in a mood
well lets see i did my case plan and this bitch of a case manager is playing games. all i had to do was take a physce eval originally wasn't needed then it was so i did it, so cross that off. then it was find stable housing i did that 4 months after this hole thing started. so there's another thing crossed off the list. take kids to therapy if needed and make sure to go if they need me there and i have been doing that so there's another , find a job and i did that, the last thing is to pay child support which the judge isn't enforcing. oh yeah take parenting class which i did. so you tell me what the hell this bitch is waiting for to give me back my kids?
i don't know anymore why is it that it seems like i'm doing everything i was told to do and still getting screwed over?
thats just one aspect of what is bugging me lately.
now for the one that is really pissing me off!
my job
i haven't even been back for a week and i'm already getting screwed over. i've been gone a year so all i need to know is how to make the new sandwiches and how to use the phu's and i'd be set to go i remember how to do everything. and i sorta proved that my first day back, which i think ticked off the gm. which could be part of my problem. not totally my fault that i couldn't go back to manangement cuz my kids require more of my time then i can now devote to my work. i admit i never should of left cuz i would probably be the manager of the store that i helped make better, but losing my kids then finding out i was pregnant with my son. i had to make a choice to either make sure i had a healthy baby or run the risk of getting really sick and stressed out by staying at work where i couldn't lift things and half of my job as gm required me to lift at least 50lbs and i could do that with my eyes closed. this past weekend really tested my patience with my new boss. he scheduled me 12-6 i get there ask what the managers want me to do and get told i have to do 2 training videos, ok no big deal figured i'd be working up front when i was done. boy was i wrong. i got sent home cuz the other managers are threatened by me , cuz i have more exp then them and i know how to do stuff they don't. i sat back and watched them work for a few minutes and all i have to say is if you really want the store to make money get rid of them.
the rest of whats bugging me is fairly simple my soon to be x- husband richard needs to by him self a clue. i'm not file the papers he needs to do it cuz he flat out lied to me about stuff and that cuzed the hole rob thing to come about in the first place. sorry i married him cuz he promised he would get his licence and didn't, he also said he would reenlist knowing damn well his reenlistment code made it where he couldn't, i'm sorry but you lied and that doesn't sit well with me!
i tried i really did i gave it two years and realized i was trapped so when i finally couldn't take it anymore i walked out. i'm sorry i made sure x-mas and birthday holidays, anniversaries were always good for him so please tell me why on my birthday did i get nothing ? i got nothing from him on most holidays? i didn't even get a card. or a verbal happy birthday. may be i'm being materialistic but those are things that are important to me.
now with the new guy i am quickly losing my patience. i'm sorry i have a lot running through my head and i'm only about halfway into our relationship right now.
he has asked me to marry him a few times and i've said i'd think about it, but seriously, the way i am i'd rather not be tied to anybody anymore i make a lousy wife seriously i am a much better girlfriend then a wife. something about being told i am property that just doesn't sit right with me anymore.
and lately i have felt so disrespected by his mom and his family that i don't even want to deal with him, and it all has to do with the stupid girl he messed around with while we were having problems back in 08.
i've got so much on my mind i can't even sleep. there are two main reasons:#1 every time i close my eyes i see the night of the fire and my hole life going down the tubes. and it makes me crazy cuz i know had i not gotten transfered to the other store i would of been home and may be could of done something to make the outcome different.
there are days where i sit here and wonder what my life would be like if my dad was still here. cuz honestly i miss him more then i let on.
#2 is probably just me being paranoid due to when i lived at regency oaks in 01 i was home alone and know damn well i locked the doors when i went to sleep, i had also taken nyquil so i could sleep. so i wasn't totally sure if this happened or not but i remember waking up and there was somebody standing over me and i don't remember if anything else happened. nor do i know who the person was cuz the apartment complex was kinda crappy.
so sleep and me don't totally agree and let me tell you there where a few nights while my man was away i was working on like 20 minutes worth of sleep cuz i was terrified that somebody was going to break into my new house even with the dogs here.
this i think honestly played a big part in my staying the nights at robs house. cuz i felt safe and knew if something did happen rob was there and would protect me. and i owe him for that cuz it was the first time in along time i got sleep and was rested.
