seen of others, and then there is the alliance between our realms that has to be taken in consideration. Your father has always been…" Galadriel stopped to find the most appropriate word.
"Tarlanc limlug." Legolas filled in with venom.
"Yes, you know." She paused before she continued, "and so as not to offend him I agreed to see what I could do. You knew by now that I haven't tried to change your heart, and I have felt that you know very well what your father consider being the right thing and that isn't what you actually want. What I want to talk about is the way we need to solve it for the best of all of us."
Galadriel could perceive the tears in Legolas' eyes when he thought about what he really had been denied and what had been seen as a sickness from his father. She knew how it ripped at his heart.
"You shall know this is not what I want to do, but at the time, I can't see any other solution. You have to try to come over your love of Kili. I know it is not easy and being with others feels hard for you. I think that it is about time that you start trying to socialize with others. It will not mend your heart fully, but it will make it easier for you to get back to Mirkwood and your father."
"I am not ready. I do not want to let it go. Please let me stay here…"
It hurt Galadriel to see the elven prince so devastated. When he had finally found one to love, he was denied it totally because of his father, and she couldn't make it better.
"I do not wish to drive you away from here and you can stay as long as you want, but your father does want you to come home and that as soon as it is possible. For your sake, I will send a messenger that you still need a few more months here. Does that sound all right to you?"
"If that what you can offer I would gladly take that."
"That is settled then, though for your own good I would suggest that you try to be with some others. Especially if it should happen that your father want to hear from others how you have mended. He probably wants to know if I cured you."
"I don't know…"
"It does not necessary have be with elleth's. Maybe try to find a mellon."
Legolas seemed to consider what she said before agreeing to think about it. Shortly there after Galadriel left him. She knew she might need to have another talk with him, but how necessary that would be depended on what Legolas would do. There were things that could change in her visions reliant on what parts would weave together.
*~*~*
Legolas had not been total unaware of the elves in Lothlorien during his stay so far. In the beginning probably, and he knew Galadriel had asked of them to let him be. First he had been hurt too much both bodily and in physic. His wounds were now healed, but he still felt his heart bleed for not being able to show his love, or in any way to be with the one he wished to live with.
All his life he had tried to be a good son and reach up to his father's expectations. He had been able to hide for quite long that he preferred males and a few times he'd had short relationships. None too deep. But when those Dwarves had entered into the forest and he had laid eyes on that tall dark dwarf, he had to reconsider his thoughts and priorities.
He hadn't believed that he would fall in love so fast, in such short time and definitely not with a dwarf. It just was something he could not restrain when he seen Kili. Of course his father had not been happy when he understood what Legolas was feeling. Even though Legolas had been hurt, Thranduil had fought with him, and then sent him to Galadriel.
If he had dared, he would have left Lothlorien as soon as he was well enough, but he knew that he could not if he was to have any chance at coming to a truce with his father. Galadriel was right that a lot lay in things between the realms and him being a prince. Now as ever he didn't feel like one, and he wished he never been born as one. If he'd been a common elf he could've followed his heart. At the present he had to suppress his love and hopefully just let it be a tear in his heart, while wishing there might come a day he could follow is inner desires.
It was a few days since Galadriel had been and talked with him, and even if she had probably told the elves there that not to hesitate to talk to him, most seemed content to continue to leave him alone. They did greet him and talked with him if they crossed path, but they did not invite him to further conversation. He felt fine with it and liked that they were waiting for him to take the step. He was considering maybe doing it.
Legolas had taken his book and pen and gone to what had become his favourite place. It was secluded, and gave him solitude to sit there with his memories. The river soothed and he felt at his best there. Today, he stopped before he even got close, as he both saw and heard that the spot wasn't empty. There were three elves bathing and playing around. Legolas hesitated, thinking he might go there anyway, but he didn't want to dampen their mood so he started to turn around.
"Please, Legolas don't go. Come here." One of the elves called after him.
He went, a little curious as to why they wanted to include him. As he got closer, he recognized the elves. Two he knew were guards, and the third he'd seen in the stable and also at the training ground.
"Mae Govannen." Legolas gave a greeting, as he walked up to them.
"You are welcome to join us, we won't bite." One of the guards said.
He got an elbow in his side from the one who looked similar to him.
"We were about to take a bath, do you want too?" The one Legolas had seen in the stable asked.
"I don't know," he drew out his answer. "I did not bring any clothes or towel."
"You don't need to be shy, we are all male."
Legolas blushed, and knew he could not hide it. They just should know about him. He started to shake his head because it was tempting, but he felt it was still too soon.
"We will not force you, but it would be nice to learn to know you a little more and I think my brother and friend would very much want to hear about Mirkwood. If you decide to stay." The one that had welcomed him there said.
Legolas had sort of promised Galadriel that he would try to socialize some, and they seemed kind enough, so he told them he stay. He wasn't sure about the bathing thing though. He sat down at a safe distance from the shore and water, to if they were of the mind to start splashing water. From what he'd seen and heard, that could very well happen, and he didn't want his book wet.
Finally the elves presented themselves, as Haldir, his brother Orphin and Arthion. Legolas looked a little closer at the dark haired elf to if there was anything to him that could reveal he was what his name said - royal. He didn't think he could see anything special and what he'd seen of the elf convinced him he was more a common elf. He had seen him clean the stable a few times.
"It's really nice in the water. You sure you don't want to get in?" the one named Haldir asked.
"No, I'm fine." Legolas moved slightly, to find a better position. He was at least happy he'd chosen one of his longer tunics, as that did hide that he wasn't untouched by the other elf's nakedness.
For a moment he watched them, but as they didn't seem to get up from the water he opened his book. Legolas turned the pages to a blank one, and then took his pencil and starting a new drawing. He had quite good models to draw, and for once he had them in front of him instead of drawing the subject from his memory.
First he sketched the outlines, and then he started to fill in the details.
Legolas was drawn from his concentration by one of the elves talking to him. "You're not that social. What are you doing?"
He looked up and met the blue eyes of Haldir, closer but still at a distance.
"I do prefer when there are not as many demands to…" Legolas stopped, he wasn't sure at all what to say when he had mixed feelings. "To answer your question though, I'm drawing."
"So that is what the book is for. Do you think you can show us?"
Legolas closed the book. Haldir's comment confirmed that it was he that Legolas noticed watching him several times. "It is private, so no, I will not let you see them. I'm not that good, either."
"Pity, it would have been great to see them, but I won't push you. We have brought some lunch and I do hope that you want to share it with us."
When he had forgot to bring anything to eat, and he actually for once felt a little hungry so he did join them. He also fulfilled their wish to tell them some stories about Mirkwood.
It wasn't that bad to try to get to know some of the elves, as Galadriel had said. The afternoon had been nice, and he'd had a good time with the elves. Legolas had even said yes to meeting the elves again. He did wish though, that one day things could change and who knew if he would ever meet the one that really made his heart sing.
*~* The End *~*
Elvish translation; (I've used Le Dragon de brume's Sidarin dictionary and Elven-phrases of the grey-company. Some I put together self)
Aá'lie minna - You may enter
Amin merna quen - I wish to speak
Ile'ae ped'thein, Lady Galadriel - You may speak freely, lady Galadriel
tithen ernil - Little Prince
Tarlanc limlug - obstinate serpent (fish-dragon)
Elleth - female elf
Mellon - friend
Mae Govannen - Well met
P.s. Maybe I can challenge you to make some of those drawings that could be found in Legolas sketch book.
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