Blur Of Consciouness 1/1
Blur Of Consciousness
Title: Blur Of Consciousness
Fandom/Characters: Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles,
Rating/Warning: NC-17, dark!fic, mental illness, sickness!Bipolar disorder, suicidal tendency
Disclaimer: Everything is totally invented and I do not know or own any of the characters from Supernatural or the actors. I have not written it for earn any money.
Challenge: written first for chubwinchesters Summer bingo 2012, Table post
Prompt: Can't breath
Word Count: 3076
Beta: blandbetty2012
Author's Notes: This is a sequel to the previous stories I written with Jared having bipolar disorder. It's kind of dark. The story takes place after them. I'm not an expert on bipolar disorder and I can't guarantee what I written is accurate. I do have relatives that is diagnosed and medicated with the disability.
Also used for 100_situations challenge: 062 Blur
Summary: Jensen got a desperate call from Jared, and he went home to his friend. He is met by a messy house and a distraught friend.
Jensen turned and stood still. He hadn't been ready for the shrill signal to start. He was focused and thinking about what he was about to do. For a moment he hoped it was just that he imagined the signal, but then a new one came. He shook his head, hoping to make himself feel more clear. The shrill signal could only mean one thing. Maybe if he ignored it, it wouldn't be anything. At the same time he feared that it would be something very, very important.
The signal continued every other second. His body came out from his paralysis and he started to walk back into the hall where his phone was located.
It wasn't often anyone called on that number, and he didn't know why he kept the land line, when most calls were done on the cell phone these days. In the last few years he had never even bothered giving his land line out. All his family and friends knew it was the cell phone they had to call on to get hold of him. Thinking about it, he felt for his cell and didn't find it in any of his pockets. He must have left it, somewhere. That was likley why the 'house' phone was ringing.
He lifted the handset.
"Jensen? Is that you?"
He recognized the voice, but it wasn't the cheerful one that he was used to hearing from his friend. Sure the last times they had met, Jared had changed; not only because of the years that had passed. Now Jensen could not decide what was off, or why Jared would call.
"Hello, are you there?"
"I'm here." was all Jensen could say. His thoughts were all over the place. He looked around in the hall like it was the first time he was there, noticing the lack of a chair, so he leant against the closest wall and sunk down. He squeezed the handset.
"Finally. I've called and called. Why don't you answer?"
Jensen wondered if it was relief he could hear in Jared's voice, or whether he was simply feeling his own. It was difficult to tell.
All that is heard is a clicking somewhere over the line, and maybe there is a breathing. He doesn't know.
"Please, Jensen. Say something." Jared pleaded.
"Hi Jared. It's great to hear from you. How are you?" Jensen finally seemed to find his voice.
From the other end it became silent, and he could hear how Jared breathed. Quite heavy, and it was his turn to became quiet.
Jensen waited, but when Jared seem to not get it together Jensen talked again, "Jared, what is it? You start to make me worried. Please, are you alright?"
A very weak no came from his friend. Jensen closed his eyes. He tried to guess what was wrong, but he could not think of anything. He didn't want to go towards anything terrible. To suspect that something horrible was the reason for the call made a lump start building in Jensen stomach
"What's wrong?"
Probably five more minutes went before Jared said anything again. "Help!" It was a long pause, and then another plead, "Can you come to me?"
Jensen had to take a new hold on the handset. His heart twanged. He wasn't good with things like this, but Jared was still a very close friend and he knew he would try to do the best he could for him. Jared was more important than Jensen's daily chores, so the decision was easy. Jensen looked at his watch, calculating the time he would need to get to Jared.
"Can you manage an hour?"
"I don't know." Jared hiccupped.
"I'll do my best to get to you the fastest I can, and when I'm in the car I'll call you. Does that sounds good?"
"Yeah. Please hurry, though."
"I'll do my best."
Jensen hung up. He sat still for a minute, then walked to his study, which he had been on the way to, when the phone had started ringing. As he entered, he came to ask himself what was it was he wanted there in the first place. He looked at his desk, and nothing gave him any clues. He knew that he had been out of funk for a few days, but that would not be anything special. Day's like that would come after he closed a project, it was like energy become so low that he'd needed those days to recharge.
