(no subject)
MiniKidVicious17: I just relate it to that as...well...
MiniKidVicious17: Like everything that should be isnt, and everything that isnt..Is? Ya see? Because I feel like Im in a unfimilar place, with un fimilar people.
MiniKidVicious17: where everything is dull, confusing, and nonsense.
The Healer87: yeah well
The Healer87: until you make the pieces match
The Healer87: its gonna stay that way
The Healer87: and youll remain Alice
The Healer87: and not Sam
The Healer87: or as i like to say
The Healer87: Sammo
MiniKidVicious17: I like Sammo too. and I wish I was backed to that,
The Healer87: Sam i gotta run but heres the truth ok
The Healer87: this is how i made it
The Healer87: and maybe you can make it this way too
The Healer87: you said this
The Healer87: I was born premature, with a hole in my intestine and spent 2 months in a glass case. My Real father was abusive, and tried to kill my mom and me and Beat her.She left him She dated men came in and out of her life and Mine. My dad left me alone for a long time and only came around to harass my mom. She then left me at my aunts for three months to come to arizona to see how it was down here with my step dad. Shit happen between him and I thats just UGH and i cant stand him for it, that really lowered my self esteem to Zero.and They wonder why I used to shake and twitch as a kid, and now suffer from axiety, depression and I think Post-Trumatic stree
The Healer87: you KNOW why you are the way you are now
The Healer87: all these things
The Healer87: each and every one
The Healer87: made you who you are today
The Healer87: and are you happy with who you are ?
MiniKidVicious17: Welll I mean shit has happen, and some things affect me. but I havent commited suicide I havent turn to illegeal substances, I dont smoke. Im fiesty, I consider myself to ahve a decent sense of humor, Cynical yes, but overall I always thought I was a pretty okay person and for the shit Ive delt with it. It sucks But it could be worse. So yeah I am.
The Healer87: well
The Healer87: are you happy with the side effects you were left
The Healer87: the anxiety attacks
The Healer87: depression
The Healer87: insecurities
The Healer87: the things you need medication for
MiniKidVicious17: Well no.
MiniKidVicious17: I dont understand exactly why its hit now I mean Ive always had signs, I suffer from Social Phobia, When I was younger Speration Anxiety from my mother. but Now its just out of control.
The Healer87: well babe
MiniKidVicious17: and everyone wants to find out what triggered it but all I can think of is Ryno and I.
MiniKidVicious17: so it seems like he does.
The Healer87: listen everything has a natural reaction
The Healer87: it is ryno
The Healer87: but not in the way you may think
The Healer87: youve had an entirely unstable life
The Healer87: and ryno is the introduction of stability
The Healer87: when your use to instability for so long
The Healer87: it becomes stable to be so unstable
The Healer87: and to indroduce
The Healer87: stability
The Healer87: into unstability, will make it seem unstable
The Healer87: so in a way, Alice
The Healer87: you introduced reality to wonderland
The Healer87: get it?
The Healer87: all these negative results are outcomes of wonderland, as youve chose to put it
The Healer87: results of your up bringing
The Healer87: now you need to make the decision whether you wanna live in wonderland
The Healer87: or whether you want reality
The Healer87: and you need to choose quickly ma dear
MiniKidVicious17: well one of my main fears was that I only wanted him because he offered stability. A future.
MiniKidVicious17: and I think the first time I started to question it was our 6th month, we had spent a lot of time together so I didnt miss him as much, Larry and I got into a huge fight. and I started crying and went to my room and thought do I want ryno and then i started to wonder if I only wanted him for comfort and that was it. and it was just down hill from there. and I thought about that, everything in my life has been so topsy turby nothing good ever stays problems in every relationship, even if they were nice guys and Heres one thats doesnt have turmoil. and like you made the point then to me its unstable to be stable.
The Healer87: exactly
The Healer87: you cant distinguish the two anymore
The Healer87: ok heres an example
The Healer87: aids and hiv
The Healer87: as well as some other diseases
The Healer87: cause the antibodies in your bloodstream
The Healer87: to think YOUR OWN blood cells are viruses or diseases
The Healer87: so they fight them
The Healer87: instead of the REAL virus
The Healer87: so your attack your own good blood and cells
The Healer87: until the body dies
MiniKidVicious17: So....Im disinguishing the problem as ryno, when the issues are deeper than Ryno and I and if it doesnt stop then Im going to Kill our relationship?
The Healer87: yes
The Healer87: VERY correct
The Healer87: your problems run much deeper
The Healer87: and it wouldnt matter if its ryno, me, some other guy or the guy after that
The Healer87: these problems will ruin every relationship sooner or later
MiniKidVicious17: Well lately Ive also had trouble being like intamiate with him, Like I feel like shit afterward and I wonder if that has anything to do with the past between what happen earlier on in life with the dick I live with and Mike. and its finally boiled its way to the top.
The Healer87: yup
The Healer87: id bet money on that
The Healer87: ryno is connected to this issues a lot
The Healer87: not because its his fault
The Healer87: but because he is introducing stability to you
The Healer87: which is balancing you out
The Healer87: and as you balance
The Healer87: the bad try to seep up through
The Healer87: and fuck you up again
The Healer87: very similar to the way i cant remember anything about my childhood
The Healer87: because its too painful
The Healer87: but when im happiest
The Healer87: and when im finally ok to handle it
The Healer87: all that badness
The Healer87: and painful memories
The Healer87: will spill out
The Healer87: and hit me in the face
MiniKidVicious17: and then you feel like shit all over again.
The Healer87: yup
The Healer87: but im not givin up on you
The Healer87: and neither is ryno