Homophobes don't go far enough. Sexuality must be eliminated!
1. What do you think caused your asexuality?
Well, it-
*sniffle*
It's very hard to talk about, but-
*sob*
*shudder*
I don't mean to be so obtuse, but-
*blows nose*
It's a very sensitive topic-
*stares despondently at the carpet*
It's been haunting me since-
Get on with it already!
*wail*
Oh my god.
Okay, fine, I'll say it-
*mournful lift of chin*
Yes?
My mom... she... she...
Yeeeeeeeeeessssss?
She fed me oranges when I was little.
You... you poor thing.
2. When and how did you decide you were a asexual?
Well, I wanted to convert to Christianity, but I know that God, in His ever-lasting omnipotence, looks upon everyone's dirty parts at the same time, all the time, and is Disgusted. Sex is wrong and unnatural according to the Good Book, and so although the Church, in its short-sighted appeasement to worldliness, condones heterosexuality, I realized that in truth, Our Lord in Heaven looks upon all sex and sex organs with disgust. So I chose to be asexual.
3. Is it possible that your asexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?
My faith in Our Lord shall never waver. And neither will my fear of oranges.
4. Is it possible that your asexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others?
No, just oranges. And the Lord God is not 'others'. He is the One, the Only. Trinitarians are heretics and will burn in Hell upon the last Day of Judgment.
5. If you have never slept with a person of any sex, is it possible that all you need is a good Lover?
The only love I need is the Love of my Lord God the Father.
6. Do your parents know that you are asexual? Do you friends and/or roommates(s) know? How did they react?
My parents know, and were understanding at first, but they are intolerant pricks when it comes to spreading the Good News of Our Lord and informing them, as sinners, of their error in heterosexuality. That's why I'm living in a box on Broadway, making my living as a street preacher.
7. Why do you insist on flaunting your asexuality? Can’t you just be who you are and keep it quiet?
I flaunt my joy at the mercy of my Lord God, who was crucified and rose again to save my hopelessly sinful soul from damnation.
And oranges.
8. Why do asexuals place so much emphasis on feelings and thoughts?
The body is the unholy temple of satan. It should be annihilated so that no barriers remain between you and the Love of your Father.
9. Why do asexuals feel compelled to entice others into their celibate lifestyle?
The Good News of Christ's salvation must be brought to all, that they may rejoice in the heavenly promises made to us by his sacrifice on Calvary.
10. A majority of children hitting puberty are questioning their sexuality. Do you consider it safe to expose children to asexual teachers?
Not only do I consider it safe, I consider asexuals to be the only people who can be trusted around children. Sexuals have been seduced by lucifer to be unnaturally desirous of the sinful bodies of other people. They cannot be trusted around children due to the sinful urges they have accepted into their bodies. But the Lord God is merciful, and so I believe in His mercy; once heterosexuals have successfully repented and returned to their natural asexuality, and have proven themselves to have remained so for a significant period of time, they should again be allowed around children.
11. Just what do asexuals do in bed by themselves? How can they truly know how to please themselves without having a partner to explore them?
A true follower of the Lord would do none of the filthy, sinful things you suggest.
12. With all the societal support abstinence receives, teen pregnancies are skyrocketing. Why are there pregnancies if they are conducting in asexual activity?
satan's influence is highest during the teenage years, and thus, very few teens are truly conducting themselves according to the true asexual morals handed down by our Lord God. A parent can only lock their child in the closet and pray to the Lord that He deliver them from their sin, and that they do not die before He does so, which would catapult them straight into hell.
13. Statistics show that asexual women outnumber asexual men 10:1. Is it really safe for a woman or man to maintain an asexual lifestyle and run the risk of never finding a compatible partner?
True followers of the Lord will find multiple partners regardless of gender (because they will not need sex) with whom to share lives, joys, and household tasks. As long as personalities are compatible and sufficiently prayerful and grace-loving, problems should not arise. If they do, the other partners will need to conduct themselves in an especially prayerful, graceful way in order to shepherd the lost sheep back to the flock.
14. How can you become a whole person if you limit yourself to yourself?
True Christian communion is always shared with others. Just not in the filthy, sinful way you propose.
15. Considering that species survive through copulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were asexual?
The human soul is eternal and outlasts the grave. Corporeal bodies were an invention of satan, to test and try the human race and put it in a position to be lured away from God.
16. Could you trust an asexual therapist to be objective? Don’t you feel s/he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own leanings?
I believe all people should be influenced in the direction of Godly asexuality.
17. There seems to be very few happy asexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying hormone therapy?
You are mistaken. True happiness can only be found through prayerful abstinence and the loving embrace of God the Father.
18. Would you want your child to be asexual, knowing the problems that s/he would face?
Births should be banned in order to keep souls from being taken away from the side of their God. Children already on this earth should be required to wear chastity belts, and must be made aware that asexuality and the path of Christ are the only paths to salvation.
