Take Me Back - Chapter Five: Now What I'm Saying Is Nothing New
Fic title: Take Me Back
Author name: safiyabat
Artist name: cassiopeia7
Genre: SPN AU - Human
Pairing: Sam/Dean (past Dean/Lisa, also Meg/Benny, unrequited Sam/Cas and Sam/Cara)
Rating: R
Word count (chapter): 5,313
Warnings: Bad language
Summary: Sam meets Ben. The world does not collapse on itself.
Dean called Sam on Tuesday. Sam didn’t pick up.
On the one hand, their little meeting hadn’t gone well. Dean hadn’t exactly had high hopes for it. He hadn’t had hopes at all. He’d been looking to get clean and get home, and that had been it. He’d been surprised by the opportunity and then greeted with hostility and resentment.
At the same time, Sam had been…well, Sam had been railroaded into being there in the first place, which hurt. He shouldn’t have to depend on other people tricking him to see the brother that had been his entire world for eighteen years. But to hear some of the things coming out of Sam’s mouth - that had been shattering. He blamed Dean for the separation. He was angry - angry! - that Ben didn’t know about him.
But the way that Sam seemed to see himself, the way he talked about himself during that little outburst - Dean could have dealt with all the crap about the separation. That had been Sam’s fault and if he didn’t know it then he’d taken too many hits to the head. The rules were simple, in those days - you did what you were told and you shut up about it. And he couldn’t blame Dean for Ben’s ignorance, it wasn’t like there had been an Uncle Sam for Dean to show him.
Or like he could explain what had really been going on between Sam and Dean.
But all of that other stuff was just too much. That Dean had been too disgusted by him to look at the incision? Was that really his takeaway? He’d been too upset, not too disgusted. After the way he couldn’t keep his hands off Sammy, the way he couldn’t stand to see someone else with their hands on Sammy for crying out loud, how could he possibly believe that he would ever disgust Dean? See himself as tainted? Think that Dean’s new family was somehow cleaner and purer than the brother he’d once loved more than life itself?
On Wednesday he dropped in at Benny’s office. His friend rolled his eyes to Heaven. “Somehow I knew you’d be here. Kept my calendar open,” the Cajun drawled, putting his feet up on the desk.
“So did you get anywhere with his pit bull?” Dean grinned, flopping down into the chair that Sam had occupied almost a week ago.
“A gentleman doesn’t share stories, Dean,” Benny chastised with a reproving frown. “Maybe that’s why none of your relationships lasts more than a few dates. But I did take the beautiful and universally charming Agent Masters to the Mumford and Sons concert last Saturday, and I am having dinner with her this evening. She is taking me to this place up in Arlington, on Mass Ave.” He smiled beatifically. “The woman is something special, Dean.”
“You’ve got it bad, old man,” he chuckled. “Who’d have thought it?”
A blush settled over his old friend’s cheeks. “And what if I do? Not all of us are suited to the bachelor lifestyle. I mean, it’s early yet. Her job could call her away, or we could just turn out to be incompatible. Who knows? But…I mean, I do enjoy her company.”
“That’s nice, Benny. I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you, Dean. Now why don’t you get to why you’re really here.” His friend grinned.
“That obvious?”
“I can read you like a book, brother, and don’t you forget it.”
“I’m worried about Sam,” he admitted. “It’s like, before, when I hadn’t even really seen him, sure, I was trying to reach out but that was because I had to. It was my job, it was something I was supposed to do. Then, on Thursday, I actually saw him, awake and kind of healthy and everything -”
Benny raised an eyebrow. “’Kind of’ healthy? Dean, the guy’s running five to ten miles a day!”
“His ‘private doctor’ should be sued for malpractice then, because he shouldn’t even have the damn sling off much less be going for a run like that,” he told the other man, leaning forward. “I mean that part’s my own fault, because I freaked out and didn’t sit there and tell him how to take care of himself, but you’d think that this other doctor could read a damn chart.”
“Do you think he’d listen?”
Dean rubbed his face with his hands. “I guess there’s no reason he’d start now. But…I mean, did he seem okay to you?”
“There ain’t nothing about that boy that seems okay to me, Dean. Not sure what you think you’re going to do about it, though.” Benny raised his eyebrows and leaned back further in his chair.
Dean sat back and shook his head. “Excuse me?”
“Dean, you’re hostile and judgmental. You blame him for breaking up your family even though your family melded seamlessly behind him when he left, and you didn’t make any effort to reach out to him until the hospital ordered you to. You’re angry that he left an incestuous and abusive situation -”
“I never hurt Sammy!” Dean yelled. He lowered his voice. “He wanted everything we did.”
“Be that as it may,” Benny placated, holding out his hands, “the situations your father forced all three of you into were abusive and the fact that you demanded fidelity from him without being willing to give it in return was abusive too. You have to understand that, Dean. I, uh, I’ve got to admit that I’ve got some concerns about him myself.”
Dean looked up sharply. “What kind of concerns?”
“I’m concerned about his general well-being, his mental and emotional health. I had the chance to talk to him a little bit on Sunday morning -”
Even in the middle of such a painful discussion Dean could be happy for Benny. “You sly dog!” he congratulated.
“-And while he told me essentially nothing he told me enough to make me a little anxious on his behalf. I gave him a referral to a therapist, but I have no reason to suspect that he did anything other than throw the thing away.” Benny grinned wryly. “Have you tried to call him? Since Thursday, I mean?”
“Once. Yesterday. Straight to voicemail. I mean, I get that he’s busy, not that I have the first clue doing what.” He shook his head. “You know, he didn’t tell me the first goddamn thing about himself when you got us together on Thursday.”
Benny considered, head off to the side. “Well, he told you he’s not married.”
God help him, but that actually made Dean feel better. “But I don’t know…I don’t know if he’s seeing anyone, what he does for fun anymore.”
“According to Meg, he works for fun. Says he hasn’t left the house for social reasons since the Bureau lent him out to ‘an agency to be named later’ for a few months. No one knows what happened, because he’s not telling, but he had about a month of medical leave and now?”
Dean cringed. “Aw, come on. He’s got to have some way of…I don’t know. Nothing? Seriously?”
“Not a bit.”
“He can’t be blaming that on me too,” Dean said without thinking.
Benny paused. “I’m guessing not. But he’s hurting, that much I’m sure of. He needs support. Do you want to be one of the people providing it?”
Dean paused. “I mean. Yeah. Of course. He’s my brother and if he needs help I’m going to help him. If he’ll let me; he’d kind of have to take my calls.”
