Fic: Safeword
Title: Safeword
Author: kayevelyn
Fandom: X-men
Pairing: Erik/Charles
Rating: +13? idk I suck at this part when it's not clear cut.
Summary: Charles was never afraid of Erik.
Notes: Written for this prompt on the kink meme asking for Charles using the safeword. I may have twisted this prompt to fit my uh-- own feelings. But it basically fits in with that idea. Also yes, I have thrown myself into being a slave of this fandom. I'll come out eventually. <.<
Disclaimer: I have totally forgotten to add this to my last couple of fic because lol i've been running around in RPS for too long so there is no need for a disclaimer. But yeah. I don't own or make any profit off of this :)
Charles was never afraid of Erik. He had no reason. And he wasn’t afraid now, how could he be? It was unfair to Erik after making all the accommodations he had.
“No don’t use restraints. I’ll lie still. I promise”
“I’m not sure I want you using your powers, can’t you just use your hand to control it?”
“Only my leg, and only a few cuts.”
And all Erik had asked in return was for Charles to tell him if it was too much. But how could it be too much? Erik was doing exactly what Charles had asked for. This was what he had wanted. It couldn’t be too much. It couldn’t. It couldn’t. He wasn’t scared. He really wasn’t. It wasn’t too much. It wasn’t.
Blood pooled to the top of the cut, the second one Erik had made on the inside of his thigh, and Charles shut his eyes. He tried to block out the pain and the image. It was making him sick in ways he hadn’t expected. In his mind this had been fine. They’d been joking even, and Erik had been smirking, eyes darkening as the blood weld up at the top of each cut. He’d been in perfect control of the knife, alternating between just sliding it up and down Charles’ thigh, to pressing just a bit harder. The knife had been sharp enough to slice skin with no effort and it was supposed to make his stomach pool with arousal because one wrong move and something could go wrong. But he had enough trust to know wrong moves wouldn’t happen.
At least. He thought he did.
Erik’s eyes were still dark like in his mind. Erik was still enjoying himself, even with all the restraints he had been put through. Even with every whiny little complaint Charles had made to feel safe. He couldn’t back out now. He couldn’t. He couldn’t. It was no big deal.
He couldn’t, couldn’t, couldn’t, couldn't, wouldn’t. Not even now with the third cut, the third out of six he had agreed to. The pain burned up his leg, to his spine and made him arch and cry out. He had tears in his eyes, and a part of him wanted to reach out and grab Erik’s mind and force him away. He was starting to panic and he couldn’t panic. Not now. Not when this was what he had wanted.
“Oh god,” he muttered, the fourth cut overlapping one of the other ones and it had been just a bit deeper. Charles looked down to see the blood pool up and Erik was staring at him, wide eyed because it was the first sound he had made, and dear god, he was slowly sitting up, knife flipping closed, the knife he had bought specifically for this and spent all day sharpening because he’d been so excited and oh no it was going to stop and it couldn’t stop he couldn’t let it stop.
“Charles?” Erik’s voice was quiet and when Charles opened his mouth to encourage him to keep going, please keep going, I don’t want you to stop on my account, all that came out was a sob and he covered his mouth, trying to take it back.
The knife dropped and Erik surged forward, cupping his cheeks in between both hands and hushing him, forehead pressing against Charles. Charles let out another sob, louder this time because he’d stopped and he wasn’t supposed to and god he was sorry, so sorry.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, please,” he was rambling and he only cut off because Erik’s knee brushed against the cuts as he tried to pull himself closer to Charles and it sent a stinging pain up through his body. He hissed and Erik moved, already apologizing as well, still stroking his face.
“Charles, Charles, calm down. Charles it’s okay. Charles, calm down, it’s fine, look at me, Charles, Charles.”
He let out another sob and shook his head. “No, no, no, no, not fine. Sorry, really sorry.”
Erik laughed, and it sounded broken and Charles wished he could see his face clearly instead of through the tears that were clouding his vision. “Why are you sorry?” He sounded grounded now. “Why? It’s fine. Calm down. Talk to me.”
