Chiaroscuro
Viewing ones past is always an emotional action. I have chosen to write my story in hopes that it may someday help others that struggle with similar dilemmas. Yet every time I feel as though my life has reached the end of my story, I find it is not so. There is always something that goes wrong. My 'ends' seem to always become beginnings. Rightly so, in life, but for my story I was looking for a moment when I could safely say, "This is where my youth ends, and my happiness begins." I suppose in some way I have found that, for I realize that no such moment will occur.
I have, however, discovered that I am in charge of my own happiness. I've said this before of course, but I have never felt it so possible as it feels now. My goals do not seem so far away, because they are for my own benefit, and no one else's.
I realize now that it is not the outcome of our goals that really matter. Everyday is a challenge that brings us closer to the human beings we strive to be. But there is no outcome without each day leading to it, therefore it is each day that is the accomplishment. And the outcome is simply the epilogue in the tale that is our growth.
In light of recent events I believe that my mood should be melancholy at best, yet it is not so. It is strange that I should have grown up in such a way as to feel that the world is not crumbling beneath me, but that I am building a new world of my own. I feel neutral. Not apathetic, but simply neutral. I finally found that balance I had been searching for, amidst the most difficult time of my life thus far. Therefore I know it is real, not some illusion my mind holds onto while the cosmos is in my favor. So now it is my choice to use such strength as I have, and to build a life that I will be proud of. One day at a time.
I have, however, discovered that I am in charge of my own happiness. I've said this before of course, but I have never felt it so possible as it feels now. My goals do not seem so far away, because they are for my own benefit, and no one else's.
I realize now that it is not the outcome of our goals that really matter. Everyday is a challenge that brings us closer to the human beings we strive to be. But there is no outcome without each day leading to it, therefore it is each day that is the accomplishment. And the outcome is simply the epilogue in the tale that is our growth.
In light of recent events I believe that my mood should be melancholy at best, yet it is not so. It is strange that I should have grown up in such a way as to feel that the world is not crumbling beneath me, but that I am building a new world of my own. I feel neutral. Not apathetic, but simply neutral. I finally found that balance I had been searching for, amidst the most difficult time of my life thus far. Therefore I know it is real, not some illusion my mind holds onto while the cosmos is in my favor. So now it is my choice to use such strength as I have, and to build a life that I will be proud of. One day at a time.