A million miles away, ReitaxRuki
Title: A million miles away
Genre: Angst, songfic
Chapters: One-shot
Pairing: ReitaxRuki
Author: Sabumau
Ratings: PG-13 to be sure?
Warnings: Language. NOT BETAED. And very angst Ruki.
Disclaimer: I do not own them. (Yet… *evil smirk*)
Comments: Italics are from Rihanna’s song a million miles away. This is my first fic I’ve ever written in English, so… yeah. And it’s on Ruki’s PoV.
Here we lay face to face once again
Silence cuts like a knife as we pretend.
And I'm wondering who will be the first to say what we both know
We’re just holding on to "could have been"s when we should be letting go.
We’re looking each others in the eyes in the dark bedroom, only light coming from almost burned candles. The love I used to see in those beautiful dark orbs of yours is long gone, leaving there only that lost look, and I just don’t know what you’re thinking. I’ve always been good to know what’s going on in your head, but not anymore.
I smile bitterly at that thought, remembering how happy we used to be. My smile fading as fast as it came, as I come back to this moment. You turn your gaze elsewhere, closing your eyes. I watch your beautiful features. You’ve always been so beautiful in my eyes… Everything you do or say is just beautiful, like you.
What happened to us? I want to ask, but yet I can’t bring myself to actually do it. I’m afraid of what you might answer. But yet this silence is killing me. It’s so tensed up, like both of us have millions of questions yet either one of us is afraid to ask anything. Because we both know what talking would lead us to. And that’s not what I want, so I just keep my mouth shut. And I think that’s the reason you don’t say a word, either.
I just wonder… If we’d talk, which one of us would actually say it? Which one of us would stop talking about how this could have turned out, and would actually end this, let go of the other? I’m quite sure it wouldn’t be me. You’re like a harbour and I’m a ship, which holds on to you when it’s storming, trusting you to take care of me, not letting me in the claws of the storm. So I could never tell you we’re done. And even if I could, I would never do it.
It feels like you're a million miles away as you're lying here with me tonight.
I can't even find the words to say I can’t find a way to make it right.
And we both know that the story's ending,
We play the part but we're just pretending and I can't hide the tears
'cause even though you're here,
It feels like you're a million miles away.
You look like you’re sleeping, but I know you’re thinking. At least I still know you that well. I just wish there would be a way to get this right. Talk things trough. But it wouldn’t work. All I want is I could just hug you, kiss you and tell you I love you. But I can’t. You’d just tell me to stop pretending, and accept the fact that this is it. This is the point where we can’t turn back the time. And it’s killing me.
I never asked for more than just you. I guess I just took you for granted, and you probably got enough of it, your love for me fading away. And I’m sorry. If I could, I’d turn back the time and do everything differently. I know I’m not perfect. And I know you never asked that, but I wish I would have been good enough for you.
How did we grow apart like this? How did you become so distant? Or was it me who became distant? I thought our love was forever, I thought it was the kind of love nothing can break. But it seems I was wrong.
I turn my back to you, not wanting you to see the tears that are already burning my eyes, threatening to fall any second. And just as I’ve turned around, one lonely tear makes its way down my cheek, until it reaches the pillow under my head. Just as lonely as I am. But the difference between this tear and me is, that there are tens of tears following it right after, but I’m still alone, crying out those tears silently. I’m so afraid of losing you, yet I know I can’t change how things have turned out. I guess we just weren’t meant to be.
Was it me, or was it you that broke away?
For what we were, like a seasons, love is chain.
And every time I think about it, it tears me up inside.
Like the rivers of emotion but I got no more tears to cry.
I hate this; I hate to think all of these things, not being sure am I right or wrong. But somehow I have the feeling I’m right. I guess our lives were just too busy to keep our love alive. We were like a seasons, you were summer, I was winter. We were total opposites, and even if opposites complete each others, we were just too different. And for us, love was just a chain that you probably wanted to break away. You wanted to be free, and I can’t blame you. I can only blame myself for taking your freedom from you.
Come to think of it, why am I even here anymore? It’s not like I don’t have my own apartment, it’s just that this has been like my own home for last couple of years. But I never had the courage to sell my own apartment, and I guess I somehow knew this was coming, so I kept it. You asked me to sell it a couple times, but I just said I’ll think about it.