“Didn’t mean to, I didn’t mean to really. I’m sorry. I. Keep going, please. Don’t stop just because. Please. Don’t. I didn’t. I didn’t say the word. The word I didn’t, keep going I’m fine.”
Erik laughed again. “No. You don’t. It’s fine Charles you don’t need to say the word. I understand. It’s fine.”
“No it’s not. It’s what you want.”
The rest of what he was going to say was cut off by Erik shaking him gently, trying to get him to focus. Charles hiccuped, and tried to wipe his eyes but Erik’s hands were in the way. His thumbs stroked under his eyes, wiping the tears away for him and then he pressed a kiss to Charles’ forehead as he made another hushing sound. “It’s fine. Charles, you need to listen to me. It’s okay.”
He hiccuped once more, and when he looked at Erik, his face so close to his own that he had to blink to readjust, he was seeing him clearly. He tried to shake his head, to continue disagreeing but Erik stopped him.
“Listen to me. It’s fine. Why do you think it’s not?”
“Because,” he broke off, trying to put the words into proper format, not this rambling mess from before. “Because this is what you wanted. And I already reeled you back so much.” His voice dropped. “I don’t want you to stop on my account.”
There was another laugh and Erik moved his hands from where they were just holding Charles’ face and let them stroke his cheeks as he pressed a kiss to his lips. “Charles, no. Don’t think that. It’s fine. Do you think I’m mad?”
He hesitated, wanting to reach forward to know how Erik wanted him to answer, but he’d agreed in the beginning not to do that. Trust, Erik had said. That’s what all of this was about. How much they trusted each other.
“Yes.”
He waited, expecting to see Erik’s temper flare up, because if he wasn’t mad before, being told that Charles thought he was made would surely make him upset. But instead Erik just did it again, laughed brokenly and pressed their foreheads together as if it would somehow make them both understand each other.
“No. I’m not mad. Not even a little. It’s fine. I just want to make sure you’re okay. Are you okay? Talk to me. What happened?”
“I’m fine, I just. I’m fine Erik. Please. Keep going.”
He shook his head, stroking Charles’ cheeks once more, calming him down. “No. I think we’re done with that, and it’s okay,” he added quickly before the guilt could clench his stomach once more and make Charles start to ramble off more apologies at their night being ruined. “You’re more important. Tell me what’s the matter.”
“I, nothing. Nothing is the matter.” Erik met his eye and Charles swallowed. “I’m not scared of you.” He said it with conviction so that way Erik knew he truly believed it. Because he couldn’t let Erik think for a second that he was scared. It would shatter him, Charles was sure.
“I know. I know you aren’t scared of me. But what were you scared of?” Hw was talking in hushed tones, a soothing voice that Charles just wanted to curl up into. “Talk to me, please. I need to know so it doesn’t happen again.”
“Just- nothing. Nothing.”
“Charles.” His tone changed then, taking a different tact to get his attention. “You trust me,” he said it like a fact but Charles nodded anyway, because after putting him through this, Erik needed to know, he was sure. “I’m not going to be mad at you, no matter what you say.” They’d had this talk before, Charles remembered, the first night after he had gotten a glimpse of what Erik wanted. He’d promised never to be upset with anything, and in return Charles had promised to be completely honest. He swallowed as Erik continued speaking. “Do you remember why?”
“Trust,” he said it in a rush. “It’s about trust. This,” he gestured to where the knife laid on the bed, abandoned, “whole thing, it’s just sugar coating for trust.”
Erik nodded, readjusting himself so he was on his back and Charles was curled up to his chest. He titled Charles’ head so they were still looking at one another. “Exactly. I trust you to tell me if anything, anything, makes you weary, or scared, or anything other than perfectly fine. And in return you trust me to always stop, no matter what, no matter how far into it I seem, and you trust that I’ll always be looking out for you.” He paused, stroking his hands through Charles’ hair. “I do try my best.” He pressed a kiss to Charles’ hairline. “I should have seen earlier, and I’m sorry that it got this far.”
Charles shook his head. He was calmer now, no longer crying, but he still felt guilty, couldn’t shake it. He wanted to, but all he could remember was how much Erik had wanted this and how he had ruined it in so many different ways. How telling the truth would ruin it even more.
“It’s my fault.”
