Second day of College and the Boyfreind confusion
So, second day of college. Not too bad. I'm liking Gen. Phsyc. Less and less. But liking French more and more. Eng. Comp. Is kind of the mid ground, the teacher seems nice but basicly, not there to make friends, but be friendly as she teaches, you know what I mean? Tomorrow is the first Music History and App. Class. I"m excited to see who's in my class. There were people in some of the classes today that weren't there the first day. And OMG there is like THE hottest guy in English comp! And his name is Greg! I like looked over at the teacher and he was in my line of sight and I like did a double take. All I could think was "Damn... you musta not been here the first day cause I SURE as heck woulda remembered you..." Then I felt like a whore and moved on. lol. I kinda crapped out the Essay. I didn't even bring the story sheet in with me, I forgot it in my car. So I had no prep, no idea what I was gonna write about and I kinda guessed on what promt I used. So yeah... not expecting much. I really had no idea what I was doing... I'm hoping no one else really did either. So anyway, I saw Savannah and Zsolt at the Bookstore. Savannah was a bit stand off-ish at first but Zsolt wasn't and I talking with him while she walked around and then eventually she warmed up and came over and we all talked a while. Also saw Ryan there and he actaully waved at me... friendly... I almost looked behind me to see if someone else was there he knew. lol Anyway not a bad day for College. I love the learning atmosphere. Except I"d like people to be a little more talkative. Again in the classes before the teacher got there I had to be the one to make conversation. I like networking lol I guess that's waht it's called. Making new friends? Sargin (SP) is one I'd really like to be good friends with. She seems very nice and Quite interesting. I love learning about other cultures.
Ok, so weird? I went to pick up my car from dad today and we were talking about College and I started asking him some questions about when he went to College. First off, he quite and moved away after the first year cause he was failing and he had just divorced Martha (Now his nextdoor neibhor) and wanted to get away from her and where she was. (Which I totally understand.) So after a long life lesson story, he went back to College and I found out was on the Deans list (What is that?) and was a History Major..... A HISTORY MAJOR??? My Dad? No way.... weird... that's kinda like me taking a Nursing class or something. Just totally outa no where. We actually talked like we liked eachother for the first time since... well I can't remember when but it's been a while.
So I came to a realization today. I've been fantasizing about having a boyfriend recently, and I didn't even realize it. It hit me today in Gen. Phsyc. and again in English Comp. There was a boy in GP that was cute and kept looking at me and then looking away when I'd catch him. And I started to do that thing you do when you start evaluating how interested you could be in a person when you first see them. (Yeah shallow I know, but it's improvment. Maybe some Shallowness isn't all bad?) So Then in English Comp. After I saw the Greg guy I was thinking about what kind of guy I would end up with. Cause As hot as he was, he wasn't my type. I don't really see myself with the bad boy major hot kinda guy. So I started trying to define what I was looking for in a guy. In personality, body type and other areas. So I figure I'll list them out later and maybe that'll be an interesting self-experiment. But part of my problem is I really don't know. Like Charlie said (And I hated him for it when he did, and hate him even more for it now that I feel the same way.) I haven't dated enough to know what I want. To know what personaliy types work best with mine. But my argument to him still stands and I know if it's right, it'll happen. "If it's love, it doesn't mater if you've dated 1 or a hundred different people. You know that the person you're with is the most perfect person for you in all the world and you don't need to try different personalities or experiences to know that you never ever wanna be apart from them. No one else matters." I want that feeling again. I want to feel like that again. I want someone to feel like that about me again. I want to have a private world with one special person where nothing else really matters as long as he and I are there for eachother. I wanna sit out nights under the bridge listening to cars and olding eachother watching the lake and the lights dancing off the water. (And him take off his jacket and give it to me cause I was cold.) I wanna sit in his car and talk and laugh and listen to music and just waste time till god knows when in the morning. I wanna come home to him asleep in my bed and lay down next to him and fall asleep. Or come home from band camp or work, or whatever so mad I could kill and complain to him about how much I hate everyone and everything and him listen and hate them all just as much as I do and then make it all ok with his kiss... wow... I didn't realize how much nice things I actually missed about Charlie.... I want those back... With him... but not him.... I want a boyfriend like the old him... but I don't think that's a good idea... serious things like that aren't smart yet. At least not for a while. But I do know I want a boyfriend. A casual one maybe? I don't know. The more I think about it, the more I wonder if that's what I really want and get confussed.... oh well. It's not importent.
