(no subject)
Trying to figure out why leaving him was so hard this time.
I just realized a little while ago that I wanted to go with him. He needed to work, but I still wanted to go with him. Even if it just meant curling up in a chair opposite to him with a white chocolate cafe a laite, my laptop and reading more about Linux, playing with my dragons, and working on graphics. Something incredibly simple and yet I couldn't have it because I had Itty bit.
It's hard to describe these kind of feelings. I don't ever regret having my child, but it just kind of makes me sad at the times when I feel like I'm missing out.
Of course my mind kind of wandered off after that, started thinking about what it would be like when we moved in together. Feels weird to say when. Feels really weird and panic worthy. But it actually has been something we've been edging around lately, carefully. Right now, at barely three months, we both know it would be to ridiculous early. But the truth is that I've only got a year, year and a half tops, before I am done with school and need to move out. Itty bit's got to go to kindergarden, and around that forms a need to find a place to live and finding a job. We're both old enough to consider the possibility of moving in reasonably.
Even so it's kind of early so we're kind of still dancing around the issue. We've seen enough of each other and I've stayed over often enough for us to realize that we are comfortable around each other, even when not doing much else other then reading and playing video games. And we've talked enough to at least establish that we both like the idea of me moving in, and we're both heading in that direction. It's just kind of a big step at the moment.
.... bah, I started rambling. I don't even remember what I was trying to say.
I'm going back to secretly apartment/furniture shopping like a little girl playing house because dammit it makes me feel better. Add a good ridiculous love drama with a love square in it and this day might actually end on a good note.
I just realized a little while ago that I wanted to go with him. He needed to work, but I still wanted to go with him. Even if it just meant curling up in a chair opposite to him with a white chocolate cafe a laite, my laptop and reading more about Linux, playing with my dragons, and working on graphics. Something incredibly simple and yet I couldn't have it because I had Itty bit.
It's hard to describe these kind of feelings. I don't ever regret having my child, but it just kind of makes me sad at the times when I feel like I'm missing out.
Of course my mind kind of wandered off after that, started thinking about what it would be like when we moved in together. Feels weird to say when. Feels really weird and panic worthy. But it actually has been something we've been edging around lately, carefully. Right now, at barely three months, we both know it would be to ridiculous early. But the truth is that I've only got a year, year and a half tops, before I am done with school and need to move out. Itty bit's got to go to kindergarden, and around that forms a need to find a place to live and finding a job. We're both old enough to consider the possibility of moving in reasonably.
Even so it's kind of early so we're kind of still dancing around the issue. We've seen enough of each other and I've stayed over often enough for us to realize that we are comfortable around each other, even when not doing much else other then reading and playing video games. And we've talked enough to at least establish that we both like the idea of me moving in, and we're both heading in that direction. It's just kind of a big step at the moment.
.... bah, I started rambling. I don't even remember what I was trying to say.
I'm going back to secretly apartment/furniture shopping like a little girl playing house because dammit it makes me feel better. Add a good ridiculous love drama with a love square in it and this day might actually end on a good note.