(no subject)
I don't feel like I've really had time to reflect. For so long i was isolated, I had a few friends but spent most of my time alone. I do like being alone, I get alot of thinking done, and I feel like it is my own mind at work. Not influenced by others.
my drive to create also increases when I have more time to myself.. more free time more time to distract myself.
Maybe I was a bit too alone though. I was starved of mental nourishment, any and all social interactions I had were precious. There would be days where I didnt interact with anyone. Being around people is nice but i get very anxious so it can be very painful at the same time. Over time I have developed mechanisms to decrease the pain but that involves shutting down certain neural pathways... which I feel works fairly effectively but in some way must be harmful?
that sad sounding stuff aside, these days have been rather exciting. I Have been hanging out with Patrick alot more, which is comforting. We watch alot of movies, drink alot seltzer and eat lots of snacks. We also explore when we feel adventurous. It always feels . like im in a controlled setting when I hang out with him becasue he a bit of a control freak not to mention... a bit on the neurotic side. but Once you accept that about him, you have a great time. The most notable and enjoyable experience I had . with as of recent had to be our "nightmare beach" day. A few times a summer patrick and I make our way to his parents house in Newport. There is something very zen about the space, I often compare it to a log cabin. It has more of a beach cottage feel though. Its very white and open, it has a few nautical decorations, and for some reason the thing that I find most striking is the glass bowl full of wine corks. It is minimal in some parts of the house and cluttery and hoarder-esque in some sections of the house. My personal favorite zone is the upstairs, it is filled with family photos, keepsakes, a keyboard and most importantly a television set. The upstairs room is close to the roof so the ceilings are slanted with two port holes.
my drive to create also increases when I have more time to myself.. more free time more time to distract myself.
Maybe I was a bit too alone though. I was starved of mental nourishment, any and all social interactions I had were precious. There would be days where I didnt interact with anyone. Being around people is nice but i get very anxious so it can be very painful at the same time. Over time I have developed mechanisms to decrease the pain but that involves shutting down certain neural pathways... which I feel works fairly effectively but in some way must be harmful?
that sad sounding stuff aside, these days have been rather exciting. I Have been hanging out with Patrick alot more, which is comforting. We watch alot of movies, drink alot seltzer and eat lots of snacks. We also explore when we feel adventurous. It always feels . like im in a controlled setting when I hang out with him becasue he a bit of a control freak not to mention... a bit on the neurotic side. but Once you accept that about him, you have a great time. The most notable and enjoyable experience I had . with as of recent had to be our "nightmare beach" day. A few times a summer patrick and I make our way to his parents house in Newport. There is something very zen about the space, I often compare it to a log cabin. It has more of a beach cottage feel though. Its very white and open, it has a few nautical decorations, and for some reason the thing that I find most striking is the glass bowl full of wine corks. It is minimal in some parts of the house and cluttery and hoarder-esque in some sections of the house. My personal favorite zone is the upstairs, it is filled with family photos, keepsakes, a keyboard and most importantly a television set. The upstairs room is close to the roof so the ceilings are slanted with two port holes.