yet once again
Its happening again....I was all hyper and having a "good time" tonight at the buzz bean, the last night that they are open in fact...sad, and then BAM, I'm well...me. Deeply depressed...why? Who knows....who the hell knows. I'm so sick and tired of this bull shit, its gettign so old. why can't it just go away. why?
When I got home I just went to my room, changing and what not, and I justs tart to cry out of no where....
I'm going camping this weekend, in a way I want to go to "get away" but in a a way I don't, it means being stuck wiht the family all weekend even though Lauren and I will be off until who knows what time at night, and there will be tons of people there....not to much of "getting away" oh well its better than sitting at home..doing nothing. becasue thats all i ever do nothing, i have no life, barley anyfriends, onl one friend i hang out with, not thats its lauren *couhg cough* or anything.
I keep getting these erges...just for distruction. I just have the need to for some odd reaosn find some happy starnger and kill him/her...stab them to death slowly, just becasue they have itbetter than me...is that wrong? Do you think thats wrong, to not just jokingly think about it with your firned but to relaly hold back the erge? I just want to go crazy and break everythign in site, maybe run through a glass window and lay in the broken glass, wiht pieces sticking in me for hours on end...to punch some random bitch that thinks shes so perfect becasue shes beautiful, something I'll never see on myself, a girl that wears black and calls herself "goth". People these days....come back from space. I just want to grrr how can I say this...I don't know who reads this...but I want to do "it" a million times, on every square inch possible.
I don't have a point to be here, if you really think about it, what do I do for the world, I know most people will be like "oh yeah well I can say that too." Really thought a lot of people do things, make music, art, poetry, make peoepl laugh or become happier, or anything liek that you know? Think about it..what do I do...Nicole Michele Murphy...what does she do for this world, people, even herself....well my mind in boggled.
My birthday is soon, a week..June 3....yay... =\ Just means another year has gone by where I'ms itll here....with all of this bullshit. Speakign of bulls, next week is a good possiblity of me become fully vagan. I've been vegetarian for about 8 1/2 months now..time to move on to it more serisouly...I know everyone is goign to yell at me...what else is new. Saying "you're going to die" or "thats stupid, whata re you goign to eat grass" and thign to that idea...well you know what before anyone says thats hit just know that I dont' care, its my beliefs I don't go around yelling at you becasue of yours..so lay off....alright thats said and done.
Wow I've been blabing on for a while now...I garentee not one person will read this whole thing. Most peoepl don't..too much blabing on about nothing, not important....well this is when i say once again writting in this is pointless...pointless....in a way I feel writting at all even in my read notebook journal is pointless....everything is pointless...so this is where I end this junk...
and remember... *meats no treat for those you eat*
~make peace not war~
When I got home I just went to my room, changing and what not, and I justs tart to cry out of no where....
I'm going camping this weekend, in a way I want to go to "get away" but in a a way I don't, it means being stuck wiht the family all weekend even though Lauren and I will be off until who knows what time at night, and there will be tons of people there....not to much of "getting away" oh well its better than sitting at home..doing nothing. becasue thats all i ever do nothing, i have no life, barley anyfriends, onl one friend i hang out with, not thats its lauren *couhg cough* or anything.
I keep getting these erges...just for distruction. I just have the need to for some odd reaosn find some happy starnger and kill him/her...stab them to death slowly, just becasue they have itbetter than me...is that wrong? Do you think thats wrong, to not just jokingly think about it with your firned but to relaly hold back the erge? I just want to go crazy and break everythign in site, maybe run through a glass window and lay in the broken glass, wiht pieces sticking in me for hours on end...to punch some random bitch that thinks shes so perfect becasue shes beautiful, something I'll never see on myself, a girl that wears black and calls herself "goth". People these days....come back from space. I just want to grrr how can I say this...I don't know who reads this...but I want to do "it" a million times, on every square inch possible.
I don't have a point to be here, if you really think about it, what do I do for the world, I know most people will be like "oh yeah well I can say that too." Really thought a lot of people do things, make music, art, poetry, make peoepl laugh or become happier, or anything liek that you know? Think about it..what do I do...Nicole Michele Murphy...what does she do for this world, people, even herself....well my mind in boggled.
My birthday is soon, a week..June 3....yay... =\ Just means another year has gone by where I'ms itll here....with all of this bullshit. Speakign of bulls, next week is a good possiblity of me become fully vagan. I've been vegetarian for about 8 1/2 months now..time to move on to it more serisouly...I know everyone is goign to yell at me...what else is new. Saying "you're going to die" or "thats stupid, whata re you goign to eat grass" and thign to that idea...well you know what before anyone says thats hit just know that I dont' care, its my beliefs I don't go around yelling at you becasue of yours..so lay off....alright thats said and done.
Wow I've been blabing on for a while now...I garentee not one person will read this whole thing. Most peoepl don't..too much blabing on about nothing, not important....well this is when i say once again writting in this is pointless...pointless....in a way I feel writting at all even in my read notebook journal is pointless....everything is pointless...so this is where I end this junk...
and remember... *meats no treat for those you eat*
~make peace not war~