(no subject)
I just opened semagic because i need to write about something, although i have no idea what it is i want to say. i just figured i'd start tyeping and see what happens.
the bank is running my background check right now, and if they like it they'll call me in for a drug screening sometime soon, wich i'm proud to say i will definatly pass.
i spent the weekend in vegas, with my family, for the superbowl, wich i successfully avoided both all weekend. the godsend of vegas, my friend kelly stole me away and we painted the damn town red. saturday we wandered around and drank what we could, and then took a bus to this awesome little bar called The Beauty Bar or something like that. it's styled after an old hair salon, athough it has nothing to do with grooming. only getting fucked up and dancing to the coolest 80's music. we danced for like 4 hours straight. i had one of the best times ever. next day... superbowl sunday, i stayed in my hotel room by myself and ordered Walk The Line on the little movie thingy, then went out with kelly again to see Memiors of a Gaisha wich was awesome as well. then we went to a pub across the street and talked the rest of the night. she's awesome. it sucks she lives way out there.
today i came back home.
tomorrow i work.
hopefully soon i'll be getting off the macy's payroll and onto the bank's.
i just paused for a couple minutes because i didn't know what i wanted to say next. i had one of those annoying, have-too-many-thoughts-in-your-head-and-can't-organize-them moments. i got annoyed with it, so i just started writing again. maybe something will come to me as a write. when i write like this, everything flows.... haha... thoughts arrive like butterflys. they just flutter in there, and they're always so hard to catch.
i'm going to go visit my dad more often. it's so quiet out there, i think it'll give me some good reflecting time. i've been kicking around an idea of a short story/poem/prose something or other involving him, and i think it might help being with him as best i can when i create it.
i'm going to talk to him too. yeah, it may seem a little strange to talk to a headstone, but i know it'll do good. it'll be nice having something to talk to that's important to you. it's not the same as talking to any inatimate object because they couldn't ever mean as much to me as he did. it'll be like he's still there, just really really....really quiet.
also, i've got another idea for a poem not involving him as much.. well not directly i suppose, but it's slightly relevent. i'm going to try and structurize my writing a little more, if i'm to become a writer in any fashion, i can't keep just having an urge and throwing it down on some paper or .txt file and be done with it. i need to have the urge, and then build upon that, write ideas down for it, make rough copies and refine it.
additionally, i'm finding it kind of weird that i'm being so inspired lately, because i'm not really feeling very strongly about anything right now. i've become accustomed to writing when i'm very depressed/frustrated/annoyed/happy any extreme emotion. but i figure why fight it?
one of the things i talked about with kelly is the story i wrote and posted on www.digitalmight.com , called Christopher. i pointed out to her that's it is by far the most popular short story on that website. not because i wanted praise, but because i wanted to make my next point: i don't know if i have it in me to write so meaningfully about something like i did with that story. the story was only good because it was something i've felt incredibly powerfully about.
after i said my piece about that she told me that, yes i'll never be able to write about anything like that again because i've already said everything you wanted and could say about that particular facet in my life. that door is closed, and probably wont open again. all i have to do is find another door. she tells me that there's many doors in my life i havn't explored and should, and when i do, i need to write about them. i belive her, and so i will.
step one i've decided is to write more random bullshit like this in my livejournal. and i really really mean it this time. haha.. if you look back, every other post lately is about how i'm saying i'll write more and never do. but i'm changing. lately i've been feeling stretched to the point of no turning back. not in a sense that i'm exsausted physically, or fed up with something in my life to where it is angering me, but in a sense that i've been living a life that has been going nowhere for too long, and that's what i'm fed up with. i'm not angry with myself, and i'm not dissapointed in myself. i'd never regret anything like that. but i AM tired of it. i've been repressing myself for far far too long. i've been limiting myself because i didn't care enough to belive i could do any better. people set their own personal barriers. if they belive they can't do something, they won't bother, cause they don't belive in it. i do not apply this though, to faith. to have faith in something is to know without knowing. it's wanting to know. it's not as solid, and concrete as beliving. i'm leaving faith aside in my life right now.
i belive i can do better than what i am doing right now, and i'm working on bettering myself. and i know it will work because i belive it will. one way or another it's going to happen.
anyway, back on point, if there ever was one... step one is to write much more in this journal because i've come to find that whenever i write about myself like i'm doing right now... not really knowing what i'll spew out next, i learn more things about myself. hell, i've already learned two or three things, in this session. however minute or huge they may be, they bring me that much closer to fully knowing myself; and that's one thing any writer needs: to be fully self-aware, or as close he or she can be to that. if the person who writes is confused, their work will confuse the readers.
man do i totally drift from topic to topic or what?? i'm a master rambler haha.
