(no subject)
Mom. I miss her terribly. Is it bad that sometimes I think about what my life would be like, if my dad died instead of my mother? That makes me a horrible person, right? It's the truth, though. I was only 14 when she passed away. You would think I would have all these wonderful memories or her, but my mind is blank. I can only remember a few times with her. Does that make me a bad daughter? Then again, I don't even remember my childhood at all. Maybe I have selective memory. Who knows?
I've never got along with my father. You know the whole, "We're so alike that we can't get along" thing. Yeah, we have that. Don't get me wrong. I love him. I really do. I just can't stand him. He always thinks that he's right. We're constantly bickering at each other. Okay. So sometimes I do it just for pure entertainment. LIke I said, I'm horrible. It's the only way that we communicate, though. Yelling at each other. I know that if I ever needed anything, he'll pretty much do anything he can so I can get it. I mean, dude, we had to go out of the state to get my car, because they didn't have the color I wanted. I'm so spoiled. It's sick. I'm the only daughter that he has, so I'm "daddy's girl." My dad probably doesn't even know that I love him. I don't think I ever told him that. He would just look at me weird if I did tell him. We're just not that type of people. I mean, the only time I told my mom that I loved her was when she was on her deathbed. It was the last words I uttered to her. I was so grateful for it, too. I still remember the day. I remember everything that happened in those few days. I'm not sure if that's a blessing or not.
Time goes by so fast. I can't believe it'll be four years, this summer since she died. I don't even know where the time has gone. I don't feel like I've accomplished anything in life. She would be so disappointed in me. I don't know what I want for my life. I had all these dreams, but they seem so pointless.
I've never got along with my father. You know the whole, "We're so alike that we can't get along" thing. Yeah, we have that. Don't get me wrong. I love him. I really do. I just can't stand him. He always thinks that he's right. We're constantly bickering at each other. Okay. So sometimes I do it just for pure entertainment. LIke I said, I'm horrible. It's the only way that we communicate, though. Yelling at each other. I know that if I ever needed anything, he'll pretty much do anything he can so I can get it. I mean, dude, we had to go out of the state to get my car, because they didn't have the color I wanted. I'm so spoiled. It's sick. I'm the only daughter that he has, so I'm "daddy's girl." My dad probably doesn't even know that I love him. I don't think I ever told him that. He would just look at me weird if I did tell him. We're just not that type of people. I mean, the only time I told my mom that I loved her was when she was on her deathbed. It was the last words I uttered to her. I was so grateful for it, too. I still remember the day. I remember everything that happened in those few days. I'm not sure if that's a blessing or not.
Time goes by so fast. I can't believe it'll be four years, this summer since she died. I don't even know where the time has gone. I don't feel like I've accomplished anything in life. She would be so disappointed in me. I don't know what I want for my life. I had all these dreams, but they seem so pointless.