Benny smiled. “Well, as it happens Meg and I have a plan for that. It just so happens to coincide with seeing more of each other, but we have a plan for that. How do you feel about letting Sam and Ben meet?”
Dean froze. That was a bad idea. His first instinct was that Ben had to be protected from Sammy, that all of the darkness and disobedience and anger and…just everything about Sam needed to be carefully kept away from his son to keep the boy pure. “I don’t think I like that much,” he admitted. “I don’t think Lisa’s going to like that much. Why do you think that would be a good idea?”
“Sam doesn’t see himself as part of your ‘clean and pure’ new family. I think that you need to show him, not just tell him, that he can be a part of your family. That you want your new life to include him. It’ll probably take several tries, I can’t remember the last patient I saw with such ingrained self-hatred, but it’s tangible proof to him that he’s not alone, that he has a family.”
Dean sighed. “Lisa’s going to flip her lid, man.”
“Lisa doesn’t even know Sam.”
“No, but she knows what we did. She knows…”
“Well, you’re over that now, aren’t you, cher? You only did that because you were isolated, kept away from normal, healthy sexual development. Now that you’re a grown man and you’ve figured out for yourself who you’re supposed to be devoting your attention to you’re not even remotely going to be tempted by Sam.”
“Yeah. No, of course not.” He got the words out strongly, believably. He had no idea how, because behind his eyes all he could imagine was those pink lips wrapped around his cock. “No, I’d never want that again. It was sick; I’m repulsed by it. That’s probably why I reacted so strongly when I saw Sam.”
Benny gave him a gentle smile and patted his hand. “No need to fret, brother. It’s not your fault. You were kept away from anything normal or natural. But you’re both older now; you’re both going to do better. I’ll talk to Lisa about it.”
Better Benny than Dean. She eventually agreed, although, “It was a battle, brother, let me tell you.” It was left to Meg to convince Sam that this was a good idea, and Benny kept Dean updated with a series of running texts that would have made for hilarious daytime entertainment had it been someone else’s life. Sam had always been good at excuses and evasions, and the ones he gave on Thursday ran something like this:
1) I don’t do kids, Meg. You know this.
2) What is this, some kind of very awkward triple date? Should I go to the nursing home and pick up an octogenarian to level the playing field?
3) At least you’re announcing your ambush ahead of time this time, also no.
4) That won’t be fun for the kid, Meg, come on, think of him.
5) I’m washing my hair.
6) I’m running off to Afghanistan to teach English.
7) I’m painting my room. Yes, rose pink, why not.
8) I’m paying a local crime boss to do something shady so I can go arrest him that night.
9) I can’t repeat what he just said on a work phone but trust me it was nasty. You’d have a field day with it, Benny.
10) No, I don’t want to, and you can’t make me.
Ultimately, though, by the beginning of the day on Friday they’d set up a meeting place and time for Saturday night. Dean even made reservations at an Italian place not too far from his house. Sam sat with Meg and Benny at a table in the back; they waved when they saw Dean. Sam froze when he saw Ben, but Dean figured he could forgive that a little bit. It wasn’t every day that you met your eight-year-old nephew for the first time.
“Sam, this is my son, Ben. Ben, this is my brother, your Uncle Sam.” He rolled his eyes as Sam held out a gigantic paw for the kid to shake, like he was an adult or something.
Ben frowned. “I thought Uncle Adam was your brother,” he accused Dean.
Sam forced a smile. “Oh, he is. But a long time ago, I did something that the family wasn’t so proud of. So I wasn’t allowed to be in the family anymore.”
Dean closed his eyes and winced as Ben gasped. “It must have been something pretty bad. Family is everything to Dad.”
“I suppose it was, to him. But it’s not something you ever have to worry about, okay, Ben?”
He looked at Sam, whose eyes flitted from Benny to Meg in a fruitless search for help. “Okay. What kind of a doctor are you, anyway? Do you only work on giants?”
“Ben,” Dean warned, blushing.
Meg snickered. “Your Uncle Sam isn’t a doctor, kiddo. He’s an FBI agent. He’s a very, very good one, too.”
Ben’s eyes were the size of saucers now. “But I thought everyone in the family had to be a doctor!”
Dean cleared his throat. “So. Dinner.”
Meg and Benny gave him disapproving looks, but Dean couldn’t be bothered by that. Here they were trying to subvert the whole fabric of the family right off the bat! It was the whole reasons that Sam had needed to be cut out completely. What if that kind of poison had infected Adam, then where would they be? And it wasn’t like Sammy was objecting to the change. He just smiled that thin little smile and turned to his nephew. “So. Ben. Do you come here often?”
He considered. “Kind of,” he supposed. “On special occasions, sometimes. When Mom and Matt got engaged Dad took us all to dinner here. Have you ever been here before?”
“No, no, Meg and I just moved her a little while ago. We came up from Washington, DC, and now we live in Arlington.” He laughed a little. “So, Ben, I don’t really know what’s good to eat here. I like a lot of vegetables and a lot of beans. Can you tell me what’s on the menu that I’d like?”
Ben made a face. “Vegetables are gross, Uncle Sam. I like meatballs. But I guess you grew pretty big and strong…”
Dean chuckled, letting himself look at his brother for a moment. “That he did! Maybe you’ll think about eating your vegetables?”
The boy made a face. “Maybe. They’re still gross, though. And beans make you fart!”
“Ben, we’ve talked about bathroom words at the table!” Dean frowned.
Sam leaned in conspiratorially. “I’ll tell you a secret, Ben. That’s the FBI’s secret weapon.”
Ben lost himself in helpless giggles, and Dean knew then and there that the kid was hooked. Sammy might say he “didn’t do kids,” but he’d wrapped Dean’s son right around his finger just as easily as if he’d cast some sort of spell. Part of Dean basked in the knowledge; Sam could do this, they could do this, together. Having Sam back in his life didn’t have to be a horror show.
Part of him kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Ben wasn’t stupid. He noticed all of the weird little nuances about Uncle Sam. He’d picked up on the “not a doctor” thing right away. He noticed that his uncle didn’t eat much of his dinner either, just moved things around on his plate so it looked like he was keeping up. “You’re not going to get to eat dessert if you don’t eat your dinner,” he whispered to the outsider.
Meg lost it. “I keep telling him that, but he doesn’t like dessert so it doesn’t get me anywhere.”
