The night of
Tomorrow I start a new job!
I'm very excited, and glad that I don't have to be in the office at 9am on the first day (turns out my entire team will be gone tomorrow so I'll come in at 11 to do admin and in the afternoon supposedly someone will be free to start training me), which is so weird because at my old public sector job they couldn't pay you for hours that you weren't in the office, like doing that was a huge deal (before covid obviously). So they'd always tell you to come in anyway, and worst case you'll just hang out for a while, but don't miss your hours, or you'll have to make them up later in the month.
And here it's just... we pay you to own your time, lol, so just come in at 11 and leave whenever you're done.
Anyway, on the last day before starting the job I did... nothing. My gift to myself was just... total relaxation and idleness, after weeks and weeks of an absolutely mad schedule trying to get everything done in time. I needed a new wardrobe, a billion errands, re-organizing every aspect of my physical space, finishing the book, working on the podcast, seeing friends before I run out of free time... obviously I didn't manage everything, and for the last day I decided to just... let it go.
Every yesterday I was still running from thing to thing with barely a second to breathe, "relaxing" by doing chores in a different location.
And even today, I had someone come to see the apartment since beloved flatmate R. is moving to a different city when the lease is up.
But other than that... I ordered food instead of cooking, I took a bath, I watched random stuff on youtube, I painted my nails. Ideally I would have gone for a walk in the park, but it's so hellaciously hot outside right now, it didn't seem like a good idea.
I kept telling myself over and over, and like, I intellectually know this, that the first month of a new job is like getting the flu. You're just constantly exhausted and overwhelmed and tired and have no time for anything. Bring that up to a good six weeks considering I'm starting this job in an entirely new sector, after a year of unemployment.
I know, intellectually, that the first month at the very lease is going to be a shitshow, it's going to be mentally and physically difficult and overwhelming no matter what. I've even structured my life in a way where I don't have any big commitments for the coming month, or at least I've tried not to take on any new ones and give myself some slack about the existing ones.
And yet, my brain still keeps whispering - OK, but you can edit audio next week, right? You can just finish that one scene of the book you've been working on? You can do all that and work out 4 times a week, meet a friend every night and show the apartment to several people every evening? That's totally doable right? Oh, and also try to cook your own lunches a few times and don't forget about all the stuff you need to pick up from various stores and can't get delivered.
It's like, what happened brain? Why are you like this? We are putting a moratorium on Getting Things Done, on the very concept of productivity outside of my new job. We are doing this, brain!
Anyway, I'm excited. Scared and excited and nervous and thrilled. I really wanted this job, it ticked almost all of my boxed and in some aspects it's better than what I was hoping for, and certainly much better than what I was willing to settle for eventually.
There are dogs in this office! Part of me hopes the dogs will be home with their owners because we're having another massive covid surge, and part of me hopes the dogs are there to greet me because who doesn't want to pet dogs??
Anyway, I'm coping by watching clips of Breaking Bad on youtube (a show I watched a few episodes of and hated originally) and reading Jesse/Walter and Jesse/Mike fic because you know, we all have our different ways to comfort.
*
In other news, the penultimate episode of Pop Culture Sociologist went up earlier this week! (Actually at the end of July /o\ see also my neverending list of chores) and you can now listen to it! Here's the details:
Episode summary:
How accurate does historical fiction have to be to enhance our understanding of the past rather than harm it? In the age of historical retellings/reimagenings like Hamilton and Bridgerton, I look at the works of historical romance novelist KJ Charles and the British TV series “The Devil’s Mistress” to examine how marginalized people are and aren’t allowed to take up space in historical narratives. Can fictional characters ever be “accurate”, and is that the only standard we should judge historical fiction by? No knowledge of either KJ Charles’ books or the TV show is necessary for enjoying the episode.
Places to listen: Spotify, Apple Podcasts, my website, and every other app/website that does podcasts.