He left it as it was, thinking it probably hadn't been that important. Jared's concerns were. Jensen hadn't been there last time, so this time he would not fail. He didn't want to. He was a friend and he would show that he was a good one.
Before he got into his car Jensen had collected his cell phone and his jacket. He backed out from his garage, pushed the button which closed and locked the door. Out on the road he called Jared.
~*~*~
Jensen parked in front of Jared's house and he looked at the watch, seeing that he made it in 45 minutes. He took a deep breath, hoping he wasn't too late to what ever it was Jared was going through.
He had tried to talk with Jared when he was driving, but he had to concentrate on the road and Jared had been confusing. It worried him, especially as during long moments Jared had been silent. It wasn't better that their connection had broken, and when Jensen called again he just got a busy signal.
Walking to the door, Jensen waited a minute to hear what might going on inside. All he could hear was the sounds of a few birds and the cars driving on the street. Far away he also heard a jet motor.
Jensen put his finger on the door bell. He could hear how that sound went into the house. He moved his finger away, and it became silent. He waited a moment before he pressed again. After five minutes Jared should have opened, but the door was still closed. Jensen tested the door handle, as Jared had called him to come. When he turned the handle it opened the door and he could enter the house.
"Hello!" He let the echo fade out. "Jared, I'm here now." Jensen started walking, hoping his friend would reply so he would know were he was.
His shoes seemed to make the loudest sound ever for every step he took. With no answer the clump he had felt before seemed to grow.
"Please, Jared, answer me."
On his way into Jared's house he noticed how the rooms looked. There where shoes and clothes lying as they where dropped or thrown. A few of the furnishings were pushed to an undefined order and there were paper and wrappings all over the place. Jensen guessed it hadn't been cleaned for days. Jensen continued to call out for his friend.
After he had checked all room on the first floor Jensen went to the second. He started to run out of places he would be able to find Jared in. He checked the bathrooms, but had been certain that he wouldn't find him there as it hadn't that special sound it usually came with those rooms when they had talked. Finally when he reached the last room he found his friend. It had been close - Jensen had almost missed Jared.
Jared sat in the furthest in the corner. Looking like he had tried to be as small as possible, with little good success. As soon as Jensen saw him he had wanted to rush forward but there were something holding him back.
The room wasn't as silent as it seemed to be. Jensen could hear the heavy breathing from Jared, and also saw that he didn't sit totally still. He moved so he thumped his back at the wall. From the distance Jensen saw how wide-eyed his friend was. Jensen started to talk nonsense in a low voice, at the same time he walked closer to Jared.
He had no idea if it would help, or if it was the right thing to do. It was obvious things weren't good. He'd never seen his friend like this.
"Jared, you have to tell me what's wrong. Please help me here," Jensen said when he squatted down.
When no reaction came, Jensen put carefully placed one hand on Jared's knee. After a moment the wide-eyes seemed to change and Jared looked at him.
"What's the matter?"
"Can't breathe," Jared pressed out.
"I think you are doing a good work. Take a deep breath, and let it out…"
Jensen tried to get Jared breathing with him, and it paid out. Soon Jared seemed to relax, and stop his thumping. With Jared seemingly so distraught, Jensen settled in, determined to just be there and keep a physical contact. He wanted to believe that Jared would start to talk when he was ready.
When nothing had happened in half an hour, Jensen felt that his knees protesting at their position.
"Jared, could you think to at least move to your bed? And I would be happy if you could tell me what is wrong with you."
Jared didn't answer but he stretched his long legs and slowly moved his arms and legs. After a few minutes he made effort to try to get up. It didn't go so well as Jensen was in the way. When he moved and helped Jared, they were sitting on the bed instead. Much better.
The no talking started to get on Jensen's nerves. He was no doctor or psychologist, but he thought it was important to get Jared to talk and also that he would need to get to his doctor. Jensen really tried to stay calm. As long as Jared was silent he could study his friend.
