Smiling even when its raining....
As the title says....I am a prisoner here. The more I am around Yamapi the farther I fall and that is not good....::has to come back to reality::
Tonite, was the Japanese Language Center and of course Yamapi was there. When we got there around 8pm everyone was taken so gon-chan was my teacher which was WONDERFUL!!! It was fun! Not so scary!!!!
When class was over just looking at Yamapi made my chest grow tight...and watching him scamper off to the mens room was too cute! Shit! this man could pick his nose and still be hot!!!
Then we started walking and since I'm on my feet 95% of the day and walk 30 minutes to and from work my legs were shaking...they wanted to give in...So Koji, nami, gon-chan, and betonamu are SUPER fast walkers so they quickly left me in their dust! But Yamapi stayed...I told hom to catch up with the others but he said he wanted to walk with me! ::squeals::
Then while walking we lost everyone and it was just us and there is that small pause where I can't talk becuz I just wanna blurt out "I like you" and I have to keep that inside!
So we kept walking and I was so head over heels I didn't notice my legs hurting and Koji called Yamapi to ask where we were. And we were like walking to your house and Koji was like well....you um passed us about 5 minutes ago!
Me and Yamapi were talking to each other and laffing so much that we missed the street we were supposed to go down. Koji popped around the corner and looked at us and said "Enjoy yourselves so much you weren't paying attention!" all i could do was blush and laff and look at him shyly only to receive a smile and cute giggle with a small bow. Can I jump you now Yamapi please?
We all went to Koji's house and watched Lasto Friends! It was fun! Over reacting with Yamapi was so much fun! I think what I like most about him is that no matter our language barrier we still laugh A LOT together!!! Which I love a lot! I love to laff with my crush!
Half way through the drama Yamapi started to lean a bit towards me and I could feel his weight on my shoulder which....I loved! I was getting hot becuz I could feel my face blushing badly and he leaned forward and looked at me and apologized for leaning on me which I replied that I didn't mind...
OF COURSE NOT FUCK!!! PLEASE!
I also told him that my friends heard him sing and they liked him a lot. He made this suprised funny face that made me wanna kiss him and said thank you a bazillion times!I told him I liked his music too and he made this CUTE smile and thanked me again...
at that point I look up and Koji is BEAMING at us...like smiling like a fat cat!! It was funny becuz Yamapi was like Koji are you not feeling well....funny!!!
Then we left to go home and again I was walking beside Yamapi my little heart pounding away in my chest....Koji, Gon-chan, Betonamu, and Yamapi walked me to my door before going home and I hugged everyone...
When I hugged Yamapi made my imagination was playing tricks but it felt like he wanted to hug me better but I pulled away too quickly. When I moved back I looked right at him smiling shyly while saying Goodnite in Japanese.
Dammit why does he have to give good hugs...I miss good hugs! Mommy!!!! >.<
Lately, everyone has been encouraging me to tell Yamapi I like him or attempt to ask him to hang out more...However, considering my track record it won't go well.
When I'm with him I forget everything and get lost when he is around...I like him so much but I'm too terrified to do anything about it. I was thinking about doing A LOT of research and writing him a letter of confession completely in Japanese but then I think about how he won't go out with me...it's pretty much 100% a no.....
""sighs"" I'm such the prisoner...
I also talked to my mommy! Hearing her voice always makes me miss her and home A LOT! I dunno why...no offence but not my sister's voice but my mommy's. Maybe becuz I feel bad for past things. Maybe I should have been better when I lived there. It's true absence makes the heart grow fonder!
I love you mommy....
::goes to bed with my heart hurting for many different reasons::