“No,” Erik said seriously. “It’s not.” He made Charles look him in the eye. “Don’t think that. Now I’m going to go get a washcloth so I can clean the cuts okay? Will you be okay while I do that or would you prefer me to take you into the bathroom?”
Charles thought about being alone, even for just a few moments, and how it would feel to not have Erik pressed against him and he shook his head. “I’ll be fine.”
“Taking you into the bathroom it is, got it.” Erik stood up and then carefully helped Charles stand on woobly feet. “I do trust you,” he was saying as he guiding Charles into the en suite he had in his room, “and I’m not under the impression that everything from here on out is a lie, but I am going to be taking extra care to make sure I examine everything you tell me from now on. To make sure I don’t miss something, okay?” He turned on the water, letting it run into the bathtub.
He tested the water, all the while holding onto Charles’ hand, and helped him into the tub once it was filled. Charles said nothing, not sure if he felt betrayed at the idea that Erik didn’t trust him anymore, or touched that he was just paying more attention to him to make sure he didn’t miss anything.
He closed his eyes and tried to relax, even as Erik took care of cleaning the cuts in his leg. He was calming down, even if he still felt like he had failed, and nothing Erik could say would convince him otherwise.
“I’ll bandage this once I get you out of the tub,” Erik said, running the washcloth over the cuts once more. The dried blood had dirtied the water and Charles didn’t care too much, though if he sat there much longer it would probably be bad for the cut, but Erik made him wait, and soak up the hot bath for just a bit longer before letting him get out.
He stood in the middle of the bathroom as Erik toweled him dry and he wanted to protest and remind Erik that he was perfectly capable of doing it himself but Erik hushed him with a smile each time, before getting to his knees and toweling his legs off, being careful against the cuts. Then he was searching through the medicine cabinet, pulling out gauze that they kept at all corners of the mansion because teenagers were prone to injuries, and having mutant abilities just enhanced this fact, before getting back to his knees and carefully applying the gauze pad over the cuts.
Erik kissed the top of his hand as he grabbed it, leading Charles back into the bed. He climbed in after him, tucking them both under the covers and pulling Charles back to his chest.
He let out a breath, trying to calm everything down and stop it all from racing. He tried to stop himself from asking stupid questions, or saying stupid things, and thought maybe he could just fall asleep and forget all this ever happened, wake up tomorrow and try again. He knew he wouldn’t fail again.
“This is my favourite part.”
He opened his eyes and glanced up at Erik, who looked a little sheepish, but he was smiling as he shrugged, shifting Charles just a bit.
“Well it’s true.”
“I don’t understand. What is?”
Erik looked at him, pushed his hair out of his face with a smile. “The part where I take care of you. It’s the best part of doing things differently. You bring someone to their breaking point, and you try not to push them over it, you really do, but sometimes mistakes happen and you have to work extra hard to make up for it, but no matter what, at the end of it all, you take the person who has given you themselves and you put them back together.” Charles’ mouth was dry as Erik continued. “It’s partly about control, because I determine how you get put back together, but that’s the whole thing. Take them to the edge, to the point where they go ‘I don’t think I can handle anymore,’ wherever that point is, and then putting them back together. If it is something as simple as a back massage, or as complex as needing to contort someone and tie them up with knots they can’t get out of, doesn’t matter to me. The important thing is that I get them there, and that afterwards I get to be the one to talk them down, and remind them that I’m there for them.”
“But you’d prefer the contortion,” Charles said simply.
“I prefer whatever they need. I told you what I want, how I get to that point doesn’t matter. It’s all up to you.” He spoke kindly and Charles looked away in shame. “So what do you like?”
“I don’t know,” he said honestly, ashamed. He wished he had answers, just to see Erik light up in delight.
He smiled, leaning down and kissing Charles on the lips. “Are you willing to find out?”
Charles didn’t need to think too hard, mind flashing to the words Erik had just said. Being taken apart, whatever it was that would do it, from back massage to knives to deep kisses, Erik just wanted to do it to him. “Yes.” He paused, pushing back the flash of guilt at yet another request. Erik wanted it like this. “Just, go slow?”
Erik grinned, and kissed him again. “Always.”
