(no subject)
i tried to keep myself from making this post, but i failed.
i officially hate being in athens this summer. if i could, i would quit my job and go home until september. it angers me that i tried so hard to be able to stay here and now it's not even worth it. there's no way i would've been able to foresee that though. athens has never disappointed me before. i always always try to do what will make me happy, even if it's 200 times more difficult, but now i've screwed myself over anyway. i still want to make the best of it and i know that it could turn around at any time, but i just really don't know what i could do to make it better.
and also, i feel like i have no friends. yes, i know that this isn't true, so don't go and get fucking offended. but it's just how i feel. or it at least feels like they aren't available to me right now. i could go back and word that so it's more accurate but i think it's probably better left the way it is. i feel that if i had something that i really needed to talk about, i have absolutely no idea who i would, could or should go to.
and i feel like there's something wrong with me. i feel like no matter what i'm doing, i'm doing something wrong or bothering somebody or in the way. i have never felt like i was walking on eggshells so much in my life. and i don't need that.
and while a lot of this may just be in my head (which is why i'm trying to emphasize that this is how things feel, not how they are), i don't think that i, entirely, have caused myself to feel this way.
i even feel like i should be defending or further explaining this entry.
ps - birthdays are overrated.
i officially hate being in athens this summer. if i could, i would quit my job and go home until september. it angers me that i tried so hard to be able to stay here and now it's not even worth it. there's no way i would've been able to foresee that though. athens has never disappointed me before. i always always try to do what will make me happy, even if it's 200 times more difficult, but now i've screwed myself over anyway. i still want to make the best of it and i know that it could turn around at any time, but i just really don't know what i could do to make it better.
and also, i feel like i have no friends. yes, i know that this isn't true, so don't go and get fucking offended. but it's just how i feel. or it at least feels like they aren't available to me right now. i could go back and word that so it's more accurate but i think it's probably better left the way it is. i feel that if i had something that i really needed to talk about, i have absolutely no idea who i would, could or should go to.
and i feel like there's something wrong with me. i feel like no matter what i'm doing, i'm doing something wrong or bothering somebody or in the way. i have never felt like i was walking on eggshells so much in my life. and i don't need that.
and while a lot of this may just be in my head (which is why i'm trying to emphasize that this is how things feel, not how they are), i don't think that i, entirely, have caused myself to feel this way.
i even feel like i should be defending or further explaining this entry.
ps - birthdays are overrated.