When they got home later that night Dean found out how much more his son had noticed. He’d noticed how his uncle startled every time someone in the restaurant dropped a glass, how he didn’t talk much about himself. And he noticed how Dean didn’t look much at Uncle Sam. “Don’t you think he’s pretty?” the boy asked.
“Men are handsome,” Dean corrected automatically. “Not pretty, as a general rule.” Oh, but Sammy was pretty. So very, very pretty.
“Okay. Do you think he’ll come to my soccer game on Thursday?”
“I don’t know. I can ask. I know he’s awfully busy doing FBI stuff, sometimes he gets called out to do things at the last minute and he can’t do the things he wants to do.”
He called Sam, and then he called Sam again when Sam didn’t return his call. “Look, I know you’re busy, man, but Ben has a game on Thursday night and he asked if you’d be there. It would mean a lot to him if you could make it,” he told his brother when Sam finally picked up.
“You want me. At your son’s game.” Sam made a scoffing noise. “Really.”
“Hey, it’s Ben. What can I say; you made a pretty powerful first impression. You always did, I guess. But he’s pretty well convinced that you’re the Second Coming or something, and he wants you there. What do you say?”
“I don’t know, Dean, I mean - you can’t be comfortable with this.”
Dean shifted. He wasn’t comfortable with it, but he needed to be. “I’m getting there, Sammy. I’m getting there. We need to get used to each other again.”
“Do we?” He sighed. “What time and where? If I’m able, I’ll show. No promises.”
Sam made it. Lisa eyed him with the kind of protective eye that came from years of fear. Sam smiled politely, didn’t show offense when she didn’t shake his hand, and stood off to the side. He showed no recognition of Adam, nor did Adam acknowledge him. “He’s your brother, Adam,” Dean hissed.
“Not since I was twelve or so,” Adam growled back. “Dad said so, remember? I’m surprised at you, letting him show his face.”
“There’s other stuff going on, Adam. I just…I think it’s time to let him come home. Don’t you?” He sighed.
“He lost that option, Dean. I mean, do what you want, but I don’t have to welcome him.”
Dean couldn’t fault him for the sentiment. He’d felt the same way when Sam had first shown up, or tried to. Still, he couldn’t help but be disappointed.
Sam helped Ben right in the middle of the game, giving him some pointers while he was on the sidelines that got him two goals in the second half. Even Lisa was slowly won over by the end of the game, but Sam still slunk off when the game was over, not coming out for dinner with the rest of them. He still hadn’t volunteered anything; he’d devoted himself entirely to Ben and left again.
Benny approved of Dean’s attempts and thought that Sam’s openness to Ben was probably a good sign, but he thought that other tactics might be necessary. He arranged for a meeting between Meg and Dean. “I ain’t getting’ involved here,” he promised. “I just think you’re the people who Sam cares about the most, and who are the most likely to be able to have an effect on Sam’s behavior.”
Dean frowned. “What do you mean ‘on Sam’s behavior?’ What’s he doing?” They were at a bar in Cambridge, someplace relatively neutral.
Meg glared at him. “What, you thought going to a soccer game and suddenly ‘Poof! Little Sammy’s all better again?’” She shook her head. “People don’t work that way, Dean.”
He frowned at her. “People keep telling me that something’s wrong with him, but he seems to be doing okay from what I can see. Every time I talk to one of you G-men you keep telling me how proud I should be of him, how impressive he is. Sounds like his career is doing just fine. He’s hot as hell, so if he’s not with anyone it’s by his own damn choice and by the way, don’t you think it’s a little early to expect him to have found his true lifetime love after he just moved to Boston?” He picked up his beer and drank from it, savoring the hoppy flavor. “He must be making decent money as a Fed if he can afford to turn up his nose at a hundred thousand dollar settlement that he basically bullied out of the hospital.”
“He had nothing to do with that,” Meg told him icily. “He just wanted to walk away.”
Dean just about choked on his beer. “Excuse me?”
“Yeah. Jody called up the hospital when she heard how you treated him - she doesn’t know what went on between the two of you, but she knows he’s bi. Knows you knew he was bi when he got kicked out and drew her own conclusions. I wouldn’t let him call her off. Figured it was better than the truth, and you deserved anything you got for everything you said and everything you did.” Her tiny chin stuck out. “Donating the money was his idea.”
Dean sat back. “I thought he hated me.” He shook his head, turned his glass around in his hand. “I…why did he keep refusing my calls?”
“Because you treated him like he was some kind of toxin, some kind of infectious blanket!” she snapped. “You still are, like he’s going to somehow turn your son into a pervert or some kind of a monster. Every time I’ve seen you two together you can’t bring yourself to go near him but you’re watching him like a hawk.”
“He needs watching, Meg,” Dean told her, moistening his lips. “I don’t know what he told you about what went on between us but believe you me, I was not the one to blame there.”
Benny cleared his throat. “I think you’re getting a little off-topic here,” he suggested. “It’s less important to talk about who is responsible for you and Sam in the past than it is to talk about Sam now.” Benny’s glare was full of recrimination, and Dean leaned back in his chair. “Meg, Dean isn’t aware of Sam’s symptoms. He doesn’t see much of Sam. I know you don’t really get to see it, but Dean is trying to reach out to Sam. He’s walking a fine line between wanting to help and getting accused of stalking. Let’s try to help him figure out where the boundary is.”
Meg rolled her dark eyes and sighed. “He’s not eating. He’s not eating, he’s not sleeping and he’s not interacting. It used to be we’d get out of work and we could chill on the couch, watch a movie or a show while we ate dinner. Now he just shuts himself away in his room. We see each other on the way to and from work, or at work. And that’s not like him.”
Dean sighed. “He always got jealous when I had a new girlfriend,” he pointed out. “You think it’s maybe…you know. Benny?”
“No. I don’t.” She turned to face her boyfriend. “Are you positive that this is a good idea, hon? Because I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“You need someone’s help with him, sugar,” Benny told her.
“Why don’t you think it’s jealousy?” Dean challenged, leaning forward. “He’s used to being the only person you had to take care of. Now you’ve got another man in your life -”
“Because Sam and I weren’t ever like that,” she snapped. “It’s a bad idea, with your work partner. And because Sam’s encouraged me to go after other men. He’s never shown the slightest bit of jealousy before, not with me or with any of the people he’s dated. So you can fuck right off. He hasn’t just been sitting around and pining after you. You know, I don’t understand how little respect you’ve got for the man. I’m worried about him, Dean. He’s not well.”
