I'll Never Let You Go
Title: I'll never let you go
Author: Han Saera
Pairings: Yunho x Jaejoong
Genre: major angst
Type: One-shot
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys but I own the plot
Rating; PG
Summary: All he needed was the promise that they would never let each other go
As he watched the snowflakes fall steadily outside, blanketing the world in white, he realized that he had no control over his life. Just like the world, he was smothered however hard he tried to get away.
People controlled him; telling him what to do, making him do that. He felt like he was being pulled in all directions that he might just tear apart.
In a way, he was already torn.
The management had made him choose between his family and his loyalty to the company. The rumors that’s spreading like wild fire was not just upsetting the fans but all the five of them even more so. Being on the same stage with the man that he loved with his whole heart but not able to look, touch and hold was just pure torture. And the raging war inside of him, the one telling him that he had let everyone down was just gnawing and eating inside of him.
There wasn’t a day that went by without him missing the other boys, his mind forcing him to remember of all the good times that they had. He missed the days when it was just them being happy and able to reach out to the whole world just by doing what they love to do most. But now it was tearing them apart and that passion had dissolved into nothingness.
There wasn’t a time when he didn’t flinch when he saw his reflection in the mirror. Each time he saw that man in the mirror, he hated him more and more, hating the man he had become. And during one of the nights when he was all alone in the apartment, he had punched the mirror in the toilet. Again and again he punched, his mind intent at destroying that reflection of him in the mirror. He had slumped to the floor, surrounded by the shards of glass. The drops of blood running down from his hands painted the white tiled floor of the toilet a deep red. He cried at the sight of his blood and all the tears and sobs came gushing out, his body wracked with all the raw emotions.
“Did I make the right choice?”
“Was it wrong?”
“Could I have done more?
“Did I not do enough?”
The questions kept playing in his mind like a broken recorder, unable to move forward or rewind. He wanted - no- needed an answer, an assurance from that particular someone. But no one was there. No one was there to hold him and tell him that everything was going to be fine. He knew that things weren’t fine and he just hoped that it will. He didn’t have it in himself to think that things could get better.
He was confused, tired and sick of everything. He was exhausted of putting up a brave front. He was tired of trying to get the control which he had worked so much for. And he was sick of people taking charge of his life. All he wanted to do was sleep and wake up to know that all this was just a dream that he would wake up from. If not then the dream would become his salvation in this cruel world of his.
On that final thought and wished, he went to sleep.
*
Lee Dong Hae walked grumpily towards the apartment. He was pissed at SME’s CEO. The only thing that he could think of when that old man was ranting was that he had to drag Hee Chul and Yunho out and get drunk. He had called Hee Chul to meet him at the eatery and so all he needed to do now was get the DBSK leader.
The moment he reached the apartment, he had to knock only once and the door swung open easily. “That’s weird, why is the door unlocked?” Dong Hae thought but he dismissed it and entered the place.
“Yunho ya!” he called out. N one answered but he knew his friend was in the house because he had bumped into Chang Min and Minho in the lobby not five minutes ago.
“Yunho ah!” Dong Hae called again but still there was no answer. Worried about his friend, Dong Hae went to the bedrooms just to find it empty. He went to the toilet next and he immediately fell to his knees.
“YUNHO!”
His friend was lying on the floor, his face a mask of pain. Dong Hae took in the washroom and saw the blood on the sink to the blood on the corner of Yunho’s mouth and the blood on his hands and shirt.
“Yunho ya, can you hear me? Yunho…” Dong Hae gently pulled his friend’s head onto his lap, but the movement apparently caused a lot of pain to his friend. Yunho groaned and the hands which were tightly wrapped around his abdomen tightened. Afraid that he might hurt his friend more, Dong Hae cradled Yunho’s head and quickly whipped out his cell phone and made a frantic call for an ambulance.
Yunho was vaguely aware that someone was beside him. His world was a haze of blinding pain that radiated mainly from his abdomen. The moment the person moved him, excruciating pain exploded everywhere and he could only groan, his whole body constricted in pain. He barely remembers hearing someone calling him again before he let himself give in to the welcoming darkness.
*
Yoo Chun sighed and looked at Junsu, Tae Goon and Keita forlornly. Keita gently removed the tray of untouched food from the bed and put it on the bedside table. The four men wore grim faces as the pale lead singer shifted on the bed, showing his back to his four friends.
He was no longer the Kim Jae Joong everyone knew. He was far from the pale beauty that he was well known for. His pale face had taken a grayish tint and the normally strawberry lips had a blue hue on them. The bags under his eyes were prominent and his sunken cheeks showed just how much weight he had lost. He had not touched his food since he last saw his lover and the magnae.
