A Study of Love Versus Infatuation
Yeah, so I figured I'd start doing this like an art gallery. These few weeks will be 'The Love Collection,' in which I rip apart all sorts of ridiculous love poems. Quite fun. Today's entry is rather short, as it's meant to be more of a little pick-me-up for those a bit under the weather, but it'll still meet or surpass my rigorous quality control standards.
Today's entry is entitled 'I Love You.' Well, I suppose what it lacks in brevity it makes up for in originality. The author is someone monikered 'Angel Baby,' which makes me wonder whether the shame of attaching her real name to this is actually greater than going by such an insipid handle.
I Love You (or, A Study on Love Versus Infatuation)
I never really knew you
You were just another friend
Ah, what better way to begin a romance for the ages than by declaring a random stranger your friend? Even worse, she seems to think of friends as more of a burden than anything else, dismissing them with much disdain and the proverbial frenchman's wave. If that's how you feel, don't you think you should find a more esteemed pool of candidates to choose a true love from?
But when I got to know you,
I let my heart unbend.
Now, I'm no medical professional, but it seems to me that a bent heart would probably be great cause for concern. I imagine that seeking some sort of doctor would probably be a good idea upon contracting such a condition, but Angel Baby obviously knows better. Or perhaps she was so desperate for love she bent her own heart as punishment, vowing to forcefully keep it that way until it gave up and granted her the love she so rightly deserves. Either way, it can't be a good idea to withhold treatment from yourself for serious medical conditions for the sake of someone you never really knew.
I couldn't help past memories
Oh, right, as opposed to that future you remember. Merlin syndrome seems awfully prevalent in love poems.
that would only make me cry
...so I just don't bother thinking anymore. Makes things a breeze! (much like the one that whistles through one ear and out the other)
I had to forget my first love
and give love another try
One of the major indicators of sentience is the ability to learn from past mistakes, and apply those lessons to similar future situations. While the Angel Baby specimen seems to retain the knowledge that mistakes were indeed made in the past, she seems uncertain as to what those mistakes were. Furthermore, despite knowing what these mistakes pertained to, she shows no hesitation to throw herself back into a similar situation without even ATTEMPTING to remember what went wrong the last time. I hereby move to declare dippy teenagers as being below sentience.
So I've fallen in love with you
and I'll never let you go
So not only does true love know no bounds, I guess it knows no bathroom breaks, either. This seems somewhat akin to a lost child grabbing a random stranger by the ankles and insisting it's their mother. Never before has the line between innocent teenage crush and psychotic stalker been so fine.
I love you more than anyone
I just had to let you know
Hey, here's your pencil back, thanks for letting me borrow it. Oh, and did I mention I love you more than anyone? Just thought I'd let you know.
And if you ever wonder why
I don't know what I'll say
Oh, don't you just hate it when you find the love of your life and you can't think of any reason why that is? Seems to me that if you're going to be loving someone more than ANYONE, even going so far as to make yourself second fiddle, you ought to have some pretty fucking compelling reasons why. Or AT LEAST an inkling.
But I'll never stop loving you
each and every day
My feelings for you will never change
Just like they never changed about last guy? And if you're really so sure you'll never stop loving him, then why do you feel the need to include that second bit? I suppose love is like a swimming pool, and you have to change the chlorine out every few days, lest your heart become covered in algae. Are we really supposed to believe that you couldn't find a better rhyme than 'day?' She's trying awfully hard to convince herself
Just know my feelings are true
Do you swear to feel the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God? Sure, everyone else may have feelings, but MINE are the RIGHT ones! Opinion and fact are two polar opposites, and it's going to take a heck of a lot more force than this silly twit's junior high crush to change that.
Just remember one thing
I Love You!
Yeah, THAT'll win him Final Jeopardy. But I suppose if he had to choose one thing to remember, it'd be that she loves him! Obviously nothing trivial like his name, his address, his phone number, those ingrained theme songs from The Flintstones and Gilligans Island... Why, if he ever gets amnesia, he needn't worry! Her love for him will provide more peace of mind than any mere identity ever could!