Dean rubbed his hands through his hair. “What do you want from me, Meg?”
“I want to know what exactly you mean to do with him, Dean,” she told him tiredly, shoulders slumping for a moment. “I mean, I didn’t bring him to Boston so he could get worse.”
Dean scoffed. “What are you talking about, ‘get worse?’ He’s fine.”
“He’s not fine, you jackass.” Benny put a hand on her arm, and Meg settled down. “You know, when I met him, we hated each other. He was this guy, fresh out of Stanford Law and right into Quantico. He seemed to have the whole world on a plate, right in front of him. He knew exactly what he wanted and he wasn’t shy about going for it, either. And he cared. Holy crap did he care. After Georgia he pulled back. Wasn’t interested in dating anymore - stopped trying, stopped accepting. If one of us dragged him out though, he’d still come."
She sighed. “I came up to Boston, yeah, because I wanted to be closer to my family. But I also…I figured it would be good for him to get away. To make a fresh start. See if he could form some attachments, maybe. Not even necessarily romantic attachments, but find something to hold onto. A hobby, something. And at first I thought it was working. You know, he really hit it off with Jody, we could all go out and watch a game or something. But ever since you came back into his life - ever since he had to sit there and hear you say that you couldn’t even stand to look at him - it’s all gone right out the window and all he does is his job. He works, he goes to the gym and he sits in his room."
The agent glowered and toyed with her coaster. “I figured…hell, I don’t know what I figured. I figured that you’d care. Or something. Worry.”
Dean’s fingers toyed with his tie, more or less of their own accord. “Look, Meg,” he tried. “He won’t even let me in. I want to help, I do, but he doesn’t take my calls and he sure as hell doesn’t seem to enjoy my company. Find him some girl. Hook them up, let him get good and attached to her.”
Benny scowled at him. “Dean, you’re being a jackass. You’re acting like the jealous ex here, even though you’re accusing Sam of jealousy.”
Dean slapped the table. It stung. “What’s your suggestion, then? He doesn’t want me around!”
“Do you think you could try to be around him without being a judgmental jerk?” his friend suggested. “Try spending some time with him just because you want to. Go…I don’t know. Go grab dinner with him. Just the two of you, just because it’s fun.”
“It’s not fun,” Dean objected, draining his glass. “It’s like walking on glass. He doesn’t say anything, and I feel like I’m walking on broken glass barefoot trying to say something that won’t piss him off or whatever. He hates me.”
“So give him a chance to not hate you,” Meg urged. “Take him out tomorrow night. Make him eat something too,” she added. “He needs it.”
“He’s never eaten much when something’s bugging him,” Dean added without thinking. “It’s just him.”
“I’ve noticed,” she sniffed. “Anyway. I figure between the two of us we can do our thing, on our own, and maybe compare notes and try to work with each other on the sly to try to help him out behind his back.”
Dean cringed. “Doing anything behind his back has never worked out well for anyone,” he admitted, “but I have to admit that it’s probably the best idea.” He picked up his phone and went to dial.
Meg put a hand on his. “He prefers text.”
Dean rolled his eyes, but he obediently typed out a text. Hey. What are you doing tomorrow night around eight thirty?
The reply came back within a minute. Putting my ammo in order by size and manufacturer. Why?
I thought we might grab a beer or something. You up for it? There’s a place in Allston, has a hundred and twelve beers on tap.
The response took several minutes to come back, and Dean frowned at his companions. “He’s not on board.”
“Give him a minute, Dean,” Benny urged. “He’s got to wrap his head around this - I mean, it’s kind of out of character for what you’ve been showing him for the past few weeks.”
Finally the response did come back. Sure. I’ll be there at eight thirty. See you then.
You could have knocked Dean over with beer foam.
The next day passed in a haze of anxiety and anticipation for Dean. He hadn’t felt like this in years, decades - not since he’d been in high school, getting ready to take some girl out and maybe score or something. And even then he’d had the sure thing of Sam at home if the girl wasn’t on board. Now he didn’t have that, and he wasn’t exactly hoping to score with Sam. Probably.
No, he wasn’t. It would be a terrible idea. Sure, Sam was hot, but Dean knew better now and he wasn’t into guys. Had never been into guys, only Sam, and they didn’t need to do that because they had healthier options. Getting back together wasn’t on the table and it wasn’t what either of them was looking for.
Still, he wanted to show Sam…something. He wanted to show him that he respected him by looking nice for him, he guessed. He wanted to show Sam that he was successful, that he’d made something of himself by sticking with their father - that he’d outdone Sam, even though he’d been obedient. And he honestly wanted to show Sam that he’d given something up by walking away.
Sam met him at the bar exactly on time. He’d clearly come from work, just as Dean had; his suit had been unbuttoned and his tie loosened, but that was absolutely his “Fed suit” and the way it had rumpled around him screamed that he’d been wearing it all day. He looked tired but he smiled when he saw Dean, like he was almost happy to see him. They got seats, they got beers and they ordered food.
The conversation was awkward, at first. Dean felt like every possible avenue of conversation was forbidden at first. He asked about the shoulder. Sam answered. Sam asked about Dean’s day at work. Dean babbled until he felt like Sam had to be ready to fall asleep. Their food came. Finally Sam asked about Ben.
“He’s doing well. He asked about you again. He’s got another game coming up, says he wants you there.”
Sam blushed. He’d always blushed so prettily. Even now, with that five o’clock shadow crawling over his jaw, the effect still went straight to Dean’s groin. Fuck. “Seriously?” Sam scoffed, oblivious to the sexual crisis going on in Dean’s body. “I mean, he’s a nice kid and if he actually wants me there I’ll go, but why would he…I mean, I’m just some creepy giant he met once. Why would he have any interest in seeing me again?”
Dean shrugged and reached for his water. “I mean, who knows why kids fixate on anything, but you gave him pointers that won the game for his team the last time you were there. That probably has a lot to do with it. Plus, you talked to him like he’s a person. The rest of us mostly remember him as a little kid, from when he was still learning to talk and stuff. You know, you don’t have that. You’ve always known him the way he is now. Toilet trained and everything.” He chuckled and, much to his surprise, Sam chuckled right along with him. “He’s pretty into you, though.”
“Well, I’ll be there then.” Sam looked to the side for a moment. “I’m not much good with kids. Never really was.”
“Couldn’t prove it by Ben, man. It’s, uh, it’s good to see you hanging around him, you know? Makes it feel like things are getting better.”
