(no subject)
So appearently my friends feel as though I use them. Kind of understandable... but i wish they knew it wasn't my intent. Three examples were given:
I used A for rides, B as back up, and C for tattoos. I guess the most important person would be A. It was never my intent to use him for rides at all. I was at a rough point where I didnt have a car, my dad was no help, and I needed to get to work. My thinking was that A was my friend and he was helping me out because I had no one else. Friends give. I offered money when i had it. I don't know what else to add to that. My friendship to him as genuine along with the next two examples. B is more of an aquaintance. i say this becasue we are not too close because he works a lot and never really has time to hang out. I dont know where the back up thing came on this. I think I aksed for a ride from B like 4 times tops. I like B, i think he is an awesome kid. Still never meant to use him. C, i deffinitely did not use. he was a really great friend and I am still hurt that he up and left without saying good bye or anything. He was a friend... he did tattoos.... Am i supposed to not accept his offers?
Now I am thinking of times that I helped out my friends. I helped One get a job. I even spent like 200$ and put a shit load of effort into a planning a nice road trip to western MA. We did six flags and went camping. I also recall driving and going through hell to make sure that i saw GCF, one of my favorite bands, with my best friends. To hear that they thought i was using them... well that is rough. Really rough. I am not sure where they are getting this at all. I have one idea.
As some people know. From November to about March is very very very bad for me. I get really depressed and i like to isolate myself. i admit that i didnt really call them or keep in touch. I thought it was best, i didnt want to bring them down or seem like a martyr. I also had 3 jobs and had little time to do anything. I know that is no excuse though. I guess maybe they felt that i didnt "need" them anymore so I stopped talking to them? I really hope this all gets sorted out. I have missed them so much and now it is just painful that they think this. I always tried to be there for them and help them when I could. Stars, if any of them ever needed anything I would have done all i could. I would have driven A to work if he didnt have a car. I dont know what else to say at all.
Someone brought up that maybe they arent my true friends if they feel this way. maybe they aren't? I mean... if they were then they would realize i never meant to use them. But i can kind of understand. Maybe I just have a different deffinition of a friend? I mean... when I am down and going through rough times, i depend on my friends to be there and help out. Maybe I should stop taking things that are given to me or stop asking for things I guess.
Maybe i did use them? Unconsciously? Well their is room to change. I guess I have to concider other peoples feelings a bit more. Maybe be a bit more communal. Is that a word? Maybe i need sleep. I don't know what to think anymore. When a friend of like 5 years answers "i dont know" to the question " so do you think i am a shitty friend"... you kind of get hurt. but i guess i deserve it.
So I texted Paris to say hi... and like... some kid named Billy owns thatnumber now... so that was awkward. Well i haven't talked to her for a while... i wonder how she is.
i am a shitty friend now that i think about it
I used A for rides, B as back up, and C for tattoos. I guess the most important person would be A. It was never my intent to use him for rides at all. I was at a rough point where I didnt have a car, my dad was no help, and I needed to get to work. My thinking was that A was my friend and he was helping me out because I had no one else. Friends give. I offered money when i had it. I don't know what else to add to that. My friendship to him as genuine along with the next two examples. B is more of an aquaintance. i say this becasue we are not too close because he works a lot and never really has time to hang out. I dont know where the back up thing came on this. I think I aksed for a ride from B like 4 times tops. I like B, i think he is an awesome kid. Still never meant to use him. C, i deffinitely did not use. he was a really great friend and I am still hurt that he up and left without saying good bye or anything. He was a friend... he did tattoos.... Am i supposed to not accept his offers?
Now I am thinking of times that I helped out my friends. I helped One get a job. I even spent like 200$ and put a shit load of effort into a planning a nice road trip to western MA. We did six flags and went camping. I also recall driving and going through hell to make sure that i saw GCF, one of my favorite bands, with my best friends. To hear that they thought i was using them... well that is rough. Really rough. I am not sure where they are getting this at all. I have one idea.
As some people know. From November to about March is very very very bad for me. I get really depressed and i like to isolate myself. i admit that i didnt really call them or keep in touch. I thought it was best, i didnt want to bring them down or seem like a martyr. I also had 3 jobs and had little time to do anything. I know that is no excuse though. I guess maybe they felt that i didnt "need" them anymore so I stopped talking to them? I really hope this all gets sorted out. I have missed them so much and now it is just painful that they think this. I always tried to be there for them and help them when I could. Stars, if any of them ever needed anything I would have done all i could. I would have driven A to work if he didnt have a car. I dont know what else to say at all.
Someone brought up that maybe they arent my true friends if they feel this way. maybe they aren't? I mean... if they were then they would realize i never meant to use them. But i can kind of understand. Maybe I just have a different deffinition of a friend? I mean... when I am down and going through rough times, i depend on my friends to be there and help out. Maybe I should stop taking things that are given to me or stop asking for things I guess.
Maybe i did use them? Unconsciously? Well their is room to change. I guess I have to concider other peoples feelings a bit more. Maybe be a bit more communal. Is that a word? Maybe i need sleep. I don't know what to think anymore. When a friend of like 5 years answers "i dont know" to the question " so do you think i am a shitty friend"... you kind of get hurt. but i guess i deserve it.
So I texted Paris to say hi... and like... some kid named Billy owns thatnumber now... so that was awkward. Well i haven't talked to her for a while... i wonder how she is.
i am a shitty friend now that i think about it