Philip LaFresque and Jack Daniel's depressing day in the kitchen [29/??? artefacts collected]

[sadfreezingbrit]

[ And then this happened and Philip was back in his body. Just like that. Just... like that.

Not that the time off was a breeze, oh no. The things he said to some people, the things Clarence did, but... there are the things he didn't do. The things he could've done so easily and yet--

And yet Philip is back in his body and nobody is hurt. Nobody

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[dashboardlite]

[Not knowing what you're capable of is the scary part. Humans are sick bastards; Dean knows that from experience. He remembers the hillbilly-holler version of The Most Dangerous Game. He remembers being hunted by people - regular people - and remembers the sizzle of the fire poker, red-hot and searing purple spots in his vision because it was all he could stare at.

He also remembers something much more recent. Researching Hell, looking up the stories, the old stories, because fiction just wasn't cutting it.

Hell brings out the worst in man.

Dean remembers that in particular.]

I'm just-

[Tired.]

...I'm just sorry I didn't get it before, Phil. I'm sorry I scared the shit outta you, I'm sorry I hurt those kids. I'm sorry for a whole lot, and I know 'sorry' ain't gonna cut it. Not by a long shot. But I gotta start somewhere.

[Somewhere just happens to be forgiving himself first. It's hard. Probably one of the hardest things he's ever done, actually, especially since he still worries that it was him, that it wasn't just the event screwing around with people. Recalling the exhilaration and the enjoyment, it's difficult to justify it to oneself that the fault lies elsewhere. But if Dean can't take his own advice, what the Hell is he giving it out for in the first place?

It wasn't you sounds nice, and screaming it at Sam pulled his little brother out of a funk more than once.]

Y'know, my, uh...my brother woulda said that we're both friggin' idiots. We're overthinking this crap, we're looking at it too much.

[A beat.]

I know it's hard, but...I'm startin' to think that he's right.

[Because low expectations and a bitter outlook can only get you so far in Wonderland.]

[sadfreezingbrit]

[ A mirthless laugh. ]

Then I'm starting to think we might really need him around.

[ Oh god. What now? What else? The longer they talk about this the more Philip feels like he needs a shower to wash off this topic of conversation. ]

...I remember what it was like and- and 'it wasn't your fault' didn't exactly cut it for me either, but--

[ He exhales sharply, trying to recall the sentiments that gave him comfort then. ]

For all it's worth, I don't blame you. [ He doesn't. ] And I'm fine. [ He isn't. ] And I'm... sorry I asked about Dan.

[ He is, if only because the lack of answers wasn't worth the trouble.

...And that's about everything he has to say on the subject. ]

[dashboardlite]

S'fine, maybe...maybe later, just not now.

[Now is not, in fact, a good time to talk about people Dean may have killed horribly.]

I'm thinking the one thing I can do is get a drink and try to sleep and hope for the best.

[The implication being You should try to do that, too.]

[sadfreezingbrit]

[ Philip nods. ]

Yeah. Sure. I'll- I'll talk to you later.

[ The implication being none in particular. The truth being that Philip has too much to do and too much on his mind to even attempt sleep right now. ]

Take care.

[ He offers a smile as decisive as he can muster and reaches to turn the transmission off. ]