Sam toyed with his beer. “Yeah. It does.”
Back to Chapter Four -- On to Chapter Six
Author name: safiyabat
Artist name: cassiopeia7
Genre: SPN AU - Human
Pairing: Sam/Dean (past Dean/Lisa, also Meg/Benny, unrequited Sam/Cas and Sam/Cara)
Rating: R
Word count (chapter): 5,313
Warnings: Bad language
Summary: Sam meets Ben. The world does not collapse on itself.
Dean called Sam on Tuesday. Sam didn’t pick up.
On the one hand, their little meeting hadn’t gone well. Dean hadn’t exactly had high hopes for it. He hadn’t had hopes at all. He’d been looking to get clean and get home, and that had been it. He’d been surprised by the opportunity and then greeted with hostility and resentment.
At the same time, Sam had been…well, Sam had been railroaded into being there in the first place, which hurt. He shouldn’t have to depend on other people tricking him to see the brother that had been his entire world for eighteen years. But to hear some of the things coming out of Sam’s mouth - that had been shattering. He blamed Dean for the separation. He was angry - angry! - that Ben didn’t know about him.
But the way that Sam seemed to see himself, the way he talked about himself during that little outburst - Dean could have dealt with all the crap about the separation. That had been Sam’s fault and if he didn’t know it then he’d taken too many hits to the head. The rules were simple, in those days - you did what you were told and you shut up about it. And he couldn’t blame Dean for Ben’s ignorance, it wasn’t like there had been an Uncle Sam for Dean to show him.
Or like he could explain what had really been going on between Sam and Dean.
But all of that other stuff was just too much. That Dean had been too disgusted by him to look at the incision? Was that really his takeaway? He’d been too upset, not too disgusted. After the way he couldn’t keep his hands off Sammy, the way he couldn’t stand to see someone else with their hands on Sammy for crying out loud, how could he possibly believe that he would ever disgust Dean? See himself as tainted? Think that Dean’s new family was somehow cleaner and purer than the brother he’d once loved more than life itself?
On Wednesday he dropped in at Benny’s office. His friend rolled his eyes to Heaven. “Somehow I knew you’d be here. Kept my calendar open,” the Cajun drawled, putting his feet up on the desk.
“So did you get anywhere with his pit bull?” Dean grinned, flopping down into the chair that Sam had occupied almost a week ago.
“A gentleman doesn’t share stories, Dean,” Benny chastised with a reproving frown. “Maybe that’s why none of your relationships lasts more than a few dates. But I did take the beautiful and universally charming Agent Masters to the Mumford and Sons concert last Saturday, and I am having dinner with her this evening. She is taking me to this place up in Arlington, on Mass Ave.” He smiled beatifically. “The woman is something special, Dean.”
“You’ve got it bad, old man,” he chuckled. “Who’d have thought it?”
A blush settled over his old friend’s cheeks. “And what if I do? Not all of us are suited to the bachelor lifestyle. I mean, it’s early yet. Her job could call her away, or we could just turn out to be incompatible. Who knows? But…I mean, I do enjoy her company.”
“That’s nice, Benny. I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you, Dean. Now why don’t you get to why you’re really here.” His friend grinned.
“That obvious?”
“I can read you like a book, brother, and don’t you forget it.”
“I’m worried about Sam,” he admitted. “It’s like, before, when I hadn’t even really seen him, sure, I was trying to reach out but that was because I had to. It was my job, it was something I was supposed to do. Then, on Thursday, I actually saw him, awake and kind of healthy and everything -”
Benny raised an eyebrow. “’Kind of’ healthy? Dean, the guy’s running five to ten miles a day!”
“His ‘private doctor’ should be sued for malpractice then, because he shouldn’t even have the damn sling off much less be going for a run like that,” he told the other man, leaning forward. “I mean that part’s my own fault, because I freaked out and didn’t sit there and tell him how to take care of himself, but you’d think that this other doctor could read a damn chart.”
“Do you think he’d listen?”
Dean rubbed his face with his hands. “I guess there’s no reason he’d start now. But…I mean, did he seem okay to you?”
“There ain’t nothing about that boy that seems okay to me, Dean. Not sure what you think you’re going to do about it, though.” Benny raised his eyebrows and leaned back further in his chair.
Dean sat back and shook his head. “Excuse me?”
“Dean, you’re hostile and judgmental. You blame him for breaking up your family even though your family melded seamlessly behind him when he left, and you didn’t make any effort to reach out to him until the hospital ordered you to. You’re angry that he left an incestuous and abusive situation -”
“I never hurt Sammy!” Dean yelled. He lowered his voice. “He wanted everything we did.”
“Be that as it may,” Benny placated, holding out his hands, “the situations your father forced all three of you into were abusive and the fact that you demanded fidelity from him without being willing to give it in return was abusive too. You have to understand that, Dean. I, uh, I’ve got to admit that I’ve got some concerns about him myself.”
Dean looked up sharply. “What kind of concerns?”
“I’m concerned about his general well-being, his mental and emotional health. I had the chance to talk to him a little bit on Sunday morning -”
Even in the middle of such a painful discussion Dean could be happy for Benny. “You sly dog!” he congratulated.
“-And while he told me essentially nothing he told me enough to make me a little anxious on his behalf. I gave him a referral to a therapist, but I have no reason to suspect that he did anything other than throw the thing away.” Benny grinned wryly. “Have you tried to call him? Since Thursday, I mean?”
“Once. Yesterday. Straight to voicemail. I mean, I get that he’s busy, not that I have the first clue doing what.” He shook his head. “You know, he didn’t tell me the first goddamn thing about himself when you got us together on Thursday.”
Benny considered, head off to the side. “Well, he told you he’s not married.”
God help him, but that actually made Dean feel better. “But I don’t know…I don’t know if he’s seeing anyone, what he does for fun anymore.”
“According to Meg, he works for fun. Says he hasn’t left the house for social reasons since the Bureau lent him out to ‘an agency to be named later’ for a few months. No one knows what happened, because he’s not telling, but he had about a month of medical leave and now?”
Dean cringed. “Aw, come on. He’s got to have some way of…I don’t know. Nothing? Seriously?”
“Not a bit.”
“He can’t be blaming that on me too,” Dean said without thinking.
Benny paused. “I’m guessing not. But he’s hurting, that much I’m sure of. He needs support. Do you want to be one of the people providing it?”
Dean paused. “I mean. Yeah. Of course. He’s my brother and if he needs help I’m going to help him. If he’ll let me; he’d kind of have to take my calls.”
