My entire family, on both sides - not my parents and brother, who could not give less of a shit what I weigh or how I look as long as I'm happy with myself - is absolutely obsessed with weight. They're always commenting on my female cousins' and aunts' looks: "Oh, Amy looks so good, she lost ten pounds," or "Your Aunt Linda lost thirty pounds for her daughter's wedding in October, isn't that amazing?" Nothing any of us does holds any merit unless we're rail-thin. I have never been rail thin and never will be, even if I lose half of my current body weight. I'm not built that way. It used to upset me in high school, when I looked around and saw all these tall, lithe, tanned athletic girls; I look at photos of myself from then and realize I had a bangin' Marilyn Monroe body.
My mother was always ostracized by my dad's family for not being skinny like Dad's sister - of course, she was a bulimic headcase, but who cares, she's thin, and it wasn't until she lost a lot of weight before my parents' wedding that his parents started treating her with the least bit of respect. And she grew up being picked on by her brother and sisters for being the "fat" one, although pictures of her in high school yield that "not fat at ALL" response - she just wasn't a stick.
I'm well aware that my relatives see me as that fat lesbian, and that they think it is enormously funny. All I've heard my entire life about my female cousins is how thin they are and that they're cheerleaders and they just can never seem to eat a thing. And now that we're older, it's about how they're all getting married and starting families and isn't that just incredibly wonderful? Sure, if that's what you want, but like you, I am quite attuned to the fact that intellectual pursuits in my family mean less than nothing if you're a female, it's how you look that counts.
It really angers me that this is all anyone can focus on. Who gives a shit how much a person weighs? Shouldn't the focus be on being healthy, instead? I think the most important thing in the world is how you feel about yourself. And I admire and applaud your efforts to both be healthy and feel good about yourself, while shifting the focus from the weight loss itself and turning it into something incidental.
Oh yeah. I think that people's obsession with other people's weight comes straight from their neurosis/insecurity about their own. They take their own batshit out on everyone else. I see this a lot with my mom. She's quite slender not only for a woman in her 60s, but for any age - yet she's maniacally convinced that she's fat. (Probably body dysmorphic disorder...) And guess what, she makes horribly cutting remarks about people who are overweight --- which is bizarre coming from her, because other than that one issue, she's one of the sweetest, kindest, most compassionate people I know.
It's so awful and even strange how much family can affect us. I'm so glad your parents and brother have never been on your case. Mine haven't either, really, but over the last ten years or so my father went from an avowed chocoholic to a health and fitness freak, and will sometimes give us (my sister, my mother, and I) grief over food choices when we're informed adults and really, if I want to eat some chocolate or whatever, that's my choice and I'm accepting the consequences. He also talks to me a lot about how he wishes my mother would get more exercise, but I have no idea if he actually nags her about it or how she feels.
That sucks about your mother. I felt like the fat kid in high school too, when really I just wasn't a skinny teen, and I wasn't finished growing. I only acquired a waist after high school. High school phys ed has a lot to answer for, I think.
My female cousins are quite similar to yours. They seem to spend much more time and money on hair, makeup, and clothes than I do, and care more about fashion. And yeah, marriage is starting to become a Thing. Of course, that was always the other big question from my relatives: do you have a boyfriend? I figured everyone just thought I was a lesbian because the answer was always no. I wish I was capable of lying so I could still answer no, because again, who cares? No one's worth should be measured by whether they have a partner.
My entire family, on both sides - not my parents and brother, who could not give less of a shit what I weigh or how I look as long as I'm happy with myself - is absolutely obsessed with weight. They're always commenting on my female cousins' and aunts' looks: "Oh, Amy looks so good, she lost ten pounds," or "Your Aunt Linda lost thirty pounds for her daughter's wedding in October, isn't that amazing?" Nothing any of us does holds any merit unless we're rail-thin. I have never been rail thin and never will be, even if I lose half of my current body weight. I'm not built that way. It used to upset me in high school, when I looked around and saw all these tall, lithe, tanned athletic girls; I look at photos of myself from then and realize I had a bangin' Marilyn Monroe body.
My mother was always ostracized by my dad's family for not being skinny like Dad's sister - of course, she was a bulimic headcase, but who cares, she's thin, and it wasn't until she lost a lot of weight before my parents' wedding that his parents started treating her with the least bit of respect. And she grew up being picked on by her brother and sisters for being the "fat" one, although pictures of her in high school yield that "not fat at ALL" response - she just wasn't a stick.
I'm well aware that my relatives see me as that fat lesbian, and that they think it is enormously funny. All I've heard my entire life about my female cousins is how thin they are and that they're cheerleaders and they just can never seem to eat a thing. And now that we're older, it's about how they're all getting married and starting families and isn't that just incredibly wonderful? Sure, if that's what you want, but like you, I am quite attuned to the fact that intellectual pursuits in my family mean less than nothing if you're a female, it's how you look that counts.
It really angers me that this is all anyone can focus on. Who gives a shit how much a person weighs? Shouldn't the focus be on being healthy, instead? I think the most important thing in the world is how you feel about yourself. And I admire and applaud your efforts to both be healthy and feel good about yourself, while shifting the focus from the weight loss itself and turning it into something incidental.
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That sucks about your mother. I felt like the fat kid in high school too, when really I just wasn't a skinny teen, and I wasn't finished growing. I only acquired a waist after high school. High school phys ed has a lot to answer for, I think.
My female cousins are quite similar to yours. They seem to spend much more time and money on hair, makeup, and clothes than I do, and care more about fashion. And yeah, marriage is starting to become a Thing. Of course, that was always the other big question from my relatives: do you have a boyfriend? I figured everyone just thought I was a lesbian because the answer was always no. I wish I was capable of lying so I could still answer no, because again, who cares? No one's worth should be measured by whether they have a partner.
Big love and hugs to you! <333
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