these are things i don't tell very many people cuz i have enough people judgeing me i don't need it from everybody else. only my close friends know this stuff. which was probably part of the reason rob defended me some much other then my mind being broken and hell bent on some stuff. ,
those are good for now
i'm sure there is more to what bugging me then that but i don't want to kill ya with all my Bs
i don't know anymore why is it that it seems like i'm doing everything i was told to do and still getting screwed over?
thats just one aspect of what is bugging me lately.
now for the one that is really pissing me off!
my job
i haven't even been back for a week and i'm already getting screwed over. i've been gone a year so all i need to know is how to make the new sandwiches and how to use the phu's and i'd be set to go i remember how to do everything. and i sorta proved that my first day back, which i think ticked off the gm. which could be part of my problem. not totally my fault that i couldn't go back to manangement cuz my kids require more of my time then i can now devote to my work. i admit i never should of left cuz i would probably be the manager of the store that i helped make better, but losing my kids then finding out i was pregnant with my son. i had to make a choice to either make sure i had a healthy baby or run the risk of getting really sick and stressed out by staying at work where i couldn't lift things and half of my job as gm required me to lift at least 50lbs and i could do that with my eyes closed. this past weekend really tested my patience with my new boss. he scheduled me 12-6 i get there ask what the managers want me to do and get told i have to do 2 training videos, ok no big deal figured i'd be working up front when i was done. boy was i wrong. i got sent home cuz the other managers are threatened by me , cuz i have more exp then them and i know how to do stuff they don't. i sat back and watched them work for a few minutes and all i have to say is if you really want the store to make money get rid of them.
the rest of whats bugging me is fairly simple my soon to be x- husband richard needs to by him self a clue. i'm not file the papers he needs to do it cuz he flat out lied to me about stuff and that cuzed the hole rob thing to come about in the first place. sorry i married him cuz he promised he would get his licence and didn't, he also said he would reenlist knowing damn well his reenlistment code made it where he couldn't, i'm sorry but you lied and that doesn't sit well with me!
i tried i really did i gave it two years and realized i was trapped so when i finally couldn't take it anymore i walked out. i'm sorry i made sure x-mas and birthday holidays, anniversaries were always good for him so please tell me why on my birthday did i get nothing ? i got nothing from him on most holidays? i didn't even get a card. or a verbal happy birthday. may be i'm being materialistic but those are things that are important to me.
now with the new guy i am quickly losing my patience. i'm sorry i have a lot running through my head and i'm only about halfway into our relationship right now.
he has asked me to marry him a few times and i've said i'd think about it, but seriously, the way i am i'd rather not be tied to anybody anymore i make a lousy wife seriously i am a much better girlfriend then a wife. something about being told i am property that just doesn't sit right with me anymore.
and lately i have felt so disrespected by his mom and his family that i don't even want to deal with him, and it all has to do with the stupid girl he messed around with while we were having problems back in 08.
i've got so much on my mind i can't even sleep. there are two main reasons:#1 every time i close my eyes i see the night of the fire and my hole life going down the tubes. and it makes me crazy cuz i know had i not gotten transfered to the other store i would of been home and may be could of done something to make the outcome different.
there are days where i sit here and wonder what my life would be like if my dad was still here. cuz honestly i miss him more then i let on.
#2 is probably just me being paranoid due to when i lived at regency oaks in 01 i was home alone and know damn well i locked the doors when i went to sleep, i had also taken nyquil so i could sleep. so i wasn't totally sure if this happened or not but i remember waking up and there was somebody standing over me and i don't remember if anything else happened. nor do i know who the person was cuz the apartment complex was kinda crappy.
so sleep and me don't totally agree and let me tell you there where a few nights while my man was away i was working on like 20 minutes worth of sleep cuz i was terrified that somebody was going to break into my new house even with the dogs here.
this i think honestly played a big part in my staying the nights at robs house. cuz i felt safe and knew if something did happen rob was there and would protect me. and i owe him for that cuz it was the first time in along time i got sleep and was rested.
these are things i don't tell very many people cuz i have enough people judgeing me i don't need it from everybody else. only my close friends know this stuff. which was probably part of the reason rob defended me some much other then my mind being broken and hell bent on some stuff. ,
those are good for now
i'm sure there is more to what bugging me then that but i don't want to kill ya with all my Bs