Junsu had Yoo Chun had called Keita and Tae Goon in hopes that the two men might convince Jae Joong to eat, but it seemed like their efforts were in vain. The four of them were at their wits ends. The four of them left the room, with Tae Goon brought out the tray and put it in the kitchen.
‘Maybe you could call Hyun Joong and Seung Hyun?” Keita suggested as both Junsu and Yoo Chun fall onto the sofa. Yoo Chun knew that they were all desperate, but no one else could help Jae Joong unless that person’s name was Jung Yunho, who happened to be unavailable.
“Maybe we’ll call them later.” Yoo Chun mumbled.
“We have to go. Call us if there’s any change.” Tae Goon said as he and Keita took their coats to leave the apartment. Both Junsu and Yoo Chun merely nodded and the two men left. Junsu pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned back against the sofa. His phone suddenly rang and he tiredly answered it.
“Hyuk Jae ah, I’m not in the mood right now-“
“Junsu, you’d better bring the others to the hospital. It’s Yunho Hyung.”
Yoo Chun could see the color drain from his lover’s face at Eun Hyuk’s words. He got interested and sat straight, waiting for Junsu to end the call and tell him what’s going on. Junsu nodded into the phone and disconnected the call. He turned to look at Yoo Chun and the fear was evident in his eyes.
“Junsu, what did Eun Hyuk say?”
“Yunho Hyung… he… he’s in the hospital.”
*
He ran like a mad man through the hallway, his lungs about to burst but he was unaware of it. His mind was only in that one person.
“Yunho… Yunho… Yunho…” That name was muttered non-stop until he bumped into Hee Chul, Dong Hae, Eun Hyuk, Chang Min and Minho.
Both Chang Min and Dong Hae were sporting distant looks on their faces and both their lovers were trying to comfort them. But fury was clearly etched on Hee Chul’s beautiful face.
“YOU!”
Hee Chul’s fist landed on Jae Joong’s jaw, making Jae Joong fall to the floor. To his credit, Jae Joong didn’t retaliate and both Minho and Yoo Chun had to bodily restrain Hee Chul from giving the other man another blow.
“I told you! I gave him up because you make him happy. But look at what you did to him! Seriously, Kim Jae Joong, one wrong move and I will not hesitate to take him away from you!” Hee Chul bellowed.
Eun Hyuk slowly helped Jae Joong up, pushing a handkerchief into his hands and gently guide Jae Joong’s hand to his lips where it was bleeding.
“Hee Chul Hyung…” Minho pleaded, trying to force the older man to calm down.
They were all saved from Hee Chul’s wrath by a scrawny looking man in green scrubs who had cleared his throat loudly. Dong Hae and the others stood up and surrounded the middle aged doctor.
“It was his stomach ulcer, wasn’t it?” Chang Min asked timidly. The doctor nodded his head. “It burst. And his bronchitis didn’t help things. He’s stable now and we pushed him in a ward. But his recovery will be long and hard. However, do not be disheartened. He’s young, he will recover.”
“Can we see him?”
*
The figure on the bed looked small and was swallowed by the pillows and tubes and blanket. The chalky skin was paler than the white sheets that surrounded him and it made the purplish bruises under his eyes even more pronounced.
The sight of his lover in that weakened state made his feet weak and he suddenly found that his feet could not hold him. He slumped into the nearby chair and took in deep breaths.
“I did this to him…” Jae Joong thought. His shaking hand sought out Yunho’s and he was surprised at the coolness of his lover’s usually warm hands. The sorrow came pouring out of him and Jae Joong buried his head on the bed. His shoulders and chest heaved with the tears that are being unleashed.
“Mianhae…. Mainhae, Yunnie ah…”
Jae Joong continued to sob uncontrollably.
“Joongie…”
The weak and raspy voice made Jae Joong look up and he thought he was dreaming but what he saw was real. His lover was awake; those brown orbs were fixed onto him.
“Yunnie…” he breathed. Jae Joong was just so grateful that he didn’t notice that he was still crying. Yunho pulled his hand from Jae Joong and wiped the tears away. Jae Joong leaned into the touch and covered Yunho’s hand with his.
“Yunnie, forgive me. I didn’t-“
“Jae…”Yunho took in ragged breath. “ I’m sorry too. Just promise me one thing.”
“Yunnie…?”
“The drugs are making me sleepy… but I want you to promise me…”
“What is it, Baby?”
“Never let me go again. Please, just be with me.”
Jae Joong merely nodded again and his tears started falling again. “I promise you. I will never… ever let you go. And I will be here when you wake up. Everything’s going to be okay, Yunnie. Everything’s going to be okay.”
Yunho closed his eyes again and smiled for the first time in a long time. At least his wish had come true. To wake up and be assured that everything is going to be okay.
Because Jae Joong will never let him go.