In all, I give this poem two of thirteen. Brevity deserves notice, no matter how insipid.
Today's entry is entitled 'I Love You.' Well, I suppose what it lacks in brevity it makes up for in originality. The author is someone monikered 'Angel Baby,' which makes me wonder whether the shame of attaching her real name to this is actually greater than going by such an insipid handle.
I Love You (or, A Study on Love Versus Infatuation)
I never really knew you
You were just another friend
Ah, what better way to begin a romance for the ages than by declaring a random stranger your friend? Even worse, she seems to think of friends as more of a burden than anything else, dismissing them with much disdain and the proverbial frenchman's wave. If that's how you feel, don't you think you should find a more esteemed pool of candidates to choose a true love from?
But when I got to know you,
I let my heart unbend.
Now, I'm no medical professional, but it seems to me that a bent heart would probably be great cause for concern. I imagine that seeking some sort of doctor would probably be a good idea upon contracting such a condition, but Angel Baby obviously knows better. Or perhaps she was so desperate for love she bent her own heart as punishment, vowing to forcefully keep it that way until it gave up and granted her the love she so rightly deserves. Either way, it can't be a good idea to withhold treatment from yourself for serious medical conditions for the sake of someone you never really knew.
I couldn't help past memories
Oh, right, as opposed to that future you remember. Merlin syndrome seems awfully prevalent in love poems.
that would only make me cry
...so I just don't bother thinking anymore. Makes things a breeze! (much like the one that whistles through one ear and out the other)
I had to forget my first love
and give love another try
One of the major indicators of sentience is the ability to learn from past mistakes, and apply those lessons to similar future situations. While the Angel Baby specimen seems to retain the knowledge that mistakes were indeed made in the past, she seems uncertain as to what those mistakes were. Furthermore, despite knowing what these mistakes pertained to, she shows no hesitation to throw herself back into a similar situation without even ATTEMPTING to remember what went wrong the last time. I hereby move to declare dippy teenagers as being below sentience.
So I've fallen in love with you
and I'll never let you go
So not only does true love know no bounds, I guess it knows no bathroom breaks, either. This seems somewhat akin to a lost child grabbing a random stranger by the ankles and insisting it's their mother. Never before has the line between innocent teenage crush and psychotic stalker been so fine.
I love you more than anyone
I just had to let you know
Hey, here's your pencil back, thanks for letting me borrow it. Oh, and did I mention I love you more than anyone? Just thought I'd let you know.
And if you ever wonder why
I don't know what I'll say
Oh, don't you just hate it when you find the love of your life and you can't think of any reason why that is? Seems to me that if you're going to be loving someone more than ANYONE, even going so far as to make yourself second fiddle, you ought to have some pretty fucking compelling reasons why. Or AT LEAST an inkling.
But I'll never stop loving you
each and every day
My feelings for you will never change
Just like they never changed about last guy? And if you're really so sure you'll never stop loving him, then why do you feel the need to include that second bit? I suppose love is like a swimming pool, and you have to change the chlorine out every few days, lest your heart become covered in algae. Are we really supposed to believe that you couldn't find a better rhyme than 'day?' She's trying awfully hard to convince herself
Just know my feelings are true
Do you swear to feel the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God? Sure, everyone else may have feelings, but MINE are the RIGHT ones! Opinion and fact are two polar opposites, and it's going to take a heck of a lot more force than this silly twit's junior high crush to change that.
Just remember one thing
I Love You!
Yeah, THAT'll win him Final Jeopardy. But I suppose if he had to choose one thing to remember, it'd be that she loves him! Obviously nothing trivial like his name, his address, his phone number, those ingrained theme songs from The Flintstones and Gilligans Island... Why, if he ever gets amnesia, he needn't worry! Her love for him will provide more peace of mind than any mere identity ever could!
In all, I give this poem two of thirteen. Brevity deserves notice, no matter how insipid.