...GO!
I have been having weird dreams lately. I hardly ever remember my dreams so that alone is weird. They are those dreams where it can take you up to a day or two to realize it was just a dream. They are dreams that are so real and possible that it could really happen. I have allot of things going on, but one particular thing has been on my shoulders for a while. It is these damn threats that i have been getting. I had to call a detective once before, i would hate to do so again.
Business is booming. I now host three websites and a few more are still pending. We already know about the hot new band, Death of Autumn. I also just gave domains to two new people. One of them wants to stay secretive right now so i can't disclose the address, but the other site belongs to some kid named Alex. Alex is some tuff guy who wanted to keep a blog or something. A few more are expected too.
Kayci called my friends (acquaintances) dumb because of select messages she has seen them send on AIM. This drove me crazy. I was going to back this up by saying "that is not fair to call them dumb based on some messages you have seen". But I figured it didn't matter because i would not win, as usual with a women. Sometimes I feel like I am on the cast of Seinfeld. Everything is serious and the only smile she gets is from making fun of people. I really am starting to feel looked down upon. Like I am DUMB and IMMATURE for trying to live a little and not be so serious all the time. I imagine her conversations with her boyfriend being just like the ones Jerry has with Elane(sp). Eh, whatever. I love her anyway and nothing will change that. She is waiting 12 hours so she can meet Tori Amos at a book signing today. At first I thought that was DUMB, but i would probably do the same for Anal Cunt. It was so cute the way she made Tori a gift and a letter.
I have a psychiatrist appointment today. That should be like 10 minutes tops. I think I am going to come back here rather than go to work with Money. I have to do laundry and such and I will probably get wicked bored at Stop and Shop. I wish I had a car... wow, haven't said that for a while. Things have really changed since my breakdown....like.... it is as if the last year of my life was just manic and fucked up... really. Like I think of how I was dressing, who I was attracted to, the things i said, it wasn't me.
I should really call my father. I don't want to, but it will make things worse if I don't. Since I have health insurance now (I think), I am debating whether or not to do the whole family counseling thing. I shall make a list of positives and negative.
Negatives:
It will probably not change my living conditions (father won't let me in, mother will let me
"crash".
more trouble
Positives:
Give my father an aspect of what I am going through (hopefully)
Make sure my parents are on the same page
Keep family somewhat together
Okay... that was dumb... i should probably just do it. But I wonder if I should get my sister involved... she IS family... however i want things to focus more on me and my relationship with my parents. I think I may have my sister in sometimes. I think this would be for the best.
Mr. Fields has been doing a great job at making sure i am getting things done. He makes me food sometimes too. I feel really bad. I tried helping out by doing to dishes and cleaning the counter a bit in the kitchen and I hope that was helpful in some way. I still have taxes to do and I am waiting for the whole SS thing to work out. I hope I don't have to travel to boston for a damn physical.
More suppressed childhood memories have sprung up, but they aren't nearly as bad as the others that sprang up while away.
I have been listening to Hatebreed now whenever i want a good laugh. It really works too. They are just so untalented and ridiculous in my opinion and I can't help but just laugh and since every song is the same, every song brings equal laughs. Anyway, I am going to go shower I suppose... or at least do something about my body odor. I WILL BE dun dun dun dun dun dun I.WILL.BE - I WILL BE HEARD!
Business is booming. I now host three websites and a few more are still pending. We already know about the hot new band, Death of Autumn. I also just gave domains to two new people. One of them wants to stay secretive right now so i can't disclose the address, but the other site belongs to some kid named Alex. Alex is some tuff guy who wanted to keep a blog or something. A few more are expected too.
Kayci called my friends (acquaintances) dumb because of select messages she has seen them send on AIM. This drove me crazy. I was going to back this up by saying "that is not fair to call them dumb based on some messages you have seen". But I figured it didn't matter because i would not win, as usual with a women. Sometimes I feel like I am on the cast of Seinfeld. Everything is serious and the only smile she gets is from making fun of people. I really am starting to feel looked down upon. Like I am DUMB and IMMATURE for trying to live a little and not be so serious all the time. I imagine her conversations with her boyfriend being just like the ones Jerry has with Elane(sp). Eh, whatever. I love her anyway and nothing will change that. She is waiting 12 hours so she can meet Tori Amos at a book signing today. At first I thought that was DUMB, but i would probably do the same for Anal Cunt. It was so cute the way she made Tori a gift and a letter.
I have a psychiatrist appointment today. That should be like 10 minutes tops. I think I am going to come back here rather than go to work with Money. I have to do laundry and such and I will probably get wicked bored at Stop and Shop. I wish I had a car... wow, haven't said that for a while. Things have really changed since my breakdown....like.... it is as if the last year of my life was just manic and fucked up... really. Like I think of how I was dressing, who I was attracted to, the things i said, it wasn't me.
I should really call my father. I don't want to, but it will make things worse if I don't. Since I have health insurance now (I think), I am debating whether or not to do the whole family counseling thing. I shall make a list of positives and negative.
Negatives:
It will probably not change my living conditions (father won't let me in, mother will let me
"crash".
more trouble
Positives:
Give my father an aspect of what I am going through (hopefully)
Make sure my parents are on the same page
Keep family somewhat together
Okay... that was dumb... i should probably just do it. But I wonder if I should get my sister involved... she IS family... however i want things to focus more on me and my relationship with my parents. I think I may have my sister in sometimes. I think this would be for the best.
Mr. Fields has been doing a great job at making sure i am getting things done. He makes me food sometimes too. I feel really bad. I tried helping out by doing to dishes and cleaning the counter a bit in the kitchen and I hope that was helpful in some way. I still have taxes to do and I am waiting for the whole SS thing to work out. I hope I don't have to travel to boston for a damn physical.
More suppressed childhood memories have sprung up, but they aren't nearly as bad as the others that sprang up while away.
I have been listening to Hatebreed now whenever i want a good laugh. It really works too. They are just so untalented and ridiculous in my opinion and I can't help but just laugh and since every song is the same, every song brings equal laughs. Anyway, I am going to go shower I suppose... or at least do something about my body odor. I WILL BE dun dun dun dun dun dun I.WILL.BE - I WILL BE HEARD!