It was a long time since they meet and Jared had changed since they filmed Supernatural. He had learned what Jared had gone through and part of it had made his friend gain weight. Now Jensen thought it looked like Jared had added more pounds. He was in need of a shave and also a hair cut. All of him showed that he had not taken care of himself very well.
Jensen took his cell phone, wrote a text message and sent it to the person he would have meet later that day. Also he did a shorter one to his wife. He guessed this would probably take all day and maybe well into the night, if not the next day.
"Are you hungry? When did you eat?" Jensen asked when there had went another half hour or so.
Jared shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.
"I'm feeing peckish, so I want something. Is it okay if I go down to the kitchen? Are you sure you don't want anything?"
Jared nodded and then whispered, "please hurry."
"I won't go anywhere, yet. I do hope you want to tell me what's wrong."
His friend nodded more. When Jensen was about to leave the room he heard, "Some soda would be nice."
Down in the kitchen, he saw really how messy it was in the house. There were dirty dishes filling the sink and bench around, and there looked to be leftovers among the plates. Jared must have been feeling bad for sometime. Jensen suspected that the refrigerator would be empty. If it would have been him that should have been how he coped in a situation like this. Opening it told him not everything was as he thought. There where quite a lot in it. He had no problems finding something to sate his hunger or get the soda Jared wanted.
Back up in the bedroom Jared hadn't moved much over to curl up on it. His breathing was little quicker, but not as bad as it been when Jensen first found him.
"I'm back and here is your soda." Jensen said as he went to the side Jared lay on.
Jared responded faster than he did since Jensen arrived. He gulped down a quarter of the drink. He stroked with the back of his hand to get rid of the few drops that had not found their way into his mouth.
Jensen sat down on the end of the bed, eating and waiting for Jared to confess his problems.
With a lot of pausing and hesitations, Jared finally started to talk.
"I'm sorry if I scared you. Sorry if I keep you from doing something."
"Jared, you should not feel bad. You are my friend and the least I can do is to come to you." Jensen paused, hoping he wasn't disturbed by his input. Jared seemed to wait for him to say something more so he continued, "What would I be for friend if I didn't come when you clearly aren't feeling well? Though I probably can't help you if you not tell me what happened or what's wrong."
Jared drank little more.
"I don't really know where to start… things are just a blur. Or it feels like it. One moment everything seemed to go so well and the next everything was so damn dark."
It looked like Jared was on his way to shedding a few tears, but his eyes stayed dry.
"Try to start where you think things started go down hill, and then work from that."
Jared tried to make a smile. "That's an idea, if I know what put me off."
"Okay… how about… does your medication work?" Jensen asked, as he did remember that Jared told him the last time things had taken it's time to get right.
Jared looked away, towards the doorway, avoiding any eye contact. Not a good subject to talk about, but good enough it seemed as he started to tell his story.
"I thought everything went well and that the doctor got the right dosage to keep my bipolar disorder to a normal level. I don't know if it was too early to believe it would work or not."
Jared had started to twist his hands, and picked on his clothes and arms. "When everything felt like it was going so well, I probably believed everything was fine and neglected to take the medicine as I should."
He drew his legs up and hooked his arms around them. "I'm paying for it… now. And I don't like it. Hate it in fact. Everything."
"Not everything can be awful." Jensen couldn't stay silent. Hearing his friend being different from the one he had come to know scared him. He didn't want to believe he could sink so low, as he indicated. "Didn't you get the contract to renew the role you did in Fantasy Lover?"
"I've done that. We finished two months ago."
"Wasn't that good?"
"Have you read her books? Do you know what will be expected of me if I continue? I don't think I can do that, even if I like Ash."
"I've read the first four books, and I've got an offer to play Jessup. I like the characters that a lot of them are hunters, though different from Sam and Dean."
"Do you think we ever get away from playing roles like that? Fighting evil and Daimons*?"
"Is that so bad? I really like them and if I say yes then we'll work together again, wouldn't that be great?"
"Maybe." Jared draws his answer out. "I just don't feel good."
Jensen was almost off the bed to help Jared to the bathroom, but then stayed as Jared didn't look like he needed to puke.
"Please continue to tell me why you do not feel good. What have you been doing in the last months?"