Author: kayevelyn
Fandom: X-men
Pairing: Erik/Charles
Rating: +13? idk I suck at this part when it's not clear cut.
Summary: Charles was never afraid of Erik.
Notes: Written for this prompt on the kink meme asking for Charles using the safeword. I may have twisted this prompt to fit my uh-- own feelings. But it basically fits in with that idea. Also yes, I have thrown myself into being a slave of this fandom. I'll come out eventually. <.<
Disclaimer: I have totally forgotten to add this to my last couple of fic because lol i've been running around in RPS for too long so there is no need for a disclaimer. But yeah. I don't own or make any profit off of this :)
Charles was never afraid of Erik. He had no reason. And he wasn’t afraid now, how could he be? It was unfair to Erik after making all the accommodations he had.
“No don’t use restraints. I’ll lie still. I promise”
“I’m not sure I want you using your powers, can’t you just use your hand to control it?”
“Only my leg, and only a few cuts.”
And all Erik had asked in return was for Charles to tell him if it was too much. But how could it be too much? Erik was doing exactly what Charles had asked for. This was what he had wanted. It couldn’t be too much. It couldn’t. It couldn’t. He wasn’t scared. He really wasn’t. It wasn’t too much. It wasn’t.
Blood pooled to the top of the cut, the second one Erik had made on the inside of his thigh, and Charles shut his eyes. He tried to block out the pain and the image. It was making him sick in ways he hadn’t expected. In his mind this had been fine. They’d been joking even, and Erik had been smirking, eyes darkening as the blood weld up at the top of each cut. He’d been in perfect control of the knife, alternating between just sliding it up and down Charles’ thigh, to pressing just a bit harder. The knife had been sharp enough to slice skin with no effort and it was supposed to make his stomach pool with arousal because one wrong move and something could go wrong. But he had enough trust to know wrong moves wouldn’t happen.
At least. He thought he did.
Erik’s eyes were still dark like in his mind. Erik was still enjoying himself, even with all the restraints he had been put through. Even with every whiny little complaint Charles had made to feel safe. He couldn’t back out now. He couldn’t. He couldn’t. It was no big deal.
He couldn’t, couldn’t, couldn’t, couldn't, wouldn’t. Not even now with the third cut, the third out of six he had agreed to. The pain burned up his leg, to his spine and made him arch and cry out. He had tears in his eyes, and a part of him wanted to reach out and grab Erik’s mind and force him away. He was starting to panic and he couldn’t panic. Not now. Not when this was what he had wanted.
“Oh god,” he muttered, the fourth cut overlapping one of the other ones and it had been just a bit deeper. Charles looked down to see the blood pool up and Erik was staring at him, wide eyed because it was the first sound he had made, and dear god, he was slowly sitting up, knife flipping closed, the knife he had bought specifically for this and spent all day sharpening because he’d been so excited and oh no it was going to stop and it couldn’t stop he couldn’t let it stop.
“Charles?” Erik’s voice was quiet and when Charles opened his mouth to encourage him to keep going, please keep going, I don’t want you to stop on my account, all that came out was a sob and he covered his mouth, trying to take it back.
The knife dropped and Erik surged forward, cupping his cheeks in between both hands and hushing him, forehead pressing against Charles. Charles let out another sob, louder this time because he’d stopped and he wasn’t supposed to and god he was sorry, so sorry.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, please,” he was rambling and he only cut off because Erik’s knee brushed against the cuts as he tried to pull himself closer to Charles and it sent a stinging pain up through his body. He hissed and Erik moved, already apologizing as well, still stroking his face.
“Charles, Charles, calm down. Charles it’s okay. Charles, calm down, it’s fine, look at me, Charles, Charles.”
He let out another sob and shook his head. “No, no, no, no, not fine. Sorry, really sorry.”
Erik laughed, and it sounded broken and Charles wished he could see his face clearly instead of through the tears that were clouding his vision. “Why are you sorry?” He sounded grounded now. “Why? It’s fine. Calm down. Talk to me.”
“Didn’t mean to, I didn’t mean to really. I’m sorry. I. Keep going, please. Don’t stop just because. Please. Don’t. I didn’t. I didn’t say the word. The word I didn’t, keep going I’m fine.”
