its how express myself real update soon
Sam groaned as the weight of the bed shifted moving her from her cozy bundle of blankets. She forced her eyes open to see Ryne making his way into the bathroom. She groaned glancing at the clock it read 4 in the morning. She sighed hearing him turn on the faucet and tried to force her eyes make together so she could sleep. She didn’t want to be awake when she was awake she was miserable for 4 weeks now she had be fight severe anxiety, which to her suspicion had turned into depression. Another groan and she crawled out of the safety of the bed wrapped the sheet around her naked body walking out of the bedroom, she picked the clothes up on the way out of the hallway which had been discarded from the night before. She found Ryne’s Amon Amarth shirt that he had been wearing the previous night and pulled it over her head with her own pair of underwear that had somehow managed to be hanging from the ceiling light. “How the fuck things get up there is beyond me” she mumbled to herself letting the sheet drop onto the couch and walking zombie like to the kitchen to pour herself some coffee and make Ryne a cup so it would be ready when he got out of the shower. She set it down on the coffee table in front of his normal spot and curled into the cushion, feet tucked under her sipping her coffee, flipping through the channels. Ryne walked in “Baby what are you doing up this early?” he asked. “Couldn’t sleep.” She said dryly sipping her coffee. He came and sat down next to her and she leaned into him. Nothing. She got used to this feeling, this feeling of lying against a brick wall. That’s what she felt nothing. She knew deep down, somewhere rooted inside was the real her, the one who felt safe against his strong frame, but this girl here felt nothing. He kissed her forehead and sipped his coffee watching the series of stories on the news. When the clock turned 4:30 Ryne stood to put on his Uniform, he sat and laced up his boots then kissed Sam. “I love you baby” ‘I love you too” she said but even saying it sounded dry. He walked out the door. She broke, her heart started to pound she started shaking the tears poured nonstop. “Im so sick of this” she screamed the voices in her head here they came “Leave him, dump him. Hes nothing” SHUT UP SHUT UP she screamed out loud stop it. She managed to stumble to the bathroom. Her vision was blurry from tears as she bumped into the wall and door frame sobbing she threw open the cabinet working a small pill into her hand. The tears were rolling. She wanted the whole damn bottle she wanted to be gone she didn’t want to feel this nothing, this emptiness toward people she knew she loved she didn’t want to feel like a corpse. It took the thought of the pain in Ryne’s beautiful blue eyes, the fear that made her screw the cap to the bottle back on with only one pill in hand and place it back in the cabinet. She couldn’t do that to him, not after what he’d been dealing with now.