(no subject)
I find myself trying to fill this night with something to do so that I don't binge and purge. I'm feeling pretty shitty. My boyfriend hasn't texted me today, which we normally talk every day. It's his friends birthday today, well it wI find myself trying to fill this night with something to do so that I don't binge and purge. I'm feeling pretty shitty. My boyfriend hasn't texted me today, which we normally talk every day. Also when we hung out on the weekend I asked him "so are you going to invite me to this thing or what?" and he said "oh you want to come?" and I said "yeah" and he's like "oh well I don't even know if it's going to happen since he went out tonight so we'll have to see" ouch. totally didn't want me to come but it's like why the hell not? I know it's not a guys night. My mind automatically thinks a hundred things, all bad. I jump to the thoughts that he's realizing he doesn't actually like me, that he's embarressed of me, that he's regretting getting into things with me. I feel like shit, and I know that I won't say anything to him because I'll feel like an idiot for being upset. I'm also scared that if I say something he'll break it off, which I guess if he would break things off for that I shouldn't really be with him but still, nobody likes rejection.
I'm finding it really hard to not binge and purge right now. I'm so lonely, don't have any money to go and do anything, No one to hang out with, and all I can think about is this whole boyfriend thing. Especially cause it felt like there was some tension between us on sunday when I left his house. I think he's annoyed that we didn't fool around. I can't explain it, I just feel like something changed this weekend between us, and not for the better.
I'm also really stressing out about not having enough money. I don't have money when we go out and he must be getting annoyed of that too. He had to pay for my cab to the skytrain station. I owe my mom a bunch of money. I have a speeding ticket thats about to go to collections. My next paycheque probably won't even be 100 bucks cause I worked like nothing. I need another job, but for some reason I haven't gone and actually tried to get one. I just talk about it.
I'm so mad at myself about my biology quizzes. I keep making stupid mistakes and losing marks. It sucks because as soon as I give my quiz I realize the stupid shit I did. I want to get an A in that class, I mean jesus it's my only class.
God I hate nights like tonight. I don't think the prozac is working. Sometimes I feel good, and other days I feel so alone. Tonight sucks. I can't even exercise because I have this huge blister on my pinky toe from my running shoes. I would totally go for a run if I could find my old runners but I can't, and the ones that gave me the blister hurt so bad just wearing them.
ugh, seriously. I hate tonight.
I'm finding it really hard to not binge and purge right now. I'm so lonely, don't have any money to go and do anything, No one to hang out with, and all I can think about is this whole boyfriend thing. Especially cause it felt like there was some tension between us on sunday when I left his house. I think he's annoyed that we didn't fool around. I can't explain it, I just feel like something changed this weekend between us, and not for the better.
I'm also really stressing out about not having enough money. I don't have money when we go out and he must be getting annoyed of that too. He had to pay for my cab to the skytrain station. I owe my mom a bunch of money. I have a speeding ticket thats about to go to collections. My next paycheque probably won't even be 100 bucks cause I worked like nothing. I need another job, but for some reason I haven't gone and actually tried to get one. I just talk about it.
I'm so mad at myself about my biology quizzes. I keep making stupid mistakes and losing marks. It sucks because as soon as I give my quiz I realize the stupid shit I did. I want to get an A in that class, I mean jesus it's my only class.
God I hate nights like tonight. I don't think the prozac is working. Sometimes I feel good, and other days I feel so alone. Tonight sucks. I can't even exercise because I have this huge blister on my pinky toe from my running shoes. I would totally go for a run if I could find my old runners but I can't, and the ones that gave me the blister hurt so bad just wearing them.
ugh, seriously. I hate tonight.