Erik laughed again. “No. You don’t. It’s fine Charles you don’t need to say the word. I understand. It’s fine.”
“No it’s not. It’s what you want.”
The rest of what he was going to say was cut off by Erik shaking him gently, trying to get him to focus. Charles hiccuped, and tried to wipe his eyes but Erik’s hands were in the way. His thumbs stroked under his eyes, wiping the tears away for him and then he pressed a kiss to Charles’ forehead as he made another hushing sound. “It’s fine. Charles, you need to listen to me. It’s okay.”
He hiccuped once more, and when he looked at Erik, his face so close to his own that he had to blink to readjust, he was seeing him clearly. He tried to shake his head, to continue disagreeing but Erik stopped him.
“Listen to me. It’s fine. Why do you think it’s not?”
“Because,” he broke off, trying to put the words into proper format, not this rambling mess from before. “Because this is what you wanted. And I already reeled you back so much.” His voice dropped. “I don’t want you to stop on my account.”
There was another laugh and Erik moved his hands from where they were just holding Charles’ face and let them stroke his cheeks as he pressed a kiss to his lips. “Charles, no. Don’t think that. It’s fine. Do you think I’m mad?”
He hesitated, wanting to reach forward to know how Erik wanted him to answer, but he’d agreed in the beginning not to do that. Trust, Erik had said. That’s what all of this was about. How much they trusted each other.
“Yes.”
He waited, expecting to see Erik’s temper flare up, because if he wasn’t mad before, being told that Charles thought he was made would surely make him upset. But instead Erik just did it again, laughed brokenly and pressed their foreheads together as if it would somehow make them both understand each other.
“No. I’m not mad. Not even a little. It’s fine. I just want to make sure you’re okay. Are you okay? Talk to me. What happened?”
“I’m fine, I just. I’m fine Erik. Please. Keep going.”
He shook his head, stroking Charles’ cheeks once more, calming him down. “No. I think we’re done with that, and it’s okay,” he added quickly before the guilt could clench his stomach once more and make Charles start to ramble off more apologies at their night being ruined. “You’re more important. Tell me what’s the matter.”
“I, nothing. Nothing is the matter.” Erik met his eye and Charles swallowed. “I’m not scared of you.” He said it with conviction so that way Erik knew he truly believed it. Because he couldn’t let Erik think for a second that he was scared. It would shatter him, Charles was sure.
“I know. I know you aren’t scared of me. But what were you scared of?” Hw was talking in hushed tones, a soothing voice that Charles just wanted to curl up into. “Talk to me, please. I need to know so it doesn’t happen again.”
“Just- nothing. Nothing.”
“Charles.” His tone changed then, taking a different tact to get his attention. “You trust me,” he said it like a fact but Charles nodded anyway, because after putting him through this, Erik needed to know, he was sure. “I’m not going to be mad at you, no matter what you say.” They’d had this talk before, Charles remembered, the first night after he had gotten a glimpse of what Erik wanted. He’d promised never to be upset with anything, and in return Charles had promised to be completely honest. He swallowed as Erik continued speaking. “Do you remember why?”
“Trust,” he said it in a rush. “It’s about trust. This,” he gestured to where the knife laid on the bed, abandoned, “whole thing, it’s just sugar coating for trust.”
Erik nodded, readjusting himself so he was on his back and Charles was curled up to his chest. He titled Charles’ head so they were still looking at one another. “Exactly. I trust you to tell me if anything, anything, makes you weary, or scared, or anything other than perfectly fine. And in return you trust me to always stop, no matter what, no matter how far into it I seem, and you trust that I’ll always be looking out for you.” He paused, stroking his hands through Charles’ hair. “I do try my best.” He pressed a kiss to Charles’ hairline. “I should have seen earlier, and I’m sorry that it got this far.”
Charles shook his head. He was calmer now, no longer crying, but he still felt guilty, couldn’t shake it. He wanted to, but all he could remember was how much Erik had wanted this and how he had ruined it in so many different ways. How telling the truth would ruin it even more.
“It’s my fault.”