"I don't remember." It went a good amount of time before Jared continued. "I think, I went rapidly from being good to not feeling well. Things just came up, and I haven't handled it very well."
Slowly as Jared spoke, he seemed to relax and breathed better. Jensen listened and came with questions or inputs, which were taken in a good way. When it had passed, after another hour Jensen suggested that they would move to the kitchen and try to eat something.
Jared said they could do that, though first he needed to go to the bathroom. Jensen went down and tried to start a dinner. He had come half way through it before Jared emerged to give him company in the kitchen. It was a refreshed friend. Jared had taken a shower with his hair still wet. He hadn't taken time to trim his beard, but he had clean clothes on him.
"Feeling better?" Jensen wondered.
"I do. Thanks for coming." Jared walked all the way to Jensen and hugged him.
"No problem man." Jensen smiled. This was more the Jared he knew.
"What are you making?"
"I found some minced meat in the freezer, so you are getting a mincemeat sauce and some pasta."
"Mmm, sounds great and smells delicious," Jared stood over the pots and then sat down at the table. "I see that you tried to clean some, you should not have done that. It's my mess."
"It's nothing. I did it so it would be nicer to eat. I like to help."
"Thanks again." Jared sat down, nodding. "One thing that I seemed to not neglect is the food. I sort of ate all the time and its showing." He did a paused. "When even I notice, then it is something."
"I would say it is better you eat and gain than lose weight. You don't think it has to do with the medicine this time?"
"I don't know, as I mentioned I know I've been careless. I probably need to check it up."
"You not need, you shall do it. I'll guess that I'm not the only one that's caring for you, and we all want you to be well. Please."
Jared launched into the food as soon as Jensen put a plate in front of him. His friend was right that there was nothing wrong with his appetite.
Jensen was staying the whole evening and they had cleaned the house together. Leaving he felt sure that things would get better for Jared. He also decided that he would keep better contact with him, especially if they would be working together again in the future.
~*~*~ The End ~*~*~
* Daimons - This is not a misspelling of Demons. If you knew Sherrilyn Kenyons series Dark-Hunter you would know what it is. You can say they are a sort of Demons.
Title: Blur Of Consciousness
Fandom/Characters: Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles,
Rating/Warning: NC-17, dark!fic, mental illness, sickness!Bipolar disorder, suicidal tendency
Disclaimer: Everything is totally invented and I do not know or own any of the characters from Supernatural or the actors. I have not written it for earn any money.
Challenge: written first for chubwinchesters Summer bingo 2012, Table post
Prompt: Can't breath
Word Count: 3076
Beta: blandbetty2012
Author's Notes: This is a sequel to the previous stories I written with Jared having bipolar disorder. It's kind of dark. The story takes place after them. I'm not an expert on bipolar disorder and I can't guarantee what I written is accurate. I do have relatives that is diagnosed and medicated with the disability.
Also used for 100_situations challenge: 062 Blur
Summary: Jensen got a desperate call from Jared, and he went home to his friend. He is met by a messy house and a distraught friend.
Jensen turned and stood still. He hadn't been ready for the shrill signal to start. He was focused and thinking about what he was about to do. For a moment he hoped it was just that he imagined the signal, but then a new one came. He shook his head, hoping to make himself feel more clear. The shrill signal could only mean one thing. Maybe if he ignored it, it wouldn't be anything. At the same time he feared that it would be something very, very important.
The signal continued every other second. His body came out from his paralysis and he started to walk back into the hall where his phone was located.
It wasn't often anyone called on that number, and he didn't know why he kept the land line, when most calls were done on the cell phone these days. In the last few years he had never even bothered giving his land line out. All his family and friends knew it was the cell phone they had to call on to get hold of him. Thinking about it, he felt for his cell and didn't find it in any of his pockets. He must have left it, somewhere. That was likley why the 'house' phone was ringing.
He lifted the handset.
"Jensen? Is that you?"
He recognized the voice, but it wasn't the cheerful one that he was used to hearing from his friend. Sure the last times they had met, Jared had changed; not only because of the years that had passed. Now Jensen could not decide what was off, or why Jared would call.
"Hello, are you there?"
