I hope I can be forgiven for the narcissism inherent in this post. This is silly and melodramatic, but I feel like disaster has followed me lately
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I love you too, my Live journal and Real Life (not that LJ is not real espcailly in times of crisis when it came be like a lifeline or sanity line) friend.
My mum said something similar today. We were driving out to Sumner, one of the most badly hit suburbs to help mum's friend clear out her house, because the roads are getting worse and worse (her friend Anna's parter Rob said you could actually see the cracks in the road getting wider, daily) and she thought that soon the road or the house would be condemned, and she wanted to salvage as much as possible. We were driving slowly over buckled roads and around holes in the pavement and she said it makes you realise how fragile life is. How you never know how one decision you make is going to affect you for the rest of your life, or end it. But how it doesn't pay to dwell on that. Appreciate life, sure, but you can't live in fear that your life is going to end at any moment.
Which is... going to be tough, in coming days. I have been multiple pictures of crushed buses and I have read profiles of people who were crushed inside those buses. I catch the bus every day. Into town. Once work starts up again I am either going to have to come to terms that I'm catching a bus down a street in which dozens of people died, some of them on a bus on this same route, or I am going to have to walk into town, finding a route that is safe, is nowhere near overhanging buildings or anything like that, and get up a couple of hours earlier in the morning. Right now I'm seriously considering getting up a couple of hours earlier and walking in, even though I know, logically, that by the time work is open again, the CBD is going to be a bit safer... and there isn't going to be anything left to fall on a bus. Still... I'm not looking forward to my first bus ride once public transport starts up again. I think it will be a ride full of fear. Doable, but I really don't want to.
But you can't live in fear, you know? Argh.
And I didn't read any narcissism in your post. I think the only way we can react to trauma is how it affects us personally.
That's terrible for your mum's friend. I guess there are parts of the city that might not be salvageable? That would be a really hard thing to deal with.
I thought about you on the bus, before I knew you were safe. You're not being paranoid to worry. I was thinking, what if you were working at 1pm again and on a late bus into the city at 12.51?! The thing is that nowhere is truly safe if it happens again, and I wouldn't blame you for wanting to walk for a while. Hopefully you'd feel better about taking the bus in the future, but... yeah. The stories about the buses were horrible to hear. It seems like pure chance: a bus on the road during the quake, passing a building that fell... it's not fair, really.
I think there are going to be parts that need to be completely demolished and rebuilt from scratch. There were streets on the drive to her house, some of which had been fenced off and others just had spraypaint over the entrance saying DANGER, NO ENTRY, 23/2/11. The house was right up on the hill, gorgeous view of everything, but the hill had started to collapse. The suburb on the hill over, where a couple of friends of ours live, had been totally evacuated in case the whole hill came down. I don't know if people are going to be able to live there again, I think it's way too early to tell.
I think the CBD is salvageable though. Not all of the buildings, but the ground it stands on. They're already talking about rebuilding the cathedral brick by brick, more as a symbol to Chch than a religious rebuild-the-church thing, which is nice.
And hey, they cancelled our census that was supposed to be going out next week. Historically they've only cancelled it twice before, in the depression and in WWII. Which... really puts things in perspective.
Also this picture here, of the building my cousin Jen was in at the time of the quake which is horrifying. She was on the 4th floor and got out okay. But look at it, in there! That is horrific! (She's okay though, she is unhurt and is not back at her parents place on the west coast, showering comfortabley)
My mum said something similar today. We were driving out to Sumner, one of the most badly hit suburbs to help mum's friend clear out her house, because the roads are getting worse and worse (her friend Anna's parter Rob said you could actually see the cracks in the road getting wider, daily) and she thought that soon the road or the house would be condemned, and she wanted to salvage as much as possible. We were driving slowly over buckled roads and around holes in the pavement and she said it makes you realise how fragile life is. How you never know how one decision you make is going to affect you for the rest of your life, or end it. But how it doesn't pay to dwell on that. Appreciate life, sure, but you can't live in fear that your life is going to end at any moment.
Which is... going to be tough, in coming days. I have been multiple pictures of crushed buses and I have read profiles of people who were crushed inside those buses. I catch the bus every day. Into town. Once work starts up again I am either going to have to come to terms that I'm catching a bus down a street in which dozens of people died, some of them on a bus on this same route, or I am going to have to walk into town, finding a route that is safe, is nowhere near overhanging buildings or anything like that, and get up a couple of hours earlier in the morning. Right now I'm seriously considering getting up a couple of hours earlier and walking in, even though I know, logically, that by the time work is open again, the CBD is going to be a bit safer... and there isn't going to be anything left to fall on a bus. Still... I'm not looking forward to my first bus ride once public transport starts up again. I think it will be a ride full of fear. Doable, but I really don't want to.
But you can't live in fear, you know? Argh.
And I didn't read any narcissism in your post. I think the only way we can react to trauma is how it affects us personally.
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I thought about you on the bus, before I knew you were safe. You're not being paranoid to worry. I was thinking, what if you were working at 1pm again and on a late bus into the city at 12.51?! The thing is that nowhere is truly safe if it happens again, and I wouldn't blame you for wanting to walk for a while. Hopefully you'd feel better about taking the bus in the future, but... yeah. The stories about the buses were horrible to hear. It seems like pure chance: a bus on the road during the quake, passing a building that fell... it's not fair, really.
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I think the CBD is salvageable though. Not all of the buildings, but the ground it stands on. They're already talking about rebuilding the cathedral brick by brick, more as a symbol to Chch than a religious rebuild-the-church thing, which is nice.
And hey, they cancelled our census that was supposed to be going out next week. Historically they've only cancelled it twice before, in the depression and in WWII. Which... really puts things in perspective.
Also this picture here, of the building my cousin Jen was in at the time of the quake which is horrifying. She was on the 4th floor and got out okay. But look at it, in there! That is horrific! (She's okay though, she is unhurt and is not back at her parents place on the west coast, showering comfortabley)
I miss showers :(
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Aww, poor Jen! At least she has the shower, though. I hope you get a shower soon.
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