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Apr 04, 2007 23:39

Okay so I'm a boring 16 almost 17 year old that lacks feelings and emotions.  It kind of sucks in a way.  I just feel like I'm living life and not having emotional attachments to anything or anyone.  That's my problem.  If someone pisses me off then I say, "fuck you" and it's over.  I don't accept apologies (often) and I don't really care about relationships unless it would be a best friend.  Fortunately, I've never had to worry about that.  So right now I'm on spring break and being in California has made me realize a few things:
A) The teenagers here are actually the exact same but they think that they are different.  We both party but they do it in a more "cool" manner.  They go to dancing clubs and we go to house parties.  They think they're all badass because they drink.  "Dude I had 2 beers last night and I was sooo gone.  Totally the life of the party."  Inside my head I'm thinking, "Wow that's funny because I had about 7 and was completely coherent."  Haha, I'd never say that though because sometimes it's funny to let people's egos inflate.  Also, California people think that they're the only ones with money in the whole world.  Can you believe that someone from Maryland knows what Chanel is?  Oh my gosh.  No, not channel like what you watch on TV, but Chanel a designer brand...shocking.  Haha that exact encounter didn't occur, but I can tell that they're shocked when they see my Betsey Johnson purse and somewhat stylish clothing.  I love it.  Oh and my last part about money... I was driving around with this guy Jessie last night (mm hott and I think we're hanging out tomorrow scoreee) and he acts like having his GMC with leather interior is the hottest thing besides the sun.  If he doesn't pipe down, I'll be sure to let him know that two of my best friends drive a Lexus and a BMW.  How about that for class?
B) Getting a tan in California is the easiest thing I have ever done.  I'm pretty sure that all of the money that Tan Stand makes off of me is greater than the cost of living in California and getting a natural, sun tan.  It's so easy because you don't feel yourself tanning.  On the east coast at a beach you work up a sweat and are basically dying on a towel infront of the sun for hours and hours.  Here, you can lay out for 4 hours, feel like you got nothing, and come home a bronzed goddess.  I can't wait to go out tomorrow and the next day.  It really is nice and relaxing even if I'm getting cancer along the way.
C) I have no hope for a love life in the near future.  Not one guy has called or texted me besides Stephen.  AND, Stephen called because I had called him earlier.  What a sad life haha.  I really am tired of this slump I've been in.  I haven't even hooked up with anyone in like a month!  I'm not sad about that though because I really am grateful.  It was getting a little out of hand and I needed a slow down.  However, a complete hault with everything wasn't exactly what I was looking for.  So what am I looking for?  A tall-ish, brown-haired boy with green eyes, and a backwards hat.  Maybe even an athlete or someone that excels at a particular activity (besides eating).  Someone that plays hard to get but I eventually get.  He's sincere, fun, and goal-oriented.  He has an alright fashion sense; not metro or a complete slob... just a casual dresser- khaki shorts and a shirt and flip flops are perfect.  He doesn't have to love me right away, in fact I wish that he wouldn't.  At some point it'd be good but only once I love him.  I want him to be someone I dream about, and wake up thinking about.  I guess that's impossible to find but hell, I'm a wishful thinker.
D) Cheap people bother me and I wish they wouldn't.  I don't even want to write more on this subject matter because I feel like an awful person for my previous statement.
There are 4 things.  I know I've learned a lot more but honestly, nobody really cares and the things I've learned I already know.  I'd like to come here more often.  It really clears my head.  Something tells me that I was meant for the west coast.  The laid-back atmosphere.  Family life here is almost unheard of it seems.  There aren't home-cooked family dinners every night or back scratchies before bed.  Just lots of unnecessary money spending and way too much bleach.  So maybe what I said earlier isn't true.  Maybe the east coast really is for me.  In a dream world I'd live on the east coast but spend my summers out here.  I love it.  I feel like saturday is coming way too soon.

Love to everyone that reads this.  Comments are always welcomed.

With love, Sarah
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