i'm done being in my funk. i'm pulling my ass out and moving the fuck on. time to grow up, roy.
the bank is running my background check right now, and if they like it they'll call me in for a drug screening sometime soon, wich i'm proud to say i will definatly pass.
i spent the weekend in vegas, with my family, for the superbowl, wich i successfully avoided both all weekend. the godsend of vegas, my friend kelly stole me away and we painted the damn town red. saturday we wandered around and drank what we could, and then took a bus to this awesome little bar called The Beauty Bar or something like that. it's styled after an old hair salon, athough it has nothing to do with grooming. only getting fucked up and dancing to the coolest 80's music. we danced for like 4 hours straight. i had one of the best times ever. next day... superbowl sunday, i stayed in my hotel room by myself and ordered Walk The Line on the little movie thingy, then went out with kelly again to see Memiors of a Gaisha wich was awesome as well. then we went to a pub across the street and talked the rest of the night. she's awesome. it sucks she lives way out there.
today i came back home.
tomorrow i work.
hopefully soon i'll be getting off the macy's payroll and onto the bank's.
i just paused for a couple minutes because i didn't know what i wanted to say next. i had one of those annoying, have-too-many-thoughts-in-your-head-and-can't-organize-them moments. i got annoyed with it, so i just started writing again. maybe something will come to me as a write. when i write like this, everything flows.... haha... thoughts arrive like butterflys. they just flutter in there, and they're always so hard to catch.
i'm going to go visit my dad more often. it's so quiet out there, i think it'll give me some good reflecting time. i've been kicking around an idea of a short story/poem/prose something or other involving him, and i think it might help being with him as best i can when i create it.
i'm going to talk to him too. yeah, it may seem a little strange to talk to a headstone, but i know it'll do good. it'll be nice having something to talk to that's important to you. it's not the same as talking to any inatimate object because they couldn't ever mean as much to me as he did. it'll be like he's still there, just really really....really quiet.
also, i've got another idea for a poem not involving him as much.. well not directly i suppose, but it's slightly relevent. i'm going to try and structurize my writing a little more, if i'm to become a writer in any fashion, i can't keep just having an urge and throwing it down on some paper or .txt file and be done with it. i need to have the urge, and then build upon that, write ideas down for it, make rough copies and refine it.
additionally, i'm finding it kind of weird that i'm being so inspired lately, because i'm not really feeling very strongly about anything right now. i've become accustomed to writing when i'm very depressed/frustrated/annoyed/happy any extreme emotion. but i figure why fight it?
one of the things i talked about with kelly is the story i wrote and posted on www.digitalmight.com , called Christopher. i pointed out to her that's it is by far the most popular short story on that website. not because i wanted praise, but because i wanted to make my next point: i don't know if i have it in me to write so meaningfully about something like i did with that story. the story was only good because it was something i've felt incredibly powerfully about.
after i said my piece about that she told me that, yes i'll never be able to write about anything like that again because i've already said everything you wanted and could say about that particular facet in my life. that door is closed, and probably wont open again. all i have to do is find another door. she tells me that there's many doors in my life i havn't explored and should, and when i do, i need to write about them. i belive her, and so i will.
step one i've decided is to write more random bullshit like this in my livejournal. and i really really mean it this time. haha.. if you look back, every other post lately is about how i'm saying i'll write more and never do. but i'm changing. lately i've been feeling stretched to the point of no turning back. not in a sense that i'm exsausted physically, or fed up with something in my life to where it is angering me, but in a sense that i've been living a life that has been going nowhere for too long, and that's what i'm fed up with. i'm not angry with myself, and i'm not dissapointed in myself. i'd never regret anything like that. but i AM tired of it. i've been repressing myself for far far too long. i've been limiting myself because i didn't care enough to belive i could do any better. people set their own personal barriers. if they belive they can't do something, they won't bother, cause they don't belive in it. i do not apply this though, to faith. to have faith in something is to know without knowing. it's wanting to know. it's not as solid, and concrete as beliving. i'm leaving faith aside in my life right now.
i belive i can do better than what i am doing right now, and i'm working on bettering myself. and i know it will work because i belive it will. one way or another it's going to happen.
anyway, back on point, if there ever was one... step one is to write much more in this journal because i've come to find that whenever i write about myself like i'm doing right now... not really knowing what i'll spew out next, i learn more things about myself. hell, i've already learned two or three things, in this session. however minute or huge they may be, they bring me that much closer to fully knowing myself; and that's one thing any writer needs: to be fully self-aware, or as close he or she can be to that. if the person who writes is confused, their work will confuse the readers.
man do i totally drift from topic to topic or what?? i'm a master rambler haha.
i'm done being in my funk. i'm pulling my ass out and moving the fuck on. time to grow up, roy.