I love LiveJournal, it helps me sort out my thoughts. I guess I could do the same thing on Microsoft word... but for some reason it's not the same.... no little Emo-Faces maybe? Oh well, I"m done for now, so TTFN, Tata for now!
Greg
To be Continued...
P.S. To Self: Don't do it. Stop right there and knock it off. Just no. I'll hit you!
Ok, so weird? I went to pick up my car from dad today and we were talking about College and I started asking him some questions about when he went to College. First off, he quite and moved away after the first year cause he was failing and he had just divorced Martha (Now his nextdoor neibhor) and wanted to get away from her and where she was. (Which I totally understand.) So after a long life lesson story, he went back to College and I found out was on the Deans list (What is that?) and was a History Major..... A HISTORY MAJOR??? My Dad? No way.... weird... that's kinda like me taking a Nursing class or something. Just totally outa no where. We actually talked like we liked eachother for the first time since... well I can't remember when but it's been a while.
So I came to a realization today. I've been fantasizing about having a boyfriend recently, and I didn't even realize it. It hit me today in Gen. Phsyc. and again in English Comp. There was a boy in GP that was cute and kept looking at me and then looking away when I'd catch him. And I started to do that thing you do when you start evaluating how interested you could be in a person when you first see them. (Yeah shallow I know, but it's improvment. Maybe some Shallowness isn't all bad?) So Then in English Comp. After I saw the Greg guy I was thinking about what kind of guy I would end up with. Cause As hot as he was, he wasn't my type. I don't really see myself with the bad boy major hot kinda guy. So I started trying to define what I was looking for in a guy. In personality, body type and other areas. So I figure I'll list them out later and maybe that'll be an interesting self-experiment. But part of my problem is I really don't know. Like Charlie said (And I hated him for it when he did, and hate him even more for it now that I feel the same way.) I haven't dated enough to know what I want. To know what personaliy types work best with mine. But my argument to him still stands and I know if it's right, it'll happen. "If it's love, it doesn't mater if you've dated 1 or a hundred different people. You know that the person you're with is the most perfect person for you in all the world and you don't need to try different personalities or experiences to know that you never ever wanna be apart from them. No one else matters." I want that feeling again. I want to feel like that again. I want someone to feel like that about me again. I want to have a private world with one special person where nothing else really matters as long as he and I are there for eachother. I wanna sit out nights under the bridge listening to cars and olding eachother watching the lake and the lights dancing off the water. (And him take off his jacket and give it to me cause I was cold.) I wanna sit in his car and talk and laugh and listen to music and just waste time till god knows when in the morning. I wanna come home to him asleep in my bed and lay down next to him and fall asleep. Or come home from band camp or work, or whatever so mad I could kill and complain to him about how much I hate everyone and everything and him listen and hate them all just as much as I do and then make it all ok with his kiss... wow... I didn't realize how much nice things I actually missed about Charlie.... I want those back... With him... but not him.... I want a boyfriend like the old him... but I don't think that's a good idea... serious things like that aren't smart yet. At least not for a while. But I do know I want a boyfriend. A casual one maybe? I don't know. The more I think about it, the more I wonder if that's what I really want and get confussed.... oh well. It's not importent.
I love LiveJournal, it helps me sort out my thoughts. I guess I could do the same thing on Microsoft word... but for some reason it's not the same.... no little Emo-Faces maybe? Oh well, I"m done for now, so TTFN, Tata for now!
Greg
To be Continued...
P.S. To Self: Don't do it. Stop right there and knock it off. Just no. I'll hit you!