(no subject)
He hadn't spent time in his Halls yet. Instead, he had taken up residence in Nerdanel's home.
It was awkward, to put it mildly.
Maedhros, still an awkward growing adolescent, watched the Vala whenever he could. This morning found the odd family together in the kitchen. Nerdanel brings them food, cakes and fruits and meat, before sitting beside Gabriel with his small bowl of hot oats and mashed fruit. She talks to him, assuring him his Ada still loved him and would visit soon, and no, he had to eat because Ada would be very unhappy to come and discover his boy as thin as himself.
By the fifth statement of what Ada would or would not like, Námo sits his glass aside. "Gorlim will come when he wants, if he wants," he says sharply to the child. "You carrying on about it or refusing to eat will not change anything, Gabriel. Now, eat your breakfast and stop pestering your mother."
Maedhros' eyes remain wide. Námo had been short with all three of them since they had arrived, and the young man was not happy about it. He was opening his mouth to tell the god just where he could go with that attitude when his mother gave him a very stern Look.
"Ion," she says quietly, in a voice the Elf vaguely remembered from a previous life. It was a tone he knew it was best avoid. "Go outside and find your other brothers. I want to speak with Lord Mandos for a moment."
She didn't have to ask twice. The copper-haired child was out the door in a blink.
Nerdanel wiped Gabriel's mouth, his large, solemn eyes fixated on his father.
"Námo," she begins, using his name for the first time in all their association. "You will not speak about Gorlim like that. I don't know what's happened, or why you've come here with me, but we are not to be used as some sort of punishment. We're not to be mistreated or snapped at. You chose Gorlim as Feaho's father." Her eyes fall to the ring on Námo's hand. "You've chosen him for far more than that. You owe him, and Feaho, far more respect than you give. Than you have ever given." Nerdanel's sharp eyes lock onto his, defiant in the lift of her chin and it's now that the Vala sees the woman Feanáro had chosen. A woman with a spirt just as fiery as his own. "You are a selfish man, Námo. You want and you want and you want, but you don't know just what it is you want, and you try various things, never happy with the results. You wanted Gorlim. You have him. His love. His devotion. His heart. His body. His mind. His spirit. You wanted a child. You now have two, one adopted and one of your own blood. Even that wasn't enough. You desire another, even before the first is grown. You find little pleasure in what your son does, in his growth and abilities." The tone was sharp, full of anger and disappointment, but it was still gentle and very quiet, which allowed Gabriel the ability to continue eating without becoming upset.
"You, for a god, are impatient. What has he done now, hmm? Did he not look at you long enough? Did he not say just the right thing? Did you not get some desired reaction from him?" She was wise. Very astute. Nothing was missed when Nerdanel was present. "You are an idiot, Námo. You have what mortals and Elves spend lifetimes grasping for, and you lament that it isn't more."
Námo stares at her in utter disbelief. "You do not--"
"What? Understand? Speak to you in such a way? Please. I have been through hell and come through it. I always have found contentment. When I discovered a husband who could not be what I had hoped, I found pleasure in my family. When my family ran and left me behind, I found pleasure in friends. I never complained, and I still don't. Because I recognize that, no, life is not perfect, but dammit, it gives opportunity and so much joy as to make my head spin. And yet, with all you have -- children who adore you, partner who worships you, friends who would move worlds to see you smile -- you still find all of it lacking." She frowns, standing and picking Gabriel up. "I feel very sorry for Feaho and Kelly, and very, very sorry for Gorlim. They will never be what you seem to want. And neither will the next child I carry, will it? None of it will make you happy..."
She left him in the kitchen, alone with her words.
It was enough.
It was awkward, to put it mildly.
Maedhros, still an awkward growing adolescent, watched the Vala whenever he could. This morning found the odd family together in the kitchen. Nerdanel brings them food, cakes and fruits and meat, before sitting beside Gabriel with his small bowl of hot oats and mashed fruit. She talks to him, assuring him his Ada still loved him and would visit soon, and no, he had to eat because Ada would be very unhappy to come and discover his boy as thin as himself.
By the fifth statement of what Ada would or would not like, Námo sits his glass aside. "Gorlim will come when he wants, if he wants," he says sharply to the child. "You carrying on about it or refusing to eat will not change anything, Gabriel. Now, eat your breakfast and stop pestering your mother."
Maedhros' eyes remain wide. Námo had been short with all three of them since they had arrived, and the young man was not happy about it. He was opening his mouth to tell the god just where he could go with that attitude when his mother gave him a very stern Look.
"Ion," she says quietly, in a voice the Elf vaguely remembered from a previous life. It was a tone he knew it was best avoid. "Go outside and find your other brothers. I want to speak with Lord Mandos for a moment."
She didn't have to ask twice. The copper-haired child was out the door in a blink.
Nerdanel wiped Gabriel's mouth, his large, solemn eyes fixated on his father.
"Námo," she begins, using his name for the first time in all their association. "You will not speak about Gorlim like that. I don't know what's happened, or why you've come here with me, but we are not to be used as some sort of punishment. We're not to be mistreated or snapped at. You chose Gorlim as Feaho's father." Her eyes fall to the ring on Námo's hand. "You've chosen him for far more than that. You owe him, and Feaho, far more respect than you give. Than you have ever given." Nerdanel's sharp eyes lock onto his, defiant in the lift of her chin and it's now that the Vala sees the woman Feanáro had chosen. A woman with a spirt just as fiery as his own. "You are a selfish man, Námo. You want and you want and you want, but you don't know just what it is you want, and you try various things, never happy with the results. You wanted Gorlim. You have him. His love. His devotion. His heart. His body. His mind. His spirit. You wanted a child. You now have two, one adopted and one of your own blood. Even that wasn't enough. You desire another, even before the first is grown. You find little pleasure in what your son does, in his growth and abilities." The tone was sharp, full of anger and disappointment, but it was still gentle and very quiet, which allowed Gabriel the ability to continue eating without becoming upset.
"You, for a god, are impatient. What has he done now, hmm? Did he not look at you long enough? Did he not say just the right thing? Did you not get some desired reaction from him?" She was wise. Very astute. Nothing was missed when Nerdanel was present. "You are an idiot, Námo. You have what mortals and Elves spend lifetimes grasping for, and you lament that it isn't more."
Námo stares at her in utter disbelief. "You do not--"
"What? Understand? Speak to you in such a way? Please. I have been through hell and come through it. I always have found contentment. When I discovered a husband who could not be what I had hoped, I found pleasure in my family. When my family ran and left me behind, I found pleasure in friends. I never complained, and I still don't. Because I recognize that, no, life is not perfect, but dammit, it gives opportunity and so much joy as to make my head spin. And yet, with all you have -- children who adore you, partner who worships you, friends who would move worlds to see you smile -- you still find all of it lacking." She frowns, standing and picking Gabriel up. "I feel very sorry for Feaho and Kelly, and very, very sorry for Gorlim. They will never be what you seem to want. And neither will the next child I carry, will it? None of it will make you happy..."
She left him in the kitchen, alone with her words.
It was enough.