Also, this is the place where I first confessed my feelings for you. And where I first time gave all of myself to you. That’s probably one reason I’m so attached to this place. Sometimes I hope I’d forget everything. All of these painful memories, I want to get rid of them. But yet at the same time I don’t want to let them go, I want to cherish them because they are all I have left.
It feels like you're a million miles away as you're lying here with me tonight.
I can't even find the words to say I can’t find a way to make it right.
And we both know that the story's ending,
We play the part but we're just pretending and I can't hide the tears
'cause even though you're here,
It feels like you're a million miles away.
I hear your steady breathing, and that’s telling me you’re asleep. I hope you see beautiful dreams, where you’re free, not stuck with me like this. I turn around, knowing you can’t see my tears now. I reach my hand, and let my fingertips trace their path from your cheek to your lips, and to your neck. It’s only the slightest touch, I don’t want to wake you from your only escape.
I lean closer to you, my lips now so near that I can feel your breathing ghosting over my lips. I softly whisper ‘I will always love you’ before pulling back. I smile just a little bit, tears making their way down my cheeks again.
Gods, I love you so much. What did I ever do wrong to lose you like this? I thought I cherished you enough to keep you near, but I failed and you drifted away. I tried to reach my hand to you, but you were already too far away.
Reita, you’re the only one I could ever love. I’d give my life for having your love for one more day, but it’s not possible. I gave my all, but it just wasn’t enough. You wanted to be by yourself, and I was a moron for telling you how I felt. I was selfish, telling you how much I love you and all that. Of course you said you loved me too. You are so wonderful person; you didn’t want me to suffer so you suffered yourself. And I’m begging for your forgiveness, I’m begging you to still be my friend after all this, after I took everything from you. Your freedom. Please forgive me, my love… I’ve been a total fool.
We can try to talk it over but we walked that road before,
While our song is playing its last note,
We both know for sure that it's time to close that door.
I get up from the bed, as quietly as possible. I take my bag, and start packing. I take most of my clothes, but everything else can wait. I’ll come to get them later. I just want you to be happy, that’s how much I love you. I’ll give you your freedom, even if it means I’ll be unhappy for the rest of my life.
I sigh heavily, wiping my tears. I need to be strong, I need to stop crying. For you, I need to show I’m not sad. That’s the only way you’ll get your freedom back. Technically, I have to lie to you. I have to pretend I’m happy, so you can be happy.
I put your apartment’s key you gave me to your kitchen table, turning to leave. But there’s something that’s stopping me from going any further. It’s a painful sting in my heart, as I finally realize this is it. This is the end, it was me who ended this after all. Shutting my eyes for a brief second to stop the tears that were burning my eyes, I turn back, walking towards your bedroom. I look your sleeping form, smiling lovingly. Gods, you’re so perfect. I’ll miss you so much after this. As I’m turning back to leave, your soft mumbling reaches my ears, and I stop dead in my tracks.
“Don’t go… I love you more than anything… Please don’t leave me… Ruki.” I don’t know whether you’re awake or not, but I know that I have to hurry or I’ll change my mind. I need to do this for you.
As I reach your front door, I quickly put on my shoes, but as I’m just about to open the door, I feel a pair of hands wrap around my waist, holding on for dear life. What does this mean, Reita? I feel my back getting wet. Are you crying, my love? Why would you cry? I’m setting you free, isn’t that what you want? I close my eyes, not wanting to cry anymore.
“I love you… Please, let me do this for you… Let me set you free.” I whisper, my voice shaking a little. Your arms loosen around me, holding so softly I can barely feel them. As I step out of your reach, I turn down the doorknob, stepping out. Before I can shut the door, I hear you sobbing, and crying those three words over and over again. Is this really right thing to do? Do you really want to be free? Was I wrong all along? Was I the one fading away from you? Do you love me truly, after all? Your crying reaches my ears once again.
“I love you, Ruki…” And the door closes.
It feels like you're a million miles away as you're lying here with me tonight.
I can't even find the words to say I can’t find a way to make it right.
And we both know that the story's ending,
We play the part but we're just pretending and I can't hide the tears
'cause even though you're here,
It feels like you're a million miles away.
-
I stopped it there for a reason. You can decide yourself, whether Ruki went back or left. Don’t kill me x_____x I know it sucks but I just felt like I had to get this out. And of course, feel free to point out any mistakes.
