(no subject)
don't you ever feel like you just need to get away?
because it's rediculous how consuming this one thing is to you that it sucks up all your energy and all you time and all your happy emotions.
do i really want to even consider the possibility anymore?
it seems so stupid to have to go through this.
why can't i just not care so much about what he thinks.
would i really go through with it again? again? after all that crap? how long to be exact? six months.
i'm so stupid. and niave.
o god there are major trust issues here. if i was to put myself through this again.
she called me and told me 'emily this is what you've been waiting for' no no no no...i can't have been waiting for this because that's stupid. and i just want him to be happy. god that's a line from my current monologue.
i just want to have some time. just to hang out. because i just want to be friends. good friends. it's important to me. why is it so important to me?
i can't even call him unless he's called me. why not? because i'm scared. i want to but i'm scared.
i want a lot of things.
i want him to teach me to shoot a basketball well. and play poker so i can beat the guys. and play that nfl video game he loves so much. and i want to go on walks with him and his dog. and have pallettas and wing stop. and watch movies. and look at the stars. and i want him to hear me sing and watch me dance and see shows with me. i want him to be there for me and me to be there for him.
i hate wanting.
he's just a guy he doesn't know what he wants.
i worry for him.
he needs to get away also.
just time.
i'm not patient enough for this though.
because it's rediculous how consuming this one thing is to you that it sucks up all your energy and all you time and all your happy emotions.
do i really want to even consider the possibility anymore?
it seems so stupid to have to go through this.
why can't i just not care so much about what he thinks.
would i really go through with it again? again? after all that crap? how long to be exact? six months.
i'm so stupid. and niave.
o god there are major trust issues here. if i was to put myself through this again.
she called me and told me 'emily this is what you've been waiting for' no no no no...i can't have been waiting for this because that's stupid. and i just want him to be happy. god that's a line from my current monologue.
i just want to have some time. just to hang out. because i just want to be friends. good friends. it's important to me. why is it so important to me?
i can't even call him unless he's called me. why not? because i'm scared. i want to but i'm scared.
i want a lot of things.
i want him to teach me to shoot a basketball well. and play poker so i can beat the guys. and play that nfl video game he loves so much. and i want to go on walks with him and his dog. and have pallettas and wing stop. and watch movies. and look at the stars. and i want him to hear me sing and watch me dance and see shows with me. i want him to be there for me and me to be there for him.
i hate wanting.
he's just a guy he doesn't know what he wants.
i worry for him.
he needs to get away also.
just time.
i'm not patient enough for this though.