"I'm here." was all Jensen could say. His thoughts were all over the place. He looked around in the hall like it was the first time he was there, noticing the lack of a chair, so he leant against the closest wall and sunk down. He squeezed the handset.
"Finally. I've called and called. Why don't you answer?"
Jensen wondered if it was relief he could hear in Jared's voice, or whether he was simply feeling his own. It was difficult to tell.
All that is heard is a clicking somewhere over the line, and maybe there is a breathing. He doesn't know.
"Please, Jensen. Say something." Jared pleaded.
"Hi Jared. It's great to hear from you. How are you?" Jensen finally seemed to find his voice.
From the other end it became silent, and he could hear how Jared breathed. Quite heavy, and it was his turn to became quiet.
Jensen waited, but when Jared seem to not get it together Jensen talked again, "Jared, what is it? You start to make me worried. Please, are you alright?"
A very weak no came from his friend. Jensen closed his eyes. He tried to guess what was wrong, but he could not think of anything. He didn't want to go towards anything terrible. To suspect that something horrible was the reason for the call made a lump start building in Jensen stomach
"What's wrong?"
Probably five more minutes went before Jared said anything again. "Help!" It was a long pause, and then another plead, "Can you come to me?"
Jensen had to take a new hold on the handset. His heart twanged. He wasn't good with things like this, but Jared was still a very close friend and he knew he would try to do the best he could for him. Jared was more important than Jensen's daily chores, so the decision was easy. Jensen looked at his watch, calculating the time he would need to get to Jared.
"Can you manage an hour?"
"I don't know." Jared hiccupped.
"I'll do my best to get to you the fastest I can, and when I'm in the car I'll call you. Does that sounds good?"
"Yeah. Please hurry, though."
"I'll do my best."
Jensen hung up. He sat still for a minute, then walked to his study, which he had been on the way to, when the phone had started ringing. As he entered, he came to ask himself what was it was he wanted there in the first place. He looked at his desk, and nothing gave him any clues. He knew that he had been out of funk for a few days, but that would not be anything special. Day's like that would come after he closed a project, it was like energy become so low that he'd needed those days to recharge.
He left it as it was, thinking it probably hadn't been that important. Jared's concerns were. Jensen hadn't been there last time, so this time he would not fail. He didn't want to. He was a friend and he would show that he was a good one.
Before he got into his car Jensen had collected his cell phone and his jacket. He backed out from his garage, pushed the button which closed and locked the door. Out on the road he called Jared.
~*~*~
Jensen parked in front of Jared's house and he looked at the watch, seeing that he made it in 45 minutes. He took a deep breath, hoping he wasn't too late to what ever it was Jared was going through.
He had tried to talk with Jared when he was driving, but he had to concentrate on the road and Jared had been confusing. It worried him, especially as during long moments Jared had been silent. It wasn't better that their connection had broken, and when Jensen called again he just got a busy signal.
Walking to the door, Jensen waited a minute to hear what might going on inside. All he could hear was the sounds of a few birds and the cars driving on the street. Far away he also heard a jet motor.
Jensen put his finger on the door bell. He could hear how that sound went into the house. He moved his finger away, and it became silent. He waited a moment before he pressed again. After five minutes Jared should have opened, but the door was still closed. Jensen tested the door handle, as Jared had called him to come. When he turned the handle it opened the door and he could enter the house.
"Hello!" He let the echo fade out. "Jared, I'm here now." Jensen started walking, hoping his friend would reply so he would know were he was.
His shoes seemed to make the loudest sound ever for every step he took. With no answer the clump he had felt before seemed to grow.
"Please, Jared, answer me."
On his way into Jared's house he noticed how the rooms looked. There where shoes and clothes lying as they where dropped or thrown. A few of the furnishings were pushed to an undefined order and there were paper and wrappings all over the place. Jensen guessed it hadn't been cleaned for days. Jensen continued to call out for his friend.
After he had checked all room on the first floor Jensen went to the second. He started to run out of places he would be able to find Jared in. He checked the bathrooms, but had been certain that he wouldn't find him there as it hadn't that special sound it usually came with those rooms when they had talked. Finally when he reached the last room he found his friend. It had been close - Jensen had almost missed Jared.
