(no subject)
It's time for an update
I feel like I should say I'm sorry but I don't feel like I truly am
which makes me feel guilty which is odd o-0
After I lost my job and the new one fell through I pretty much curled up in on myself and shut everything out. I didn't go to class the last two or three weeks, and am fairly sure I failed all of my classes, despite the effort I put in earlier in the semester.
I haven't picked charged my phone and looked at it in a month.
I don't think I've even looked at my freind list in over two weeks
I still have a love hate relationship with my medication
While the antidepressant does help in some of my worse moments
It also adles my brain. Prehaps if I took it longer than a week I could get used to it
But thats always the problem I've had with medications
My ADHD medications however ..... I feel fantastic for an hour before I become
SHOCKINGLY bitchy. I'm normally really sweet, even if a bit short tempered when it comes to somethings. But when I come down off of my meds I just feel yelling at everything to go the fuck away. I haven't been able to take them more than week before it becomes to much
I've been off of all the meds for a week now and am just starting to feel "Okay" again
which is what I guess prompted this update
But I know it's deceptive and won't last. When school starts and I've refilled both meds I'm going to start taking both again, and hope they balance each other out.
I haven't even really been looking for a new job
The thought of having to deal with new people and a boss is more than enough to make my stomach churn. I've talked it over extensively with my Mom and I actually may just work around the house for her. They want to sell the house in two years or so, and there is alot they just can't get done on their own. I'm the strongest in the house and even when I go to school full time I can still work for her to get stuff ready.
Of course I see the holes in this plan already, and am going to try and work around them. If my Mom doesn't push me I may just shirk out on work. No matter how much she admonishes me LATER on why I didn't do it, it won't change the fact I still got out of a days worth of work. Also I'm going to have to actually actively work at a social life, or risk becoming a real hermit. I'd rather not start working on my crazy cat lady act just yet.
I am once again contemplating becoming a Librarian. The only reasons I had for not doing so were childish and immature. For me actually having a goal in life is frightening and daunting. Because every time I take a step back or something goes wrong I once again feel like a failure in life. I'm not quite sure how to overcome this yet. But maybe it's a good thing I recognize it. I definitely need to think on it.
Getting back into school has been problematic. Not for any real reason other than I'm having to get up off my ass and get back into the world again soon. I had issues with my debit card and couldn't pay my classes off by Friday. So now I have to wait until Monday and scrape the bottom of the barrel.
On a few positive notes
I've taken to loom knitting with a passion. I even made my nephew a few knitted toy balls. I know have a happy set of hats and scarves, including a teal and bright purple hat and scarf set which I love. Loom knitting is fun and easy for me, and tension isn't as CRITICAL as it seems in knitting and crochet. And now that I know how to crochet on the end of my loom projects the stuff I make looks kinda NEAT instead of just beginner projects
And in other news my Mom found Dachshund puppy wandering the streets the other day
She's incredibly sweet and we're thinking of keeping her because she's good with the big dog and itty bit.
I feel like I should say I'm sorry but I don't feel like I truly am
which makes me feel guilty which is odd o-0
After I lost my job and the new one fell through I pretty much curled up in on myself and shut everything out. I didn't go to class the last two or three weeks, and am fairly sure I failed all of my classes, despite the effort I put in earlier in the semester.
I haven't picked charged my phone and looked at it in a month.
I don't think I've even looked at my freind list in over two weeks
I still have a love hate relationship with my medication
While the antidepressant does help in some of my worse moments
It also adles my brain. Prehaps if I took it longer than a week I could get used to it
But thats always the problem I've had with medications
My ADHD medications however ..... I feel fantastic for an hour before I become
SHOCKINGLY bitchy. I'm normally really sweet, even if a bit short tempered when it comes to somethings. But when I come down off of my meds I just feel yelling at everything to go the fuck away. I haven't been able to take them more than week before it becomes to much
I've been off of all the meds for a week now and am just starting to feel "Okay" again
which is what I guess prompted this update
But I know it's deceptive and won't last. When school starts and I've refilled both meds I'm going to start taking both again, and hope they balance each other out.
I haven't even really been looking for a new job
The thought of having to deal with new people and a boss is more than enough to make my stomach churn. I've talked it over extensively with my Mom and I actually may just work around the house for her. They want to sell the house in two years or so, and there is alot they just can't get done on their own. I'm the strongest in the house and even when I go to school full time I can still work for her to get stuff ready.
Of course I see the holes in this plan already, and am going to try and work around them. If my Mom doesn't push me I may just shirk out on work. No matter how much she admonishes me LATER on why I didn't do it, it won't change the fact I still got out of a days worth of work. Also I'm going to have to actually actively work at a social life, or risk becoming a real hermit. I'd rather not start working on my crazy cat lady act just yet.
I am once again contemplating becoming a Librarian. The only reasons I had for not doing so were childish and immature. For me actually having a goal in life is frightening and daunting. Because every time I take a step back or something goes wrong I once again feel like a failure in life. I'm not quite sure how to overcome this yet. But maybe it's a good thing I recognize it. I definitely need to think on it.
Getting back into school has been problematic. Not for any real reason other than I'm having to get up off my ass and get back into the world again soon. I had issues with my debit card and couldn't pay my classes off by Friday. So now I have to wait until Monday and scrape the bottom of the barrel.
On a few positive notes
I've taken to loom knitting with a passion. I even made my nephew a few knitted toy balls. I know have a happy set of hats and scarves, including a teal and bright purple hat and scarf set which I love. Loom knitting is fun and easy for me, and tension isn't as CRITICAL as it seems in knitting and crochet. And now that I know how to crochet on the end of my loom projects the stuff I make looks kinda NEAT instead of just beginner projects
And in other news my Mom found Dachshund puppy wandering the streets the other day
She's incredibly sweet and we're thinking of keeping her because she's good with the big dog and itty bit.