Time for a Long emotional entry
From The day I was born my life has never been normal, Not that I'm saying that most peoples are. But Mine deffiently not. 7 months,Pain In the ass, Slept all day cried all Night. No daddy. and from that moment On I've never really had any stability. Mom had boyfriends who came and went, Now Married to man I can hardly stand, Sometimes he hates me and wont even note my existance other times hes giving me hugs. Nothing has ever been stable and in a way I like it that way I've never wanted a Nine to five job the cliche way of living.
But Now...Now I have my boyfriend. The Boy that makes me feel no way close to how I ever have before and for once theirs some stability, Knowing he's there, That i can trust him, He's amazing to me and That he loves me. I dont have to be paranoid that he's lying or that he's running around with someone else. and yet i'm still paranoid. Because I dont want to lose him yeah we plan the future but so many people plan and so many things dont work out. Maybe its because I'm cynical. I'm scared we're living in a fantasy world and Reality just hasnt sunk in yet. Maybe it's because of what happen with that dick head. But Honestly thats not really an excuse to be paranoid I guess. I just can't get hurt again..not like that. and I'm a selfish kid. I dont want any other girl finding out how Amazing Ryne Severson is. I know and I want him all to myself, the thought of not having him is horrible. But..I dont know it all seems to simple 16 years old Only one real heart break....finds soul mate? That all seems to simple especially for my unstable life...But Maybe I'm getting a break...Maybe someone finally said, Damnit We've put theses kids through enough. Lets give em' eachother. My Heaven in life and death..Just like the ring says...I dont know. Love is paranoid I guess :/
As far being a teenager fuck. Honestly I dont live the normal teenager life. I'm 16 and I live like i'm 13 I dont party, I dont even know who has fucking parties, I dont like drinking and i dont do drugs I can't stay out late and sneaking out is to risky. I feel like I'm living like a 30 year adult without the benefits still being looked at like a 16 year old kid. I guess I passed all that shit up the being wild, the stupid teenager phase and now I'm done with it I know I'll regret it when it's gone..But There seems to be no point i want to grow up I want to start a career and I want to start a life..With Yes you guessed the Boy I've fallen so deeply in love with. I dont want us having to fucking say goodbye over a phone anymore I want to be able to roll over and kiss him goodnight. I want to settle down and I dont think thats healthy honestly....I'm suppose to want all this freedom. Maybe Not jump right into being married and kids. but I'm commited and maybe Ryne and I can do this because we've both grown up quicker then most kids. But I do I want a life with him, I dont want to be wild. and What sucks Is those maternial instincts are kicking ina nd I hate it. Part of me wants kids but the reality is like HELLO your fuckin 16 Your still a kid. But yet I find myself at occasional times sitting there just a slight part of me hoping my period doesnt start. but Thats crazy thats crazy for both ryne and me and it'd fuck things up, our lives our dreams, Our families would kill us. So logically and with the part of me that still thinks with my head I'm glad. But Then theres always that slight part that Wishes I could be.
Whatever though Whats meant to be will happen I guess.
I'm just a confused Teenager...or something...
who fuckin knows.
But Now...Now I have my boyfriend. The Boy that makes me feel no way close to how I ever have before and for once theirs some stability, Knowing he's there, That i can trust him, He's amazing to me and That he loves me. I dont have to be paranoid that he's lying or that he's running around with someone else. and yet i'm still paranoid. Because I dont want to lose him yeah we plan the future but so many people plan and so many things dont work out. Maybe its because I'm cynical. I'm scared we're living in a fantasy world and Reality just hasnt sunk in yet. Maybe it's because of what happen with that dick head. But Honestly thats not really an excuse to be paranoid I guess. I just can't get hurt again..not like that. and I'm a selfish kid. I dont want any other girl finding out how Amazing Ryne Severson is. I know and I want him all to myself, the thought of not having him is horrible. But..I dont know it all seems to simple 16 years old Only one real heart break....finds soul mate? That all seems to simple especially for my unstable life...But Maybe I'm getting a break...Maybe someone finally said, Damnit We've put theses kids through enough. Lets give em' eachother. My Heaven in life and death..Just like the ring says...I dont know. Love is paranoid I guess :/
As far being a teenager fuck. Honestly I dont live the normal teenager life. I'm 16 and I live like i'm 13 I dont party, I dont even know who has fucking parties, I dont like drinking and i dont do drugs I can't stay out late and sneaking out is to risky. I feel like I'm living like a 30 year adult without the benefits still being looked at like a 16 year old kid. I guess I passed all that shit up the being wild, the stupid teenager phase and now I'm done with it I know I'll regret it when it's gone..But There seems to be no point i want to grow up I want to start a career and I want to start a life..With Yes you guessed the Boy I've fallen so deeply in love with. I dont want us having to fucking say goodbye over a phone anymore I want to be able to roll over and kiss him goodnight. I want to settle down and I dont think thats healthy honestly....I'm suppose to want all this freedom. Maybe Not jump right into being married and kids. but I'm commited and maybe Ryne and I can do this because we've both grown up quicker then most kids. But I do I want a life with him, I dont want to be wild. and What sucks Is those maternial instincts are kicking ina nd I hate it. Part of me wants kids but the reality is like HELLO your fuckin 16 Your still a kid. But yet I find myself at occasional times sitting there just a slight part of me hoping my period doesnt start. but Thats crazy thats crazy for both ryne and me and it'd fuck things up, our lives our dreams, Our families would kill us. So logically and with the part of me that still thinks with my head I'm glad. But Then theres always that slight part that Wishes I could be.
Whatever though Whats meant to be will happen I guess.
I'm just a confused Teenager...or something...
who fuckin knows.