(no subject)
Went over to his place this weekend,
As sad as it sounds it was the first time in a long time we spent time together and I didn't get upset about something.
I am glad I left when I did though. I don't know why I work myself up so bad. Why I get upset and have to constantly reassure myself things are alright. I was exaughsted by the time I left.
I realized something this weekend, while talking with him, and I've been slowly turning it over in my head letting a few of the puzzle pieces fall into place. His son went to a pumpkin patch this past week. The proceeds went to the local Methodist church for mission trips. Both him and his ex became up in arms over this. Her because of the mission trips (it's been proven that they can actually hurt the local economy) and him more because he felt the need for there to me separation of church and state. So he went and started the wheels to try and get the school to go to a trip to the dinosaur museum. Preferably sponsored by the Atheist association. To try and get them to prove that they will take any field trip opportunity.
I was somewhat upset at first, simply because the church I go to does mission work and I've seen the good they do. He launched into his long script about how mission trips have been proven to hurt local economy, how churches in general have been bad influence throughout history. And how he believes that there should be strict separation of church and state and if the school sends them on a Methodist trip they should be fully willing to take a trip sponsored by the Atheist association. He also confided in me that he does kind of hope that they refuse, so he can raise a stink over it at the school board.
My thoughts ran along the line of ".... It was a pumpkin patch. They weren't preaching as the kids played. Your money went to buy a can of paint. Get over it.":
I didn't actually say that however, because it was obvious he was fired up about it at the moment. And he was proud of himself when we stopped by the museum and got a contact number for the person in charge for him to call. I respected his positions on how he felt and didn't disagree with a few of them. What bothered me the most was that we had a conversation just a few moments later about his love of conflict.
That's when pieces started to fall into place. Thinking back and remembering small conversations where I was expressing worries and just wanted reassurance suddenly blossomed into the long blown out speeches about his worldly views and THIS was how he felt and he WASN'T going to change it just because of how I felt. These usually left me spluttering and confused because my brain doesn't shift easily between personal problems and worldly issues quickly. It explains why so many arguments have just exploded because I'm already upset about something and I just get angry as hell.
But I'm learning to let those old arguments go. Maybe not the content, maybe it's things we need to talk about now. But I need to find a different way of handling any issues we have.
My main concern is I guess a compatibility of personalities at this point. I Don't like conflict. I'm not afraid of it, when It's something I believe strongly in. But in no way do I seek it out. Esspecially if I know that it will cause discomfort and anger in others. And Blake, to put it bluntly, simply doesn't care. Or he even enjoys making other people uncomfortable.
Now I know this is something I need to work on in myself. I care to much about what other people think in general. I do need to pull back and worry simply about what I need and or want. But I worry about being in a relationship with someone who enjoys egging other people on and enjoys making chaos. Not to any extreme degree, but enough to make me uncomfortable.
I guess I shouldn't worry about this as hard as I am at the moment. It won't do any good to build it up. It is something to watch for however. And something to consider for the future.
As sad as it sounds it was the first time in a long time we spent time together and I didn't get upset about something.
I am glad I left when I did though. I don't know why I work myself up so bad. Why I get upset and have to constantly reassure myself things are alright. I was exaughsted by the time I left.
I realized something this weekend, while talking with him, and I've been slowly turning it over in my head letting a few of the puzzle pieces fall into place. His son went to a pumpkin patch this past week. The proceeds went to the local Methodist church for mission trips. Both him and his ex became up in arms over this. Her because of the mission trips (it's been proven that they can actually hurt the local economy) and him more because he felt the need for there to me separation of church and state. So he went and started the wheels to try and get the school to go to a trip to the dinosaur museum. Preferably sponsored by the Atheist association. To try and get them to prove that they will take any field trip opportunity.
I was somewhat upset at first, simply because the church I go to does mission work and I've seen the good they do. He launched into his long script about how mission trips have been proven to hurt local economy, how churches in general have been bad influence throughout history. And how he believes that there should be strict separation of church and state and if the school sends them on a Methodist trip they should be fully willing to take a trip sponsored by the Atheist association. He also confided in me that he does kind of hope that they refuse, so he can raise a stink over it at the school board.
My thoughts ran along the line of ".... It was a pumpkin patch. They weren't preaching as the kids played. Your money went to buy a can of paint. Get over it.":
I didn't actually say that however, because it was obvious he was fired up about it at the moment. And he was proud of himself when we stopped by the museum and got a contact number for the person in charge for him to call. I respected his positions on how he felt and didn't disagree with a few of them. What bothered me the most was that we had a conversation just a few moments later about his love of conflict.
That's when pieces started to fall into place. Thinking back and remembering small conversations where I was expressing worries and just wanted reassurance suddenly blossomed into the long blown out speeches about his worldly views and THIS was how he felt and he WASN'T going to change it just because of how I felt. These usually left me spluttering and confused because my brain doesn't shift easily between personal problems and worldly issues quickly. It explains why so many arguments have just exploded because I'm already upset about something and I just get angry as hell.
But I'm learning to let those old arguments go. Maybe not the content, maybe it's things we need to talk about now. But I need to find a different way of handling any issues we have.
My main concern is I guess a compatibility of personalities at this point. I Don't like conflict. I'm not afraid of it, when It's something I believe strongly in. But in no way do I seek it out. Esspecially if I know that it will cause discomfort and anger in others. And Blake, to put it bluntly, simply doesn't care. Or he even enjoys making other people uncomfortable.
Now I know this is something I need to work on in myself. I care to much about what other people think in general. I do need to pull back and worry simply about what I need and or want. But I worry about being in a relationship with someone who enjoys egging other people on and enjoys making chaos. Not to any extreme degree, but enough to make me uncomfortable.
I guess I shouldn't worry about this as hard as I am at the moment. It won't do any good to build it up. It is something to watch for however. And something to consider for the future.