Jared sat in the furthest in the corner. Looking like he had tried to be as small as possible, with little good success. As soon as Jensen saw him he had wanted to rush forward but there were something holding him back.
The room wasn't as silent as it seemed to be. Jensen could hear the heavy breathing from Jared, and also saw that he didn't sit totally still. He moved so he thumped his back at the wall. From the distance Jensen saw how wide-eyed his friend was. Jensen started to talk nonsense in a low voice, at the same time he walked closer to Jared.
He had no idea if it would help, or if it was the right thing to do. It was obvious things weren't good. He'd never seen his friend like this.
"Jared, you have to tell me what's wrong. Please help me here," Jensen said when he squatted down.
When no reaction came, Jensen put carefully placed one hand on Jared's knee. After a moment the wide-eyes seemed to change and Jared looked at him.
"What's the matter?"
"Can't breathe," Jared pressed out.
"I think you are doing a good work. Take a deep breath, and let it out…"
Jensen tried to get Jared breathing with him, and it paid out. Soon Jared seemed to relax, and stop his thumping. With Jared seemingly so distraught, Jensen settled in, determined to just be there and keep a physical contact. He wanted to believe that Jared would start to talk when he was ready.
When nothing had happened in half an hour, Jensen felt that his knees protesting at their position.
"Jared, could you think to at least move to your bed? And I would be happy if you could tell me what is wrong with you."
Jared didn't answer but he stretched his long legs and slowly moved his arms and legs. After a few minutes he made effort to try to get up. It didn't go so well as Jensen was in the way. When he moved and helped Jared, they were sitting on the bed instead. Much better.
The no talking started to get on Jensen's nerves. He was no doctor or psychologist, but he thought it was important to get Jared to talk and also that he would need to get to his doctor. Jensen really tried to stay calm. As long as Jared was silent he could study his friend.
It was a long time since they meet and Jared had changed since they filmed Supernatural. He had learned what Jared had gone through and part of it had made his friend gain weight. Now Jensen thought it looked like Jared had added more pounds. He was in need of a shave and also a hair cut. All of him showed that he had not taken care of himself very well.
Jensen took his cell phone, wrote a text message and sent it to the person he would have meet later that day. Also he did a shorter one to his wife. He guessed this would probably take all day and maybe well into the night, if not the next day.
"Are you hungry? When did you eat?" Jensen asked when there had went another half hour or so.
Jared shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.
"I'm feeing peckish, so I want something. Is it okay if I go down to the kitchen? Are you sure you don't want anything?"
Jared nodded and then whispered, "please hurry."
"I won't go anywhere, yet. I do hope you want to tell me what's wrong."
His friend nodded more. When Jensen was about to leave the room he heard, "Some soda would be nice."
Down in the kitchen, he saw really how messy it was in the house. There were dirty dishes filling the sink and bench around, and there looked to be leftovers among the plates. Jared must have been feeling bad for sometime. Jensen suspected that the refrigerator would be empty. If it would have been him that should have been how he coped in a situation like this. Opening it told him not everything was as he thought. There where quite a lot in it. He had no problems finding something to sate his hunger or get the soda Jared wanted.
Back up in the bedroom Jared hadn't moved much over to curl up on it. His breathing was little quicker, but not as bad as it been when Jensen first found him.
"I'm back and here is your soda." Jensen said as he went to the side Jared lay on.
Jared responded faster than he did since Jensen arrived. He gulped down a quarter of the drink. He stroked with the back of his hand to get rid of the few drops that had not found their way into his mouth.
Jensen sat down on the end of the bed, eating and waiting for Jared to confess his problems.
With a lot of pausing and hesitations, Jared finally started to talk.
"I'm sorry if I scared you. Sorry if I keep you from doing something."
"Jared, you should not feel bad. You are my friend and the least I can do is to come to you." Jensen paused, hoping he wasn't disturbed by his input. Jared seemed to wait for him to say something more so he continued, "What would I be for friend if I didn't come when you clearly aren't feeling well? Though I probably can't help you if you not tell me what happened or what's wrong."
