...i guess that makes him my oldest friend?

[sadpenguin]

So i am re-reading my whole-entire-journal from the beginning in order to add tags. Tagging wasn't a feature up until a few years ago and i am OCPD so it needs to be done. i also want all my poetry tagged so i can access it easier. Anyway, the point i am trying to make here is that it is extremely depressing. i mean brutal. There was some awesome times in my youth. Right now i am at the start of using my journal, 2003. So i was seeing Brianna Ebbs at the time. i clearly liked her a lot. More than she liked me. She never wanted to make it official and she kind of just wanted to date anyone who liked her back. It was just another unhealthy relationship. i was hanging with Ray Herd a lot too. Also there was Chris Shelton. Fuck i am sooo fucking depressed now. i need to do this little by little. i wish LJ offered some sort of automatic tagging feature. Even then, though, it would be hard to tag my poetry and i am sure there would be many other problems. The point i am making is that i am fortunate that i have kept a verbal record of my life since 2003. It is just too bad it is so depressing to read. i am still having girl problems. Still battling loneliness, depression, alienation, suicidal idiation, hypocrisy, romantic discrepancies, self-hatred, anguish, and i am still writing in this damn journal. The only thing that has changed, really, is my maturity and whining. i whined a lot in 2003. i am going to go out on a limb in saying that i probably whined a lot in 2004 and 2005 as well. Fuck. i want to cry. i really wish i could go back in time and relive these moments. i wish i could go back in time and change little things. i can't believe how fast the years have gone by. shit. 2003 was fucking ten years ago. TEN FUCKING YEARS AGO. And i am STILL dwelling about it. Still caught up in it. i guess i am having trouble letting go of it? It makes me wonder so much. There are so many things i wonder what could have been like had i made different decisions.

i need to start adding the year in these tags

Anyway. i've only still have contact with one friend from before 2003 and that is Ray Herd. So i am going to share these awesome memories with him.