in need of sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.......
it is 1:28pm which means that i have 1 hr and 32 mins left here at work... i am surprised that my eyes have remained open for as long as they have... my drive home should be fun... at least ill get to sleep, and hopefully because i am soooo sleepy, the fact that i do not have a door on the hindges will not effect me sleeping...
lets see what has happened since i updated last... pretty much the same ol same ol... somethings have gotten better, while others are either still stuck in the same spot... mostly this has to do with my parents... i feel like a lot of the time i try very hard to make them proud and then when i screw up one time over sumthin small the shit hits the fan... its very frustrating... i feel like ill have taken 2 steps forward and then something will happen and i am back 3 steps... and the part that annoys me is the fact that like christina said, no matter the situation in ur parents eyes they are always the ones that are in the right, because as i still here all the time "your the kid and im the adult" (even though i am 19)... i just find it so weird because with somethings they treat me like i am my age, while at other times i feel as though i am still being treated like i am 13. i guess it has to do with the fact that i am the oldest and they are having a VERY hard time letting go... at least with some things they have learned to let go a bit and let me get a taste of freedom... i guess today i will once again appoligize and hopefully things smooth out and i can once again get back to working on getting things back to semi normal...
yesterday's upset allowed me to do something i had been wanting to do for a while to some extent... i had been wanting to just get in my car and just drive either with someone or by myself... what did i do before i got frankie?... it felt so good just to say screw it and jump in my car and just drive... i know it isn't the best thing to do when u r upset and cant exactly always see that well because of ur tears but there is just something about driving in my car and listening to my music... i find that it is where i do a lot of my best thinking... it just seemed that i had been letting sum things get to me and i just needed to get a way and be by myself for a while... i ended up only gettin as far as east aurora before i turned around but it did feel good even to have only gone that far... i think i am going to have to do that again... just pick a road and drive
neways friday i cleaned for no joke five and a half hrs... from 5 - 1030 so that the house would be nice when my dad got home... then i just took my shower, talked to him for a bit and passed out around 12ish... i went to gus macker on sat and nxt year im gonna be on shan, leigh, and nicki's team... im excited "still lookin'" is gonna kick ass... i think i got sun poisoning or sun stroke again cuz i felt pretty sick that night... prob didnt help that after sittin outside in the sun all day i came home and cut the grass when i was already feelin nauseous but i like helpin my dad out... sunday i went to church with court and then we went on the hunt for the bsb cd... finally ending up at media play and gettin it... its pretty good... ash said she might have an extra ticket for the concert... i told her i would think about it because i don't know if i really want to shell out 60 bucks for them and plus court and i always went together, and it just wouldn't feel right not goin with her... dropped my dad off at the airport... came home... showered... shit hit the fan... drove for a while... then i went to the drive in with jordan to see herbie... it was fun to go in the blaaaaaaaaze, plus i hadn't gone since i saw the lion king and grease for the first time and hanging out with jordan is always fun... went back to jordans and ended up comin back home very late... (or would it be considered early?)and got up 2 hrs later to go to work where i am now... it has been nuts here today because of the airforce base talk thing goin on at the cfa with patacki shumer and clinton... helicopters landin, motorcades, confused people... its been fun... mcgrath and i did watch sumthin on msn about the BTK killer and tom cruise and conversed for a bit about it lol...
alright i need to get my eyes off this compter screen... i think ur right mama, bout the glasses and moniter, deff does screw with ur eyes... im not exactly sure what i wrote about cuz i was just ranting and typin fast so if it sounds off the wall, it is due to the lack of sleep i am goin on :-) ... back to readin sum harry potter for the last 40 mins of work i have left...
lets see what has happened since i updated last... pretty much the same ol same ol... somethings have gotten better, while others are either still stuck in the same spot... mostly this has to do with my parents... i feel like a lot of the time i try very hard to make them proud and then when i screw up one time over sumthin small the shit hits the fan... its very frustrating... i feel like ill have taken 2 steps forward and then something will happen and i am back 3 steps... and the part that annoys me is the fact that like christina said, no matter the situation in ur parents eyes they are always the ones that are in the right, because as i still here all the time "your the kid and im the adult" (even though i am 19)... i just find it so weird because with somethings they treat me like i am my age, while at other times i feel as though i am still being treated like i am 13. i guess it has to do with the fact that i am the oldest and they are having a VERY hard time letting go... at least with some things they have learned to let go a bit and let me get a taste of freedom... i guess today i will once again appoligize and hopefully things smooth out and i can once again get back to working on getting things back to semi normal...
yesterday's upset allowed me to do something i had been wanting to do for a while to some extent... i had been wanting to just get in my car and just drive either with someone or by myself... what did i do before i got frankie?... it felt so good just to say screw it and jump in my car and just drive... i know it isn't the best thing to do when u r upset and cant exactly always see that well because of ur tears but there is just something about driving in my car and listening to my music... i find that it is where i do a lot of my best thinking... it just seemed that i had been letting sum things get to me and i just needed to get a way and be by myself for a while... i ended up only gettin as far as east aurora before i turned around but it did feel good even to have only gone that far... i think i am going to have to do that again... just pick a road and drive
neways friday i cleaned for no joke five and a half hrs... from 5 - 1030 so that the house would be nice when my dad got home... then i just took my shower, talked to him for a bit and passed out around 12ish... i went to gus macker on sat and nxt year im gonna be on shan, leigh, and nicki's team... im excited "still lookin'" is gonna kick ass... i think i got sun poisoning or sun stroke again cuz i felt pretty sick that night... prob didnt help that after sittin outside in the sun all day i came home and cut the grass when i was already feelin nauseous but i like helpin my dad out... sunday i went to church with court and then we went on the hunt for the bsb cd... finally ending up at media play and gettin it... its pretty good... ash said she might have an extra ticket for the concert... i told her i would think about it because i don't know if i really want to shell out 60 bucks for them and plus court and i always went together, and it just wouldn't feel right not goin with her... dropped my dad off at the airport... came home... showered... shit hit the fan... drove for a while... then i went to the drive in with jordan to see herbie... it was fun to go in the blaaaaaaaaze, plus i hadn't gone since i saw the lion king and grease for the first time and hanging out with jordan is always fun... went back to jordans and ended up comin back home very late... (or would it be considered early?)and got up 2 hrs later to go to work where i am now... it has been nuts here today because of the airforce base talk thing goin on at the cfa with patacki shumer and clinton... helicopters landin, motorcades, confused people... its been fun... mcgrath and i did watch sumthin on msn about the BTK killer and tom cruise and conversed for a bit about it lol...
alright i need to get my eyes off this compter screen... i think ur right mama, bout the glasses and moniter, deff does screw with ur eyes... im not exactly sure what i wrote about cuz i was just ranting and typin fast so if it sounds off the wall, it is due to the lack of sleep i am goin on :-) ... back to readin sum harry potter for the last 40 mins of work i have left...