Jared drank little more.
"I don't really know where to start… things are just a blur. Or it feels like it. One moment everything seemed to go so well and the next everything was so damn dark."
It looked like Jared was on his way to shedding a few tears, but his eyes stayed dry.
"Try to start where you think things started go down hill, and then work from that."
Jared tried to make a smile. "That's an idea, if I know what put me off."
"Okay… how about… does your medication work?" Jensen asked, as he did remember that Jared told him the last time things had taken it's time to get right.
Jared looked away, towards the doorway, avoiding any eye contact. Not a good subject to talk about, but good enough it seemed as he started to tell his story.
"I thought everything went well and that the doctor got the right dosage to keep my bipolar disorder to a normal level. I don't know if it was too early to believe it would work or not."
Jared had started to twist his hands, and picked on his clothes and arms. "When everything felt like it was going so well, I probably believed everything was fine and neglected to take the medicine as I should."
He drew his legs up and hooked his arms around them. "I'm paying for it… now. And I don't like it. Hate it in fact. Everything."
"Not everything can be awful." Jensen couldn't stay silent. Hearing his friend being different from the one he had come to know scared him. He didn't want to believe he could sink so low, as he indicated. "Didn't you get the contract to renew the role you did in Fantasy Lover?"
"I've done that. We finished two months ago."
"Wasn't that good?"
"Have you read her books? Do you know what will be expected of me if I continue? I don't think I can do that, even if I like Ash."
"I've read the first four books, and I've got an offer to play Jessup. I like the characters that a lot of them are hunters, though different from Sam and Dean."
"Do you think we ever get away from playing roles like that? Fighting evil and Daimons*?"
"Is that so bad? I really like them and if I say yes then we'll work together again, wouldn't that be great?"
"Maybe." Jared draws his answer out. "I just don't feel good."
Jensen was almost off the bed to help Jared to the bathroom, but then stayed as Jared didn't look like he needed to puke.
"Please continue to tell me why you do not feel good. What have you been doing in the last months?"
"I don't remember." It went a good amount of time before Jared continued. "I think, I went rapidly from being good to not feeling well. Things just came up, and I haven't handled it very well."
Slowly as Jared spoke, he seemed to relax and breathed better. Jensen listened and came with questions or inputs, which were taken in a good way. When it had passed, after another hour Jensen suggested that they would move to the kitchen and try to eat something.
Jared said they could do that, though first he needed to go to the bathroom. Jensen went down and tried to start a dinner. He had come half way through it before Jared emerged to give him company in the kitchen. It was a refreshed friend. Jared had taken a shower with his hair still wet. He hadn't taken time to trim his beard, but he had clean clothes on him.
"Feeling better?" Jensen wondered.
"I do. Thanks for coming." Jared walked all the way to Jensen and hugged him.
"No problem man." Jensen smiled. This was more the Jared he knew.
"What are you making?"
"I found some minced meat in the freezer, so you are getting a mincemeat sauce and some pasta."
"Mmm, sounds great and smells delicious," Jared stood over the pots and then sat down at the table. "I see that you tried to clean some, you should not have done that. It's my mess."
"It's nothing. I did it so it would be nicer to eat. I like to help."
"Thanks again." Jared sat down, nodding. "One thing that I seemed to not neglect is the food. I sort of ate all the time and its showing." He did a paused. "When even I notice, then it is something."
"I would say it is better you eat and gain than lose weight. You don't think it has to do with the medicine this time?"
"I don't know, as I mentioned I know I've been careless. I probably need to check it up."
"You not need, you shall do it. I'll guess that I'm not the only one that's caring for you, and we all want you to be well. Please."
Jared launched into the food as soon as Jensen put a plate in front of him. His friend was right that there was nothing wrong with his appetite.
Jensen was staying the whole evening and they had cleaned the house together. Leaving he felt sure that things would get better for Jared. He also decided that he would keep better contact with him, especially if they would be working together again in the future.
~*~*~ The End ~*~*~
* Daimons - This is not a misspelling of Demons. If you knew Sherrilyn Kenyons series Dark-Hunter you would know what it is. You can say they are a sort of Demons.