Well, it-
*sniffle*
It's very hard to talk about, but-
*sob*
*shudder*
I don't mean to be so obtuse, but-
*blows nose*
It's a very sensitive topic-
*stares despondently at the carpet*
It's been haunting me since-
Get on with it already!
*wail*
Oh my god.
Okay, fine, I'll say it-
*mournful lift of chin*
Yes?
My mom... she... she...
Yeeeeeeeeeessssss?
She fed me oranges when I was little.
You... you poor thing.
2. When and how did you decide you were a asexual?
Well, I wanted to convert to Christianity, but I know that God, in His ever-lasting omnipotence, looks upon everyone's dirty parts at the same time, all the time, and is Disgusted. Sex is wrong and unnatural according to the Good Book, and so although the Church, in its short-sighted appeasement to worldliness, condones heterosexuality, I realized that in truth, Our Lord in Heaven looks upon all sex and sex organs with disgust. So I chose to be asexual.
3. Is it possible that your asexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?
My faith in Our Lord shall never waver. And neither will my fear of oranges.
4. Is it possible that your asexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others?
No, just oranges. And the Lord God is not 'others'. He is the One, the Only. Trinitarians are heretics and will burn in Hell upon the last Day of Judgment.
5. If you have never slept with a person of any sex, is it possible that all you need is a good Lover?
The only love I need is the Love of my Lord God the Father.
6. Do your parents know that you are asexual? Do you friends and/or roommates(s) know? How did they react?
My parents know, and were understanding at first, but they are intolerant pricks when it comes to spreading the Good News of Our Lord and informing them, as sinners, of their error in heterosexuality. That's why I'm living in a box on Broadway, making my living as a street preacher.
7. Why do you insist on flaunting your asexuality? Can’t you just be who you are and keep it quiet?
I flaunt my joy at the mercy of my Lord God, who was crucified and rose again to save my hopelessly sinful soul from damnation.
And oranges.
8. Why do asexuals place so much emphasis on feelings and thoughts?
The body is the unholy temple of satan. It should be annihilated so that no barriers remain between you and the Love of your Father.
9. Why do asexuals feel compelled to entice others into their celibate lifestyle?
The Good News of Christ's salvation must be brought to all, that they may rejoice in the heavenly promises made to us by his sacrifice on Calvary.
10. A majority of children hitting puberty are questioning their sexuality. Do you consider it safe to expose children to asexual teachers?
Not only do I consider it safe, I consider asexuals to be the only people who can be trusted around children. Sexuals have been seduced by lucifer to be unnaturally desirous of the sinful bodies of other people. They cannot be trusted around children due to the sinful urges they have accepted into their bodies. But the Lord God is merciful, and so I believe in His mercy; once heterosexuals have successfully repented and returned to their natural asexuality, and have proven themselves to have remained so for a significant period of time, they should again be allowed around children.
11. Just what do asexuals do in bed by themselves? How can they truly know how to please themselves without having a partner to explore them?
A true follower of the Lord would do none of the filthy, sinful things you suggest.
12. With all the societal support abstinence receives, teen pregnancies are skyrocketing. Why are there pregnancies if they are conducting in asexual activity?
satan's influence is highest during the teenage years, and thus, very few teens are truly conducting themselves according to the true asexual morals handed down by our Lord God. A parent can only lock their child in the closet and pray to the Lord that He deliver them from their sin, and that they do not die before He does so, which would catapult them straight into hell.
13. Statistics show that asexual women outnumber asexual men 10:1. Is it really safe for a woman or man to maintain an asexual lifestyle and run the risk of never finding a compatible partner?
True followers of the Lord will find multiple partners regardless of gender (because they will not need sex) with whom to share lives, joys, and household tasks. As long as personalities are compatible and sufficiently prayerful and grace-loving, problems should not arise. If they do, the other partners will need to conduct themselves in an especially prayerful, graceful way in order to shepherd the lost sheep back to the flock.
14. How can you become a whole person if you limit yourself to yourself?
True Christian communion is always shared with others. Just not in the filthy, sinful way you propose.
15. Considering that species survive through copulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were asexual?
The human soul is eternal and outlasts the grave. Corporeal bodies were an invention of satan, to test and try the human race and put it in a position to be lured away from God.
16. Could you trust an asexual therapist to be objective? Don’t you feel s/he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own leanings?
I believe all people should be influenced in the direction of Godly asexuality.
17. There seems to be very few happy asexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying hormone therapy?
You are mistaken. True happiness can only be found through prayerful abstinence and the loving embrace of God the Father.
18. Would you want your child to be asexual, knowing the problems that s/he would face?
Births should be banned in order to keep souls from being taken away from the side of their God. Children already on this earth should be required to wear chastity belts, and must be made aware that asexuality and the path of Christ are the only paths to salvation.