(no subject)
there is this person. and i know that i shouldnt feel this way about them. i cant figure out why i shouldnt feel this way, but i do. and it makes me nervous. i get butterflies in my stomach sometimes, but because i am happy. post spring break things will probably develop further. it makes me sad though because even if things do work out the way we both want them, its not even two months until i leave for summer. and go to florida. which is a longer trip than maryland. so it will be two months of good times, cuddling, kisses and holding hands and then it will all end because i will be far away. i guess this is the first time being between maryland and north carolina has really been a downfall. i miss things already. he makes me happy. it's been so long since i've felt this way. i've had things in between thomas and now and it just isnt like this. i like him a lot. i do.
also, it amazes me how easily the word love is thrown around. and how so many girls are so quick to jump from one "love" relationship to the next. i love my friends and my family, but i wont say that i am in love with someone after knowing them for a short time. and so many people seem willing to do this. i remember the switch in my life when i realized what love actually meant to me. i had told people i loved them before that, but i thought i did at the time. i didnt. and it got me in trouble this summer. when i thought that if i didnt really mean that i loved that person, i didnt think that they ever did. chris said he was still in love with me. we were together for two very passionate months. passion, not love was the basis of our relationship. we fucked and fought a lot. and this summer when he came down, he thought he was still in love with me.
i dont want to be the one because there is no one else there. and that's my usual role and i think i may fall into it again. who knows, i'm going to allow myself to let go of all the worry and be happy this time.
also, it amazes me how easily the word love is thrown around. and how so many girls are so quick to jump from one "love" relationship to the next. i love my friends and my family, but i wont say that i am in love with someone after knowing them for a short time. and so many people seem willing to do this. i remember the switch in my life when i realized what love actually meant to me. i had told people i loved them before that, but i thought i did at the time. i didnt. and it got me in trouble this summer. when i thought that if i didnt really mean that i loved that person, i didnt think that they ever did. chris said he was still in love with me. we were together for two very passionate months. passion, not love was the basis of our relationship. we fucked and fought a lot. and this summer when he came down, he thought he was still in love with me.
i dont want to be the one because there is no one else there. and that's my usual role and i think i may fall into it again. who knows, i'm going to allow myself to let go of all the worry and be happy this time.