Genre: Angst, songfic
Chapters: One-shot
Pairing: ReitaxRuki
Author: Sabumau
Ratings: PG-13 to be sure?
Warnings: Language. NOT BETAED. And very angst Ruki.
Disclaimer: I do not own them. (Yet… *evil smirk*)
Comments: Italics are from Rihanna’s song a million miles away. This is my first fic I’ve ever written in English, so… yeah. And it’s on Ruki’s PoV.
Here we lay face to face once again
Silence cuts like a knife as we pretend.
And I'm wondering who will be the first to say what we both know
We’re just holding on to "could have been"s when we should be letting go.
We’re looking each others in the eyes in the dark bedroom, only light coming from almost burned candles. The love I used to see in those beautiful dark orbs of yours is long gone, leaving there only that lost look, and I just don’t know what you’re thinking. I’ve always been good to know what’s going on in your head, but not anymore.
I smile bitterly at that thought, remembering how happy we used to be. My smile fading as fast as it came, as I come back to this moment. You turn your gaze elsewhere, closing your eyes. I watch your beautiful features. You’ve always been so beautiful in my eyes… Everything you do or say is just beautiful, like you.
What happened to us? I want to ask, but yet I can’t bring myself to actually do it. I’m afraid of what you might answer. But yet this silence is killing me. It’s so tensed up, like both of us have millions of questions yet either one of us is afraid to ask anything. Because we both know what talking would lead us to. And that’s not what I want, so I just keep my mouth shut. And I think that’s the reason you don’t say a word, either.
I just wonder… If we’d talk, which one of us would actually say it? Which one of us would stop talking about how this could have turned out, and would actually end this, let go of the other? I’m quite sure it wouldn’t be me. You’re like a harbour and I’m a ship, which holds on to you when it’s storming, trusting you to take care of me, not letting me in the claws of the storm. So I could never tell you we’re done. And even if I could, I would never do it.
It feels like you're a million miles away as you're lying here with me tonight.
I can't even find the words to say I can’t find a way to make it right.
And we both know that the story's ending,
We play the part but we're just pretending and I can't hide the tears
'cause even though you're here,
It feels like you're a million miles away.
You look like you’re sleeping, but I know you’re thinking. At least I still know you that well. I just wish there would be a way to get this right. Talk things trough. But it wouldn’t work. All I want is I could just hug you, kiss you and tell you I love you. But I can’t. You’d just tell me to stop pretending, and accept the fact that this is it. This is the point where we can’t turn back the time. And it’s killing me.
I never asked for more than just you. I guess I just took you for granted, and you probably got enough of it, your love for me fading away. And I’m sorry. If I could, I’d turn back the time and do everything differently. I know I’m not perfect. And I know you never asked that, but I wish I would have been good enough for you.
How did we grow apart like this? How did you become so distant? Or was it me who became distant? I thought our love was forever, I thought it was the kind of love nothing can break. But it seems I was wrong.
I turn my back to you, not wanting you to see the tears that are already burning my eyes, threatening to fall any second. And just as I’ve turned around, one lonely tear makes its way down my cheek, until it reaches the pillow under my head. Just as lonely as I am. But the difference between this tear and me is, that there are tens of tears following it right after, but I’m still alone, crying out those tears silently. I’m so afraid of losing you, yet I know I can’t change how things have turned out. I guess we just weren’t meant to be.
Was it me, or was it you that broke away?
For what we were, like a seasons, love is chain.
And every time I think about it, it tears me up inside.
Like the rivers of emotion but I got no more tears to cry.
I hate this; I hate to think all of these things, not being sure am I right or wrong. But somehow I have the feeling I’m right. I guess our lives were just too busy to keep our love alive. We were like a seasons, you were summer, I was winter. We were total opposites, and even if opposites complete each others, we were just too different. And for us, love was just a chain that you probably wanted to break away. You wanted to be free, and I can’t blame you. I can only blame myself for taking your freedom from you.
Come to think of it, why am I even here anymore? It’s not like I don’t have my own apartment, it’s just that this has been like my own home for last couple of years. But I never had the courage to sell my own apartment, and I guess I somehow knew this was coming, so I kept it. You asked me to sell it a couple times, but I just said I’ll think about it.