Also, if you enjoy the podcast, FYI there's a Patreon where you can get small perks in exchange four your support.
comments on Dreamwidth
I'm very excited, and glad that I don't have to be in the office at 9am on the first day (turns out my entire team will be gone tomorrow so I'll come in at 11 to do admin and in the afternoon supposedly someone will be free to start training me), which is so weird because at my old public sector job they couldn't pay you for hours that you weren't in the office, like doing that was a huge deal (before covid obviously). So they'd always tell you to come in anyway, and worst case you'll just hang out for a while, but don't miss your hours, or you'll have to make them up later in the month.
And here it's just... we pay you to own your time, lol, so just come in at 11 and leave whenever you're done.
Anyway, on the last day before starting the job I did... nothing. My gift to myself was just... total relaxation and idleness, after weeks and weeks of an absolutely mad schedule trying to get everything done in time. I needed a new wardrobe, a billion errands, re-organizing every aspect of my physical space, finishing the book, working on the podcast, seeing friends before I run out of free time... obviously I didn't manage everything, and for the last day I decided to just... let it go.
Every yesterday I was still running from thing to thing with barely a second to breathe, "relaxing" by doing chores in a different location.
And even today, I had someone come to see the apartment since beloved flatmate R. is moving to a different city when the lease is up.
But other than that... I ordered food instead of cooking, I took a bath, I watched random stuff on youtube, I painted my nails. Ideally I would have gone for a walk in the park, but it's so hellaciously hot outside right now, it didn't seem like a good idea.
I kept telling myself over and over, and like, I intellectually know this, that the first month of a new job is like getting the flu. You're just constantly exhausted and overwhelmed and tired and have no time for anything. Bring that up to a good six weeks considering I'm starting this job in an entirely new sector, after a year of unemployment.
I know, intellectually, that the first month at the very lease is going to be a shitshow, it's going to be mentally and physically difficult and overwhelming no matter what. I've even structured my life in a way where I don't have any big commitments for the coming month, or at least I've tried not to take on any new ones and give myself some slack about the existing ones.
And yet, my brain still keeps whispering - OK, but you can edit audio next week, right? You can just finish that one scene of the book you've been working on? You can do all that and work out 4 times a week, meet a friend every night and show the apartment to several people every evening? That's totally doable right? Oh, and also try to cook your own lunches a few times and don't forget about all the stuff you need to pick up from various stores and can't get delivered.
It's like, what happened brain? Why are you like this? We are putting a moratorium on Getting Things Done, on the very concept of productivity outside of my new job. We are doing this, brain!
Anyway, I'm excited. Scared and excited and nervous and thrilled. I really wanted this job, it ticked almost all of my boxed and in some aspects it's better than what I was hoping for, and certainly much better than what I was willing to settle for eventually.
There are dogs in this office! Part of me hopes the dogs will be home with their owners because we're having another massive covid surge, and part of me hopes the dogs are there to greet me because who doesn't want to pet dogs??
Anyway, I'm coping by watching clips of Breaking Bad on youtube (a show I watched a few episodes of and hated originally) and reading Jesse/Walter and Jesse/Mike fic because you know, we all have our different ways to comfort.
*
In other news, the penultimate episode of Pop Culture Sociologist went up earlier this week! (Actually at the end of July /o\ see also my neverending list of chores) and you can now listen to it! Here's the details:
Episode summary:
How accurate does historical fiction have to be to enhance our understanding of the past rather than harm it? In the age of historical retellings/reimagenings like Hamilton and Bridgerton, I look at the works of historical romance novelist KJ Charles and the British TV series “The Devil’s Mistress” to examine how marginalized people are and aren’t allowed to take up space in historical narratives. Can fictional characters ever be “accurate”, and is that the only standard we should judge historical fiction by? No knowledge of either KJ Charles’ books or the TV show is necessary for enjoying the episode.
Places to listen: Spotify, Apple Podcasts, my website, and every other app/website that does podcasts.
Also, if you enjoy the podcast, FYI there's a Patreon where you can get small perks in exchange four your support.
comments on Dreamwidth