You are the moat to my sand castle.
It has been a little bit tough to keep my spirits up, but talking to friends has helped that. I want to remain happy and excited for life. All the thinking I did prior to breaking up with Ken really helped me figure out what I was wanting out of life and out of my future, and it was almost as if I was expecting to be met after ending the relationship with this big reception of positive energy or something. Well I wasn't. I realized I was just kind of sitting alone in my parents house, and nothing seemed that exciting at all. I wanted to just enjoy a few days by myself doing whatever mindless things I enjoy doing that I won't have time for when I get back to school, but being down is sort of distracting from quality me time.
I went out to dinner with my parents and they sort of annoyed me. A lot of the time when I talk with my dad and state my opinions he usually says something that just implies that I'm totally wrong. I said something about the fact that I think it is dumb how much attention what people think about global warming is getting rather than the actual problem itself. The media attention it is getting seems to be all about who thinks what, who says it is happening and who says it isn't. Not about any actual evidence of what is happening or what we can do to help it. I said I thought this was kind of stupid because no matter what anyone thinks about it, whatever is happening is happening. My dad said that he thought what people thought was important because it was going to determine what kind of policy would be made about it. What he said was totally fine, and as a statement it isn't threatening in any way, but the way he said it, like what I had said was completely ridiculous and I was flat out wrong. No wonder I tend to get defensive in conversations. I percieve disagreement as someone telling me I am wrong because whenever my dad disagrees with me (which is usually) he completely discounts what I am saying or any value or validity it has. It doesn't seem like any discussion with him is enjoyable or engaging, they are all just a giant game of who's right, and they don't need to be. I'd like to have more conversations with people where we can build off of what each other is saying and learn from the opinions we differ on, and not feel threatened by them. All in all it just isn't that enjoyable to talk to my parents. My mom says weird inappropriate things and my dad gets mad and scolds her for saying weird inappropriate things. I kind of just want to go back to Bellingham, but really there isn't much there right now. Just 1 friend who is around, and he is pretty busy it seems. Really, there is more here than there is there. I don't want to give up on just having some quality me time, I think it can be done. I think I'm feeling ok now.
I went out to dinner with my parents and they sort of annoyed me. A lot of the time when I talk with my dad and state my opinions he usually says something that just implies that I'm totally wrong. I said something about the fact that I think it is dumb how much attention what people think about global warming is getting rather than the actual problem itself. The media attention it is getting seems to be all about who thinks what, who says it is happening and who says it isn't. Not about any actual evidence of what is happening or what we can do to help it. I said I thought this was kind of stupid because no matter what anyone thinks about it, whatever is happening is happening. My dad said that he thought what people thought was important because it was going to determine what kind of policy would be made about it. What he said was totally fine, and as a statement it isn't threatening in any way, but the way he said it, like what I had said was completely ridiculous and I was flat out wrong. No wonder I tend to get defensive in conversations. I percieve disagreement as someone telling me I am wrong because whenever my dad disagrees with me (which is usually) he completely discounts what I am saying or any value or validity it has. It doesn't seem like any discussion with him is enjoyable or engaging, they are all just a giant game of who's right, and they don't need to be. I'd like to have more conversations with people where we can build off of what each other is saying and learn from the opinions we differ on, and not feel threatened by them. All in all it just isn't that enjoyable to talk to my parents. My mom says weird inappropriate things and my dad gets mad and scolds her for saying weird inappropriate things. I kind of just want to go back to Bellingham, but really there isn't much there right now. Just 1 friend who is around, and he is pretty busy it seems. Really, there is more here than there is there. I don't want to give up on just having some quality me time, I think it can be done. I think I'm feeling ok now.