Also, this is the place where I first confessed my feelings for you. And where I first time gave all of myself to you. That’s probably one reason I’m so attached to this place. Sometimes I hope I’d forget everything. All of these painful memories, I want to get rid of them. But yet at the same time I don’t want to let them go, I want to cherish them because they are all I have left.
It feels like you're a million miles away as you're lying here with me tonight.
I can't even find the words to say I can’t find a way to make it right.
And we both know that the story's ending,
We play the part but we're just pretending and I can't hide the tears
'cause even though you're here,
It feels like you're a million miles away.
I hear your steady breathing, and that’s telling me you’re asleep. I hope you see beautiful dreams, where you’re free, not stuck with me like this. I turn around, knowing you can’t see my tears now. I reach my hand, and let my fingertips trace their path from your cheek to your lips, and to your neck. It’s only the slightest touch, I don’t want to wake you from your only escape.
I lean closer to you, my lips now so near that I can feel your breathing ghosting over my lips. I softly whisper ‘I will always love you’ before pulling back. I smile just a little bit, tears making their way down my cheeks again.
Gods, I love you so much. What did I ever do wrong to lose you like this? I thought I cherished you enough to keep you near, but I failed and you drifted away. I tried to reach my hand to you, but you were already too far away.
Reita, you’re the only one I could ever love. I’d give my life for having your love for one more day, but it’s not possible. I gave my all, but it just wasn’t enough. You wanted to be by yourself, and I was a moron for telling you how I felt. I was selfish, telling you how much I love you and all that. Of course you said you loved me too. You are so wonderful person; you didn’t want me to suffer so you suffered yourself. And I’m begging for your forgiveness, I’m begging you to still be my friend after all this, after I took everything from you. Your freedom. Please forgive me, my love… I’ve been a total fool.
We can try to talk it over but we walked that road before,
While our song is playing its last note,
We both know for sure that it's time to close that door.
I get up from the bed, as quietly as possible. I take my bag, and start packing. I take most of my clothes, but everything else can wait. I’ll come to get them later. I just want you to be happy, that’s how much I love you. I’ll give you your freedom, even if it means I’ll be unhappy for the rest of my life.
I sigh heavily, wiping my tears. I need to be strong, I need to stop crying. For you, I need to show I’m not sad. That’s the only way you’ll get your freedom back. Technically, I have to lie to you. I have to pretend I’m happy, so you can be happy.
I put your apartment’s key you gave me to your kitchen table, turning to leave. But there’s something that’s stopping me from going any further. It’s a painful sting in my heart, as I finally realize this is it. This is the end, it was me who ended this after all. Shutting my eyes for a brief second to stop the tears that were burning my eyes, I turn back, walking towards your bedroom. I look your sleeping form, smiling lovingly. Gods, you’re so perfect. I’ll miss you so much after this. As I’m turning back to leave, your soft mumbling reaches my ears, and I stop dead in my tracks.
“Don’t go… I love you more than anything… Please don’t leave me… Ruki.” I don’t know whether you’re awake or not, but I know that I have to hurry or I’ll change my mind. I need to do this for you.
As I reach your front door, I quickly put on my shoes, but as I’m just about to open the door, I feel a pair of hands wrap around my waist, holding on for dear life. What does this mean, Reita? I feel my back getting wet. Are you crying, my love? Why would you cry? I’m setting you free, isn’t that what you want? I close my eyes, not wanting to cry anymore.
“I love you… Please, let me do this for you… Let me set you free.” I whisper, my voice shaking a little. Your arms loosen around me, holding so softly I can barely feel them. As I step out of your reach, I turn down the doorknob, stepping out. Before I can shut the door, I hear you sobbing, and crying those three words over and over again. Is this really right thing to do? Do you really want to be free? Was I wrong all along? Was I the one fading away from you? Do you love me truly, after all? Your crying reaches my ears once again.
“I love you, Ruki…” And the door closes.
It feels like you're a million miles away as you're lying here with me tonight.
I can't even find the words to say I can’t find a way to make it right.
And we both know that the story's ending,
We play the part but we're just pretending and I can't hide the tears
'cause even though you're here,
It feels like you're a million miles away.
-
I stopped it there for a reason. You can decide yourself, whether Ruki went back or left. Don’t kill me x_____x I know it sucks but I just felt like I had to get this out. And of course, feel free to point out any mistakes.