in this entry i paraphrase
so okay i really don't-
i mean
-wow.
i don't like living here.
and i don't like my parents.
especially my mom but especially my dad.
my mom saw me scanning in a picture of myself to the computer
-- a long time ago, about the last time i posted on the internet --
and she asked me what it was for
i couldn't lie and say school: school was over
and that was my usual sort of excuse:
that's what i always said i used the internet for
to avoid conversation.
so i told her the truth
"somebody online wants to see a picture of me
because he wants to draw me i guess"
and she flipped out
freaked out
she ripped out the internet cable
(yes, ripped: we had to get a new one
i am accessing the internet from a new internet cable
because she broke the old one)
and yelled at me to turn off the computer and took my picture out of the scanner
"i can't believe you could be so stupid" she screamed
"don't you know the internet is full of stalkers?
who could track you down with your picture
and wait outside your school and touch you in your
private areas?"
which i thought was a dumb argument
because it is not 1997 and i am not twelve years old --
i am eighteen and about to go to university and live on my own for eight months
and i think that means i am old enough to give people my picture online, but apparently not.
which is why i have been off the internet for thirty days.
you should have seen my dad though
when he found out
-- my step-dad, i mean.
when he found out i was sending a picture
to some man on the internet
because he wanted to draw me a picture of me
he thought that i was involved in a homosexual relationship
he thought that meant i was having sex with men online
he got really mad
he said that nobody who lives unders his roof
is going to be a cocksucker.
i think that he wanted an argument
i think he was hoping for an argument;
thinking maybe that i would stand up for my rights
to suck cocks online
and he would get his chance
to finally kick me out.
so he got even angrier when i told him he was an idiot
and he was wrong
and ignorant.
and he enrolled me in a church program
-- our church (his church) has a program --
where they turn you from gay to straight.
i have to go every wednesday and report
on my progress:
telling them how many cocks i haven't sucked
and how long it's been since i haven't, and
how i might've found a girl that interests me.
apparently i'm making great progress
-- there's a lot of girls that interest me, this isn't hard --
but the leader says that i am still in denial
and that i will never be truly free unless i admit to The Truth.
what the hell.
i mean
-wow.
i don't like living here.
and i don't like my parents.
especially my mom but especially my dad.
my mom saw me scanning in a picture of myself to the computer
-- a long time ago, about the last time i posted on the internet --
and she asked me what it was for
i couldn't lie and say school: school was over
and that was my usual sort of excuse:
that's what i always said i used the internet for
to avoid conversation.
so i told her the truth
"somebody online wants to see a picture of me
because he wants to draw me i guess"
and she flipped out
freaked out
she ripped out the internet cable
(yes, ripped: we had to get a new one
i am accessing the internet from a new internet cable
because she broke the old one)
and yelled at me to turn off the computer and took my picture out of the scanner
"i can't believe you could be so stupid" she screamed
"don't you know the internet is full of stalkers?
who could track you down with your picture
and wait outside your school and touch you in your
private areas?"
which i thought was a dumb argument
because it is not 1997 and i am not twelve years old --
i am eighteen and about to go to university and live on my own for eight months
and i think that means i am old enough to give people my picture online, but apparently not.
which is why i have been off the internet for thirty days.
you should have seen my dad though
when he found out
-- my step-dad, i mean.
when he found out i was sending a picture
to some man on the internet
because he wanted to draw me a picture of me
he thought that i was involved in a homosexual relationship
he thought that meant i was having sex with men online
he got really mad
he said that nobody who lives unders his roof
is going to be a cocksucker.
i think that he wanted an argument
i think he was hoping for an argument;
thinking maybe that i would stand up for my rights
to suck cocks online
and he would get his chance
to finally kick me out.
so he got even angrier when i told him he was an idiot
and he was wrong
and ignorant.
and he enrolled me in a church program
-- our church (his church) has a program --
where they turn you from gay to straight.
i have to go every wednesday and report
on my progress:
telling them how many cocks i haven't sucked
and how long it's been since i haven't, and
how i might've found a girl that interests me.
apparently i'm making great progress
-- there's a lot of girls that interest me, this isn't hard --
but the leader says that i am still in denial
and that i will never be truly free unless i admit to The Truth.
what the hell.