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[sabrinahaus]

as you know i've been doing alot of thinking, and i miss my best friend, big deal is what i have to keep telling myself cuz of all the crap that happened. i shouldn't have any feelings for this person, but i do cuz he was the only person who understood what happened and where i was coming from and i hate the fact according to my therapist i shouldn't want anything to do with this person except i'm not wired that way. and i can't just walk away from somebody i care about reguardless of what he may or may not have done. i spent 4 years of my life with this person being ignored and used when it was convient to him and you know what that didn't bother me much cuz i know when it came down to it he did care and i have proof. the only thing i can say for people who say i'm nuts and that he denies anything b/t us. thats fine but you weren't there with us through the thick and thin of it so i could care less what you have to say on the subject. his actions speak volumes to me and thats what matters me. his words may have said one thing and yes he is straight forward with most and even blunt and to the point with me most of the time, but its in the past where i guess he needs to stay until my daughter is 18 and stuff can kinda go back to normal.

forgive me i'm just haveing mixed emotions right now cuz i'm going back to work and it happens to be my former employer the one i was working for when all this crap first started . i guess i'm just in the what if state and preying nothing else gets screwed up b/t now and june 15th