It's been a while...
have i moved on? Is it getting easier? Am i ignoring the monthly countings?
I want to be better...it's a bit easier but i still feel the absence quite keenly for my family isn't complete without my dad...and i still feel upset at the holiday season. Is it all an act that i can smile and laugh with others? Is it genuine "happiness" that i vowed to myself I would never feel again?
I did not stop the monthly countings and am quite aware of the 11ths of each month....
Though i am feeling quite guilty of ...letting time wash some of the pain away...
I feel guilty that i found a bf...kinda... but i did let dad know by going to the temple and telling him. And starting it was a whole angst fest by itself ....and there's always possibility of it ending....tomorrow.
The life plans and goals are still slow-going....
I had a dream about dad last night...going with him and mom to visit the bro in China... i still read the imissmydad community and...
but yeah, i feel guilty for not being as great in going to the temple or the cemetery...
time doesn't wash away all wounds but makes it easier to deal.
But dad's still in my heart. Always and forever. And I miss him always.
I love my ba-ba.
I want to be better...it's a bit easier but i still feel the absence quite keenly for my family isn't complete without my dad...and i still feel upset at the holiday season. Is it all an act that i can smile and laugh with others? Is it genuine "happiness" that i vowed to myself I would never feel again?
I did not stop the monthly countings and am quite aware of the 11ths of each month....
Though i am feeling quite guilty of ...letting time wash some of the pain away...
I feel guilty that i found a bf...kinda... but i did let dad know by going to the temple and telling him. And starting it was a whole angst fest by itself ....and there's always possibility of it ending....tomorrow.
The life plans and goals are still slow-going....
I had a dream about dad last night...going with him and mom to visit the bro in China... i still read the imissmydad community and...
but yeah, i feel guilty for not being as great in going to the temple or the cemetery...
time doesn't wash away all wounds but makes it easier to deal.
But dad's still in my heart. Always and forever. And I miss him always.
I love my ba-ba.