Dear Matthew Newton,
Okay, I'm becoming a little bit concerned, Matthew. I'm concerned that maybe, just maybe, the floppy hair and the twinkly eyes and the cheeky smile is all just an act. Maybe you're not the wholesome son of Bert Newton, everyone's favourite television star from days of yore. Maybe, just maybe, you're a big fat SLEAZE.
Prove me wrong and pick a new persona next time you go on Thank God You're Here, okay?
Loving your current hair length, though. Except for how I'm not fooled by your continued attempts to pretend your hairline is not, in fact, receding. It's okay, Matt. You can get a toupee. I'd still love you. (Probably.)
By the way, are you ever, like, completely embarrassed by your father and his attempts to remain relevant? I mean, come on, 20 to 1, what is that about? Is the Newton family really that hard-up? Tell the truth, Matthew: are you getting enough to eat? Brooke was looking pretty gaunt on Tripping Over tonight. Hey, have you ever noticed how much she kind of looks like Billie Piper?
Suspicion and concern,
saffronlie P.S. Have you ever thought about making a children's album, like Justine Clarke? Or replacing the Yellow Wiggle? Just a thought.