Take Me Back - Epilogue: Take Me Back On Home
Fic title: Take Me Back
Author name: safiyabat
Artist name: cassiopeia7
Genre: SPN AU - Human
Pairing: Sam/Dean (past Dean/Lisa, also Meg/Benny, unrequited Sam/Cas and Sam/Cara)
Rating: R
Word count (chapter): 664
Warnings: Vaguely suicidal thoughts
Summary: After the crisis.
Sam struggled toward consciousness and wondered why. He kept doing this. Falling down, passing out, getting patched up, struggling back toward consciousness. Lather, rinse, repeat. Wouldn’t it be more efficient to let him stay out?
He knew where he was, of course. He was in a hospital. He kept winding up in hospitals. How much longer before the warranty expired and they just left him on the scrap heap where he belonged? Jesus Christ, he was no good to anyone.
“I know you’re awake, Sammy. Saw your vitals change.”
Dean. Why was Dean here? Dean hated him.
He sounded awful, though. His voice rasped, even shook a little. He hadn’t slept. Why? Why was he here at all?
“I know you know this, because we both learned this before we learned to read. When someone’s been stabbed in the gut, they need to lie still and stop the bleeding. They do not need to go and beat seven kinds of crap out of a terrorist, they don’t need to go defuse bombs, and they don’t need to go carrying eight year olds who cling like limpets.”
Sam opened his eyes, finally. Dean wasn’t going to stop talking and let him go back to sleep. Dean’s stubble had progressed to what could be described as a beard, and his eyes had gotten so red they might get mistaken for pinkeye. “There we go,” Dean told him, patting his hand. “You know, it was pretty touch and go there. I didn’t think we’d see those eyes of yours open again.”
Sam rolled his eyes. It wouldn’t have mattered. It wouldn’t have mattered if his eyes had stayed closed forever.
“Hey, none of that,” Dean chided. “That boy of mine is pretty sure that you’re the Second Coming. I think it’s the hair, myself, but either way he’d be wrecked if we lost you. So would I. And Meg. And Lisa, and Matt, and Mark, and Mark’s kids. And Jody.”
Sam looked away. Maybe they’d feel bad for a minute, but they’d figure out very quickly that it was better this way. He wasn’t anything; he was just a failure -
A warm, calloused hand slipped into his. “Sammy….” His brother trailed off. “It’s funny. I want to say ‘I’m sorry,’ but it seems almost stupid, you know? Because ‘sorry’ isn’t…it’s not deep enough. It doesn’t cover enough. It doesn’t cover literally twenty years of things that I should’ve known and things we never talked about but should have. I feel like the entire past thirteen years have been wasted because of shitty communication.” He paused, considered. “I mean, maybe not wasted. We have Ben.”
Sam huffed. He loved Ben, but Ben wasn’t his.
“I have fucked up, Sammy. And it hurt you. I get…I mean I can’t say that I ‘get’ why you left now, because I still don’t understand what was happening. Right under my nose. But…I accept it. I love you, Sammy. I never wanted to hurt you. I still don’t. I know I’m not the only one who has. I know you’ve been through a lot, more than most, and I’m just part of it. But I always wanted to be the one to shield you from hurt, not cause it.”
Sam couldn’t help the tears that sprang to his eyes any more than he could stop them from leaking out. Dean cried out softly, whether in distress or shock, and he moved quickly. He sat down beside Sam and took the patient into his muscular arms, pillowing Sam’s head on his chest. “It’s okay, Sammy. It’s going to be okay.” Those hands, those surgeon’s hands, stroked his hair and patted his back until Sam was able to control his response a bit better.
Still, Dean held him and Sam let himself be held. It felt good. It felt right. It shouldn’t feel right, but it did. “Take me back,” Dean whispered into his ear.
Sam hesitated for just a second before whispering, “Yes.”
Back to Chapter Nine -- Back to Masterpost
Author name: safiyabat
Artist name: cassiopeia7
Genre: SPN AU - Human
Pairing: Sam/Dean (past Dean/Lisa, also Meg/Benny, unrequited Sam/Cas and Sam/Cara)
Rating: R
Word count (chapter): 664
Warnings: Vaguely suicidal thoughts
Summary: After the crisis.
Sam struggled toward consciousness and wondered why. He kept doing this. Falling down, passing out, getting patched up, struggling back toward consciousness. Lather, rinse, repeat. Wouldn’t it be more efficient to let him stay out?
He knew where he was, of course. He was in a hospital. He kept winding up in hospitals. How much longer before the warranty expired and they just left him on the scrap heap where he belonged? Jesus Christ, he was no good to anyone.
“I know you’re awake, Sammy. Saw your vitals change.”
Dean. Why was Dean here? Dean hated him.
He sounded awful, though. His voice rasped, even shook a little. He hadn’t slept. Why? Why was he here at all?
“I know you know this, because we both learned this before we learned to read. When someone’s been stabbed in the gut, they need to lie still and stop the bleeding. They do not need to go and beat seven kinds of crap out of a terrorist, they don’t need to go defuse bombs, and they don’t need to go carrying eight year olds who cling like limpets.”
Sam opened his eyes, finally. Dean wasn’t going to stop talking and let him go back to sleep. Dean’s stubble had progressed to what could be described as a beard, and his eyes had gotten so red they might get mistaken for pinkeye. “There we go,” Dean told him, patting his hand. “You know, it was pretty touch and go there. I didn’t think we’d see those eyes of yours open again.”
Sam rolled his eyes. It wouldn’t have mattered. It wouldn’t have mattered if his eyes had stayed closed forever.
“Hey, none of that,” Dean chided. “That boy of mine is pretty sure that you’re the Second Coming. I think it’s the hair, myself, but either way he’d be wrecked if we lost you. So would I. And Meg. And Lisa, and Matt, and Mark, and Mark’s kids. And Jody.”
Sam looked away. Maybe they’d feel bad for a minute, but they’d figure out very quickly that it was better this way. He wasn’t anything; he was just a failure -
A warm, calloused hand slipped into his. “Sammy….” His brother trailed off. “It’s funny. I want to say ‘I’m sorry,’ but it seems almost stupid, you know? Because ‘sorry’ isn’t…it’s not deep enough. It doesn’t cover enough. It doesn’t cover literally twenty years of things that I should’ve known and things we never talked about but should have. I feel like the entire past thirteen years have been wasted because of shitty communication.” He paused, considered. “I mean, maybe not wasted. We have Ben.”
Sam huffed. He loved Ben, but Ben wasn’t his.
“I have fucked up, Sammy. And it hurt you. I get…I mean I can’t say that I ‘get’ why you left now, because I still don’t understand what was happening. Right under my nose. But…I accept it. I love you, Sammy. I never wanted to hurt you. I still don’t. I know I’m not the only one who has. I know you’ve been through a lot, more than most, and I’m just part of it. But I always wanted to be the one to shield you from hurt, not cause it.”
Sam couldn’t help the tears that sprang to his eyes any more than he could stop them from leaking out. Dean cried out softly, whether in distress or shock, and he moved quickly. He sat down beside Sam and took the patient into his muscular arms, pillowing Sam’s head on his chest. “It’s okay, Sammy. It’s going to be okay.” Those hands, those surgeon’s hands, stroked his hair and patted his back until Sam was able to control his response a bit better.
Still, Dean held him and Sam let himself be held. It felt good. It felt right. It shouldn’t feel right, but it did. “Take me back,” Dean whispered into his ear.
Sam hesitated for just a second before whispering, “Yes.”
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