Bits - Dutch Oven
Somewhere in America, a gay couple is doing this right now.
Matthias looked up from his book as his fairy lover entered the bedroom from the attached bath, looking uncomfortable and rubbing his stomach.
“You okay, baby?” the young mortal queried.
“Oh, Old Gods . . . I think dinner was on something,” Phooka grumbled, climbing into bed beside Matty.
“I told you he looked twitchy,” the blonde chided gently.
The water goblin grunted non-committal, snuggling up to his beloved and pillowing his head on Matthias’s slender chest.
“I just thought he was nervous for having such a beautiful blond slipping away with him . . . and I haven’t had Indian in such a long time . . .”
“I hope it’s worth the heartburn,” Matty murmured, pressing a kiss to his fairy lover’s head.
A warning gurgle rumbled up from Phooka’s belly.
He got just as far as ‘It’s not heartburn,” when an obnoxiously loud fart echoed through the room.
Matty burst out laughing, but quickly muffled it to a giggle.
“S-sorry, but farts are funny.”
“Not the semi-painful kind . . .” Phooka growled. Another noise of gastrointestinal discomfort rippled under the sheets.
“S-sorry baby,” Matty giggled.
“Oh, you think it’s funny?” the water elf questioned dangerously.
The mortal youth felt his lover curl a strong hand around his shoulder. Before he could blink, Phooka shoved Matthias under the covers and held him there. The blankets flailed wildly as Matthias let out a raw cry of horror.
“Oh God, the smell! It stinks in here! Let me out, let me out!!”
Phooka chuckled evilly.
“Just a moment, love, there’s another one coming down the pipe . . .” The sound of raunchy flatulence filled the air once more. “Oooo, that one burned on the way out.”
Matty gave up trying to push past his lover and bailed out the foot of the bed, glad he had been too lazy to tuck the sheets in this morning.
“Oh God, my eyes are watering . . .” he gasped.
“Mine, too. I need some of that Bean-no stuff,” Phooka sighed.
“You need surgery,” Matty wheezed. “I think one of your organs went bad!”
The water goblin laughed as his mortal lover stood shakily and glared at him.
“I need cuddles,” Phooka corrected and tried to give his love puppy dog eyes.
Matty replied with a hairy eyeball.
“If you think I’m going to get back into bed with you after-“
“No more Dutch ovens, annsachd, I promise!”
“Do it again and you’re sleeping on the couch,” Matty growled. Still grumbling, the blonde youth climbed back in bed with his fairy, who snuggled up to him once more..