Benny smiled. “Well, as it happens Meg and I have a plan for that. It just so happens to coincide with seeing more of each other, but we have a plan for that. How do you feel about letting Sam and Ben meet?”
Dean froze. That was a bad idea. His first instinct was that Ben had to be protected from Sammy, that all of the darkness and disobedience and anger and…just everything about Sam needed to be carefully kept away from his son to keep the boy pure. “I don’t think I like that much,” he admitted. “I don’t think Lisa’s going to like that much. Why do you think that would be a good idea?”
“Sam doesn’t see himself as part of your ‘clean and pure’ new family. I think that you need to show him, not just tell him, that he can be a part of your family. That you want your new life to include him. It’ll probably take several tries, I can’t remember the last patient I saw with such ingrained self-hatred, but it’s tangible proof to him that he’s not alone, that he has a family.”
Dean sighed. “Lisa’s going to flip her lid, man.”
“Lisa doesn’t even know Sam.”
“No, but she knows what we did. She knows…”
“Well, you’re over that now, aren’t you, cher? You only did that because you were isolated, kept away from normal, healthy sexual development. Now that you’re a grown man and you’ve figured out for yourself who you’re supposed to be devoting your attention to you’re not even remotely going to be tempted by Sam.”
“Yeah. No, of course not.” He got the words out strongly, believably. He had no idea how, because behind his eyes all he could imagine was those pink lips wrapped around his cock. “No, I’d never want that again. It was sick; I’m repulsed by it. That’s probably why I reacted so strongly when I saw Sam.”
Benny gave him a gentle smile and patted his hand. “No need to fret, brother. It’s not your fault. You were kept away from anything normal or natural. But you’re both older now; you’re both going to do better. I’ll talk to Lisa about it.”
Better Benny than Dean. She eventually agreed, although, “It was a battle, brother, let me tell you.” It was left to Meg to convince Sam that this was a good idea, and Benny kept Dean updated with a series of running texts that would have made for hilarious daytime entertainment had it been someone else’s life. Sam had always been good at excuses and evasions, and the ones he gave on Thursday ran something like this:
1) I don’t do kids, Meg. You know this.
2) What is this, some kind of very awkward triple date? Should I go to the nursing home and pick up an octogenarian to level the playing field?
3) At least you’re announcing your ambush ahead of time this time, also no.
4) That won’t be fun for the kid, Meg, come on, think of him.
5) I’m washing my hair.
6) I’m running off to Afghanistan to teach English.
7) I’m painting my room. Yes, rose pink, why not.
8) I’m paying a local crime boss to do something shady so I can go arrest him that night.
9) I can’t repeat what he just said on a work phone but trust me it was nasty. You’d have a field day with it, Benny.
10) No, I don’t want to, and you can’t make me.
Ultimately, though, by the beginning of the day on Friday they’d set up a meeting place and time for Saturday night. Dean even made reservations at an Italian place not too far from his house. Sam sat with Meg and Benny at a table in the back; they waved when they saw Dean. Sam froze when he saw Ben, but Dean figured he could forgive that a little bit. It wasn’t every day that you met your eight-year-old nephew for the first time.
“Sam, this is my son, Ben. Ben, this is my brother, your Uncle Sam.” He rolled his eyes as Sam held out a gigantic paw for the kid to shake, like he was an adult or something.
Ben frowned. “I thought Uncle Adam was your brother,” he accused Dean.
Sam forced a smile. “Oh, he is. But a long time ago, I did something that the family wasn’t so proud of. So I wasn’t allowed to be in the family anymore.”
Dean closed his eyes and winced as Ben gasped. “It must have been something pretty bad. Family is everything to Dad.”
“I suppose it was, to him. But it’s not something you ever have to worry about, okay, Ben?”
He looked at Sam, whose eyes flitted from Benny to Meg in a fruitless search for help. “Okay. What kind of a doctor are you, anyway? Do you only work on giants?”
“Ben,” Dean warned, blushing.
Meg snickered. “Your Uncle Sam isn’t a doctor, kiddo. He’s an FBI agent. He’s a very, very good one, too.”
Ben’s eyes were the size of saucers now. “But I thought everyone in the family had to be a doctor!”
Dean cleared his throat. “So. Dinner.”
Meg and Benny gave him disapproving looks, but Dean couldn’t be bothered by that. Here they were trying to subvert the whole fabric of the family right off the bat! It was the whole reasons that Sam had needed to be cut out completely. What if that kind of poison had infected Adam, then where would they be? And it wasn’t like Sammy was objecting to the change. He just smiled that thin little smile and turned to his nephew. “So. Ben. Do you come here often?”
He considered. “Kind of,” he supposed. “On special occasions, sometimes. When Mom and Matt got engaged Dad took us all to dinner here. Have you ever been here before?”
“No, no, Meg and I just moved her a little while ago. We came up from Washington, DC, and now we live in Arlington.” He laughed a little. “So, Ben, I don’t really know what’s good to eat here. I like a lot of vegetables and a lot of beans. Can you tell me what’s on the menu that I’d like?”
Ben made a face. “Vegetables are gross, Uncle Sam. I like meatballs. But I guess you grew pretty big and strong…”
Dean chuckled, letting himself look at his brother for a moment. “That he did! Maybe you’ll think about eating your vegetables?”
The boy made a face. “Maybe. They’re still gross, though. And beans make you fart!”
“Ben, we’ve talked about bathroom words at the table!” Dean frowned.
Sam leaned in conspiratorially. “I’ll tell you a secret, Ben. That’s the FBI’s secret weapon.”
Ben lost himself in helpless giggles, and Dean knew then and there that the kid was hooked. Sammy might say he “didn’t do kids,” but he’d wrapped Dean’s son right around his finger just as easily as if he’d cast some sort of spell. Part of Dean basked in the knowledge; Sam could do this, they could do this, together. Having Sam back in his life didn’t have to be a horror show.
Part of him kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Ben wasn’t stupid. He noticed all of the weird little nuances about Uncle Sam. He’d picked up on the “not a doctor” thing right away. He noticed that his uncle didn’t eat much of his dinner either, just moved things around on his plate so it looked like he was keeping up. “You’re not going to get to eat dessert if you don’t eat your dinner,” he whispered to the outsider.
Meg lost it. “I keep telling him that, but he doesn’t like dessert so it doesn’t get me anywhere.”
