Sam at the end of Simon Said
This is a ramble on how I fell in love with Sam Winchester all over again and why I hope like hell Ellen's on the side of angels in all this.
The last scene of Simon Said takes place in Harvelle's Roadhouse, where Ellen appears to corner the boys, demands to know what they know. She's brusque, yes, and I understand why some people hate her for this scene. She comes across like she's threatening 'our' boys, so of course our instinct is to raise our hackles and bare our teeth, step between her and Sam and Dean.
But the moment Sam opens his mouth, that desire to protect turns to one of cherishing. Sam just looks so vulnerable and delicate and just...barely holding it together.
He needs to talk about what's going on. What's happening to him, the Demon's plans, the 'children like him'. He needs to pour it all out, without fear of sharp retort (like he'd more than probably get from Dean), without fear of getting hunters on his ass. He needs someone to say "It's okay. I've got it. I know what to do."
He needs someone to hug him, shelter him, stroke his hair and say everything's going to be okay, assure him of that lie if only for a moment.
He needs a break, a moment of respite to gather his strength. He needs someone to help him, to give him the weapons to fight his fears (like John and the .45 when he was nine), tell him what to do to end the nightmares.
And he's needed all of that exceedingly ever since Nightmare (1x14).
My bet is that it all begun the moment he realized his nightmares were death-dreams. All the way back in Pilot (1x01), Wendigo (1x02)...Home (1x09).
None of those can he get from Dean. Not during the first part of Second Season, when they're both struggling to keep on going, keep themselves just this side of functional.
Ellen's the first who could grasp the terror that's struck him, could try and understand it, could try and help him deal with it. Help him find answers.
Not even the other PsyKids so far met (Max Miller, Andy, Ansem) could completely realize what 'that vision thing' was doing to Sam. For all the aforementioned, their abilities have been a gift: Max saw it as the weapon to fight his fears, Andy thinks of it as a jackpot, and with all probability, considering how Ansem acted, he did, too. None of them have expressed as much doubt about said powers as Sam. None of them seemed to be as worried about what revealing them would do to their relationships, whereas Sam... *sigh*
It took that boy half a year to tell probably the closest person he had about them. And even then Sam did so grudgingly. If he could've helped it, he wouldn't have.
And Dean, protecting Sam, keeping Sam's speciality hidden away, is doing, after a fashion, both the right thing and the wrong thing.
He's doing the right thing because that seems to keep Sam physically safe.
He's doing the wrong (possibly the worst possible) thing because that really doesn't keep Sam mentally safe, and doesn't make the 'problem' disappear.
I think what Dean's trying to do is deny there's anything 'wrong' with Sam.
That ever since Home (1x09) and Nightmare (1x14), he's been trying to deny it, pretend it doesn't exist, hope that it'll just pass. Laugh it off.
"Not talking about it makes it non-existant."
Except it doesn't, and the Secret's just rubbing it in. More and more, every passing day. The 'problem' is there and it won't just disappear.
Not unless one deals with it.
The scene at the end of Simon Said, the whole of the Second Season... the boys really don't come across as being able to deal with it all.
Heart (2x17), maybe, got me going through the emotional spectrum as thoroughly as this episode. With all likelihood, they weren't the only episodes, but they're the ones shining among the rest in S2. With Simon Said and Heart, I laughed, I adored, I despaired, I fell in love with the whole wide world again and then could hear that high *ping* that broke the camel's back. Or, as the case may be, my mental stability for good.
Still...
New adventures ahoy!
I'm waiting for 3x01 so eagerly it's insane. And now I'm starting to worry I expect too much from it.... Oh, what a vicious circle this is... *shakes her head*