...for the sakeof being a pen
I have spent the last few days trying to gather up my emotions and feeling. I still can’t figure them all out but I have figured out most. But I have had the help from Pat Benatar and Warrant. I mean, I have figured out the basics. The same old feelings of being lonely, abandoned, bored, stressed, etc. But I have to go deeper than these things. Why am I feeling this way? And why am I letting myself feel this way? My brain is one big fucking contradiction. I never want to have feeling for a girl, but, at the same time I want a relationship that means something and lasts. I want to cuddle, eat ice cream and watch sappy movies, talk, ballroom dance, and I want someone to be there for me and care for me. As much as I say that it is impossible to ever find a girl that would be there for me and care for me, I can’t help but feel that little bit of doubt. But I am so sick of all this that I don’t want to bother anymore. Maybe that is best. Maybe I just should continue to not care. DIE SKIN FUCK CRACK I ATE YOUR BABY AND NOW YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS YOU FUCKING SLUT HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU THE TOASTER IS NOT A TOY CAN YOU PLEASE GO JUMP IN THE POOL NOW WITHOUT THE SHIRT ON YOU FUCKING LITTLE SHIT IF THIS IS SOOO MUCH FOR YOU THEN YOU CAN MOVE OUT AND MAYBE DYE YOUR HEART GREEN FOR THE WORLD TO FUCK YOU OVER CAN YOU SEE MY ADVANTAGE CAN YOU FUCKING TELL EVERYONE THAT I AM NO LONGER THE GOOD SPELLER AND I NEVER WAS THIS IS ALLL TOOO MUCH CAN WE JUST ALL HOLD MY HAND AND GIVE ME HUGS FOR THE SAKE OF SAYING I WAS SANE LAST NIGHT I ALMOST BELIEVED IN EVERYONE I CANT BELIEVE I WAS SO STUPID ALL I WANTED FOR EVERYTHING WAS A PURPLE SPACE EATER AND ALL I CAN EVER AFFORD IS THE THOUGHT OF A RIGHT PATH TO VIOLENCE I AM NO LONGER HERE FOR THE BREAD THIS WAS MY TAIL THIS WAS MY FOREST OF WAVES I CAN NO LONGER FLOAT A MILK SHAKE DOWN THE PROPER ISLE THIS IS A STORE FOR THE DEF I AM THE LORD OF HECK I CAN TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN STAY OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER ALL OF YOU NO ONE IS EVER THE ONE FOR THE SAKE OF TELLING ME I CAN DO BETTER WHEN I AM THE ONE DOWN IN THE DUMPSTER YOU FUCKS!