When they got home later that night Dean found out how much more his son had noticed. He’d noticed how his uncle startled every time someone in the restaurant dropped a glass, how he didn’t talk much about himself. And he noticed how Dean didn’t look much at Uncle Sam. “Don’t you think he’s pretty?” the boy asked.
“Men are handsome,” Dean corrected automatically. “Not pretty, as a general rule.” Oh, but Sammy was pretty. So very, very pretty.
“Okay. Do you think he’ll come to my soccer game on Thursday?”
“I don’t know. I can ask. I know he’s awfully busy doing FBI stuff, sometimes he gets called out to do things at the last minute and he can’t do the things he wants to do.”
He called Sam, and then he called Sam again when Sam didn’t return his call. “Look, I know you’re busy, man, but Ben has a game on Thursday night and he asked if you’d be there. It would mean a lot to him if you could make it,” he told his brother when Sam finally picked up.
“You want me. At your son’s game.” Sam made a scoffing noise. “Really.”
“Hey, it’s Ben. What can I say; you made a pretty powerful first impression. You always did, I guess. But he’s pretty well convinced that you’re the Second Coming or something, and he wants you there. What do you say?”
“I don’t know, Dean, I mean - you can’t be comfortable with this.”
Dean shifted. He wasn’t comfortable with it, but he needed to be. “I’m getting there, Sammy. I’m getting there. We need to get used to each other again.”
“Do we?” He sighed. “What time and where? If I’m able, I’ll show. No promises.”
Sam made it. Lisa eyed him with the kind of protective eye that came from years of fear. Sam smiled politely, didn’t show offense when she didn’t shake his hand, and stood off to the side. He showed no recognition of Adam, nor did Adam acknowledge him. “He’s your brother, Adam,” Dean hissed.
“Not since I was twelve or so,” Adam growled back. “Dad said so, remember? I’m surprised at you, letting him show his face.”
“There’s other stuff going on, Adam. I just…I think it’s time to let him come home. Don’t you?” He sighed.
“He lost that option, Dean. I mean, do what you want, but I don’t have to welcome him.”
Dean couldn’t fault him for the sentiment. He’d felt the same way when Sam had first shown up, or tried to. Still, he couldn’t help but be disappointed.
Sam helped Ben right in the middle of the game, giving him some pointers while he was on the sidelines that got him two goals in the second half. Even Lisa was slowly won over by the end of the game, but Sam still slunk off when the game was over, not coming out for dinner with the rest of them. He still hadn’t volunteered anything; he’d devoted himself entirely to Ben and left again.
Benny approved of Dean’s attempts and thought that Sam’s openness to Ben was probably a good sign, but he thought that other tactics might be necessary. He arranged for a meeting between Meg and Dean. “I ain’t getting’ involved here,” he promised. “I just think you’re the people who Sam cares about the most, and who are the most likely to be able to have an effect on Sam’s behavior.”
Dean frowned. “What do you mean ‘on Sam’s behavior?’ What’s he doing?” They were at a bar in Cambridge, someplace relatively neutral.
Meg glared at him. “What, you thought going to a soccer game and suddenly ‘Poof! Little Sammy’s all better again?’” She shook her head. “People don’t work that way, Dean.”
He frowned at her. “People keep telling me that something’s wrong with him, but he seems to be doing okay from what I can see. Every time I talk to one of you G-men you keep telling me how proud I should be of him, how impressive he is. Sounds like his career is doing just fine. He’s hot as hell, so if he’s not with anyone it’s by his own damn choice and by the way, don’t you think it’s a little early to expect him to have found his true lifetime love after he just moved to Boston?” He picked up his beer and drank from it, savoring the hoppy flavor. “He must be making decent money as a Fed if he can afford to turn up his nose at a hundred thousand dollar settlement that he basically bullied out of the hospital.”
“He had nothing to do with that,” Meg told him icily. “He just wanted to walk away.”
Dean just about choked on his beer. “Excuse me?”
“Yeah. Jody called up the hospital when she heard how you treated him - she doesn’t know what went on between the two of you, but she knows he’s bi. Knows you knew he was bi when he got kicked out and drew her own conclusions. I wouldn’t let him call her off. Figured it was better than the truth, and you deserved anything you got for everything you said and everything you did.” Her tiny chin stuck out. “Donating the money was his idea.”
Dean sat back. “I thought he hated me.” He shook his head, turned his glass around in his hand. “I…why did he keep refusing my calls?”
“Because you treated him like he was some kind of toxin, some kind of infectious blanket!” she snapped. “You still are, like he’s going to somehow turn your son into a pervert or some kind of a monster. Every time I’ve seen you two together you can’t bring yourself to go near him but you’re watching him like a hawk.”
“He needs watching, Meg,” Dean told her, moistening his lips. “I don’t know what he told you about what went on between us but believe you me, I was not the one to blame there.”
Benny cleared his throat. “I think you’re getting a little off-topic here,” he suggested. “It’s less important to talk about who is responsible for you and Sam in the past than it is to talk about Sam now.” Benny’s glare was full of recrimination, and Dean leaned back in his chair. “Meg, Dean isn’t aware of Sam’s symptoms. He doesn’t see much of Sam. I know you don’t really get to see it, but Dean is trying to reach out to Sam. He’s walking a fine line between wanting to help and getting accused of stalking. Let’s try to help him figure out where the boundary is.”
Meg rolled her dark eyes and sighed. “He’s not eating. He’s not eating, he’s not sleeping and he’s not interacting. It used to be we’d get out of work and we could chill on the couch, watch a movie or a show while we ate dinner. Now he just shuts himself away in his room. We see each other on the way to and from work, or at work. And that’s not like him.”
Dean sighed. “He always got jealous when I had a new girlfriend,” he pointed out. “You think it’s maybe…you know. Benny?”
“No. I don’t.” She turned to face her boyfriend. “Are you positive that this is a good idea, hon? Because I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“You need someone’s help with him, sugar,” Benny told her.
“Why don’t you think it’s jealousy?” Dean challenged, leaning forward. “He’s used to being the only person you had to take care of. Now you’ve got another man in your life -”
“Because Sam and I weren’t ever like that,” she snapped. “It’s a bad idea, with your work partner. And because Sam’s encouraged me to go after other men. He’s never shown the slightest bit of jealousy before, not with me or with any of the people he’s dated. So you can fuck right off. He hasn’t just been sitting around and pining after you. You know, I don’t understand how little respect you’ve got for the man. I’m worried about him, Dean. He’s not well.”
Dean rubbed his hands through his hair. “What do you want from me, Meg?”