“No,” Erik said seriously. “It’s not.” He made Charles look him in the eye. “Don’t think that. Now I’m going to go get a washcloth so I can clean the cuts okay? Will you be okay while I do that or would you prefer me to take you into the bathroom?”
Charles thought about being alone, even for just a few moments, and how it would feel to not have Erik pressed against him and he shook his head. “I’ll be fine.”
“Taking you into the bathroom it is, got it.” Erik stood up and then carefully helped Charles stand on woobly feet. “I do trust you,” he was saying as he guiding Charles into the en suite he had in his room, “and I’m not under the impression that everything from here on out is a lie, but I am going to be taking extra care to make sure I examine everything you tell me from now on. To make sure I don’t miss something, okay?” He turned on the water, letting it run into the bathtub.
He tested the water, all the while holding onto Charles’ hand, and helped him into the tub once it was filled. Charles said nothing, not sure if he felt betrayed at the idea that Erik didn’t trust him anymore, or touched that he was just paying more attention to him to make sure he didn’t miss anything.
He closed his eyes and tried to relax, even as Erik took care of cleaning the cuts in his leg. He was calming down, even if he still felt like he had failed, and nothing Erik could say would convince him otherwise.
“I’ll bandage this once I get you out of the tub,” Erik said, running the washcloth over the cuts once more. The dried blood had dirtied the water and Charles didn’t care too much, though if he sat there much longer it would probably be bad for the cut, but Erik made him wait, and soak up the hot bath for just a bit longer before letting him get out.
He stood in the middle of the bathroom as Erik toweled him dry and he wanted to protest and remind Erik that he was perfectly capable of doing it himself but Erik hushed him with a smile each time, before getting to his knees and toweling his legs off, being careful against the cuts. Then he was searching through the medicine cabinet, pulling out gauze that they kept at all corners of the mansion because teenagers were prone to injuries, and having mutant abilities just enhanced this fact, before getting back to his knees and carefully applying the gauze pad over the cuts.
Erik kissed the top of his hand as he grabbed it, leading Charles back into the bed. He climbed in after him, tucking them both under the covers and pulling Charles back to his chest.
He let out a breath, trying to calm everything down and stop it all from racing. He tried to stop himself from asking stupid questions, or saying stupid things, and thought maybe he could just fall asleep and forget all this ever happened, wake up tomorrow and try again. He knew he wouldn’t fail again.
“This is my favourite part.”
He opened his eyes and glanced up at Erik, who looked a little sheepish, but he was smiling as he shrugged, shifting Charles just a bit.
“Well it’s true.”
“I don’t understand. What is?”
Erik looked at him, pushed his hair out of his face with a smile. “The part where I take care of you. It’s the best part of doing things differently. You bring someone to their breaking point, and you try not to push them over it, you really do, but sometimes mistakes happen and you have to work extra hard to make up for it, but no matter what, at the end of it all, you take the person who has given you themselves and you put them back together.” Charles’ mouth was dry as Erik continued. “It’s partly about control, because I determine how you get put back together, but that’s the whole thing. Take them to the edge, to the point where they go ‘I don’t think I can handle anymore,’ wherever that point is, and then putting them back together. If it is something as simple as a back massage, or as complex as needing to contort someone and tie them up with knots they can’t get out of, doesn’t matter to me. The important thing is that I get them there, and that afterwards I get to be the one to talk them down, and remind them that I’m there for them.”
“But you’d prefer the contortion,” Charles said simply.
“I prefer whatever they need. I told you what I want, how I get to that point doesn’t matter. It’s all up to you.” He spoke kindly and Charles looked away in shame. “So what do you like?”
“I don’t know,” he said honestly, ashamed. He wished he had answers, just to see Erik light up in delight.
He smiled, leaning down and kissing Charles on the lips. “Are you willing to find out?”
Charles didn’t need to think too hard, mind flashing to the words Erik had just said. Being taken apart, whatever it was that would do it, from back massage to knives to deep kisses, Erik just wanted to do it to him. “Yes.” He paused, pushing back the flash of guilt at yet another request. Erik wanted it like this. “Just, go slow?”
Erik grinned, and kissed him again. “Always.”