You could be happy
Its 2:20 in the morning, and I have no idea why I am still awake, or on LJ, which I am sure absolutely nobody reads anymore. But all the more reason to write, yes?
There are a lot of things I never knew about people...that I wished I had known at the time. I wish I was always strong, I wish I had never not believed in myself or had faith in what was mine.
But the present leaves little room for regret.
I never believed in love at first sight...so why would I believe someone who told me that they experienced it?
I do believe, however...that love only takes an instant to be realized.
Of all the people that have come and gone...I blame very few for the way I have turned out...and thank even less. But there are some who I suppose are responsible.
I want to trust, blindly. I want to be naive, to stand outside and feel the sun on my face and think about how beautiful it is to be alive. But I can't. Its too late...too much damage has been done.
Randomly, I learn more and more about the past...and in doing this, I realize more.
Some days I want to cry, others I want to shout and say mean things. I can't control any of this, only try to understand why it happens.
I do not regret the people I have chosen to let in...I only regret trying to see inside of them when I really should have been seeing through them.
I don't understand how someone who toys with such an emotion as love can sleep at night...when they caused a year and a half of unrest for someone else.
I guess that I have been thinking about this a lot lately. About lies and deception. About guys who will tell a girl the same lines he's always used...because they work. About how at the time, it felt as though nothing would ever be ok again...about how stupid I could be for letting someone in over and over again when they deserved anything but a second chance. I wish they knew now...that I see right through them. I wish they knew that I am now 22 years old and just learning what love really is...and what its like to let someone really know who I am.
There are a lot of things I never knew about people...that I wished I had known at the time. I wish I was always strong, I wish I had never not believed in myself or had faith in what was mine.
But the present leaves little room for regret.
I never believed in love at first sight...so why would I believe someone who told me that they experienced it?
I do believe, however...that love only takes an instant to be realized.
Of all the people that have come and gone...I blame very few for the way I have turned out...and thank even less. But there are some who I suppose are responsible.
I want to trust, blindly. I want to be naive, to stand outside and feel the sun on my face and think about how beautiful it is to be alive. But I can't. Its too late...too much damage has been done.
Randomly, I learn more and more about the past...and in doing this, I realize more.
Some days I want to cry, others I want to shout and say mean things. I can't control any of this, only try to understand why it happens.
I do not regret the people I have chosen to let in...I only regret trying to see inside of them when I really should have been seeing through them.
I don't understand how someone who toys with such an emotion as love can sleep at night...when they caused a year and a half of unrest for someone else.
I guess that I have been thinking about this a lot lately. About lies and deception. About guys who will tell a girl the same lines he's always used...because they work. About how at the time, it felt as though nothing would ever be ok again...about how stupid I could be for letting someone in over and over again when they deserved anything but a second chance. I wish they knew now...that I see right through them. I wish they knew that I am now 22 years old and just learning what love really is...and what its like to let someone really know who I am.