“I want to know what exactly you mean to do with him, Dean,” she told him tiredly, shoulders slumping for a moment. “I mean, I didn’t bring him to Boston so he could get worse.”
Dean scoffed. “What are you talking about, ‘get worse?’ He’s fine.”
“He’s not fine, you jackass.” Benny put a hand on her arm, and Meg settled down. “You know, when I met him, we hated each other. He was this guy, fresh out of Stanford Law and right into Quantico. He seemed to have the whole world on a plate, right in front of him. He knew exactly what he wanted and he wasn’t shy about going for it, either. And he cared. Holy crap did he care. After Georgia he pulled back. Wasn’t interested in dating anymore - stopped trying, stopped accepting. If one of us dragged him out though, he’d still come."
She sighed. “I came up to Boston, yeah, because I wanted to be closer to my family. But I also…I figured it would be good for him to get away. To make a fresh start. See if he could form some attachments, maybe. Not even necessarily romantic attachments, but find something to hold onto. A hobby, something. And at first I thought it was working. You know, he really hit it off with Jody, we could all go out and watch a game or something. But ever since you came back into his life - ever since he had to sit there and hear you say that you couldn’t even stand to look at him - it’s all gone right out the window and all he does is his job. He works, he goes to the gym and he sits in his room."
The agent glowered and toyed with her coaster. “I figured…hell, I don’t know what I figured. I figured that you’d care. Or something. Worry.”
Dean’s fingers toyed with his tie, more or less of their own accord. “Look, Meg,” he tried. “He won’t even let me in. I want to help, I do, but he doesn’t take my calls and he sure as hell doesn’t seem to enjoy my company. Find him some girl. Hook them up, let him get good and attached to her.”
Benny scowled at him. “Dean, you’re being a jackass. You’re acting like the jealous ex here, even though you’re accusing Sam of jealousy.”
Dean slapped the table. It stung. “What’s your suggestion, then? He doesn’t want me around!”
“Do you think you could try to be around him without being a judgmental jerk?” his friend suggested. “Try spending some time with him just because you want to. Go…I don’t know. Go grab dinner with him. Just the two of you, just because it’s fun.”
“It’s not fun,” Dean objected, draining his glass. “It’s like walking on glass. He doesn’t say anything, and I feel like I’m walking on broken glass barefoot trying to say something that won’t piss him off or whatever. He hates me.”
“So give him a chance to not hate you,” Meg urged. “Take him out tomorrow night. Make him eat something too,” she added. “He needs it.”
“He’s never eaten much when something’s bugging him,” Dean added without thinking. “It’s just him.”
“I’ve noticed,” she sniffed. “Anyway. I figure between the two of us we can do our thing, on our own, and maybe compare notes and try to work with each other on the sly to try to help him out behind his back.”
Dean cringed. “Doing anything behind his back has never worked out well for anyone,” he admitted, “but I have to admit that it’s probably the best idea.” He picked up his phone and went to dial.
Meg put a hand on his. “He prefers text.”
Dean rolled his eyes, but he obediently typed out a text. Hey. What are you doing tomorrow night around eight thirty?
The reply came back within a minute. Putting my ammo in order by size and manufacturer. Why?
I thought we might grab a beer or something. You up for it? There’s a place in Allston, has a hundred and twelve beers on tap.
The response took several minutes to come back, and Dean frowned at his companions. “He’s not on board.”
“Give him a minute, Dean,” Benny urged. “He’s got to wrap his head around this - I mean, it’s kind of out of character for what you’ve been showing him for the past few weeks.”
Finally the response did come back. Sure. I’ll be there at eight thirty. See you then.
You could have knocked Dean over with beer foam.
The next day passed in a haze of anxiety and anticipation for Dean. He hadn’t felt like this in years, decades - not since he’d been in high school, getting ready to take some girl out and maybe score or something. And even then he’d had the sure thing of Sam at home if the girl wasn’t on board. Now he didn’t have that, and he wasn’t exactly hoping to score with Sam. Probably.
No, he wasn’t. It would be a terrible idea. Sure, Sam was hot, but Dean knew better now and he wasn’t into guys. Had never been into guys, only Sam, and they didn’t need to do that because they had healthier options. Getting back together wasn’t on the table and it wasn’t what either of them was looking for.
Still, he wanted to show Sam…something. He wanted to show him that he respected him by looking nice for him, he guessed. He wanted to show Sam that he was successful, that he’d made something of himself by sticking with their father - that he’d outdone Sam, even though he’d been obedient. And he honestly wanted to show Sam that he’d given something up by walking away.
Sam met him at the bar exactly on time. He’d clearly come from work, just as Dean had; his suit had been unbuttoned and his tie loosened, but that was absolutely his “Fed suit” and the way it had rumpled around him screamed that he’d been wearing it all day. He looked tired but he smiled when he saw Dean, like he was almost happy to see him. They got seats, they got beers and they ordered food.
The conversation was awkward, at first. Dean felt like every possible avenue of conversation was forbidden at first. He asked about the shoulder. Sam answered. Sam asked about Dean’s day at work. Dean babbled until he felt like Sam had to be ready to fall asleep. Their food came. Finally Sam asked about Ben.
“He’s doing well. He asked about you again. He’s got another game coming up, says he wants you there.”
Sam blushed. He’d always blushed so prettily. Even now, with that five o’clock shadow crawling over his jaw, the effect still went straight to Dean’s groin. Fuck. “Seriously?” Sam scoffed, oblivious to the sexual crisis going on in Dean’s body. “I mean, he’s a nice kid and if he actually wants me there I’ll go, but why would he…I mean, I’m just some creepy giant he met once. Why would he have any interest in seeing me again?”
Dean shrugged and reached for his water. “I mean, who knows why kids fixate on anything, but you gave him pointers that won the game for his team the last time you were there. That probably has a lot to do with it. Plus, you talked to him like he’s a person. The rest of us mostly remember him as a little kid, from when he was still learning to talk and stuff. You know, you don’t have that. You’ve always known him the way he is now. Toilet trained and everything.” He chuckled and, much to his surprise, Sam chuckled right along with him. “He’s pretty into you, though.”
“Well, I’ll be there then.” Sam looked to the side for a moment. “I’m not much good with kids. Never really was.”
“Couldn’t prove it by Ben, man. It’s, uh, it’s good to see you hanging around him, you know? Makes it feel like things are getting better.”
Sam toyed with his beer. “Yeah. It does.”
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